The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Moody McMooderson


Today, I have felt like I’m on a roller coaster ride with my emotions. I’m all over the place. I wake up this morning and I’m all happy-go-lucky, then I watch some YouTube and for some reason, begin to get extremely agitated. The kids came home from school and at first I was all in love, then I was all annoyed and then, as dinner finished baking, I was sentimental and playful.

We watched Raising Hope on Netflix (which is such a cute show and I can’t believe I missed it when we still had cable…) and I flopped from not being able to hear it well enough one moment, to laughing or tearing up the next (depending on the situation in the show). The older kids went to bed, so immediately I felt relief and if a sigh didn’t actually escape my lips, it definitely had glided out of my body.

So I decided, what a perfect time to whip out the piano and play me some tuneage. But then, Carter came up behind me and started reaching around my arms to get at the keys. Instead of letting this consume me with bitterness, I succumbed to it and let him play with me. We experimented with the sounds, we played some stuff together and I even let him play alone. After a good 45 minutes had went by, I decided I was done. It was my turn to play.

We got him into bed, happily cradling his bottle, and I sat down in front of the keyboard again. As I struck the first note, The Boyfriend grabbed his Xbox mic, slid it onto his head and began, “Hey, how are you?”. See, he’s started playing Modern Warfare online with some of his buddies from work. It keeps him incredibly entertained and if it didn’t make him feel so guilty always playing video games, I’d never see him again.

I’m used to this kind of behavior. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had would rather spend all his spare time playing video games or watching movies that I sincerely hate. The Boyfriend is the worst for this! His only hobby is his video games (oh, and sort of Nascar… That one’s way less annoying though!), so whenever he can he likes to get on there and now that he’s got friends who play, he insists on putting this mic on.

When I’m not playing piano, I think it’s cute. It doesn’t bother me since I’m not making any other noises than typing when he’s playing his games. I’m okay with his nerdy social life. So my emotions went crazy during the first few minutes of this. First I was just outright annoyed, then I was “okay” with it because I had decided that I was just going to suck at piano anyways, so what was the point. I went out to the kitchen and got myself a drink and refilled Carter’s bottle and decided that I was just going to play piano. Whatever if I sucked, whatever about The Boyfriend’s mic. It doesn’t affect his time on it when I’m playing and I’ve done it before so what’s the difference.

I sit in front of my keyboards all ready to conquer that stuff, and look up at the screen and just feel completely bored! Needless to say, I haven’t played piano, I’m moodier than I like to be, I’m missing a guitar like crazy and I want to work on my website but I feel to moody! ARGH!!!

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Thank You (SARCASM) Menses…


Well, so far, this holiday is not going as good as I had hoped it would. First of all, it’s appearantly period week. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I now experience PMS. I had some cramps my first period year, but I’ve never had PMS. I have been in the most bitchy mood ever and swinging in out of moods like crazy. And now that I’m actually in period week, it’s just being relentless.

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen The Boyfriend tiptoe this much around me, because I haven’t been bitchy like this in a really long time. Or at least, I feel like I’m being way bitchier. Needless to say, all the sex that I was hoping we would get to have this holiday, hasn’t happened at all. And while I’m trying not to let that get to me more than it is, it’s being incredibly difficult, which isn’t helping the bitchiness.

And while I know there are ways to work around blood during sex and while I know that The Boyfriend won’t freak out about it, it’s not like it would be the first time for us, I just don’t feel like it. I don’t want to have sex in the shower and I don’t want to get naked and I don’t want my blood to get anywhere and it’s pissing me off, just straight up!

I know I’m probably being overly graphic and I know you’re probably all cringing hoping this post will end sooner rather than later, but I’m just not in a very good state right now. I feel incredibly angry all the time, for no particular reason. I’m being bitchy towards everyone I love and it makes me feel terrible. And The Boyfriend goes back to work soon and I feel like I haven’t gotten to spend more than 2 seconds with him and absolutely none of it was intimate and that makes me all sorts of negative emotions.

This period can’t end fast enough…

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Does This Happen To You?!?


You know what bugs me? Not that it bugs me all the time, just that it’s bugging me right now. Every time that I have out-of-this-world, as I call it mind-boggling sex, I spend the next day or a few days afterwards feeling down and out and a little bit like I’m in a funk. I don’t know if other people experience this, but I definitely do and I definitely don’t like it!

I’m always reading about subdrop and how to avoid it and what to do about it. There are tons of articles on the web and I’m no expert in it, so I won’t bore you with what I hypothetically know about it. But from what I’ve read, it’s as if that’s what I experience after that really good sex. The sex that goes down in your relationship history book.

Normally, I just shrug it off as the after-loving-blues and carry on as if it’s nothing, but today’s blues are being relentless. I feel like I have a hangover, that’s more what it feels like. I’m down and out, I’m sorer than normal and I’m in a right bitchy mood for absolutely no reason. It’s like panic-mode-PMS. And it’s making me even more grumpy than I already am, and the fact that I’m grumpy with no logical reason is just making me sad.

And I wish I could figure out what it is that would take me out of this. I know I don’t want cuddles, and I don’t want massages, and I don’t want to get up and move around. I already walked to the store and that definitely did not help with my mood. I know of all the things that I don’t want but I can’t give you one thing that I do want to do. And I despise that!

Does anyone else experience this the day after having sex? Do you find that your mood is different and that you don’t like it? Or do you like the mood change? Or do you notice absolutely no difference the day after?

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Things I’ve Learnt About My Sexual Self


  • I get really moody after a few days of not having sex
  • I get a little paranoid the longer it is between sex sessions
    Example: I start believing The Boyfriend is cheating on me…
  • My emotional state prior to a sex session largely determines my emotional state immediately following the sex session
  • I really suck at staying mad at someone when they make sexual advances…
  • I am much more aware of my physical flaws during sex (and not just because they’re out in the open more, because I tend to keep a lot of my clothes on…)
  • I feel much younger the day after sex, even though my body aches more
  • The more I think I’m going to orgasm sooner, the longer it takes to actually reach orgasm. Whereas if I think that it’s going to take forever, it’s normally so fast that I almost regret it, because then sex is like a five minute deal…
  • And while five minutes totally rocks sometimes, it gives me no chance to loosen up to have a really great orgasm
  • I have a very hard time staying reasonably quiet during sex, and I have no idea if it’s affecting how good the sex is…
  • On average, I can last a whole two days before I start feeling like it’s been too long since I last had sex…
  • Porn and I have a very odd and complicated relationship…
There’s more, I just can’t think of any right now. Look forward to updates!!!