The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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My Day Zero Project – Someday: Take a Belly Dancing Class


I’ve always been a little obsessed with belly dance. It’s such a highly sensual form of dancing. I go through bursts with my obsession with belly dance. There was a while there, where all I was doing was watching belly dancing videos and researching it. I even started doing what I called Bathroom Belly Dance.

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My Day Zero Project – To Do: Make a List of 20 Things I Like About Myself – Part 1


I’m going to check this one off my list right now! On my Day Zero Project, I’ve vowed to write 20 things that I like about myself. Sounds easy, right? Well, it’s not… But here goes it:

  1. I like the color of my hair
    I enjoy that it’s brown and have always been very proud of that for some reason. I like that in the summer time, my hair begins getting all sorts of colors in it. Dark brown, light brown, streaks of red and sometimes, this interesting purple color gets thrown in there. I like that I suit a lot of different hairstyles and I like how my hair feels for the most part.
  2. I like my feet
    I never really was a big fan of my feet, though always thought it was cool that I had the smallest feet out of everyone I knew. As I’ve grown a little older, I tend to like my feet a whole heck of a lot more. I’ve come to think of them as sexy and very nicely shaped. I’ve come to really enjoy the shape of my toes and with a little help from a few foot enthusiasts, I’ve become really confident about showing my feet off.
  3. I like that I’m open minded
    There aren’t many things that I will shoot down right away. I also don’t form opinions very quickly anymore. I’ve learnt that it’s not wise. I let myself be open to influences and thoughts and run with the ones that make sense to me.
  4. I like that I can play music
    I don’t know many people who have taught themselves how to play guitar and who played as many instruments as I did in high school band. Three official instruments in band and the guitar! Woo! Not only could I play the instruments, but I could sing to go a long with it and I can read sheet music and tabs. If I weren’t such a slacker, I could be a rockstar!
  5. I like the struggles I’ve overcome
    I would never say that my life was easy, and if I did, someone’s nose would be growing a few inches. It’s been a tough one and I’ve overcome a lot of hardship in my time. Let me count the ways…- I had my first kid when I was 17
    – I’ve been in two abusive relationships
    – I’ve been homeless, having to live in a hotel
    – I’ve attempted suicide twice
    – I’ve been put in a mental institution twice
    – I’ve watched my family members attempt suicide
    – I have alcoholic parents
    – I’ve had to prove I was a good parent, even before I actually had kids
  6. I like that I write
    I started my first journal when I was about 11 years old and began writing my own songs around then too. I started writing erotica when I was 14. I like that I don’t think I’m horrible at writing either, I actually think when I really focus on something, I can create some pretty awesome stuff.
  7. I like that I know HTML
    I spent countless hours learning how to write HTML. I took a few websites, read through them and taught myself how to write HTML. I know that now, that’s not really impressive and CSS is totally where it’s at, but I was 14 and didn’t know any better…
  8. I like how tall I am
    I’m not that tall. Five feet, seven inches. Yet somehow I manage to tower over just about every girl my age and most girls are only taller than me if they’re wearing heels. I’m not sure how it happens, but I’ve always liked it. I liked being the tallest one in the class and now I like that I’m about the same height as The Boyfriend.
  9. I like that I drink coffee
    Growing up, I always had a vision of myself as someone who was successful and always had a cup of coffee in their hand. Don’t ask me why success and coffee went hand-in-hand for me, but it did. If it weren’t for The Boyfriend and his insistence on getting me to drink coffee, I probably would’ve never done it. But thanks to him, I now start having minor withdrawals after one day without it!
  10. I like that I’ve learnt to control some of my more irrational emotions
    In the past, the littlest things upset me and would make me incredibly angry or sad. I was a very jealous person and was in constant need of validation. Over a very long period of time and a lot of soul searching and a few heartbreaks, I’ve learnt how I can better control the emotions that do me no good. Jealousy got me nowhere but alone, so I’ve learnt to tame my green beast and pick and choose the battles that really matter to me.
So, I’m half way done this task. Be sure to stay tuned for Part 2 (I’ll add the link when it’s done) where I’m finishing this list off. Maybe when I’m feeling down about my life, this list will help me remember all the things that I’m capable of, that I did and that I can do again!


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My Day Zero Project – Someday: Back to BC


Ever since moving to Red Deer almost eight years ago (holy man, I can’t believe it’s been that long), I have desperately longed to go back to BC, where I was born and mostly raised.

In my life, I’ve lived in many different places, many different towns and cities and two different provinces. My favorite places were always the ones in BC. The weather is nicer, the grass is greener and the mountains are bigger. The water is less murky, the summer lasts longer and the winter’s are shorter. It’s where I long to call home.

I’m very realistic though and believe that there’s a good chance that Red Deer is where we’ll stay living for the rest of our lives and I’m okay with that. Both The Boyfriend and Alfie were born here in Red Deer and spent the better majority of their lives here. We’ve even been to see all the places The Boyfriend has lived his entire life…

While we did live in Red Deer when I was kid, it was for a year or two tops and I don’t have any super fond memories of Red Deer from when I was kid, except for taking my doll Jasmine to Value Village and playing on the old witch’s hat at Rotary Park – which doesn’t even exist anymore!

I want to take The Boyfriend through Prince George and show him where I went to my first punk show and where I lost my virginity. I want to take the kids to Herald’s Park and Margaret Falls in the Shuswap area.  I want us all to go to Canoe Beach and I want to remember what it was like when I was a kid. I want to make The Boyfriend drive the windy roads up to Williams Lake.

I also want to experience some of the things in BC that I never got to experience. Like visiting Vancouver and going to Stanley Park, or going to Penticton for the Peach Festival – not that I’m particularly fond of peaches, but I’ve only ever heard great things about it.

I want to see people that live in BC that I knew when I was a kid. My ex-boyfriends, my family that still lives there, friends I went to school with. I’d love to see my Grade 7 teacher again and see all my sister’s friends from BC. I want to see what’s changed and what is still the same. And I want to take my family a long with me!

Of course, these are someday things. Not things that I’m going to be working towards any time soon. But one day, someday, I’d like to show The Boyfriend and the kids where I grew up. The places that shaped me. Check out the rest of my Day Zero Project.


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My Day Zero Project – To Do: Clean the Kitchen


Another one of those things that has been on my to do list for WAY too long. While I make small strides towards this goal every week, it never gets anywhere closer to getting done. I’d like to change that.

I would really love to pull all the appliances out and clean behind them. I want to scrub the walls behind the stove and scour the floor beneath the fridge. Then I want to clean inside the appliances. I see this being a total gong show!

My oven is going to be the worst. That thing is so disgusting, and I’ve never had the opportunity to clean it out in my 3+ years of living here. It desperately longs to have a good clean. I want that oven to shine as if my old oven were new.

I want to pull all of the dishes and crap out of all the drawers and cupboards and completely clean those up and out. All the junk and stuff we don’t use at all (like martini ice strainers?!?) can be given away or thrown out. I’d like to pare down to what we actually use and then start saving up to buy myself things that I really really want, like a stand up mixer or a waffle iron.

I’d like to get all of the dishes completely cleaned and done. While I do dishes almost every night, there are always some left over in the sink or one that we didn’t know about out in the living room or some other thing like that. I’d like to have every single dish in my house completely cleaned and preferably put away.

I’d love to scrub all the walls down and get the table and chairs so clean that they shine. I’d like to get all the worst stains off the kitchen floor and I’d love to get this black shelf thing that we have out there, either thrown out or cleaned up so that we can use it for something.

Then, I’d like to keep the kitchen cleaned and organized. Make it a welcoming place for me to cook our family meals in, instead of a hostile environment that I tend to avoid like the plague. I’d like to get it set up enough that if one day I felt like baking with the kids, we could without having to dedicate 2 or 3 hours to cleaning up beforehand…

Ah, to have a clean kitchen. That’ll be the day! You can check out my clean and organize the kitchen task here and see the rest of my Day Zero Project tasks here.


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My Day Zero Project – To Do: Eyebrow Shaping


So today, I was reintroduced to the Day Zero Project. If you’ve ever wanted to make a bucket list or just a things-I-want-to-do list, the Day Zero Project will let you define 101 tasks to complete in 1001 days. You can even make a list for someday tasks, things you’d like to do some day, just not right now. I thought it would be fun to share some of the things on my list and how I plan to achieve them and I’ll update you when I do. (We’ll try to do one of these posts a day… *cross your fingers*)

Get my Eyebrows Shaped

I haven’t yet decided how I want to go about doing this, but it’s been on my list of things to do for as long as I’ve known that women can shape their eyebrows.

When I was about 14 and was taking modeling classes, we had an entire class on how to pluck your eyebrows in a way that was flattering to your face shape. They gave us each our own little orange sticks and we all got tweezers. I, however, had absolutely no interest in doing anything to my eyebrows at the time, especially if it was going to hurt, so instead sat there pretending to be reading the papers they gave us and got out of having to do anything mean to my eyebrows.

I’ve also seen some pretty wicked eyebrow shaping disasters in my time. From the over-plucked and uneven eyebrows to the “Oops, I waxed a bigger chunk off than I intended” eyebrows to the eyebrow shaping’s where the person looks like they’re constantly questioning everything you say!

I also don’t generally tend to think too much about my eyebrows unless I’m wearing makeup or have somebody take a picture of me where my eyebrows are almost completely invisible. Both things that don’t happen all too often. But when they do….

Barely There...

Now it’s just a matter of deciding how I want to have these babies shaped and where I want to go to have it done. Also have to take into account how much I want to pay for it. For a long time I had only considered plucking and waxing as options, though have recently begun to entertain the idea of threading.

I would really like to maintain whatever shape I end up getting with my eyebrows, assuming I like it and I would like to learn how to more accurately use an eyebrow pencil, because I think my eyebrows would look awesome. Maybe maintained eyebrows is exactly what I need to start looking like the woman I want to look like.

And don’t ask me what the woman I want to look like, looks like. Because I’m not 100% sure, it seems to always be evolving. The biggest thing is that she looks well put together, which I certainly do not on most days.

So ladies, have you ever got your eyebrows shaped? What was it like and how did you do it? Have you ever tried multiple methods? If yes, which one was most preferable? Any advice you’d give to someone considering shaping their eyebrows would be amazing!