The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Punished…


It seems like almost all day today, I’ve been thinking about and fantasizing about punishment in an erotic sort of way… It’s gotten increasingly stronger all day and that last episode of Star Trek (Voyager, Season 3, Episode: Favorite Son) pushed it straight over the edge as a group of women bonded themselves to another male with black sashes on his wrists, eyes and mouth.

Kink in general has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I have a craving at least once a day for a spanking – it’s been so damn long since I’ve had one that I almost don’t even remember what it feels like or why I seriously enjoy it… At least twice this week alone I’ve felt angry that I’ve spent money on a flogger and a crop that never gets used…

Unfortunately, no matter how much I beg or how much I ask for it or how much we discuss it, it seems like we never ever get closer to the sort of relationship dynamic I long for. It probably wouldn’t even bother me so much if he’d just show a little tiny bit of interest.

Lately, all I’ve been able to think about is being punished. Being caned for my disobedience, or being put in the corner or not being allowed to make eye contact or something… I want us to have rules that I have to listen to or it will result in punishment, period with no exceptions. Obviously it wouldn’t be easy, but we would figure out a way to make it work and be hella erotic all at the same time.

It would be so hot if say one of the rules was that I had to have some area of the house cleaned by a certain time. If I didn’t have it done by that time, then he would whisper in my ear that as soon as the kids are asleep, I will be punished for my wrong doing. Then after all the kids are asleep, wham! I get the punishment and am taught a valuable lesson about why I should listen to the rules. When you listen, you get rewards, rewards full of pleasure.

I wonder if it’s even worth it to keep dreaming of this stuff. I’ve made my vanilla bed and now I have to lie in it. Part of me feels like I should just forget about all my interests in kink, because it’s really getting me nowhere. The other part of me remembers how wonderful it was getting it for that short period of time and it’s fighting me to hold onto it… I hate feeling confused about my sexuality in this way, because I’m normally so sure, but lately, not so much. I feel like I’m so stuck in this in-between type of place, and it’s frustrating.


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Finally Got a Library Card!


This week, we finally got me a library card. I’ve been talking about it for a long time now, and after much begging and demanding, we finally got one. Needless to say, I’m a little more than happy. It’s been awhile since I had new books to read, and I got a really good selection. So the last few days I’ve almost completely neglected my computer and have devoured my books.

I just finished reading “How Sex Works” by Dr. Shanon Moleam, and I have to say it was a delightful read. Not only did it really make me use my brain, it was plenty informative, I learnt a few things that I didn’t know (especially about evolution) and it only took me a couple days to read it.

We also got movies from the library. So far we’ve watched one of my favorite Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies ever, Shall We Dance. Kaeidyn stayed up late to watch it, and kept trying to figure out why it was black and white. She was almost angry and upset about it. It’s been so long since I got to see a Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie, that I was completely swept up to it and was made even happier to see The Boyfriend enjoying the movie and even tapping his foot along with the music.

For years, I’ve thought of myself as more of a Warrior than a Trekkie. But after getting season 1 of Star Trek: Voyager from the library, I’ve completely changed my tune. I am, without a doubt, 100% a Trekkie. So far, I’m loving Captain Janeway, and seriously want to be here. The only thing I’m not liking so far is all the time travel, but at the same time it keeps me intrigued.

Other than that, things are going pretty well. Work is good, though incredibly boring. I’m not a fan of jobs where I feel like I’m getting paid to sit around and do nothing. I’d rather have a steady flow of work, not too slow, not too busy. Some days I get that, but for the most part I just feel bored. Oddly enough though, I come home and feel like it was a stressful day at work.

So that’s just a quick update of what’s been going on around here. Nothing too crazy, just the way I like it. I’ve got a couple posts in the works that I’m hoping to have out sometime this week or next, so stay tuned for that. How’s your week going?