The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Did I Tell You That We’re Moving?!?


And man oh man, are we ever excited about it. I just got the call yesterday and we will be moving over closer to my Mom and into a 4-bedroom!!! The really nice part is, it’s part of a community housing program, so our rent will be less than it is now. We can finally start paying down our debts and both The Boyfriend and I are more than happy about that.

We’ve been working on getting the house clean and Mom even came over the other day and helped me out, which was more than appreciated. So now, we just have to work on getting it packed. We still have another month and a bit before we actually get the keys, but we know that we’ve got it, so now it’s just a matter of waiting until August 1st.

I can’t believe how excited I am about this, especially with how worried and panicked I was about it before. And I imagine, those negative emotions will probably return closer to the move date, but for right now, I’m just high on excitment. I just keep thinking that this is going to be a wonderful fresh start for us and everyone knows we could use one.

I was most worried about telling Kaeidyn, because when we first mentioned we might be moving, she was very upset about having to leave her school and her friends. But when I told her yesterday, she took it very well and seemed to be excited about going to a new school and making new friends. That was an incredible relief for me.

I like dreaming about my life after this move. It seems to be all that’s on my mind. I feel like this house, the one we’re in now, has squashed so many dreams in the 4 years we’ve lived here, that it’s like looking at the light at the end of the tunnel and it’s just fun to do. Maybe I’ll finally be the Mom that participates in activities at school and goes to help out at the school, kind of like my sister. I always thought I’d end up being that type of Mom, but when it came time for school to start for each of them, either I was working or my life was too out of control to make it work. Maybe I’ll finally start doing some of the DIY crafts that I’ve been wanting to do, or start learning how to paint. Maybe I’ll seriously consider going back to school (oh wait, I already am… so let’s say, go back to school), because I’ll now have a clean and functional living space.

Maybe my life will finally be the way that I’ve always wanted it to be. That’s what I’ve always loved about moving. It gives you a chance to re-write yourself. Now, we’re still going to be living in Red Deer, as we have for the last 8+ years. So it’s not like everything can change and you can’t completely reinvent yourself, but things can be different. And that is very exciting.


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My Day Zero Project – Someday: Back to BC


Ever since moving to Red Deer almost eight years ago (holy man, I can’t believe it’s been that long), I have desperately longed to go back to BC, where I was born and mostly raised.

In my life, I’ve lived in many different places, many different towns and cities and two different provinces. My favorite places were always the ones in BC. The weather is nicer, the grass is greener and the mountains are bigger. The water is less murky, the summer lasts longer and the winter’s are shorter. It’s where I long to call home.

I’m very realistic though and believe that there’s a good chance that Red Deer is where we’ll stay living for the rest of our lives and I’m okay with that. Both The Boyfriend and Alfie were born here in Red Deer and spent the better majority of their lives here. We’ve even been to see all the places The Boyfriend has lived his entire life…

While we did live in Red Deer when I was kid, it was for a year or two tops and I don’t have any super fond memories of Red Deer from when I was kid, except for taking my doll Jasmine to Value Village and playing on the old witch’s hat at Rotary Park – which doesn’t even exist anymore!

I want to take The Boyfriend through Prince George and show him where I went to my first punk show and where I lost my virginity. I want to take the kids to Herald’s Park and Margaret Falls in the Shuswap area.  I want us all to go to Canoe Beach and I want to remember what it was like when I was a kid. I want to make The Boyfriend drive the windy roads up to Williams Lake.

I also want to experience some of the things in BC that I never got to experience. Like visiting Vancouver and going to Stanley Park, or going to Penticton for the Peach Festival – not that I’m particularly fond of peaches, but I’ve only ever heard great things about it.

I want to see people that live in BC that I knew when I was a kid. My ex-boyfriends, my family that still lives there, friends I went to school with. I’d love to see my Grade 7 teacher again and see all my sister’s friends from BC. I want to see what’s changed and what is still the same. And I want to take my family a long with me!

Of course, these are someday things. Not things that I’m going to be working towards any time soon. But one day, someday, I’d like to show The Boyfriend and the kids where I grew up. The places that shaped me. Check out the rest of my Day Zero Project.


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July 7, 2011 Central Alberta Storm (There’s Videos!!)


I’m hating the weather this summer so far. Have I ever told you how much I despise storms? My greatest fear in life is that I’ll be taken out by a natural disaster. It used to be lightening, then it changed to an unexplained fire, and now it is 100% a tornado.


Near Penhold, Alberta

On Thursday, we had a wicked storm and it was the first time I’ve ever been a part of a city that had a tornado warning that advised you to “take shelter immediately”. The worst part about the entire thing was that The Boyfriend had walked to the store…

So as we normally do when there’s a storm, we go out on the balcony and check out the rain, the lightening, the thunder and really I’m checking to see if I think it looks rough enough to be down in my bathroom! I walk outside and it’s still pretty light out, but I see a father and his daughter underneath of an umbrella. Then I see the Dad point to the sky and then they ran back into the house. Automatically I thought, shit a tornado is coming and I don’t know if The Boyfriend is going to be safe.

Clouds began billowing up into the sky at a speed that I’ve never seen before. The only thing at all that brought me comfort is that there was a plane following the storm and passing through the absolutely wicked clouds. It’s interesting to me how many people, when every information source is telling you to take shelter, will go outside. The street filled with people as my neighbor tells me a tornado has just touched down outside of Innisfail.


Near Penhold, Alberta

Then it starts hailing wickedly. Of course when I first learned of all the tornado warnings, I automatically read up on the internet about disaster preparedness. I knew what to do if there was a tornado, but I wanted some reassurance that I absolutely knew, just in case! Rain is usually not present during a tornado, but hail is. So that set off even more panic as I paced frantically in the living room wondering if I should wake all the kids up to go hide in the bathroom while we waited for The Boyfriend to get back.

By the time The Boyfriend got back, the hail had stopped and the sky behind our house turned a brilliant blue with light fluffy clouds. All I have to say is thank goodness for The Weather Network and @AB_EmergAlert. Because if I wouldn’t of been able to check those two things every few minutes, I’m sure a panic attack would’ve hit.


Near Sundre and Olds, Alberta

So far, no injuries have been reported even though a total of 4 (last I heard) tornadoes touched down in Central Alberta. No idea how many funnel clouds there were, I know of 2 in Red Deer alone. Though I don’t even want to know how many people, who all feel the same way about tornadoes as I do, are still worrying about it.

The last two nights has been pretty windy at night. It seems to be pretty calm during the day, just some cloudy skies. Then we get to night and the wind picks up. Falling asleep has been pretty darn hard, because being defenseless worries me. At least during the day, you can see the storm a-brewing. At night, not so much.

I hope, for my sake and for the others who are scared of storms, that this is the last bad storm of the year. I know it probably won’t happen, but I definitely don’t like when it happens and even more so, I hope that if it does happen, The Boyfriend is at least at home when it does. I also hope that this crappy weather goes away soon, so that I can get a really good nights sleep…

What natural disaster scares you the most? Or are you one of the lucky soles who isn’t really afraid of it? Have you ever witnessed a tornado or other disaster? Let’s talk storms people!


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Finally Got a Library Card!


This week, we finally got me a library card. I’ve been talking about it for a long time now, and after much begging and demanding, we finally got one. Needless to say, I’m a little more than happy. It’s been awhile since I had new books to read, and I got a really good selection. So the last few days I’ve almost completely neglected my computer and have devoured my books.

I just finished reading “How Sex Works” by Dr. Shanon Moleam, and I have to say it was a delightful read. Not only did it really make me use my brain, it was plenty informative, I learnt a few things that I didn’t know (especially about evolution) and it only took me a couple days to read it.

We also got movies from the library. So far we’ve watched one of my favorite Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies ever, Shall We Dance. Kaeidyn stayed up late to watch it, and kept trying to figure out why it was black and white. She was almost angry and upset about it. It’s been so long since I got to see a Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie, that I was completely swept up to it and was made even happier to see The Boyfriend enjoying the movie and even tapping his foot along with the music.

For years, I’ve thought of myself as more of a Warrior than a Trekkie. But after getting season 1 of Star Trek: Voyager from the library, I’ve completely changed my tune. I am, without a doubt, 100% a Trekkie. So far, I’m loving Captain Janeway, and seriously want to be here. The only thing I’m not liking so far is all the time travel, but at the same time it keeps me intrigued.

Other than that, things are going pretty well. Work is good, though incredibly boring. I’m not a fan of jobs where I feel like I’m getting paid to sit around and do nothing. I’d rather have a steady flow of work, not too slow, not too busy. Some days I get that, but for the most part I just feel bored. Oddly enough though, I come home and feel like it was a stressful day at work.

So that’s just a quick update of what’s been going on around here. Nothing too crazy, just the way I like it. I’ve got a couple posts in the works that I’m hoping to have out sometime this week or next, so stay tuned for that. How’s your week going?