The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


Leave a comment

Still Minecraft-ing…


When last I wrote, I was dreadfully obsessed with Minecraft and a brand-new mega city that I began to build. I regret to inform you that not a single thing has changed – oh wait, something’s changed. Instead of working on my city, I’ve been helping The Boyfriend with his. He’s trying to make an adventure-type map for the kids to play on, with working cannons, an entire testing facility and we’re impatiently awaiting the next update so that we can spawn mobs!

It’s totally annoying how obsessed we all are. Though straight up, this is the best money we’ve ever spent on a game. I’ve never experienced us all being this obsessed months after buying it. It’s the only game we own that gets played every single day and definitely the only one we all fight over playing…

Not too much else has really been going on around here. We’ve been working on getting some laundry done, but most of our lights in the basement are blown out and we won’t be able to get anymore until payday. That’s one thing about this house compared to the last one, is that we go through light bulbs like crazy here and there are so many places that need light bulbs… It sucks when no one wants to go down into the basement because it’s so dark though.

The kids have all been sick and it’s absolutely no fun at all. It started with Keirnan and he’s kind of passed it on to everyone else. Lots of coughing and sniffling and a few people with fevers. I woke up yesterday with an itching in my eye that has persisted for two days now, that’s surely the signal that I’m going to be getting this cold next, which I am absolutely not looking forward to. I just started feeling really healthy again…!

And speaking of healthy, somehow, I managed to lose 12 pounds and for the first time since I started gaining weight, I was ecstatic to see the scale drop to the 158 mark, which officially puts me back in the healthy range for my BMI. I even feel skinnier, though I’m not looking too much different. It’s exciting to finally be going somewhere with my weight than just staying stagnant. Still have about 15 more pounds or so to go before I’m at a weight that I’m really happy with, but I’ll probably have to actually work for that…

So now, I’ve taken a break from Minecraft, because it’s bothering my eye and I’m thinking about working more on my mega city documents… That, or maybe I’ll do something else entirely. We’ll see how I feel. How’s your weekend been going?

Advertisements


2 Comments

Noisy


This morning was one of the best, when all the kids woke up early this morning and I was not in anyway wanting to get out of the bed. The Boyfriend, who hasn’t done this in awhile, got up with them and kept them quiet so that I could sleep in. It was definitely nice and very much appreciated, even though I still feel absolutely exhausted.

I’ve been awake for about two hours now and I feel like I’ve already had a very long day. First, I turn on music and jump on Facebook and I just have so much different varying opinions on there that I leave Facebook feeling incredibly confused. I mean, we’ve got pictures with the galaxy and one little spec on it, “You are here. So don’t worry so much” kind of thing and then we’ve got another picture two seconds later, saying something about how Armageddon is coming and we need to be worried and that’s just blaring. It’s about everything on there too, not just the end of the world kind of stuff. Relationships, politics, religion, cultures. And it’s so much freaking noise.

Then, I jump over to Twitter and see all these people who are my idols (in an online sense) and I start clicking links and begin thinking that everything about my online stuff needs to change, and that just makes me angry. It’s like losing weight for me. I know what it’s going to take to get there, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It makes me wonder how serious I am about it and then I spend so much of my day stressing out about it.

Man, am I ever rambling today… I just have a lot of stuff on my mind. And I still have to get the oomph up to clean today… Blargh!!


Leave a comment

I do not look THAT pregnant!!


Well today wasn’t AS successful as I had hoped it would be, but I did go and get my ID. So two weeks time and I will officially have picture ID, which I plan to be much smarter about when it comes to knowing where it is, so that I don’t have to do this again for awhile…

I got a good majority of my online work done yesterday, so I felt mighty good about that until I started looking back at all the work I had done yesterday, and how much work still needed to be done. And not that it absolutely needs to get done, it’s just that I have a vision and I’m not getting close enough to that vision yet.

I started thinking I need a blogging/website buddy. Someone who can check out the things that I’m working on and give me feedback when I need it and gets my sometimes scattered thinking. Kind of like what I do with The Boyfriend’s blog idea, just a little less involved. Because with him, not only do I give him ideas and edit all of his writing, I also customize the blog and the newsletter. NOTE: All this stuff is still in the works and we’re still not ready to release anything, I was just writing that as an example.

It’s been a mostly lazy day today, which I really have to stop having so many of. But it’s been pretty hot all day today and I don’t have any summer type clothes, so I’ve been sitting in front of my fan for most of the day, except when I went to Mom’s earlier, where I was sitting in front of her fan…

The kids were all relatively good, though thanks to the recent clumsiness and Mama T’s cat, they are all scratched and dinged up. Kenzie has scratches all along his back from falling out of or onto (not really sure…) a tree or maybe from sliding down the ladder off the top bunk of his bed. He also has a bump on his head from the day that he decided to spin around in Kaeidyn’s small room – albeit it was very clean – hit the playhouse and stumbled knocking his head on Kaeidyn’s metal bed frame (Ouch!).

Carter has cat scratches all over his body. From his forehead, to his stomach and his legs, he is so rough with Mama T’s cat, so she gets him really good. The worst part is, I think he likes it. I’ve never heard him cry from a cat scratch, he seems to egg it on and seeks it out, and Nat (that’s the cat’s name), was the first REAL word he said and now says with ease. He’s also added Mom, but he’ll only say that when he’s telling on one of the other kids, Mama – for Grandma –  and Dad, but this is only when he really wants a bottle or something else that he can point at…

Kaeidyn and Keirnan are the least wounded, but theirs seems to be more serious. Kaeidyn had a few mosquito bites (few is a little bit of understatement), so her legs are completely scabbed up. Her knee is still scabbing over, which she scratches off, causing it to scab over again, but it’s looking really good. Keirnan tripped over his own feet today and scraped up his knee rather nicely. So it was a really good thing that the last time we went shopping, I picked up band-aids.

Things between The Boyfriend and I are pretty much going the way the always go, so there’s not much to report on that front. We kind of stay in our own spaces, but somehow it never gets boring and it never gets annoying and it never makes me feel like I’m lonely. There’s only one area of our life that needs improving and I keep begging for it and he keeps making it sound like maybe one day… Minor details at this point.

Work has been kind of hit or miss. Some days, I love my job completely and other days it’s the last place I want to be. They’re going through sort of a transition at work as we look at moving offices, hiring on new people, and going online. I think everyone is just kind of stressed out about the whole thing, so the atmosphere has been stressed and hectic. Some days, it’s exactly what I need and it makes me feel alive. Other days, it just feels like one more thing added to my already over flowing plate.

So that’s pretty much my latest update of all the crap that’s been going on. Oh, I don’t know if I mentioned this yet, but I can officially say that I’ve lost 5 pounds, so only 25 more to go before I’m completely satisfied. I got asked for a 2nd time today if I was expecting and all I have to say is, Seriously people, I do not look THAT pregnant!! Stop making assumptions!! So, how’s your week going?


Leave a comment

This Week I…


Got these things done:

  • Finally put in an application for Carter’s birth certificate so that I can get child tax benefit for him. Don’t ask why it took me so long…
  • Went down 5 pounds and 3 inches and then gained it all back…
  • Tracked my hours of sleep everyday on sparkpeople.com
  • Took in my TD1 form to work so that I can begin working full-time hours and get a raise (even though I seriously don’t think I need one, full-time is good enough for me!)
  • Started another blog… I know, it’s a horrible addiction. I keep creating and deleting and then creating some more… Ugh! This one has been really great so far though. It’s a blog giving you the latest and greatest from the social networking community I run, Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. My post about how my number one rule when it comes to penis size also applies to social media has proven to be rather popular…
  • I’ve figured out the themes for the next year for the Blog Readers Club on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, though suggestions are always welcome!

Need to Get These Things Done:

  • Take in the daycare papers so that Mom can get paid for all the hard work she’s doing babysitting my brats
  • Hopefully Carter’s birth certificate will arrive and then we can get the other papers filled out
  • Exercise at least 10 minutes a day, and preferably something with a little bit of cardio
  • Get the bathroom clean… Seriously why is this one so hard for me? I used to love to clean bathrooms and now my bathroom just sucks…
  • Get some groceries. We’ve been so hurting for money that groceries have been slim picking and again thank you to my Mom for feeding the kids lots while they’re at her house, so that they’re not as hungry when they get home. Just got to make it until Friday…
  • Get a security clearance from the cop shop…
  • Take library books (that I didn’t finish) and a movie (that is overdue) back to the library…
  • Add more quotes/videos/links to Valerie Rayne’s Randomness

Want To:

  • Go to Mom’s and try to record at least one song to throw up on YouTube, it’s been WAY too freaking long
  • Get through all 450 of my unread items in my Google Reader (add another 100 for everyday that I don’t read it…)
  • Drink more water… I know this should be a NEED TO DO, but I’m a stubborn person, so this is more of a want situation – that way if I don’t get it done, I won’t feel bad, sorta…
  • Clean behind and under the furniture, the pieces I can move anyways. It’s about that time again and normally I let things go a little past their due date when it comes to cleaning. I’d like to get underneath of the computer desk, under the chair and behind the couch all cleaned out…
  • Get 10 more visitors to this blog than I did this time last year, so don’t hesitate to share this blog with your friends by sharing the link —> https://valerieraynerants.wordpress.com/

Conversation Starters

  • So what did you accomplish this week?
  • What are you hoping to get done the rest of the week?
  • Is there anything you’re not looking forward to this week?


1 Comment

But…


I am so ready for this month to be over. I know it just started and everything, but I wish it’d just end already. Hell, I’m ready for the next few months to be over because I just don’t want to deal with all of this crap.

So first things first, our hot water gets cut off. No big deal, most of what gets done around the house doesn’t need hot water and for the things that do, there’s always boiling pots of water on the stove. And luckily, for now, my Mom only lives a block and a half away, showers can be taken at her house.

Then, our electricity gets cut off. Again, thank goodness for my Mom (and her boyfriend…), so that we’re not sitting here in the dark without the ability to put movies on for the kids or use our stove – because the 2 1/2 days of that was pure hell!

I’m not exactly sure where and how everything financially speaking is getting so out of control. Yes, if we could quit smoking it would save us a pretty penny, eventually or something. But that’s not exactly 100% doable. When we work it out on paper and create our monthly budget, and that’s over pricing how much we spend on things like take out or how much our grocery bill is, once the money starts rolling in, it just doesn’t work.

So after we got the electricity turned back on, we thought we were going to be okayish, at least for a bit. Then the dreaded rent payment day arrived. I seriously hate this time of month, because I never have all of rent on the 1st. Well, not never. It’s happened before and I’m sure eventually it will happen again. But with the way our paydays work, it’s easier to pay half on the 1st and the other half a week later, and I’m lucky enough to have a landlord that will let that happen.

But lately, he’s been feeling some financial strain himself, so he’s on everyone’s case to start paying on time. So now, for everyday we’re late there’s a $20 late fee. I always hate that kind of stuff, because if I couldn’t afford to pay you all of your rent on time, what makes you think that I can afford to pay you $20 for every additional day that I don’t pay. It doesn’t logically make sense. But that’s the dice that has been rolled and now I have to deal with it.

Which in turn makes me so sure that we’re going to be coming up on an eviction right away… Which wouldn’t be so bad since we’re all wanting to move, but the chances of finding something in our “budget” that will allow a total of 6 people to live there is not going to be easy. Every time I think about it, it just reminds me of the constant gut-wrenching horribleness when I was looking for this place.

I don’t know how many places I called back then, but it was ALOT! It took me weeks of searching (almost an entire month), tons of tears and more than enough hope and disappointment. The second I said that I had 3 kids, 2 at home and 1 in the hospital, people automatically turned me down. I had to look for 3 bedrooms, even though I knew I could never afford a 3 bedroom. I was lucky as hell to find this place, especially when I did, because I definitely didn’t want to bring Keirnan home from the hospital to a hotel room…

So needless to say, things are stressful around here. I was supposed to go pay a portion of the rent today, but we don’t have any of it. So I have to call my landlord tomorrow and tell him that he’ll have to wait for the full amount until the 8th, when we’ll be getting a paycheck and a payday loan to pay off rent. Which just screws us over for rent next month, but it’s necessary right now. And that’s making it all the worse, because I can just see it’s going to be a long hard road financially speaking…

Then there’s all the stuff I have to do this week, and my Mom’s rushing me to get it done now, now, now. Which I understand and totally get, but while I’m feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, adding a few more things to the list is seriously bumming me out. It’s making it so hard for me to force myself out of bed every morning, because my list just keeps getting longer and longer. When I think I’ve fixed one thing, ten more things get added. It’s exhausting, it’s overwhelming and frankly, it’s just plain annoying!

I know I sound like a whiny baby and I’m really just venting, because this is fixable, or at least in some ways I believe it is. To a degree. I’m just not looking forward to it. I’m not looking forward to the stress, I’m not looking forward to the work, I would rather just not do it… Unfortunately, that’s not an option.

So, I threw out a few resumes this week. I really don’t want to leave my job and I’m hoping that I’ll find something that works around this job. But otherwise, I need something full-time, that’s going to earn me a full-time wage. We’re also trying to cut down on other costs, though it’s still in the very beginning stages. But things like turning off the lights when we leave a room, except the bathroom (because I can’t sleep without that light…). Even though we’ve been sucking at it, turning off the TV when both The Boyfriend and I are on our respective computers.

I’m hoping this week, we can try to at least cut down on the smoking. I wish we could just quit it cold turkey, but I honestly panic when I think about it. It’s kind of become my safety blanket. When I’m upset with the kids, I have a smoke with the hopes it will calm me down. When I’m hungry but don’t want to eat, I have a smoke. It’s not even the smoke itself that calms me down, it’s the exhaling of the smoke that calms me down. Watching the smoke come out of my mouth. I’m not ready to quit yet… I know, I know, they’re all just excuses.

I’ve also got a bunch of errands that I have to run tomorrow, which makes it a hectic Monday, which I always hate! First thing in the morning, gotta go over to Mom’s for a shower. Then the bus, then work, then quickly to the library to drop off overdue movies and then to go get the kids birth certificates so that I can get Carter on my child tax benefit. I know, I know, I should have done that a year and a half ago…

So many mistakes, so many consequences. In other news, we’ve gone to the exercise park two days in a row, and if our weather holds out, we’ll do it again tomorrow. Mainly because now with Kaeidyn being out of school, it’s very rough on me mentally to be stuck inside the house with all four of the kids all day long. It never used to be like this, but lately, it’s just been absolutely rough.

None of the kids seem to be listening lately, they are all full of questions that I can’t or don’t want to answer, they are constantly arguing with each other or using their “friends” outside to gang up on one another. They’ve all just been a little out of control. The worst part is, just when we think any of our disciplinary tactics is working, it all just goes out the window in an instant.

For example, we had a really bad day the day before yesterday. So when the kids went to bed, they were told the safety gate was going up and if they took it down they would be grounded all day. Well, when I woke up the next morning, the safety gate was down and they had gotten into the juice crystals, which they’ve decided they like to lick their fingers and then stick them in the juice and suck it off their fingers. Yuck!

Or another example, stay in the yard or you get grounded from going outside to play. So they did fine for a little bit. They played nicely in the front yard. Then the boys came in and Kaeidyn wandered off three or four houses down… Needless to say she got grounded and had a pissy attitude for the rest of the day.

But no matter what kind of punishment we’ve tried so far, it doesn’t seem to get any better. For a few moments and then WHAM! They’re right back to being bad. We think it’s mostly just boredom, hence the visits to the exercise park. Also, it’s a little bit trying to get them tuckered out enough that bed time isn’t a two hour fight.

Today’s visit to the exercise park was interesting to say the least. We knew the weather wasn’t that great, it had started to get a little windy out and the clouds were graying, but we figured we had some time to play around. Within about five minutes of being there, a huge chunk of hail falls. Then another, and then it was beating down really hard. Hurt so bad when it bounced off your ears! So we rushed home to get out of the hail/rain. Once we got inside though, wouldn’t you know the sun came out…

I still wish I could just skip this month all together and that everything falls into place while I’m skipping it. Wishful thinking I suppose. Well that was a much longer rant than I intended. If you’re still reading, I thank you!


1 Comment

Sick Kids and Carpet Freshener


This week, I’ve written, deleted, re-written and decided not to publish at least 10 posts. I feel very stunted in my writing lately. I almost feel like I have nothing to say, nothing to report, nothing to write about. Even though, I know that’s 100% a lie.

First of all, 3 out of 4 of the kids have been sick ever since they got back from their Dad’s on Monday night. First was Kaeidyn throwing up in the middle of the night with a high fever the next day. I thought it might of been because of her knee. A few nights before, she had fallen off her bike onto the road and smashed up her knee pretty good. We took her to the hospital, since it looked like she had a rock stuck under her skin. Luckily, it really wasn’t that bad, and it just needed to be cleaned out really good and then have bandages on it. But I was sure she was sick because of her knee.

Upon checking it out, her knee was fine and it’s been healing well. Then I thought that maybe it was something that she at her Dad’s. I wrote Alfie a message on Facebook, telling him we need to start communicating about the kids more effectively. I was glad that I told him, but I feel like it’s just going to be like everything else I’ve ever told him…

So then Keirnan starts throwing up. He’s been fine outside of that, no fever or out of the usual tiredness. Then today, Kenzie starts throwing up and falls asleep way before the other kids – something that almost never happens.

It’s not the first time that they’ve gone to their Dad’s and come home sick. A huge part is gnawing at me and screaming in a pip-squeaky voice that it’s something emotional on their part. Stress, upset, something along those lines. And I have no idea how to go about approaching the subject with them, or Alfie or even myself. I’m at a complete loss about what to do, and at even more of a loss of how to go about finding out if it’s emotional or just a flu or something…

Outside of that, things have been going mostly good in all other departments. I’ve changed up hours at work, so instead of working 12 – 3, I now get to be there 9 – 12. It’s really no different going in at that time, and it’s been good so far. I got an email today asking that we all start dressing a little more professionally and I’m not sure how I’m going to manage that.

I’m having such an issue with my weight and the way my stomach looks lately that it’s been really hard looking for clothes. Last weekend I decided I needed to get a new shirt. After 3 hours at the mall and over 20 shirts tried on, I walked out with nothing and everybody else got a brand new outfit. Everything I tried on felt wrong, felt awkward and I was so worried that none of it would fit after the pants debacle.

The Boyfriend and I have been doing really great lately. It’s been almost surprising to me how things have been going between us, and mostly how affectionate I’ve been towards him. I constantly long to touch him and feel his touch, and just know that he’s there. Even though I only work 3 hours a day, by the time it’s home time, I can’t wait to see him.

What’s surprising is that I’m finding more often that I’m beginning to notice little annoying habits of his. This is normally the point in the relationship where I would start nagging about those habits, or bitch to someone about the habit, or give him the silent treatment or overreact in some way. But I seem to have an infinite amount of patience with him. I don’t seem to get upset or angry or flustered, unless my Mom’s bitching about it, that he forgets to take the garbage out for days on end, or has to start a load in the washer more than once because he forgets about it. It bothers me for the moment that I notice, and then nothing. I tell him to do it, he says he will and that’s the last I say about it and I’m doing really good with it. It feels good.

I’m not saying that I’ve become a completely un-nagging girlfriend, because I’m sure that I still nag. I just don’t feel like I’m such a bitch and when I get up and say to him, “Okay, you have to take the garbage out now!”, he gets up without hesitation and does it, as long as I say it has to be now and not something like “later on tonight”, because that results in the procrastination. And even more surprising is that I don’t blame him for that. I’ve finally come to accept that other people besides me can procrastinate too.

The house is slowly getting cleaner, so that’s a super huge plus. I’ve been trying to really darn hard to do something everyday, even if it’s just something small. Today, we did an awesome job of cleaning the living room and we finally got to the floor underneath of the computer desk. I think it’s because I bought myself carpet freshener. That always seems to get me motivated to clean something!

Then, we got to go to the library again and I managed to outdo my record of 26 items to 33 items. I feel like it’s just going to get worse… But I love that when I’m not in the mood for one particular book, I can just move onto the next move and come back to the first book when I’m in the mood. I’ve been reading like it’s going out of style. Right now, I’ve got 4 books on the go, but technically only 2 of them count because 2 of them are fitness/nutrition books.

We’ve had a lot of rainy days, which only sucks because I’d really like to be trying to hit up the exercise park every once and awhile. I really enjoyed the last time we went, since The Boyfriend and I recently got a badminton set, and I love playing badminton. I’m not one much for playing other sports, but badminton is competitive without ever really feeling like a competition and everyone looks like a dork playing badminton, it’s not like I could out-dorkify someone. And except for the sore abs after my 30 awesome wab board crunches, I felt really good after running around and doing some good old exercise. I’m hoping the weather will get better soon.

Well, that pretty much sums up my week. Nothing really new, nothing’s really changed, and yet it’s all different and feels the same. How’s your last week been? Anyone sick at your house? How’s work going for you? What’s your weather like?

March 16


2 Comments

Stressed Out!!!


Today has taken just about every ounce of energy I’ve ever had in my entire life. The energy that I haven’t used up is being used up making sure I don’t crumble. It’s been a rough day to say the least.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter have heard me talking about crazy people a lot lately, as we’ve been dealing with my brother re-entering his psychosis, which they are now deeming as schizophrenia.

It all started a couple years back when my brother found out his girlfriend at the time was pregnant, though there was a lot of rumors that she had cheated on him and the kid wasn’t his. To this day, we still don’t know and she refuses to let him find out. He suddenly ditched out to BC and then moved around a lot from there, all the while experimenting with all sorts of drugs including Ketamine and MDMA.

Then, he came back in to town and he was straight up crazy. Constantly talking to himself and muttering under his breath. Eventually he gets sent out to the mental hospital here and things were looking up. He was taking his medication and everything seemed to be going fine. He got a job, found a place to live, and it looked like his life was on track.

Out of nowhere, about 3 or 4 weeks ago, he gets himself a girlfriend and next thing we know, he’s back to crazy. Worse than before. News hits of the earthquake in Japan, and suddenly he’s convinced that it’s going to happen to us here. Then he starts believing that the people at his work are out to kill him, so he stops going to work. After that, he starts showing up on everybody’s doorstep at odd hours of the day and night and insisting on giving everyone presents. I got broken markers and dice…

My Mom has suffered the blunt of his lunacy. She doesn’t take it very lightly at all and tends to often put all the blame on herself. Her and I are also very close, and very close to my brother. So because she suffered the blunt of it, I suffered the after effects of it. It’s been mentally overwhelming to say the least.

Today, we took him to the hospital under the rouse that we were going to get test results, the entire time Mom and I both secretly working towards getting him admitted to the hospital again. It took 6 1/2 hours, but I am relieved to say that for now, he is admitted to the hospital and is so far saying that he’ll take the medications they give him.

I’m saddened by the fact that we’re just going to have to get used to him being this way. I’m worried that he’ll never be the same brother I once had. I’m angry that our health system is so amazing, but at the same time so crappy. I only say that because when I went through my depression or whichever diagnoses you want to believe, the mental health system was my greatest savior. They really helped me. And I think, in comparison, what I went through mentally wasn’t nearly as bad as what my brother is going through mentally, and it seems to be so difficult to get him the help that he needs. It bugs me that people who don’t want to live, seem to be able to get all the help in the world, but people who do want to live and just have something seriously wrong with their brains, can’t get any help…

Add on top of the stress of my brother, all the other many stresses I’m feeling right now, and I just feel like sleeping through it all. From financial issues to not knowing what’s going to happen to my income now that I’m working, to having a deadline on filing my taxes, and getting a load limiter on my electricity, I am just incredibly stressed. I’m just glad that stress doesn’t affect me the way it used to, during what I think I’m going to start calling my “dark days”.

Then I’ve been massively stressing about Alfie-related things lately, which just bugs the crap out of me. I don’t know why it’s all happening now, this intense and extreme anger I feel towards him. The other night, my brother goes off about needing to get Alfie and The Boyfriend back together as friends, and I just straight out snapped at him. I’ve gotten to the point where just the mere mention of his name makes my blood curdle. I feel like screaming at anyone who respects the guy, and hitting the ones that count him as his friend, and I especially despise how many people ask me how he’s doing, as if I freaking care!

Today I made a very official decision though. For those who have read the better majority of this blog, you might remember awhile back I was complaining about Keirnan constantly coming home with pull-ups on. It was bugging me a lot, because Keirnan has been potty-trained for close to a year now. Every time the kids go to Alfie’s, he puts a pull-up on Keirnan, so Keirnan just does his business in the pull-up. When he gets home, he ends up forgetting that he’s not wearing the pull-up and pees the bed.

It’s been two weeks since they went to Alfie’s last and Keirnan hasn’t had a single nighttime accident.  I’ve decided that if Alfie takes the kids again and Keirnan comes home with a pull-up on, I’ll be putting an end to the weekend visits. He’s potty-trained and if Alfie and his family can’t accept that and respect it, then they don’t need to be spending time with him. That may sound really bitchy, but I’ve successfully (and rather easily) potty-trained all of my kids and every time they put a pull-up on him, he regresses and it seriously bugs me. Keirnan’s got enough regression issues as it is, he doesn’t need potty-training added to that list!!

The Boyfriend is talking about going back to working graveyards. On one hand, I want him to simply for the money. At this point, we could really use that extra bit of money and the full-time hours. On the other hand, I’m freaking out about the idea. I remember what it was like him working graveyards, and I’ve said to him in the past that if he had stayed working graveyards the likelihood is that we would’ve already broken up. It put way too much strain on our relationship, though a big part of that was because Alfie was still here! I’m just worried about the whole idea of it again, so it’s a big ole mental battle.

Works been going really amazing and I’m absolutely loving this job. It’s been a really rewarding experience for me, and being the computer whiz that I am, I’m constantly coming up with ways in which our department can be run better. The best part is, my co-workers really listen to me when I voice my ideas and that makes coming up with those ideas a lot more fun. It’s nice having that 3 hours away from the hustle and bustle of daily life and stressing about my own crap.

I’m really hoping things start looking up really soon though. Right now, I feel like I’m constantly struggling to be my happy, cheery self. And it wouldn’t be so bad if it came on really gradually, but it didn’t. It just suddenly hit and that’s the part that I’m struggling the most with, is that I’ve had no time to prepare for the stress, mentally or physically.

After months of having little to no pain in my knees, suddenly it’s back with a vengeance. Then, I lost a couple pounds and an inch off my waist and hips, and now it’s all back and I have a feeling I’ve gained a couple of pounds. It’s been a rough week, which results in almost no eating during the day and then porking at night. Or results in me being incredibly lazy and hardly ever moving from my chair.

I also don’t think I’ve been sleeping very well. I seem to fall asleep relatively fast, which is completely new to me, but I have a hard time staying asleep. Waking up is being a nightmare lately, and I seem to be having massive issues with it. When I do wake up, I’m incredibly grumpy for at least the first half hour and that just stresses me out more…

So that’s my week in a nutshell! How has your week been going? What’s stressing you out right now?