The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Drunk for the First Time in Years


On the Saturday that just passed, my Mom took the kids for the majority of the day so that The Boyfriend and I could clean the house. It took us two days, but the living room has been rearranged and is, I’m very excited to say, clean! We’ve flipped it around, so everything that was once on the other side of the room is now on the opposite side, the floors have all been vacuumed like there’s no tomorrow, and absolutely everything has been wiped or washed. Now we just have a few rooms left to conquer but at least we’re making more serious progress than ever before!

Then Mom insisted that The Boyfriend and I take a night out and so, she lined up a babysitter, she took us to karaoke and she bought us our drinks. It was honestly one of the best nights we’ve had out in awhile and two days later, we’re still talking about how much fun we had with each other. I even wore my polka dot dress out in public and was showered with compliments, which was really fantastic and I almost forgot how much I like that 😉

I got to sing a total of four songs and I was more than excited when the karaoke hostess remembered me, even though I haven’t been to karaoke since before The Boyfriend and I got together almost 4 years ago (holy, we’ve only got like 2 months until we’re there…). I did my usual showtunes, All That Jazz and Cabaret. Only one tiny screw up on either of those, but I was having a great time and The Boyfriend and my Mom were the best cheerleaders in the world! Then, after I was right liquored, I did I’m Yours by Jason Mraz and Your Love in my Drug by Ke$ha. I even danced to another person singing Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Somehow, The Boyfriend and I managed to get more drunk than we’ve been in the last 4 years as well. A jug and a half shared between us, plus 3 bottles of beer each, by the time we were heading home, we were both stumbling and complaining about how drunk we felt. Though we were both made undeniably happy when we were able to go to McDonald’s at 2:30 in the morning. Never once did we consider how we might feel the next morning and somewhere along the line, I think I lost my wallet…

We got home and fell asleep immediately, just barely able to give each other a kiss goodnight. We had walked home from the bar which is only a few blocks away, but with being drunk, the walk knocked us right out. Less than 5 hours later, The Boyfriend was waking up with his first signs of a hangover. I think we didn’t sleep past 9:30 the next morning, because his hangover got increasingly worse. I felt fine and I think that made him jealous.

Then, we finished cleaning the living room. Really, he did most of the work and I just wiped stuff down and put things where they belonged. We kept commenting on how good of a cleaning team we made, because he’d take care of all the big stuff and I was like our detailer. He almost got slapped during the cleaning when we were moving the furniture. We’re about to move the entertainment stand, which is quite a big piece of furniture and he starts giving me instructions on where to hold and how to lift it. I snapped, “Boyfriend, I’ve moved furniture before, I know what I’m doing!!”. When we moved the computer desk, he kept his mouth shut.

Somewhere along the line, since Saturday, I hurt my legs or something. Every time I step down, I’m getting a searing pain in my calf. I can’t flex my foot without hurting my ankle and I’ve been limping around like a little old lady ever since. No idea what I did, no idea how to make it stop hurting, but today, I am most unhappy about it.

So, that was my weekend in 700 words, give or take. How was your weekend? Do anything out of the ordinary? Get anything accomplished? Share your weekend stories in the comments!


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You’re Gonna Miss Me…


So, I finally got around to reading my Google Reader, which I hadn’t done in a few days. I’ve got to stop waiting so long for two reasons. One because then they pile up like crazy. Today, I had 498 unread items waiting for me and only got through 200 of them before my internet froze up. Second, because I miss some really great things!

Mashable, one of the many blogs I follow, posted a really great video that I’d love to share with you, because not only do I love that the girl is using a plastic cup as her drum, this girl has a truly amazing voice. And just below that you can hear the original of the song.

I just seriously think this song is so pretty. I’m really glad that I got to hear it. Now here is the actual version by Lulu and the Lampshades.

Which version do you like better? I personally prefer the cover more than the original, mainly because you can hear the lyrics better and the cup is done more cleanly. It’s just a really pretty song. Super thumbs up to Lulu and the Lampshades!


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Ramblings…


Today has been an overwhelming and stressful day. It started when I woke up this morning. I had forgotten that I didn’t work until after noon today because Kaeidyn had her assembly, so when the alarm went off, I was sure that it was going to be another morning of rushing around to get everyone ready to go. I come running up the stairs, sure that I’m going to be pressed for time, when I realized that today wasn’t the day.

Then, I went into work late today because Kaeidyn had this big year-end assembly that she really wanted me to go to. It was a lot of fun, though I think I’ve decided that they boys need to stay home on days like that. The principal ended up asking me to take Carter outside because he was being too loud. Luckily my Mom was there, so she took Carter outside so that I could enjoy the rest of the assembly. And I did. She was very cute and I love listening to her sing.

I’m so much like my Mom that way. I always hated it growing up. But the second any of the kids starts to sing, I automatically tear up. I just always find it to be so adorable and it makes my heart feel good. I played guitar and sang during all of my pregnancies, and when they were babies, I would play guitar and let them sit with me. It means a lot to me that they are musical, just like their Mom.

Then I went into work, and it was just crazy busy. Not because it actually is crazy busy, but because we’re currently short on cleaners and when that happens, it feels like it’s hectic and like everything is a huge rush. The good thing is, I’m pretty good at prioritizing and keeping level-headed AT WORK – because I suck at it at home…

The biggest part of my stresses today is talking to my Mom. She tends to be my continual reality slap to the face. And while that’s one of the biggest things that I appreciate about her, in the moment of the slap, it’s hard for me to remember that I really appreciate it and instead it just brings me down. It doesn’t help that at the time I see it as her adding more things to my already full plate. I know she does it for my own good, and like she said today, I’ve “had to go through worse”, it just sucks.

I have so much to do, and so little desire/time to do it with/in, and it just feels like it’s way more than it actually is. I hate how the household and family stress -things like finances, discipline, school, babysitters, cleaning, things that need to be bought – tend to build up over a few weeks and you feel like you can handle it because you have time. Then it gets to the day when you feel like it’s overwhelming and all that building up hits like a ton of bricks. And it makes that one bad day carry on over multiple days and just as you feel like everything is back on track and “normal” again, it starts to build up again. It makes it more exhausting than anything. I have no idea if any of that made any sense…

I have a ton of phone calls to make. Originally I was supposed to make them tomorrow, but I’m probably going to have to work all day tomorrow, so I’ll have to make them on Monday. It’s not even really a ton, it just feels that way because it’s things I don’t want to deal with. That I have a lot of anger about having to deal with it.

I have some big decisions to make regarding the kids and Alfie, because things aren’t so good in that department. I don’t want to go into full out details, because I’m still trying to figure out what parts of it are my true feelings and which ones are the parts that are leftover hurt and anger. It’s extremely complicated and even harder to explain. I’m still in, what I’m sure is called, the healing process. And it’s a horrible time for me to have to make important decisions regarding my kids and their Dad. Because it’s just a mixture of all types of negative emotions that I’m still working on coming to terms with. I don’t want to be the type of parent who lets my own emotions negatively impact my kids relationship with their other parent. I want them to come to their own conclusions about whether or no he’s a good Dad and whether or not he’s worthy of them. But they are not old enough for that. They are still learning what is right and wrong, and unfortunately I’m still trying to define that for myself and therefore, for them.

It’s such a complicated thing. I hope I didn’t confuse you too much there… Like I said, it’s been an overwhelming and stressful day. I am so lucky to have The Boyfriend though, and I’ve really been shown that this past week. Today was absolutely the best, because he knew that I was beyond stressed almost the minute I walked through the door and he sat there so nicely and just listened to me ramble on and on about all the stress. When I was done, he offered his two cents and let me ramble on and on about his two cents and he was so calm and patient and understanding. I’m just really lucky to have a guy that listens to me.

During my stressed-out-rant, I kept saying, “I wish I could just figure out one thing that was a good de-stressor” and after venting to him, I realized he is my de-stressor. He just makes me feel good and I’ve never felt like I needed to question whether he loved me or not, and that’s a very powerful thing for me. I just really love that guy!

So, how has your week been? Any big stressors on your end? How have you dealt with your stress? Did you try any new stress techniques recently? Let’s do a poll about stress, shall we?