The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Glad to Get On Here


I cannot tell you how happy I am that I got on the computer tonight… Absolutely and totally happy. It was a rough day today, which made where my bed seemed like the best place in the world to be. We’ll start with how I came to be on the computer and then maybe we’ll jump back to the rough day part of the story – we’ll see how I feel.

So, I’m laying in bed playing Minecraft and Keirnan and Kenzie have been sent up to bed and didn’t cause that much of hassle when it came to actually sleeping. Kaeidyn however, was still awake and in a most talkative mood and my brother (who is doing amazing, by the way…) and cousin are both here visiting. Carter, my dear sweet Carter, was being a most miserable brat. None of the other kids got donuts before bed and I had decided that Carter wasn’t going to get donuts before bed either, but Uncle and Great-Cousin (though they call him Uncle) had gotten donuts. Carter was most unhappy and cried for close to an hour straight. Over and over again with “I want a donut” and “I didn’t get a donut”.

Then, out of nowhere, the cry changes from a semi-manageable cry to a wail. He’s “ow”-ing away. Lately, he’s really enjoyed half hanging off of surfaces when he sits at them. It’s mostly because as he uses whatever is on the surface in front of him, he manages to push it away from himself. We’ll find him dangling by his belly button from the computer desk because he’s pushed the keyboard all the way back to where he can’t reach it from the chair or at dinner time, dangling from the table because he pushed his plate too far away while eating… Somewhere along all the dangling today, he had managed to get – I’m not sure what you would call it, almost like rug burn but from the wood-like-stuff on the table. It seemed like one from much earlier today, possibly from when The Boyfriend and I weren’t here (more on that later).

Anyways, I cleaned it all up and put some Polysporin on it and talked him through the last of his upsets about the donut, and had convinced him that he needed to take a bath. Out of all of the kids, he definitely needs to be bathed the most. So now, instead of whining about the donuts, he’s now whining because he wants to hurry up and go for a bath. I shut off the games and The Boyfriend decided that he was going to play for awhile. Normally this means, when I come downstairs, I can either sit there and watch him play games or go on the computer – so, go on the computer it was.

And once again, I say unto you, I am most pleased that I did. First, I jump on Facebook (as usual) and immediately find some interesting stuff that had me laughing. Then, I jumped on Twitter. Oh wait, I don’t know if I told you this yet… If you’ll notice, in the sidebar, there is a Twitter feed and if you’ve followed me around the web for quite some time (which I know that I’m really the only one who follows me around on the web… :(), you’ll notice that this isn’t the same as it’s always been. The one there, happens to be the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Twitter feed. Some time ago, I had gotten completely fed up with my personal Twitter feed. I was following a lot of people that I had no idea who they were, it was all disorganized and I absolutely despised my previous Twitter handle: @blogaholica – the “a” on the end just always really bugged me…

But recently, I went through my old Twitter account, changed my handle, deleted almost everyone I was following that I didn’t know and had never actually said a word to me and re-organized the whole thing so that I knew what I was working about. I’m pretty sure I alluded to this a couple posts ago. But it was essentially spring cleaning of all my social networks. So, I revamped and came back as @ValerieRayne13 and have been having a great time.

Now that I’m not following a bunch of people who are talking about things that I’m just not interested in (which felt a lot like when The Boyfriend begged me to watch Smosh videos on YouTube last night, which I just barely made it through…), it’s so much nicer going on Twitter and I’m having a ton of fun. By far, my most favorite tweet from myself, so far, goes out to @Cmdr_Hadfield of International Space Station fame (this is one of those things that The Boyfriend got me interested in, that didn’t make me barf a little in my heart). I warn you, not only does it show you just how much of a nerd I really am, but it’s also my lamest and most favorite tweet ever:

After writing this, I’m off to do even more on the computer, before The Boyfriend officially decides it’s bedtime, which I’m sure is coming sooner rather than later, but if you want to read about my rough day, you can always continue reading…

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Finally Catching Up On 1000+ Unread Posts


It’s a seriously daunting task whenever I “forget” to check in on my Google Reader for awhile and then go back and see some of the numbers next to my unread count amounting to large numbers. Like for instance, the 1000+ posts from Mashable that I haven’t read in my Google Reader (though I follow them on Facebook, so catch some of the posts while I’m checking that). And after every time that I spend some time away from the computer, I spend a lot of time catching up on everything… It takes a few days, but once it’s done, I find it rejuvenating and inspiring.

Let’s take a walk through some of the awesome posts I’ve missed in my absence:

  • From my Blogging & Social Media Folder

    The following posts are from some of my favorite blogs about Blogging, Social Media and Tech:

    • It’s Possible To Post To Facebook From The Afterlife
      Author: Justin Lafferty | Source: AllFacebook.com

      This kind of thing has been on mind a lot lately. I don’t want to just die and have nothing ever said to the one’s I really care about. I think being able to do it on Facebook is awesome, because who doesn’t use Facebook? However, I also think that it’s impersonal and a little creepy. I don’t want to go onto Facebook to constantly be reminded of my dead friends…

    • INFOGRAPHIC: Ways to Get More Shares on Facebook
      Author: Justin Lafferty | Source: AllFacebook.com

      I’m always a huge fan of infographics. I’m not sure what it is about them that I love so much, I just know that I really like getting my information in infographic form. This one offers up a couple of ways to get more shares on Facebook including posting at particular times of day and more frequently as well as using your authentic voice and captivating images. Good tips!

    • Why Google Glass Could Be Bad For Your Eyes
      Author: Samantha Murphy | Source: Mashable

      I think, even if Google Glass was bad for my eyes, I’d probably still want a pair…

    • Google Glass May Arrive for Consumers by End of Year
      Author: Emily Price | Source: Mashable

      Say what?!? By the end of the year?!? And really, considering what these things are supposed to be able to do, $1500 isn’t that outrageous. I want it!!

    • 10 Awesome Things That Happened At The Star Trek Reunion
      Author: AshleyRose Sullivan | Source: Mashable

      With all my recent musings about Star Trek, it’s no wonder that this is added to my list. I’ve kind of become really obsessed and have more than once searched the internet for both Brent Spiner (my most favorite character on the show) and Patrick Stewart (because how can you not love Jean-Luc Picard?!?). They all sound like an epic crew!

  • From My Favorites Folder

    The following posts are from bloggers who I can consider to be people I look up to and are typically bloggers that I’ve been following for years:

    • I’m Online
      Author: lunaKM | Source: lunaKM

      One thing that I love about the way that lunaKM writes is how she pulls you into her situation. While you may not be experiencing popularity from your blog, you can understand what she’s going through and how she’s talking about it. I love being pulled into her world!

    • Sex Addiction – Dr Jenn & Dr. Neil Cannon
      Author: Dr. Jenn | Source: Dr. Jenn’s Den

      In this episode of In The Den with Dr. Jenn, there is short discussion about sex addiction and the issues with labeling someone as a sex addict and how to deal with it if you feel you have it. I’ve often been curious about sex addiction and think that I would make a great sex therapist specializing in this matter.

    • The Hubba-Hubba Girl: Evelyn West, double bill
      Author: Gloria | Source: Gloria’s Oversexed Mind

      I absolutely loved the video in this post. It’s cute how she tells you where she got her clothes as she’s taking them off. I don’t where Gloria finds this stuff, but it’s pretty freaking spectacular. I’m sharing tons of her stuff over on the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tumblr blog!

    • Butt Bongo, the hipster version
      Author: Gloria | Source: Gloria’s Oversexed Mind

      Okay, this one is so good that I’m just reposting the entire video! You all know that I’m a fan of hand-drumming, based on my post This Should Be a Viral Video… IMHO, but this one is so so so so so much better than that! Now I just need to decide if I want to be the drummer or the drum…

I’ll leave it on that note, though there are a couple other really great posts, like this one from Submissive guide about boot-blacking or this one about prostate massage from a contributor to SexIs. There’s just too much good stuff to read! What’s your favorite post and why?


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Obsessions and Addictions


Man oh man… I just keep neglecting to come back here.

First, I’ve been getting obsessed with stuff that takes me away from the computer. I started reading The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, a book that has been on my “to-read list” forever (one day, I’ll actually compose this list out, but for now it lives entirely in my head). I’m enjoying it, although I am finding it to be a little repetitive. I mean, I basically know from the very get go that Holmes is going to solve the mystery and Dr. Watson is going to be shocked about how he came to these conclusions long before the evidence suggested a case-closed situation. However, I’m still baffled every single time I read that Holmes and Dr. Watson did cocaine together, like it was just another part of any other day.

I know that this was the norm for the era that Holmes is based in. And what’s even stranger to me is that I don’t get that baffled feeling when thinking about say Freud doing cocaine or prescribing it to his patients and it doesn’t shock me every time I think about the fact that cocaine used to be an ingredient in Coca-Cola during the same time period. But for some reason, the whole concept of Watson and Holmes doing cocaine, just floors me every time. I swear I read it and the look on my face just goes straight to shock…

Then, the next thing that I’ve become entirely all too obsessed with, and really, we all have, is Minecraft. I’ve been hearing about this game forever and hated everything about it. That was, until I actually played it. On a whim, we downloaded the free trial for the Xbox, and we haven’t been able to stop playing ever since. The Boyfriend and I will literally sit there fighting over whose turn it is to play and we wake up every morning to the kids fighting over who gets to play it between them.

I don’t know what it is about this game that has got us all so hooked. Both The Boyfriend and I just keep trying to figure out what we love so much about it and neither of us can really figure it out. It also doesn’t help that it’s easy to lose track of time once you’re on the game and it’s one of those games that can easily result in one too many hours spent on it. Then, we decided to check out the Minecraft Wiki and now we’re even more obsessed! It’s been making me not want to get on the computer at all…

When we’re not playing Minecraft and I’m not reading Holmes, we’ve been watching a lot of Star Trek and/or playing Karaoke. I even got a video of The Boyfriend and I doing karaoke last night (which I’m hoping to have edited enough to share in a day or so – it’s over 2 hours long, so I gotta cut it down…). It’s been a lot of fun, even if it does make you feel incredibly lazy.

But all in all, things around here are looking really good. Besides a mound of laundry that just seems to keep building, the house is nice and clean and only needs a slight tidy up. The kids are all having a bit of attitude problems, but that’s to be expected as it begins to warm up outside – and I could not be more happy about it! I honestly cannot wait for summer! So that’s pretty much all that’s new around here.

Now, I want to know, do you play Minecraft?


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Just Quick


My poor Carter is very sick. He did good all day and then right around dinner, he started looking flushed and was complaining that he was sick and now his whole body is aching and his stomach hurts. Kaeidyn went through almost the exact same thing yesterday and still looks rough today.

I, on the other hand, slept most of the day away, even though I was trying so hard not to. I just absolutely could not wake up. We had the people here to fix our door and I stayed mostly awake during that, but as soon as they left, I fell back asleep until the kids started asking for dinner!

At first when I woke up, I felt so angry and upset that I had slept almost all day. Turns out it was the start day of my period and once I got past the initial upset, I actually got a lot done including dishes, laundry and cleaned even more of the kitchen. Plus, Kaeidyn did a great job making sure the boys didn’t make a mess of all the cleaning we did yesterday and the day before.

I have been having a difficult time getting motivated to get on the computer, which is unfortunate because I feel like I’m just not giving 100% to any of my current online ventures. As it is right now, I’m writing this from my bed on my BlackBerry and I just don’t feel like I’m actually getting anything done… Definitely need to make some adjustments there.

Now it’s time to watch some Star trek, which The Boyfriend and I are getting more and more addicted to. From watching 2 or 3 episodes every night of Next Generation and playing Star Trek Online to the constant talk of it. We’re obsessed!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Punished…


It seems like almost all day today, I’ve been thinking about and fantasizing about punishment in an erotic sort of way… It’s gotten increasingly stronger all day and that last episode of Star Trek (Voyager, Season 3, Episode: Favorite Son) pushed it straight over the edge as a group of women bonded themselves to another male with black sashes on his wrists, eyes and mouth.

Kink in general has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I have a craving at least once a day for a spanking – it’s been so damn long since I’ve had one that I almost don’t even remember what it feels like or why I seriously enjoy it… At least twice this week alone I’ve felt angry that I’ve spent money on a flogger and a crop that never gets used…

Unfortunately, no matter how much I beg or how much I ask for it or how much we discuss it, it seems like we never ever get closer to the sort of relationship dynamic I long for. It probably wouldn’t even bother me so much if he’d just show a little tiny bit of interest.

Lately, all I’ve been able to think about is being punished. Being caned for my disobedience, or being put in the corner or not being allowed to make eye contact or something… I want us to have rules that I have to listen to or it will result in punishment, period with no exceptions. Obviously it wouldn’t be easy, but we would figure out a way to make it work and be hella erotic all at the same time.

It would be so hot if say one of the rules was that I had to have some area of the house cleaned by a certain time. If I didn’t have it done by that time, then he would whisper in my ear that as soon as the kids are asleep, I will be punished for my wrong doing. Then after all the kids are asleep, wham! I get the punishment and am taught a valuable lesson about why I should listen to the rules. When you listen, you get rewards, rewards full of pleasure.

I wonder if it’s even worth it to keep dreaming of this stuff. I’ve made my vanilla bed and now I have to lie in it. Part of me feels like I should just forget about all my interests in kink, because it’s really getting me nowhere. The other part of me remembers how wonderful it was getting it for that short period of time and it’s fighting me to hold onto it… I hate feeling confused about my sexuality in this way, because I’m normally so sure, but lately, not so much. I feel like I’m so stuck in this in-between type of place, and it’s frustrating.


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Finally Got a Library Card!


This week, we finally got me a library card. I’ve been talking about it for a long time now, and after much begging and demanding, we finally got one. Needless to say, I’m a little more than happy. It’s been awhile since I had new books to read, and I got a really good selection. So the last few days I’ve almost completely neglected my computer and have devoured my books.

I just finished reading “How Sex Works” by Dr. Shanon Moleam, and I have to say it was a delightful read. Not only did it really make me use my brain, it was plenty informative, I learnt a few things that I didn’t know (especially about evolution) and it only took me a couple days to read it.

We also got movies from the library. So far we’ve watched one of my favorite Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies ever, Shall We Dance. Kaeidyn stayed up late to watch it, and kept trying to figure out why it was black and white. She was almost angry and upset about it. It’s been so long since I got to see a Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie, that I was completely swept up to it and was made even happier to see The Boyfriend enjoying the movie and even tapping his foot along with the music.

For years, I’ve thought of myself as more of a Warrior than a Trekkie. But after getting season 1 of Star Trek: Voyager from the library, I’ve completely changed my tune. I am, without a doubt, 100% a Trekkie. So far, I’m loving Captain Janeway, and seriously want to be here. The only thing I’m not liking so far is all the time travel, but at the same time it keeps me intrigued.

Other than that, things are going pretty well. Work is good, though incredibly boring. I’m not a fan of jobs where I feel like I’m getting paid to sit around and do nothing. I’d rather have a steady flow of work, not too slow, not too busy. Some days I get that, but for the most part I just feel bored. Oddly enough though, I come home and feel like it was a stressful day at work.

So that’s just a quick update of what’s been going on around here. Nothing too crazy, just the way I like it. I’ve got a couple posts in the works that I’m hoping to have out sometime this week or next, so stay tuned for that. How’s your week going?