The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Lots About Kaeidyn…


Parent/Teacher Conferences Tonight… I just know I’m going to hear something about all the school Keirnan has missed. We need to figure out what’s causing us all to be so sick so often, that way we can get Keirnan to school more often! Luckily, this cold isn’t being nearly as brutal as all the others. I think I’m on Day 5 now and except for a small scratch in my throat, I feel pretty okay. Unfortunately, and yes I’m blaming the cold, one of my teeth is now acting up and my mouth is killing me.

We need to all get in and see a dentist but right now it’s just not in the budget. So, I’m trying to apply for some assistance on that level but my Adobe Reader isn’t working for some reason, even though I just downloaded the newest version. I will try again later on today. I have a feeling that I’m going to get my teeth looked at and they’re going to say that all of them need to come out. That scares the crap out of me!

Really, what I’m noticing, is that we need to figure out a way to force ourselves to get healthier in general. I really need to get vitamins for the kids, we all need to start drinking milk (I can’t even remember the last time I had milk…) and we just need to start taking in more nutrients – because I think that’s part of the problem. Our bodies can’t function properly because they don’t have the power they need…

The Boyfriend took his cast off yesterday, so he finally has use of both his hands. Instead of going to the doctors, he spent a few hours with a pair of scissors or something and just cut the thing off himself. Don’t ask me why he didn’t just go to the doctors, I was half asleep for most of the day yesterday, fighting this hurting tooth pretty hard.

Got the kids report cards yesterday. They had actually come out awhile back, but the kids hadn’t been at school for the week because of their colds, so just got them yesterday. Both Kaeidyn and Kenzie are either doing excellent in every area or are meeting expectations. The only area that they both got “Needs developing” for was in self-assessment, which doesn’t surprise me – don’t we all! Kaeidyn’s the only one that’s getting actual grades, and right now is sitting at about a C average. This seems to be pretty typical of her. We can definitely tell she’s struggling more this year than last.

I think all the kids are and I blame it mostly on the fact that this school is teaching them completely differently than the last school. I mean, at Normandeau the big focus was on phonics. Learning to read and write by sounding it out. With Kaeidyn, this worked wonders. It was incredibly easy to help her with reading and writing. With Kenzie, they are doing sight-reading only, no phonics at all. It’s making it very hard to know how to support him in reading when I was taught and we taught Kaeidyn how to sound it out and with Kenzie, we can’t even go there. He’s not learning that.

Kaeidyn is even having an issue in math because they do the math so differently than she was taught. And don’t even get me started on how much I don’t understand her math, because they definitely never taught us how to do math like that when I was going to school. I often stare at her math homework, then give up and tell her to go ask The Boyfriend for help. Somehow, he tends to figure it all out. Really, he’s so good with them and their homework, helping them out with it. He’s so patient when helping Kenzie to read and him and Kaeidyn laugh a lot when they’re trying to do math and it’s always such a cute moment to watch. Not so much when I’m helping them with their homework. I get flustered and frustrated…

Yesterday, he’s helping Kaeidyn with a math question. It was a word question where she had to ultimately add 3 numbers to find out how many things total, were in a box of ornaments. She kept getting it wrong and couldn’t figure out where she was going wrong. Her and The Boyfriend are working on it when Kenzie starts bugging Kaeidyn that it should be easy. So she says, “Oh yeah, what’s 35 + 27 + 12?”. Kenzie pauses for a second and then responds, “Hard!”. My thoughts exactly 😉

We’re also having incredible issues with Kaeidyn about the break-in. She has only slept a few nights upstairs, otherwise she’s been down here sleeping with us. Last night, after really giving it a go upstairs, she came down frantically crying. I asked what she was so worried about and she starts going off about how she’s scared soldiers are going to break down our door and lock the kids in the basement, that they’re going to kill us all. Apparently it’s even been coming up at school a lot and she just seems overly stressed out and worried about it. We’re doing the best we know how to comfort and support her, but sometimes you just feel like you’re not doing enough. We just have to give her time.

So, that’s been these last few days. Lots more than I had originally thought I was going to write, so that’s good. Now to make it through these parent/teacher conferences!


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Reflections on a Year and Looking Into the Future


This year started off worse than it finished, and it’s had a wide range of ups and downs. I failed almost every single goal that I had set out to do in 2011. I didn’t blog more this year, I didn’t keep up with adding YouTube videos, I didn’t lose 30 pounds, I didn’t get my house or life clean or organized… In that respect, it was an epic fail.

But, I did catch up on all my bills, I did get my hot water turned back on, I did get my Mom paid for babysitting the kids and I got a raise at work. So for all the epic failure of this year, there has also been some really great accomplishments. This year has been one of great transitions and learning. Learning about what I want, who I am, what I expect and where I want to be.

Both The Boyfriend and I have had some big changes go on at work this year, which we’re still trying to decide if they’re for the best or the worst. I guess we’ll see what 2012 brings. For me, I changed offices, got a new boss, got a ton more responsiblity and started working longer hours. For The Boyfriend, he got a really big promotion with a significant raise, he’s had to adjust to a new boss, new responsibility and a schedule that is all over the place. It’s been interesting to say the least and I think we’re both looking forward to and dreading the new career possibilities.

Now, it’s 2012 and I want this year to be a great year from start to end. I want to complete all my goals, I want to get our lives organized and on track to some sort of destination, and I want us all to be happy. I have very high hopes that this year is our year. And also that the world doesn’t come to an end *crosses fingers*!

This year, unlike last year, I plan to seriously focus on losing some weight, becoming more healthy, and getting my house organized. Those are the top three goals. So, let’s talk about how I plan to achieve these goals.

  1. Wake Up Earlier

    There is no reason at all that I can’t wake up when The Boyfriend gets out of bed. If he can get up at 6:00 AM, then there is no excuse for me not getting up at that time too. It’s only an hour and a little bit before it’s my normal wake up time, and it would be a lot nicer to get out of bed and not have to rush around to get the 4 kids and I ready to leave the house.

    Waking up at 6 will also give me the additional time that if I want to add a workout in the morning, it wouldn’t be impossible. It would be really nice to go back to doing morning workouts like I did before my first boyfriend. It would also give me the time to make a healthy breakfast every morning, which brings us to…

  2. Eat Breakfast Every Day

    By far, this has got to be one of the hardest things in the world for me, next to drinking water… I have never really been a breakfast-type person. I normally don’t get hungry until right around 11:00 AM. But this needs to change for a variety of reasons. First of all, from a metabolic stand point, if I don’t eat breakfast, my body is just going to continue doing what it’s been doing since I had Carter. I’m not going to lose any weight by starving my body – even if I am doing it on an unconscious level! Even if it’s just a Pop-Tart or Nutrigrain bar as I’m walking out the door, any food is better than none.

  3. Drink More Water

    Currently, I hardly drink anything other than Sprite and coffee. I’ve tried adding water to my beverage list many times and normally fail miserably. I’ve never liked the taste of water and it gives me an icky feeling in my stomach. But, I’m almost sure that my body is full of all sorts of miserable toxins. The water will be good for ridding me of some of those. Also, it’s good for me on a whole, everyone says so. I don’t think it should be so hard to add more water. Which takes us to the first “cut back”…

  4. Cut Back on Sprite

    I really drink WAY too much Sprite. A 2L a day of pop isn’t healthy for anyone! It should be more of a treat than an everyday, multiple times a day occurrence.  I need to get over my addiction for pops in general. Before Sprite, it was Pepsi and that was for almost 7 years straight. Sprite’s only been about 3. That’s 10 years of my life that my biggest beverage consumption has been pop. It’s gross when you think about it…

    Last but not least:

  5. Clean Daily!

    I seriously don’t know why this one has been so hard for me to keep up with. It seems like every year, and every six months, and every 3 months, and everyday, I make this goal. I tell myself that I’m going to clean the next day, and when I don’t clean the next day, I promise myself the day after that, and it’s this never-ending vicious circle. I am happy to say that I’ve had ENOUGH!!

    My biggest goal of 2012, the number one thing that I want to accomplish, is getting my house to a state where I’m not embarrassed to have people over, and I’m not disgusted the second I walk in the door, and that I’m not stressing all day everyday about the messes of the house. I want my house clean and I want it organized.

    I know that this goal is probably going to take the longest and it’s going to be harder than losing 30 pounds. It means big changes for me, The Boyfriend and the kids and a lot of time teaching those changes to everyone. It’s going to be a big challenge, but it needs to be done. I’m sick of spending half of my morning searching for things that could easily be found if we just had a dedicated place to put it, and I’m sick of my floor being used a garbage can. I’m tired of cleaning things one day just to have them be right back where they were before I started cleaning. I’m just plain done with these messes.

    We have a few ideas of how we’re going to do this, though we’ll see how they work out. My first mission is to get the upstairs of the house clean and keep it that way. I want the dishes to be done every single day, the living room floor to be vacuumed every single night and all the garbage collected up and taken out – without fail – every day. No more procrastination, no more excuses. It gets done or this Mommy will be very angry!

There are many more goals, which I’m sure I’ll be posting over the next day or two. I know that the list is large where goals are concerned, but these 5 are a great place to start with. Have you set any goals for 2012? What are you hoping to achieve this year?