The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Maybe It’s The Weather…


I cannot tell you what has gotten into The Boyfriend, but something is definitely changing. Maybe it’s the 12 pounds I’ve lost (although I’d like to think he’s not that shallow) or maybe it’s the warmer weather, maybe it’s that he’s dealing with the stresses of work life better or maybe it’s something else entirely, but I can honestly not remember the last time we had as much sex as we’re having nor can I remember the last time that we both hated being away from each other – we’re literally attached at the hip!

He’s been coming home from work on his lunch break, just so that he can hang out with me and he even takes Keirnan to school for me, so that I only have to make that trek once a day. He’s been a real sweetheart lately, from letting me hog the TV because my body is aching so bad that I don’t want to come on the computer, to letting me play video games even when he’s been craving them all day, to making dinner more than once this week and he even bought me an early Mother’s Day present – one that I’ve been wanting for years!

Then, the sex… There has been so much of it, in so many different ways, I have not wanted for nothing. There have been some disappointing moments, which I’ll get into momentarily, but for the most part, it’s been almost two weeks now of incredible sex every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. And I have no idea what’s going on but I’m not about to complain.

It started on one of his days off, that wasn’t a planned day off. He had gone to the store and when he got back, he made mention of something sexual. I had worn a skirt this day and the idea of that seemed to really excite him. That’s not really a surprise, because he has a strong affection for my legs, but it doesn’t normally make him all ready and raring to go. He came and sat on the couch beside me and slid his hand up my leg as he revealed the perverse thoughts he had on the way to and from the store. I giggled, as I usually do when he talks about these sexual visions of his, but my giggle was cut short by a sudden gasp as he roughly slid his fingers into me.

It took him no time at all to bring me to that first orgasm and I was almost shocked at how fast it had gone. After I was done, he seemed like he was going off to do his own thing, but he came out of the bathroom and said, “You wouldn’t want to sit on my cock, would you?”. He sat down and I straddled him and almost as soon as we started, we were both covered in sweat – his beading down his forehead, mine collecting in the middle of my back. He shoved his head in between my breasts, as I rhythmically bucked my hips wildly back and forth on him. His hands were on the top of my skirt, pulling at it to direct me this way and that on top of him. We collapsed in each other’s arms as the last ripples of orgasm waved over us and as we caught our breath discussed what we loved about that particular session and how much we couldn’t wait to repeat it later on that night, being that this was midday sex.

One night, we had a beautiful mutual masturbation session. He is getting way more skilled with his fingers than he ever has been before, which has resulted in a lot of speedy orgasms on my part – something that is brand new and totally foreign for us. I’m not sure what he’s doing differently, but he says that he’s definitely doing something different. He believes he’s just gotten to know more of what I like and based on the way he’s been playing with things, I’d say he’s incredibly right! I think the thing that made this particular session so beautiful was the timing of it all. We came within seconds of each other and it still had the intimately connected feeling that our sex seems to get so damn right.

Even last night, he was exhausted and more than ready for bed, but still had enough energy for a parting shot. It started out looking like it was just going to be another mutual masturbation session, which I was totally okay with. But after a few moments, he asked rather politely, “Do you think you can make yourself cum if I’m inside you?”, I excitedly responded, “I’ll sure as hell try” and in no time at all, we were both having our orgasms and it was just all around a great time. Based on his lunch break today, I don’t think this particular streak is going to end until at least after the weekend… So, happy weekend for me.

The one big disappointing evening, even though I quickly turned it around so that it didn’t become a huge disappointment, was during the final episode of Star Trek: TNG. It’s not uncommon for us to sit around and watch a TV and for me to play with his genitals during this time. My purpose is never to bring him to orgasm or to even get him turned on, I just like to play and he’ll go in and out of hardness and softness and it’s an exciting precursor to an evening of fun. Recently, I got a cheap version of ace bandages or tensor bandages. I was thinking we could use it for a little bit of light bondage and compression play – things that I’m interested in and he’s never seemed uninterested in. More bondage-esque type things have never been a total no, like impact play is for example.

So, as I’m playing with him, I grabbed my wraps and began to unravel the smallest one. Immediately, he tenses up and his half chubs hard on disappears. I ask, “What’s wrong?” and he says, “I just have a feeling I know what you’re planning to do with that and…” he trails off into silence, with a look on his face that signals that he doesn’t want what I’m proposing. I ask, “Are you uncomfortable?” and he shrugs his shoulders, still with this look on his face, this look that absolutely signaled to me a complete lack of trust. I stopped, dead still.

I kissed him. I didn’t know what else to do. I held his face, and kissed him hard over and over again, my mind literally buzzing with thoughts. I felt like this was the moment to make a very conscious decision about what it is that I want. I kissed him harder and harder, fighting back tears as I decided, I wanted this even without the light bondage. I couldn’t let this one thing make my whole entire night miserable. I could either a) choose to focus harder on the fact that he wasn’t interested in this thing, even though he let me spend the money on it or b) just move on and forget it about it… It felt like I consciously gave up that night…

I went back to bringing him up to hardness again, and I dropped the wrap on the couch and left it alone. I haven’t brought it back up again. There is a big part of me that is just ready to throw in the towel on this whole kink thing for the time being. He’s not in the right head space for it and I’m not the one to try to work him into that head space  Whether it’s being his bottom or his top, I just don’t think he’s there yet. I don’t think he’s ready. And I don’t know if he ever will be…

And I don’t know how or what I feel about that, I don’t know what I’m going to do about it, I don’t know anything right now on that level. It’s one of those things that I’m trying not to let consume me…