The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Drunk for the First Time in Years


On the Saturday that just passed, my Mom took the kids for the majority of the day so that The Boyfriend and I could clean the house. It took us two days, but the living room has been rearranged and is, I’m very excited to say, clean! We’ve flipped it around, so everything that was once on the other side of the room is now on the opposite side, the floors have all been vacuumed like there’s no tomorrow, and absolutely everything has been wiped or washed. Now we just have a few rooms left to conquer but at least we’re making more serious progress than ever before!

Then Mom insisted that The Boyfriend and I take a night out and so, she lined up a babysitter, she took us to karaoke and she bought us our drinks. It was honestly one of the best nights we’ve had out in awhile and two days later, we’re still talking about how much fun we had with each other. I even wore my polka dot dress out in public and was showered with compliments, which was really fantastic and I almost forgot how much I like that 😉

I got to sing a total of four songs and I was more than excited when the karaoke hostess remembered me, even though I haven’t been to karaoke since before The Boyfriend and I got together almost 4 years ago (holy, we’ve only got like 2 months until we’re there…). I did my usual showtunes, All That Jazz and Cabaret. Only one tiny screw up on either of those, but I was having a great time and The Boyfriend and my Mom were the best cheerleaders in the world! Then, after I was right liquored, I did I’m Yours by Jason Mraz and Your Love in my Drug by Ke$ha. I even danced to another person singing Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Somehow, The Boyfriend and I managed to get more drunk than we’ve been in the last 4 years as well. A jug and a half shared between us, plus 3 bottles of beer each, by the time we were heading home, we were both stumbling and complaining about how drunk we felt. Though we were both made undeniably happy when we were able to go to McDonald’s at 2:30 in the morning. Never once did we consider how we might feel the next morning and somewhere along the line, I think I lost my wallet…

We got home and fell asleep immediately, just barely able to give each other a kiss goodnight. We had walked home from the bar which is only a few blocks away, but with being drunk, the walk knocked us right out. Less than 5 hours later, The Boyfriend was waking up with his first signs of a hangover. I think we didn’t sleep past 9:30 the next morning, because his hangover got increasingly worse. I felt fine and I think that made him jealous.

Then, we finished cleaning the living room. Really, he did most of the work and I just wiped stuff down and put things where they belonged. We kept commenting on how good of a cleaning team we made, because he’d take care of all the big stuff and I was like our detailer. He almost got slapped during the cleaning when we were moving the furniture. We’re about to move the entertainment stand, which is quite a big piece of furniture and he starts giving me instructions on where to hold and how to lift it. I snapped, “Boyfriend, I’ve moved furniture before, I know what I’m doing!!”. When we moved the computer desk, he kept his mouth shut.

Somewhere along the line, since Saturday, I hurt my legs or something. Every time I step down, I’m getting a searing pain in my calf. I can’t flex my foot without hurting my ankle and I’ve been limping around like a little old lady ever since. No idea what I did, no idea how to make it stop hurting, but today, I am most unhappy about it.

So, that was my weekend in 700 words, give or take. How was your weekend? Do anything out of the ordinary? Get anything accomplished? Share your weekend stories in the comments!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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The Second Coming


 

Does anyone else feel a wave of melancholy rush over them after insanely good sex? I do…

Last night was one of those nights that will go down in mine and The Boyfriend’s Best Sex History Book. One of those times that will be forever remembered and etched in our minds. A night that every other night will be compared to.

We normally have really amazing sex, but last night was so beyond amazing, so beyond the norm. It was a body-shaking, mind-boggling, heart-racing and incredibly romantic experience. I still can’t get the image of it all out of my head.

For the first time, in what feels like months and months, The Boyfriend was actually wanting sex. It wasn’t like what’s been happening most of the time lately, where I get so desperate for an orgasm, that I bug him for a few days and then after initiating, finally get some. He had gone to the store and when he got back, he sat down and asked, “Do you know where one of your black things are?” – This of course meant my slinky black slip. Unfortunately, that one is over at my Mom’s house, but I did have a silky black nightie thing and while it’s not the most flattering, it’s short and shows of my boobs. He had no complaints!

I wanted a neck massage really bad last night, and I’m really lucky to have a boyfriend who gives them to me very regularly and super easily. All I have to do is ask and I’ve never heard no. I’ve been desperately wanting to watch 9 1/2 Weeks with Mickey Rourke and Kim Bassinger, because I read a review that said it was good recently and while I had bought it a couple years ago, I never really hunkered down and watched it. We put it on once, but our intention was to play it in the background during sex. Last night, we actually watched it. Side note: The ending sucked for me!

I rubbed and caressed his legs and then we’d switch spots and he’d rub and caress mine. As the movie ended, I lowered my lips to his legs and begin kissing and licking my way up from his knees. He squirmed quite uncontrollably as I flicked my tongue behind his knee and bit gently on his inner thigh. He shorts became tighter and tighter and soon I was licking his hardness through his shorts.

I’ve always had a thing for pre-cum. It’s seriously one of those things that just automatically drives me wild with desire. It’s gotten to the point where the second I see it, I’m automatically soaking wet. Last night was the absolute best. He’s wearing these swimming shorts and as I’m licking through them, they begin getting wet in the perfect shape of his cock. I pull back and grab him as pre-cum inches out, and you can see it through his shorts as it bubbles above the fabric. So hot! It was no time before we were rushing downstairs to have sex.

We tried out a new position last night, really just a variation on our favorite position, man-on-top missionary. Normally, both my legs are up and either around his waist with my feet on his ass or up near my head, my feet near his shoulders. Last night, he lifted one leg while the other leg stayed flat on the bed. Then he straddled the flat leg. The penetration felt incredible. I was surprised at how deep he felt.

We were both frantic, grabbing wildly at each other’s bodies and his rhythm was impeccable. And man oh man, the talking! It was a constant stream of words and I can’t tell you how much I love to hear him talk during sex. Especially if he’s responding to the things I’m saying. As I’m moaning all my sweet nothings, he was moaning sweet nothings back and it’s enough to make a girl so wet!

He pulled out and I was sure he came, though he didn’t say anything. It looked and felt like it, but then he went back to hard fucking with a very rigid cock and I was so unsure if that was actually him cumming. After a few moments, I told him to sit back a little so that I could play with my clit while he pounded me. He sat back and forcefully grabbed my boob as he watched the other one bounce against the vigorous fucking. My entire body felt every single touch and every single breath and for the first time ever during sex with The Boyfriend, an I love you escaped my lips. It was quickly returned and said a few more times and it seemed like he got rougher and more intense.

By this point, I was beyond desperate for an orgasm. One hand was steadily circling my clit and the other was everywhere on his body. I said something about us having batteries, we could use one of our vibrators, but he was determined not to go anywhere. He says, “Don’t tell me to stop!” and it all becomes harder and faster. Then he pulls out and cums all over my stomach.

Nothing but oh my god’s after that. It was a first for both of us. The first time that he’s ever cum twice in one sex session and the first time that I’ve ever had a boyfriend cum twice in one sex session. We were both in total blissful ecstasy. It was probably the hottest sex we’ve ever had and if not the hottest, it sure as hell ranks up there pretty high.

He gets up to clean himself off and comes back to the bed where I’m still rubbing my clit. He grabs my inner thigh and ask him to kiss me. Every single muscle in my body was so tense and I was trembling in the most extreme desperation. It wasn’t long before I was having the most intense orgasm, working my ass off to contain any noises and trying to be so quiet. My body went from relaxed and enjoying the orgasm to completely tensed up, my knees up near my chest and my face buried in his neck. It seemed to go on forever and by the time I removed my fingers from my clit, my entire body felt like it was tingling and the most gentle of touches felt like they were rough and vigorous. He just held me through the whole thing.

The only bad part of the night was that somewhere along the line, he had made me bleed. There was blood all over the bed, my hands, our legs and his cock. I know that all that stuff is completely natural, but it always just makes me worry that he’s going to be so grossed out by it. And therefore completely turned off by it. If it wasn’t for my desperation to orgasm, I probably would’ve stopped the second I saw or heard about the blood because I let that worry cloud my pleasure. Last night, I did my best to ignore it.

After I was all cleaned up, I came back to bed and we laid there for another half hour or so talking about the great sex we had just had. Those moments always make me feel really good. We’re able to talk about the stuff that we really liked and the stuff that we would’ve changed. Last night was especially great being that we were talking about his first multiple orgasm and for the first time he got to experience what I experience, where every orgasm is different. He’s always saying that it feels essentially the same every time for him, but last night he says the first time felt like it was all about the build up and the second time felt like it was all about the release.

He comforted me about the bleeding and told me that it really doesn’t bother him. He wouldn’t say it turns him on, but it’s not a turn off. He said he loved when I told him I loved him and thought that was one of the hottest parts of the entire night, which was good because I thought for sure that he was going to say it was awkward or something. He told me how good I did at staying quiet and he pulled me in close for a really amazing cuddle. Best ending to sex ever!

For some reason though, after those really amazing sexual experiences, I feel an overwhelming sadness that seems to last into the next day. It’s not even a sadness that I can come close to explaining and there is no cause to it. I feel clingy and needy and like I need approval. I feel this incredibly intense vulnerability and frankly, it sucks. I fall asleep with this smile on my face, but I feel so melancholy. It’s very odd, but in a way, I really love the feeling. I wish I knew what it was that made it happen though and if other people have that too.

I will remember last night forever. What an incredible experience!