The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Happy Birthday Boyfriend (with Pictures)


Yet another year has gone by and it’s that time of year again when for a short period of time, The Boyfriend and I will the same age! It’s always an exciting time of the year for me, because I don’t feel like the oldest one in the relationship (even though I know that I always will be, I don’t feel it so much).

Generally, we don’t do much for anyone’s birthday around here. For his this year, it somehow managed to be quite a special day. We had tried to talk the kids into sleeping in or at least letting us sleep in, but that didn’t really go as planned. Although it was quite a bit easier than we had expected to wake up this morning. First order of business was to get some coffee in us and even though it was bitterly cold and snow was blowing all over the place, the birthday boy braved the weather and brought us home the first coffees of the day.

He let me play Minecraft for a bit – I’ve got two different files going right now. One is my “creative mode” one and I’ve got a freaking wicked train station, with a functioning train and it took tons of math for me to figure out how to make this world. First time in years that I’ve used division… The other is a “survival mode” one that I keep re-starting over and over again called ValerieVille. While I was playing Minecraft, he was playing Star Trek Online where he is now a Rear Admiral Lower Half – which just sounds so unlike him that it’s bordering on ironic.

Then, I made the world’s most awesome breakfast brunch ever. I had seen a picture on Pinterest a couple weeks back that inspired the meal today, which made me much more enthusiastic than I had expected. The first time ever that I’d seen something on Pinterest and then actually made it… So, without reading any instructions, I set out to make Bacon Bowls with some Scrambled Eggs and Buttered Toast.

All in all, it was a great brunch that filled us all right up and we all wanted more. Definitely adding Bacon Bowls to more of our meals – because seriously, who doesn’t love bacon and who doesn’t love bowls? They are both very awesome things! I mean, one of them holds things in a circular type fashion, a sort of dome for delicious foods to be gathered in – gathered! And then of course, the other one is bacon and really, I don’t need to explain that one to you… Do I?

After brunch, we switched electronics and he’s spent the majority of his birthday doing his most favorite thing in the world… Gaming.

The kids were in a picture-happy mood, and Miss Kaeidyn wants to show you all the great pictures she took, so check out the public Facebook album “Boyfriend’s Birthday 2013” to see more of our amazing day! She also made a video that’ll show you just what type of nerds I’m living with here… Although, there’s me in the background, blogging away – so, maybe I shouldn’t talk so much 😉

Now, the kids are quietly going off to bed, an hour later than they were supposed to for a school night and I’m finishing up this blog post before hopefully going for a nice hot bath. I’ve been spending the last few days working on a special little project (little being the biggest understatement of my year thus far), so I’ve been on the computer a lot more than my body likes – but it’s a project that I’m quite excited about.

I hope you enjoyed being invited in for The Boyfriend’s nerdy birthday party and be sure to like this post and leave any thoughts you may have below!

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What I Did… It Feels Like Nothing…


I’ve been hard at work online these last couple of days and I’ve felt inspired and creative and today, I just feel boggled down and overwhelmed. I’m sitting here, as I have been for the last hour and a half, continually starting things, getting halfway into it and then giving up. Then, spending the next few minutes beating myself up for giving up and then jumping in to something else to half start it…

I decided, kind of last minute like (which shows you the problem in the first place), to start a new and in my opinion, very cool new group on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’ve done this before, in the form of NaBloPoMo, but didn’t feel like trying that again – so I started The Blog Everyday Challenge. Starting January 1, 2013, it is my mission to blog everyday for as long as I can. Ideally, I’d like to do it for an entire year!

So, of course, right then and there, I should’ve known I bit off more than I could chew, but… I guess, I never learn. So, a Facebook page was created for this group and a Google+ community and then… and then… I jumped over to my Zazzle shop and decided to start creating products for my store (which hasn’t undergone the big re-design that I have been planning forever and a day – which is why you’ve barely heard about it…), which resulted in the insanity that is about to ensue…

First, I decided I needed to create a new Tumblr account, because I was having such a hard time with the whole concept of having the two blogs under the same account. I was constantly posting stuff not intended for one on the other. But then I realized, I needed a new email address. I had stopped using so many of my old ones, to the point where I couldn’t even get into it anymore, so I’ve just been using the one. Mixing the personal life emails with the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous emails (mostly ones coming from stuff I’m doing and not anybody in the outside world…) and now the Blog-A-Holic Designs emails was becoming too much, so a new email was made.

It’s just been a slew of getting tons accomplished and getting absolutely nothing accomplished. Let’s take a look at what I’ve done in the last few days:

And doing all this stuff (which I’m sure I missed a few things, I just can’t think of them right now), has just made my to-do list even longer and even harder to accomplish. Thinking about all the things I still have left to do and all the plans that I still have in the works and I just feel like sitting back, kicking up my feet and saying, “Phew!”. Like, I just want to catch my breath for a second.

On one hand, I love this total and absolute addiction to this kind of stuff. I love this whole creating thing and I love when I get hit with these really inspired and motivated bursts online. When it seems like it’s all coming easily and it’s flowing from me with ease. But I also hate it, because I feel like I’m just setting myself up for failure.

Which I’ve been feeling like a lot lately. Like every single move I make is a move towards absolute and epic failure and I feel it weighing heavily on me. I’m sick of not completing things, of starting things without ever finishing them, of giving up entirely. I’m sick of being that person.

So tonight, I’m sitting here trying to get started on something I hope to finish and I feel like I’m stumped and hitting a brick wall. I feel frustrated and overwhelmed and just generally harumphed…


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Trying to Figure It Out


I can’t stop talking about how much I need to get things back on track around here. I did so good for the first two or three weeks here and now, everything is completely slacking… And I’ve got plans like crazy. Now it’s just a matter of putting all those plans into action, which seems to be the absolute hardest thing in the world for me…

First, I need to start waking up at a regular time again. I went from waking up everyday at 7:30 to now, where I’m waking up whenever the heck I feel like it before 11:30. I just barely let myself become conscious enough to get Kaeidyn and Kenzie out the door before falling back asleep while Keirnan and Carter watch TV. And while it is truly blissful to have that extra time to sleep, it makes me lazy for the rest of the day.

Then, I need to start making the kids lunches again. After them not making their lunches properly for the past few weeks and after the messes I’ve experienced because of allowing them to make their own lunches, this needs to happen immediately! I just cannot for the life of me figure out what the best way and time to do this is. Do I want to do it the night before school or do I want to do it in the morning before school? Would I prefer to get down to making all weeks lunches once a week or does making them daily work for me? I also need to start discovering more healthy snack choices for school because I’m not liking what we’re choosing lately.

I also need to get some paper organizing going on around here. We got a file cabinet and files, but it’s in a awkward spot. Accessing it comfortable typically involves moving furniture around and the file cabinet part of it is so low that it almost never occurs to me to look at it. Kaeidyn ended up missing a birthday party because I put the invitation in her file folder and forgot that it was there entirely. I’m just unsure how to best do it. I’ve got tons of ideas floating around in my head. I saw one thing on Pinterest today that I thought was rather cool, having a whole bunch of little one inch binders for everything from finances to household management tasks like cleaning and scheduling and electronics manuals. But I feel like I’ll put the binders up and have them all fancified and then never do anything with them.

I’ve been trying to do all of that type of stuff on the computer with documents and spreadsheets, but it’s just not being out there enough for me to keep up with it. I need something that is bam, in my face. I need something that demands my attention and sticks out like a sore thumb. We’ve decided we desperately need a printer and a place to put all this important stuff. Now it’s just a matter of making sure money goes towards the printer and deciding what’s going to work best for all of us.

I gotta get back into a cleaning routine. I was doing so good doing dishes all day long and laundry all day long and sweeping and mopping on a regular basis. But when I came down with my cold (which can you believe, I’m still not over…), it all just started to slide. Sliding to the point where I haven’t done any of today’s dishes, the floor only got swept and mopped because The Boyfriend was restless while I was playing video games. Which is another thing I’ve just been doing way too much of. Video games on the TV, games on the computer, just too much…

I just want to get my life on some sort of organized type of track. And I want everyone to be on board with it. I just need to figure out how…


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Wedding Fever


It must be the age or something. You know how some women go through “baby fever”, while I think I have a case of “wedding fever”. A couple weeks back, while visiting my Mom, I was watching My Teen Wedding, which I just thought was truly craptastic. First of all, if you’re legally allowed to buy you’re own booze, you’re no longer a teenager. If you can be committed of a crime to the fullest extent of the law and no longer can you be tried as a minor, you’re a freaking adult! So, the title of the show alone is deceptive. They should just call it “Young Dumb People Getting Married!”. Anyways, so not the point 😉

But while watching this show, I was apparently very angry about not being married already. I was snapping at the TV, telling the room that there was no way I was going to be a 30-year-old bride and being generally negative and bitchy towards this TV show. And as the weeks have passed, the whole being married, wedding thing has been on my mind alot. Though I didn’t really realize it until yesterday when I was on Pinterest, and found all these awesome pins for wedding ideas. And as I saved them to my board, “Not Getting Married, But If I Did…“, I started to notice that I was seriously picturing a wedding someday in my life.

I went through a short phase of “wedding fever” when I was about 19 or so. Sometime right before I found out I was pregnant with Kenzie. I would get bridal magazines and cut all my favorite things out, but I never considered that it would actually be for me. I used to say that I wasn’t going to get married unless I could have my dream wedding. And if you thought Donald & Melania spent a lot of money on their wedding, then you’ve definitely never seen the dream plans for mine!

But now, it’s different. I could care less about my dream wedding and instead just want to have a wedding. Honestly, I just want someone to want to marry me. I want to be proposed to, and I want to be stressed out by the minute details and I want to walk down the aisle to my teary-eyed future husband. And I don’t know why at all. It’s not like getting married would change much of anything for me, besides the fact that I’d be further in debt.

As it is, we’ve lived together long enough that I’m entitled to half of everything he owns and next year, we’ll have to file our taxes together. All that would change by getting married is that I’d have a piece of paper that said it and hopefully I’d have a ring. It’s not like marriage would change that much for us. But that doesn’t seem to be stopping the wrath of this fever, that has me doing nothing but thinking about it and dreaming about it.

Most of all, I think it’s so encompassing to me, because for so many years I’ve said that I won’t get married. I won’t buy into that institutuion. I don’t need a paper to validate my relationship and I don’t need to get married. So I’ve spent most of my life saying that I don’t want to get married, that it’s not important to me, that it’s not something I seriously want,  that now that I’m constantly thinking, I want to get married and it is important to me and that I’d like to get married before I’m 30 (only 5 years away…), it’s a little bit confusing. It’s like I’m questioning all my old thoughts and beliefs surrounding marriage and it seems like it’s kind of a waste.

First of all, I can’t really picture The Boyfriend proposing. It’s too much pressure for him. Plus, he’d probably be so worried that I’d say no that he’d chicken out. That, or it wouldn’t even be like proposing. It would be like in Sex and the City (The Movie), when Big and Carrie just sort of agree on getting married.”Well, should we get married?”, “I suppose, it kind of makes sense doesn’t it?”, “Okay, then we’re getting married!” and I’d be pissed about that. Because part of the fun of getting married is being asked!

Second of all, I can’t really picture us getting married soon after a proposal, if it even happened. We’d get engaged and then we’d stay in that state for the next 9 or 10 years. For whatever reason. And while I think it’s honorable for those who do it, I couldn’t imagine looking down at an engagement ring every single day, and knowing that my wedding day could be years off. I couldn’t stay happy in my relationship, knowing that we want to get married, but aren’t.

I just can’t really see it in my future. But, a part of me, wants it so bad. It’s a very confusing time for me… Just had to get that off of my chest!


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Need to Stop Staying Away


Don’t ask me why, but I’ve barely blogged at all, for so long! This time, only a couple years ago, I blogged every day for the entire month and now…

In the meantime…

I’ve discovered Pinterest, and have been pinning things like they’re going out of style. I probably spend about an hour a day (just for the last couple of days) searching the web for things to pin. It’s a little addicting! I don’t normally save a lot of picture-related things to the web, because it’s normally really hard to go back and view them and share them and remember why you saved a picture. Pinterest makes it super quick and super easy, so all I do is click a button on any website I’m viewing, it will give me some pictures to pick from, and wham! bam! thank you Ma’am!, I’m sharing tons of my favorite stuff.

So I thought that I’d share some of my pins with you:

Love the Look of Latex

All my favorite latex clothing from around the web. Adding more everyday…

   

See More…

And then I get a little bit girly after the cool clothes…

Hairstyles I Heart

Video tutorials from YouTube on various hairstyles, as well as other hair-related tidbits that may help me with my LONG hair!

I’m totally dying to do this one! Just need an occasion.

See More…

INSPIRED: Nail Polish Art

I’ve always loved to paint my nails, it’s the one girly thing I’ve done for years – next to shaving. This shows you some of the cool designs I’ve found, like:

   

I have a few more boards, which I’ve listed below. Be sure to check them out and if you’d like, I could invite you to Pinterest and we could share our boards. Just visit my contact page and let me know you’d like an invite.