The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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The Best TV Shows on Netflix


Right before Christmas, my Mom helped us out in getting Netflix. We haven’t had cable in quite a long time because we decided it wasn’t worth the cost with how little TV we were actually watching, but buying movies every couple of weeks was getting to be pretty pricey too. Netflix was a really great option for us and now we couldn’t be happier that we have it.

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It’s Been a Long One…


Hey, look at that, I’m posting today like I said I would. What do you know!

Today has felt like an incredibly long day. Work was horrible, Carter’s been nothing but terrible and Kenzie had his first ever migraine… For some reason it was also a day filled with “I miss my Daddy”. I have a feeling that it has something to do with all the talk about breaking up and Dad’s that’s going on in Mad Men, which they’ve been watching on and off with us.

I seem to handle those moments with Kaeidyn and Keirnan okay. Keirnan is much easier than Kaeidyn, and Kaeidyn normally has a lot of questions that I don’t feel comfortable answering, but Kenzie has never said anything prior to today. Then he gets this vicious headache (I’ve never seen him in so much pain before, I felt completely helpless) and starts bawling that he wants his Daddy and I just felt horrible. Even though, I’m not the one that’s choosing whether or not their Dad is in their life, I’m just the one that’s setting out limitations and boundaries that can’t be respected.

I always wonder what it feels like for The Boyfriend when he hears the kids talk about their Dad. I wonder if he feels hurt at all that he puts so much time and effort into having some sort of relationship with them and all they want is their Dad and not him. Or I wonder if he feels bad that he stepped into these shoes. Or I wonder if he doesn’t feel anything, to him it’s not a “thing”. He doesn’t even think twice about it. Hmm, interesting conversation for us to one day have.

Work is being really rough lately. I’m having a hard time being the type of person I like being when I’m working and I hate that. But I’m angry about a lot of things. Today, it was mostly that everything that I’ve learnt in the last year of this job is now being completely changed or thrown out altogether to adjust to one person. There is an entire group of us that has a problem with one person and we’re being completely ignored and it seems like we’re the ones suffering the most because of the problems. I know it sounds very cryptic, but it’s hard to explain what exactly the problem is without going too much into detail.

Then I come home from work, to my messy house, and these darn kids lately. Carter can’t seem to sit still for one second and if he is sitting still, the entire time is made up of this overwhelmingly annoying cry. He’s constantly getting into stuff that he shouldn’t be able to, he spends most of the evening crying or screaming and it just really wears a person down. And quiet is a concept that he absolutely does not understand. I don’t remember the other kids being this terrible when they were two…

The older kids are still mostly doing their usual thing of talking back or not listening at all. Every time I think we’re making some headway, it all just blows up in my face. I’m trying really hard to limit the amount of times I raise my voice, because I think that’s just causing more problems than it’s solving. I yell a lot more than I would like to, and it’s not some outrageous yelling or anything, just a louder than needed No or Stop when necessary. I think what I’m going to try to start doing with all of them is more explaining about why they are in trouble and more sitting and thinking about it for them. We’ve tried the whole corner-time and timeout in your bedroom and getting toys taken away and none of that seems to really work. Or even worse, it will work for a couple days and then it will seem to explode!

It’s hard right now with them at the ages they are at. Kaeidyn thinks because she’s oldest, she can take care of everyone. Which results in a lot of comments from the peanut gallery when the others are being spoken to. Kenzie is totally the obvious middle child, always thinking that everyone else gets it better than him. I don’t know how many times I used that one of my Mom! And Keirnan, while honestly, I’m more than confused about Keirnan. I just can’t seem to figure this kid out. On one hand, he’s the quietest one of the bunch. He’s not very active, he likes to play by himself more often than not, and he doesn’t talk that much and when he does it’s normally just long enough to ask for something he wants. On the other hand, he’s bossy, he’s rough, he’s very stubborn, he’s particular.

I feel like I’ve been learning a lot about the kids the last few days, not that what I’m learning is helping me in anyway be a better parent, at this point anyways. I think I’ve been subconsciously noticing them more, little things about them. The way Kaeidyn brushes her hair or the way Kenzie is restless without even knowing he’s being it. The way Keirnan breathes so gently while he’s sleeping and the positions that Carter stops snoring in. Today was definitely a huge learning experience as I tried to make Kenzie’s headache go away and keep the other three kids quiet… Almost a complete impossibility!

My body has been in quite a bit of pain lately. I’ve been having this pain in my shin and my knees have been driving me up the wall. I’ve been complaining about my back a lot and I wake up every morning with a sore neck (and don’t say it’s my bed or my pillow, because I’m not sure that’s the case – maybe it has something to do with the way I’m sleeping, but I don’t think it’s my bed or my pillow!). The Boyfriend and I were joking the other night about my pain, because when I first started complaining of the knee pain, doctors chalked it up to Osgood-Schlatter Disease, a sports-related injury. And then my shin starts hurting and we start joking that maybe it’s shin splints. Wouldn’t that be hilarious if my lazy ass kept getting sports-related injuries? My body must think it’s working mighty hard, when it’s really not…

Well, I think that’s all I’ve got for today. Did your day feel long today too?


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Wastes is Kind of Harsh…


Well, I’ve already failed at one resolution for the year… I was planning on blogging everyday in January and here it is, the fourth day of the month, and I’m finally writing a post! I suck at resolutions, what can I say? I just haven’t been spending much time working on this blog lately.

First of all, I’ve been watching TONS of TV. On one hand, Netflix is freaking amazing and perfect for us being that we aren’t interested in getting cable. But on the other hand, it sure wastes a lot of time. Wastes is kind of harsh. But it takes up a lot of my time. Especially right now, because I’ve become very very interested in Mad Men.

I had never watched it all the time it was on TV. I caught one part of one episode and decided I didn’t want to watch anymore. But when I saw that Netflix had it, I decided I was going to watch it. The first and second season, I could’ve done without. But now I’m on the fourth season and I seriously can’t get enough of it. I get home about an hour before The Boyfriend does and I am literally itching to watch it by the time he gets home. Then we spend the next 4 hours doing nothing but watching Mad Men. I’m really truly loving it.

And then when I do get on the computer lately, my focus is 100% on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’m really looking forward to this upcoming year on the site, and I think if I can execute some of the ideas I have, it’s going to be that much more amazing! My number one goal on there this year is to get the site upgraded, with video uploading and chat rooms. I’ve also got some big ideas for making connections with my blogging idols, so I’m definitely excited about it.

We’ve also been doing quite a bit of cleaning lately, though you can hardly tell at all, which just totally bugs me. I spend a good two hours on the living room and it’s wiped up in only a few hours. Then it looks exactly like it did before. Just the other night, The Boyfriend and I finally tackled the bathroom and today, you can’t tell at all. The only thing that looks different is that there aren’t clothes all across the floor, which makes a difference, but not enough of one for me to care about it…

Well, I think that’s all I’ve got to say today unfortunately… Hopefully I will be back posting tomorrow. Cross your fingers for me 😉