The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

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Did I Tell You About Last Night?


Thanks to The Boyfriend’s birthday, it has been two really great nights of sex-having and I don’t think it will be our last – not for at least another two days. I always love having birthday sex, especially when it’s not my birthday, because somehow it just always feels better. Even when it was the same sex you had just the night before, add the anniversary of someone’s birth in there and things just seem hotter.

The only thing that has even slightly sucked at all about the two nights (okay, technically, they were both in the same day. But one was at like 3 AM on Sunday and the other was just before midnight of that same day – but I slept in between, so that’s a different day for me…) was the porn. Let me clarify. I love watching porn and for the most part, tend to really enjoy doing it during the foreplay stage of sex. I don’t need a lot to get me ready to go for sex, so the foreplay is more for The Boyfriend than it is for me.

However, I’m really starting to not like his taste in porn – and not because he has bad taste, but because everything he wants to watch makes me insanely jealous. And, if this were the me of 5 or 6-years ago, it would be jealousy because he’s getting so turned on by these women on the screen, but that’s not it at all. No, instead, I suffer with being jealous because I so desperately want the things that he really enjoys watching.

When it comes to porn, The Boyfriend is all for anything lesbian. If it’s got 2 girls in it, he’s game. He even prefers that, when we pick heterosexual porn, there be 1 guy and 2 girls (at least), because he really has a thing for watching lesbians. And trust me, I really do too. But immediately, the second he even suggests it, I just fill with a whiny type of jealousy that normally results in me playfully sobbing, “I want to do that!!!”. But what bugs me most, is not that I want to do that, but because when I whine it at him and then try to say something along the lines of, “You should let me do that!”, it’s just a conversation silencer. He immediately goes quiet and I swear, intentionally stays that way so that I won’t say anything else about it…

Rant over!

So anyways, we ended up coming across some incredibly sexy videos dealing with lesbians and double dildos (another thing that The Boyfriend has really gotten into recently). The first night, I don’t think we watched for long at all before beginning our serious playing – where penetrative sex is being had, but we’re not actually having sex, more like just teasing each other for prolonged lengths of time. The most memorable moment of the night was getting up to get a drink and being stopped mid-way to be bent over and pounded from behind, my hands on the floor near my feet. It felt good and he enjoyed the view.

The Boyfriend had one birthday wish, one that the mere thought of the wish coming true, completely ruined the chances of it ever happening. As I’ve probably said before, The Boyfriend enjoys anal quite a bit – not really sure why he enjoys it as much as he does, and he definitely doesn’t know either, but he does. I, on the other hand, really don’t care for anal sex. I grew up wanting to be a total anal whore, but now that I’ve tried anal sex my required three times, I just can’t seem to really enjoy it. There have been a few times but for the most part, if and when I do it, I’m totally just doing it to please him.

It came as no surprise that his birthday wish would be anal and before he even said it, I knew he was going to ask if I’d be down. I had mentally prepared myself to say yes and was intentionally trying to rough up the serious playing so that I’d be more likely to enjoy the discomfort anal sex brings me. Alas, as he whispered in my ear, “Can I?”, the entire thought of it proved to be just a little too much for his (to quote Sadopaeidia – the best book ever!) “John Thomas” and he ended up cumming right there and then. I had already had a short orgasm earlier on in the playing and was quite pleased when he asked me if I thought I could cum again while he went limp inside me – so hot!

The next day (although, refer to the point about this above, because it was technically still the same day), he was doing little things all day long to keep me quite ready for more. Like when he needed to use my soft clothes to wipe one of his games off and he gently rubs his fingertips up my legs, starting from my ankles and all the way up to my inner thigh or the gentle kisses he pampered my neck with as I sat on the computer blogging away. By the time we got into bed, all I could do was think about what we were going to do to each other.

We’d both been talking about 69’ing for some time and just never actually found ourselves doing it. But it had been a really long time since we last 69’ed, so I put my foot down and demanded some oral sex! Again the lesbian double dildo-type porn was put on and it didn’t take either one of us long to decide that we were ready to really begin getting it on. It had been so long that we were both a little awkward about it, as I expected. We couldn’t get comfortable, my pussy was up too high for his tongue to reach and my boobs kept getting in the way of me being comfortable on top of him, but eventually we got it all sorted out.

I could not get over how long he seemed to be and how difficult I was finding it to get most of him in my mouth. Usually, it doesn’t seem that hard. After our orgasms had finished, which beautifully happened at the exact same moment, I mentioned how long he seemed and it turned out that someone had spent some time shaving – not a lot, just a trim (because that’s how I like it). I was most pleased and feel asleep dreaming of trimmed pubic hair.

I am sincerely hoping that tonight will result in another sex-session, but for now, we’re just enjoying the peace and quiet of everyone’s bedtime 😉

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Caressing and Words


I don’t know what it is about talking during sex that I find so insanely sexy. I am currently under the opinion that he could say anything to me during sex, even something entirely unrelated and un-sexy, and it would still make me go wild! Maybe it’s more out of my desire to not ruin the moment than it is anything else, but I’m convinced it’s true.

We have definitely not been having enough sex. You can tell by how long many of my funks this past month have lasted. I mean, I went from having an orgasm everyday for two weeks (at least) last month and this month, we’ve had sex under a hand full of times. Between me and my attitude and him and his exhaustion, it just seems impossible to get it on. And even when we do, our bed is creaking horribly beneath us, so we’re both so worried the entire time that we’re going to wake something up. Especially if he’s on top!

Yesterday though, I was massively in a cuddle-to-show-my-appreciation type of mood. He’s been doing a lot for me lately and picking up slack as best as he can. Not only is he working his ass off at work, he comes home and helps with the kids and the cleaning and the food prep and not once do I get a sigh of resistance or bitching about how much more I could be helping. Instead, he does it like he enjoys it. I know if I were to ask him what he thinks or feels about it, he would respond by wrapping his arm around my neck, leaning his head atop mine and whispering something cheesy like, “I really enjoy taking care of you!”.

So, I was cuddly almost as soon as he walked in the door. We spent most of the night watching Star Trek, as I laid on his chest and caressed his body. Have I ever told you how much I absolutely love his body? From his head to his feet, there is something sexy at every single inch. His hair has the most delightful curls you’ve ever seen – perfect for getting fingers wrapped in. His eyebrows are perfectly shaped and arched around his enchanting eyes – caramel brown with these chunks of emerald green littered throughout. His skin is always smooth, even when he’s covered in a week’s worth of stubble. His shoulders and chest are strong and his muscles are evident without even touching, but to touch them… It’s a breathtaking experience.

I’m pretty particular about muscle because I really don’t like when a guy has a lot of them sticking out everywhere and if for one second their muscles bulge, I literally feel like throwing up. It just grosses me out. His though, his are perfect… The cuddling lasted forever and at last, he seemed to be getting excited by it. I playfully grabbed his balls and he shifted to give me more access. I gently stroked his cock and he sat up more. Grabbing my hair, he guided my lips to his member and I happily proceeded to tease him with my tongue. Again, we were in an angle that makes anything more than a couple inches impossible to do without accidentally getting him with my teeth, so this was purely teasing and not meant to get anybody off anywhere.

He moved down more and began slipping his fingers into my already wet slit. At this point, we’re half-spooning. He’s on his side, I’m on my back, one leg up around him, my foot resting on his ass. He gently penetrates me, just entering the very opening of my vag. I always love how this feels. He grabs the ankle of the leg that’s up around him and he pulls my leg up to his lips to kiss it. He begins at my ankle and kisses his way up to my knee before putting my leg up by my head and directly beside him to cuddle with my leg as he more roughly penetrated me. Both of us are always astounded by how flexible I still am, especially being that the only time we know that I’m that flexible is when he moves my body into these positions.

He begins circling my clit and whispers in my ear, “One night, I’m going to take you in the ass like this… One night, you’re going to beg me to fuck your little hole like this… You’ll beg, ‘Daddy, please put your huge cock in my tight little asshole’…” – and even though I wasn’t particularly into the idea of ever taking him in that way, the way he was saying it and in the moment, I was so turned on by it. He was pulling me in closer and closer to him and for a second, I thought he was just going to go for anal. I was pleased when instead he got on top of me.

The sex was incredible. I easily came the first time and we kept eye contact through my entire first orgasm. It absolutely heightened the experience for me and I thought it would be no time at all before he would cum. But he wasn’t ready yet, so he asked me to try for another orgasm. I frantically worked myself, not wanting to still be working on an orgasm after he came, because that typically results in him falling asleep and me masturbating by myself – something I’m not fond of doing when I have a boyfriend laying right next to me… I felt like I was on the verge of this second orgasm for the longest time and by my reactions, he was sure I was going to cum many times before I actually did.

The orgasm built itself up, until it felt like it was going to erupt out of me. My whole body was pulsing, my breath was incredibly erratic, and he looked incredible over me. He bent down and whispered for me to cum and the sound of his voice filled my head and I was lost in his words again. My body began to tense, starting at my toes and working it’s way up until I was frozen with the tension throughout my body. One final circle of my clit and I was cumming so hard that I couldn’t move at all. He filled me with his warmth at exactly the moment my orgasm began and my breathing was all over the place. I tried to grab at him but couldn’t make my hands work and he gently ran his fingers through my hair and held me close as I came down from my wicked orgasm.

Sleep came relatively easy. It was quite windy out which was really bugging me for some reason, so I tossed and turned for a bit. When he left for work this morning, I could hardly make myself wake up. Just absolutely exhausted.

This post is intended for adults 18+


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We Were Primal


It doesn’t happen often, especially now that we’ve been together this long, but sometimes the Boyfriend surprises me. First of all, I’ve been tracking my periods and our sexual activities with an app that I downloaded for my BlackBerry. Imagine my delight when I discovered that there have only been 3 days in the last 2 weeks where we didn’t have sex and on those days, I still orgasmed. That’s right. Orgasmed every day for two weeks 😉

Anyways, back to the surprise…

The Boyfriend spent most of yesterday and with a terrible headache. On one hand, we think he has a sinus infection and on the other, it looks like he got hit in the head – though neither of us can figure out when or why it would’ve happened. This headache has been an ongoing issue for him for quite sometime now. So I spent the day trying to nurse him better, cuddling lots and staying close to one another.

Carter was having a difficult time falling asleep last night and I thought for sure it was going to put a huge damper on all my hopes of sex, but The Boyfriend seemed almost determined. A little light bulb flashed on over my head. We put SpongeBob on for Carter and whipped out my BlackBerry for us to watch porn.

We picked a holiday-themed group sex video, one guy three girls, and had quite the long discussion about the stamina of these guys. “I couldn’t imagine having that much stimulation going on and not cumming over and over again, could you?”, to which he responded that he definitely didn’t think he could handle it. And while he may not be able to handle it, it obviously turned him on. We had only been watching for a few minutes and he was raging to go.

He was very into the oral sex happening between this guy and the three girls, which I was surprised by, because he normally doesn’t pay that much attention to it and definitely never mentions anything about it. But as the one girl stood over the man’s face and buried him in her pussy, The Boyfriend was all talk. “See, that’s how we should do it, that would be fun!”.

His hands were gently caressing my legs and every once and awhile, he would reach up and roughly handle my boobs – something that hasn’t happened in forever and a day. There were hands everywhere. His on me, in me, mine on him, around him. Then, he put his hand on my throat.

He was rough and gentle all at the same time and I kept whispering to him, “I don’t want to cum yet…”. He grabbed my throat and spread his fingers out, until his entire strong hand was covering my entire throat. He pushed down and slowly up, his fingers brushing across my chin softly, before grabbing my jaw an guiding my face to meet him in a passionate and frantic kiss.

Our holiday porn had ended and we decided to experiment with some hentai. I personally had never actually seen any. Pictures, yes. Video, no. It didn’t last long, mainly because we weren’t watching with the volume up, so couldn’t follow the apparently intense storyline. We’ll have to give it another try, another night. So, The Boyfriend suggested lesbian porn, as he always does.

This was by far our least favorite porn of the night. But there were a couple times that it opened up some sexy discussion between us. Mostly about my desires to be with a woman. Lots of “I want to do that!” coming from me. We even had a cheesy moment when I said, “You could watch, you just can’t touch. And even then, I’ve been fantasizing a lot lately about another girl sitting on your face while I ride your cock and her and I makeout.”, and while his cock jumped beneath my hand, he responded, “But you’re the only girl I want…”. Can I hear an AWWW!?!

We gave up on this particular porn after they just began repeating everything they had just done. For three girls, they weren’t very creative… Another lesbian porn was chosen, this one with some impact play. I couldn’t stay watching because it was making me too jealous. This girl gets her pussy cropped and I was almost in tears with jealousy. I just kept saying, “I want that, so bad!”. It was not long before he was keeping me distracted with cock.

He crawled on top of me. I was so beyond wet that penetration was simple and he easily went deep. I was frantically gasping, “You’re so big, so long!” and he whispered back, “Do you want more of me?”, as he pushed just a tiny bit deeper. I yelped, “There’s more?”, seriously thinking there was no way. Sure enough, he was able to get deeper and my hands clawed furiously at his back, through his hair.

By this point, every one of our inhibitions had completely disappeared. We were primal. I half-moaned, half-growled at him, “I want you to break my pussy with your huge cock!”. This whole concept, his huge cock and breaking my pussy, really got to us both and you could tell by the change in our demeanor. “Yeah, you want me to damage your pussy? Tell me you want me to smash your pussy with my monster cock!”. Breathlessly, I repeated his words as he pounded deep into me.

I grabbed onto his shoulders and forcefully pushed him off of me. “Suck my clit!”. Like a bee to honey, he hungrily devoured my pussy. I grabbed his hair and asked him if he enjoyed her sweet taste, and he moaned, sending vibrations throughout my body. I lifted my hips, inviting more and grabbed his head for rougher.

I got on top of him, playfully and slowly lowering myself until he was as deep as I could handle. My whole body was feeling the effects of how deeply and roughly he had already had me. He reached between my legs, and as I began bucking wildly, he worked my clit. I knew it wouldn’t take me long and as he asked if he could cum in my mouth, I erupted into a body-quaking orgasm. He said he couldn’t wait and instead of cumming in my mouth, filled my pussy with his warmth.

We both collapsed onto the bed, his head at one end, my head at the other, our legs and bodies still entwined. As his cock throbbed the last bit and began to go limp inside of me, I just had this feeling that if I didn’t cum again, I would be desperately craving him tomorrow.  I reached down and began playing with myself. At first, he tried to keep himself in me, but my pussy was not having any of that. As she pushed him out, he quickly replaced cock with fingers as I roughly worked my clit, now more than craving the second orgasm.

My whole body clenched as I soaked his hand in all of my juices. My nails dug into his legs and keeping quiet was just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done. My muscles were on fire and I could not catch my breath. It was almost a better orgasm than the first!

By this time, it was nearing two in the morning and we were both exhausted. He rested his hand on my leg and fell asleep and I did the same. It was so good!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Porn and Fisting


So, last night… Last night…

It started as soon as The Boyfriend got home from work. I had been trying to watch a movie on Netflix all day and could not get everyone quiet enough to be able to hear it. Luckily, bedtime wasn’t far away and I was able to finish “After Porn Ends”.

For a long time, as some of you are probably aware, I’ve wanted to do porn. Since the very first time I watched porn. I’ve also recently been propositioned by two different people who would be interested in helping me at least put a portfolio together, again something I’m incredibly interested in.

I’ve told The Boyfriend about my interests from the very beginning of our relationship, I’ve been honest and open about every proposition since they started. So last night, after spending all day messaging back and forth, asking tons of questions with my photographer friend, I said to The Boyfriend, “I really want to do porn!”, to which he hastily responded something along the lines of, “You can’t!”.

I spent the rest of the night in the most terrible funk and I have this feeling that it’s going to last awhile. First of all, I hate that we don’t have a conversation about this. It’s one sentence from each of us and in those sentences, there isn’t any room for negotiation. I hate that we can’t even hypothetically discuss boundaries and limitations and just our feelings about it in general.

I also hate that all these things that he knew I was interested in having as part of my life from the very beginning of our relationship, are being completely neglected because he makes the decision that they should be. I came into this relationship saying that I wanted to be in porn, that I wanted kink as a real and physical part of my life,that I wanted to leave the vanilla existence behind. I laid it all out for him and I’ve been flat out denied it all.

It makes me feel all sorts of negative things about him, about me, about our relationship. It makes me feel hopeless and disappointed and terribly sad. This is not what I signed up for. I did not sign up for never getting a spanking again, I did not sign up for having someone else dictate what I can and cannot do with my body, I did not sign up for constantly having my desires denied…

Part of me wants to tell him, “It’s my body, my life, my choice and you can either support me and what I want or you cannot – in which case, we have some important discussions to have and decisions to make.”. But that’s not the way I want to deal with it. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum…

I want him to open up his mind a little bit and actually put more than two seconds of thought into these decisions. I want him to actually be curious about my interests before just shutting them down. I want him to think about how his automatic no’s are affecting me and more than that, our relationship. I want us to actually talk about it all.

I spent all night making it known that I was not impressed, that I was upset. We watched another movie about porn and throughout the movie, I would make snarky comments about my desire to do these pictures, but nothing more was said on his part.

After the movie, we got ready for bed and I was completely taken aback when his hand traveled to my leg and began gently caressing it. He grabbed my legs and pulled them open, frantically working his hand around the treasures that lie within. Even though I was heartbroken and upset, I was not about to turn down sex…

His cock was raging and within seconds, his hand was utterly drenched in all my wetness. Slowly, he added another finger and another finger, until he had his entire hand inside of me. I thought it was so weird, because just the night before we had been talking about fisting and how much neither of us was really interested in it and here we were, a night later doing exactly that…

It reminded me so much of our first time trying anal. He kept checking in, “Are you okay?”, and his whole demeanor was gentle, caring, and absolutely sexy. He knelt down and worked his hand more and it felt intense, but then he introduced his tongue in the mix. My pussy was completely stuffed full and now my clit was being sucked and nibbled on and my entire body was shaking. He looked up at me and in this totally hot voice asked, “Can I put my finger in your tight little asshole?”.

Honestly, at this point I probably would’ve said yes to anything. I was so close to orgasm as it was. I was so wet that he was able to easily work his way around and once the hand in my vag and the finger in my ass were situated, he dove down and nestled his face back between my legs. I don’t think I’ve ever cum so fast. One suck on my clit and I was there.

He disengaged, which was the oddest sensation in the world before coming up to meet me face-to-face. I was so worried that after having all five fingers in there that I would just feel like a gaping hole, so was beyond surprised when only a few thrusts in, he was cumming hard.

So apparently, we don’t have such a problem with fisting…

This post is intended for adults 18+


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So Good We Napped


You know what sucks about running a blog for this long? There is a lot of stuff on it that’s sometimes hard to figure out how you want it to be organized and how you want it to look. Ah well… stuff happens!

The Boyfriend and I finally had sex last night. I had been really wanting it before we had our break-in. Actually, the night of the break-in, just before it happened, I was on top of The Boyfriend facing the TV and letting him rub me through my pants in the attempts of getting sex. Then of course, in the days following the break-in, we were both too nervous to actually have sex.

Finally, somehow our fears were put to rest and I got to orgasm a total of 3 times yesterday and we technically had sex twice!! Both times were absolutely beyond incredible and it marked a new one for both of us – having sex with a cast on. Surprisingly, it didn’t interrupt things as much as we were expecting, though a few times we both noticed it. He felt it more when he was on top and I felt it more when I was on top… Figure that one out 😉

After the kids had all fallen asleep last night, he snuggled up close behind me. I was wearing a very short skirt and he was easily able to caress my legs. I was shocked when he lifted the blanket, disappeared under it and began to lick my pussy from behind. He forcefully grabbed my ass and pushed my lips up to meet his. He really enjoyed eating me out in this position, I would even say more than any other position. At first, I felt awkward and uncomfortable, but then it just felt too good to care and soon I was cumming hard, which he happily cleaned up.

He swiftly penetrated me while I was still laying on my side and slowly we migrated to me laying on my back and him on top. I wrapped  my legs around him and not too sure how I did whatever I did next, but whatever it was it was amazing. Clenching the walls of my vagina around him until it felt like I had completely and literally encompassed him and then using my stomach muscles to pull myself off of him. All I know is that, from within my vagina, it felt incredible. It proved to feel incredible for him too, when he whispered to me, “You keep that up, I’m going to cum”. Needless to say, I didn’t stop… After he had cum, I stayed grinding on him until I came hard.

After we had a short nap (yes, we had a mini-nap the sex was so good!), we woke up and had something to eat before turning on the porn and doing it all over again. We had already agreed that I would be on top this time, so once the porn had been going for quite some time, I knelt down and laid hard kisses on his shaft. I only gave a few soft sucks before climbing on top of him and slowly letting him into my wetness. I wriggled this way and that until he was as deep as I could get him and we sat like that for a moment, just kissing and caressing one another.

I moved forward and slowly lifted my hips until he was almost completely out of me and then quickly slammed my hips down onto him. He bucked his hips beneath me and put his cast on my ass, the weight of it was most noticeable and actually kind of hot. I rocked back and forth on him and again he whispered, “You keep doing that and I’m going to cum”, so I kept “doing that” until he did cum. As he came, I quickly leaned back and began playing with my clit. I could feel his balls pulsing against my ass and as his cock began to go limp, my vagina felt incredibly full. It was only seconds before I was collapsing in an orgasm on top of him.

We turned off the porn, cuddled up close to one another and he was quickly fast asleep. I was awake for a little while longer, though that’s becoming a rather common occurrence. I woke up this morning and all I’ve been able to think about is oral sex…!


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Boy Trouble…


I woke up this morning feeling like today was going to be the crappiest day in the history of days. The Boyfriend had just finished up 3 days off, which was wonderful and not-so-wonderful all at the same time (more about that in a minute), Kaeidyn and Kenzie were up at the crack of dawn this morning fighting over games on the Xbox – which reminds me that we totally need to make a new rule apparently about not playing games before school…, and then I got a phone call from my Mom this morning about my brother, who sounds like he’s not doing that great.

So, I went back to bed. After The Boyfriend left for work and once the older kids were gone to school, Keirnan sat and watched TV while Carter and I dozed back off. I slept much later than I had anticipated, although judging by my more optimistic outlook on the day, I needed it. Then my Mom came over and we talked a bit about my brother. I’m sure I’ve written about this somewhere on the blog before, but a few years back Goober did some experimenting with drugs and those drugs had a very negative effect on him. About a year after the experimentation, Goober came home and was acting very strange and he just seemed to get stranger. Talking to himself, obsessing about the end of the world, staring creepily at people, refusing to get any sort of medical help for obvious medical problems, never sleeping, the list really goes on and on.

One night, he gets picked up by the cops who decide that he’s not in the right mental state and get him institutionalized. They (the doctors who were in charge of him, I guess) decide that he seems to have psychosis brought on by the drug use and there’s a chance that he could continue having this problem for a long time. But he gets better. Then, another year passes and he begins to get worse again. After Mom and I completely coerce him, he gets institutionalized again and gets on meds and seems to be doing better. He gets let out and fluctuates for a long time between good and bad until one day he seems completely fine. For the past few months, he’s seemed completely fine. He’s held a job for a long time, he’s stayed living in one place with the same roommates for a long time, everything seems to be going good.

Then, my Mom gets a call from his roommates letting us know that he’s been talking to himself a lot and generally creeping the roommates out and they want to know how to deal with it. Last anyone heard, Goober was up at the hospital. We only know that he wasn’t there today when Mom called the hospital and we haven’t been able to get a hold of anyone who is in direct contact with him. It’s hard during these times with my brother, for both my Mom and I, and it’s even harder to know how to support everyone in this situation. Right now, it’s just a waiting game to see what happens next – is this going to be an all-the-rest-of-winter type of glitch with my brother or is it just going to be for a few weeks? What’s caused the glitch this time and what’s it going to be like this time? Needless to say, I’m nervous about the first time he comes over here – which when he’s like this tends to happen a lot more than usual, but so far, I’ve heard nothing…

In other news, I kind of feel like The Boyfriend and I are going through a rough patch – though it’s totally not obvious or visible and I’m probably the only one who feels this way. Rough patch is also probably the wrong words to use. It’s more like a disconnect between us. I don’t feel like we are as connected as we once were. I know part of it is because he got a new game and that tends to result in a lot of time where he’s on the game or wanting to play the game and I’m off here on the computer, so there’s no actual physical connection between us during a lot of these times.

I don’t know what the other part of it is. I’ve been mostly feeling it in terms of sex lately. He’s been very uninterested in sex and even when he have it (which thankfully hasn’t lessened much), he seems less like he’s enjoying it and more like he’s doing it because he has to. Or the one that’s really pissing me off is the half-assedness surrounding my orgasm. Let’s look at a few of our last sessions…

Last night, he decides rather early on in the night that he wants head. Being that I’ve gotten eaten out twice in the last 2 weeks, there was only excitement for me surrounding giving him head. I had asked him to trim up the other night just because I wanted to give him head. So, when he whispered in my ear that he wanted to go to bed early so that I could suck him off, I was more than pleased. The head went well, except that we’ve decided we need a new position for it, because with me laying next to him and at the particular angle, he feels to thick for my mouth and my jaw gets crazy sore. He came fast and was really into it and it was generally great. Once he came, I was itching for an orgasm and I made that very clear.

At first, he reaches down and frantically begins circling my clit and playing in my wetness. Then, his hand stops moving, his eyes start closing and he has no interest in my orgasm. I give him a little shove and he tells me he’s not falling asleep and acts all interested for a second. I start getting into it and I’m moaning and suddenly his hand stops again. This went on forever, when I finally got frustrated, reached down myself and ignored whatever it was that he was doing beside me and just focused on my orgasm. And this kind of thing keeps happening.

The other night, he offers to eat me out. I’m all for it and get myself all comfy. He gets down there and very gently sucks on my clit. My body begins quaking and shivering and he lifts off and waits a few minutes before going back in. Then, he gets so gentle that I can hardly feel what he’s doing at all. I try to grab his hand to guide his fingers into me and he lays his hand down on the bed and doesn’t touch me at all. I get this limp, un-enthusiastic tongue, very gently lapping at the top of my clit – not even the most sensitive part. By the time that I finally cum, he’s gone completely limp and doesn’t care to change that.  Like he’s just so uninterested in it all.

I’ll never understand where the whole concept of guys being total horn dogs and women being these demure and frigid beings came from, because this is the third relationship now where I’m just realizing that it’s absolutely the opposite way around. I’m still crazy interested in the sex, I’m still always thinking about cock and it’s only on his mind as a type of chore or obligation… I’m beginning to get frustrated with it.

I just want to have where I wake up everyday and my guy can’t resist thinking about the great sex we had last night and how much he can’t wait to do it again. I want to feel like my vagina is actually desirable to someone. I miss the days of my wetness being something that immediately got him hard and I miss the days when we had sex multiple times a day and it never felt like the same sex. I want to feel like he really truly wants me and this body and this sex, and I’m not getting that at all…

This post is intended for adults 18+


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If I Could Have Anything for My Birthday…


I’m officially another year older – have been for about an hour now… I only know this, because everyone has been reminding me of it and constantly mentioning it. I would be just as happy forgetting altogether about my aging another year. I feel it, I don’t need to see it in a number. It was also the midnight release of the new Call of Duty game, which The Boyfriend had pre-ordered, so had been counting down to this day for weeks.

I hadn’t really considered that I wanted anything for my birthday until tonight. As an old kinky friend of mine messaged me a birthday greeting card, I suddenly flashed back to the days of munches and spankings. And it seriously floored me, my jaw instantly dropped, when the thought of a birthday spanking jumped into my mind. I have been fantasizing about spankings for so many days leading up to today, that I can’t believe it took a birthday e-greeting to put the thought of making a birthday wish for a spanking into my head!

For probably the last three days, I have been thinking non-stop about spankings. I’ve been reading a lot about spanking, The Boyfriend and I have been watching a lot of porn with spanking in it. And when I got that e-greeting, I just automatically jumped in to thinking about how I want my birthday spanking to go down. Ideally, to start out with, I wouldn’t have to ask for it.

I would love for him to sit down at the end of the bed and pull me down over his lap. I would love for him to be gentle with me at first, caressing my skin and gently tugging at my hair. The first few slaps would be just hard enough for me to feel them and he would be hard beneath me. He’d slap my ass a few times, and then he would rub his rough hands over my flesh and I would tremble beneath him.

He’d begin to work up to harder slaps, warming me up with his firm hands. He would stop every so often to rub my ass, or trace the length of my leg. He would reach his hand up into my hair and yank my head back, before laying down a succession of blows as I squirmed frantically beneath him. He would continue until my ass felt hot to the touch and was reddened quite nicely. Once my rear was to his liking, he’d slide his fingers into me and direct me to the floor. He’d instruct me to get into a position that would allow me to suck his cock while he smacked my ass.

He’d shove his cock deep into my mouth as he reached over to slap my flesh and I’d moan as best as I could. He’d reach his hand into my hair, grabbing as much of it as he could and he would pull me up to meet his lips before shoving me back down to his swollen member. Using my hair as a handle, he’d force me this way and that, until his cock was throbbing and pulsing. He’d pull me up until I was standing, turn me to face away from him and instruct me to bend over.

He’d slap my ass and remark about my glistening cunt and how naughty of a girl I am. He’d slide a finger across my wetness before diving in with his tongue to taste every sweet drop. He’d slap my pussy hard enough to make me flinch before swiftly penetrating me with his ample girth. I’d shriek as he pulled back and slammed into me again, before a hard hand landed on my bottom. As he thrust faster and faster, the slaps would fall harder and he would roughly grip at my flesh before raising his hand. My whole body would be twisting and turning and squirming.

He would pull out and cum all over the redness, instantly warming and cooling the burning, before nestling his face back between my legs and working me until I was cumming so hard it was dripping all over the floor. It would be divine ecstasy!! I would collapse onto him and he would gently caress my rear end and whisper all sorts of wonderful things to me – how much he loves me, how good I did, how proud of me he was, how much fun he had and I would be in total bliss.

That’s what I would have if I could have anything… But, since I can’t, I’ll just fantasize about it. At least I can demand an orgasm sans spanking…