The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+


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PDF’s I’ve Read This Week…


I wouldn’t say that this is a common occurrence for me. I hardly ever look at PDF’s. Not because I don’t want to, I just don’t usually find too many of them. But for some reason, this week, I’ve stumbled across a great deal of them and have been reading my little heart out. And today, I’d love to share with you a few of the ones I’ve been looking over.

Raven’s Lair

The first bit of reading comes from Raven’s Lair. I’m surprised that I’ve never been to this site prior to this week, but I’m honestly really glad that I found it. I’m learning a lot from the two PDF’s I got from here. The first being the BDSM Interest Evaluation, which is much like other BDSM and fetish checklists that you may find around the web. There were a few things on this list that I thought would be nice to see on other lists.

The second PDF, which I’m still scouring for the best tips and tricks, is Crisis Intervention Training. I think a lot of folks who are newer to kink in general, forget that it is incredibly emotional, especially for the person submitting. It can be scary when you begin pushing limits and some of the play scenarios can trigger, as we learn in this PDF, “crisis situations”. While a big focus of this document is preventative measures that you can take to avoid these triggers, there is also a large portion focused on how to deal with these situations when/if you run into them.

Submissive Guide

Everyone knows that I’m a lover of Submissive Guide and have been for as long as I can remember… The site is a really great resource for anyone interested in submission and also for Dominant-types to really learn about the problems that face the modern-day sub. The site offers many quality eBooks, which are essentially extensions of the content you can already find on Submissive Guide, but are totally worth the read.

The first one I read is entitled “Wants and Needs” and walks you through the process of determining what it is you want as opposed to what it is you need from a D/s type of relationship. I love how interactive this particular document is, with the worksheets and exercises that really ask you to search yourself to become the best submissive you can possibly be, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

The second one I read is “Making Online Submission Work for You“. lunaKM’s relationship with her Master, was one of the first relationships I remember reading about where they met online and continued to an offline relationship. If I ever wanted to know anything about the world of online D/s, lunaKM is the resource I reach out to, because she really knows her stuff. And online relationships is something I’ve always been very curious about and incredibly skeptical of. Reading this eBook answers a lot of the really important questions that some may be having about online submission and also gives you some ideas for once you’ve taken it past that first conversation.

Guild of the Black Pearl

Now, don’t ask me too much about this next one here, because I’m still researching and can’t tell you very much. I just discovered this interesting (and kind of repetitive) gem yesterday. The Code d’Odalisque. I was researching “The History of the Dildo” for another post (my research is not going well…) and ran across this blog describing The Code d’Ode (as they say…) and switched from researching about dildos to researching about this “non-violent cockslave role-play”.

While I am not “required” or “forced” to do it, I would definitely consider myself a bit of a cockasseur, if you will. And, like the motto of your average Odalisque, J’adore le phallus! Almost every night before bed, you’ll find me with my hands all up in his junk, and while eventually I plan to switch into sexy mode and try to get him turned on, for the most part, I’m just admiring the package I’m playing with. I would, at the heart of it, say that I worship cock completely – even if I resent it a little bit. So, I was intrigued by this manual and determined to read it with an open mind.

I did and like I said, it was repetitive. A lot of the same stuff over and over again. It says that it’s meant to be written in a quasi-legal form, so that must be the purpose of the rambling. But I was most definitely interested in incorporating some of the ideas from this manual into my eventual (hopefully) kinky lifestyle.

So there’s the few PDF’s I’ve been reading this week. Do you ever read PDF’s? Which ones are your favorite and why?

This post is intended for adults 18+


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An Intro to Sexual Bucket Lists


Sexual Bucket List searches seem to bring some of the greatest traffic to The Rantings of a Tortured Mind. Some of the most popular search terms include “sexual to do list”, “sexual bucket list”, “sexual bucket list ideas” and “bdsm to do list”.

Today, I not only present you with a great strategy to create your own sexual bucket list, I’m also inviting you to check out my own new and improved sexual bucket list to help you generate ideas. Read on to learn more about sexual bucket lists.

What is a Sexual Bucket List?

The idea of creating a Bucket List, a list of things to do before you die or kick the bucket (hence, Bucket List), became increasingly popular after the release of Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson’s movie “The Bucket List”. The two men, both terminally ill, escape from a cancer ward to spend their final days on a mission to complete a wishlist of to do’s before they die.

Shortly after the release of the movie, the blogosphere became filled with bucket lists. You could read about people’s greatest wants and there are even a few blogs about bloggers who are working to complete their bucket list. Soon after, adult bloggers jumped on the bucket list bandwagon with their very own style of bucket list, the sexual bucket list.

Essentially, your sexual bucket list is a way for you to gather all your sexual desires into one spot. Everything you’ve ever wanted to do, secretly thought about, or want to experience more of, can be added to your sexual bucket list.

The sexual bucket list offers you the ability to evaluate, define, discover and process your sexual urges, desires and fantasies. One of my favorite things about a sexual bucket list is its ability to open the lines of communications between partners where fantasies and desires are concerned. Exchanging sexual bucket lists can result in interesting fun.

What does a Sexual Bucket List look like?

That’s really up to you! I personally, being an organization freak, enjoy making up headings for different categories, and using cute fonts and bullet lists. You can see my bucket list here. But that’s not the only way to make your sexual bucket list.

You could write out detailed descriptions of the sexual activities you’d like to have before you kick the bucket. You could just do a long list of the things you’d like to achieve. If you’re blogging and really want to have some impact, you could just do pictures of others doing things you want to do (of course, being careful not to infringe on any copyright laws) or you could dedicate an entire blog to writing up fantasies of the things that you’d like to do sexually.

What your sexual bucket list looks like, is completely up to you. You can write it on your blog, in a word processing program or Notepad, write it in a journal, or write it on a scrap of paper that you keep tucked in your nightstand drawer, or pants pocket (great if you’re known for checking things off your sexual bucket list).

What to include in your Sexual Bucket List?

Again, this is really up to you. What do you want to experience sexually that you haven’t already? Your sexual bucket list also doesn’t have to just include sex acts, but can also include erotic acts or even sexual enhancement acts. For instance, if you wanted to experience Tantric Sex, you could have as a sexual bucket list item, “Attend a Tantric Sex Class”. Or let’s say you wanted to experience what it was like to take an erotic photograph, you could have a sexual bucket list item, “Learn how to use camera lighting to soften nude photographs”. Hopefully, you see where I’m going with this. The list item doesn’t have to be directly sex, but can be an item that will enhance and assist you in defining and experiencing your sexuality.

There are literally thousands, if not millions, of different sex acts, fetishes and kinks in the world. We’ve listed just over 100 ideas alone. Which ones interest you? Which ones could you see yourself doing? Which ones are your fantasies? Which ones would you like to experience before you kick the bucket?

Why make a Sexual Bucket List?

Why not? There are a bunch of reasons why you should make a sexual bucket list and virtually no reasons why you shouldn’t. First off, it’s a great reference point for you to always have clearly defined limits and boundaries. It’s also wonderful for deciding what it is you really want for yourself sexually. We are all sexual beings, and we should embrace that.

A sexual bucket list can also be a tool for communication about your sexual wants and needs. Whether you’re sharing the actual list with your sex partner or using it as starting point for a verbal conversation, it takes the awkwardness out of talking about sex and fantasies.

In my opinion, defining your sexuality is key to comfort-ability in your sexuality. The more you know about who you are as a sexual being, the more you can enjoy having sex. The only way sex is going to be amazing for you, is if you clearly know what you like and what you don’t like. Once you’ve got that figured out, you’ll know where you want to go, sexually speaking. The sexual bucket list is your opportunity to explore and discover your deepest desires and darkest fantasies.

Why so morbid, Sexual Bucket List?

When I’m creating my own sexual bucket list, the thought of death never enters my brain. We all die, and I’m over it. Yes, the concept of a sexual bucket list is quite morbid, but the idea of it is quite exhilarating. And don’t worry, no one expects you to die if you complete all the items on your sexual bucket list!

I generally tend not to use the terms Sexual Bucket List, mostly because I don’t like the idea of putting sex and death together. I call my bucket list, my Sexual To Do List. You can call your sexual bucket list whatever you’d like to call it, you can even call it nothing at all.

Your sexual bucket list also doesn’t have to be a list about things you’re going to do before you can die. It can just be a list of things to do, period. And your sexual bucket list can change and evolve, just as your sexuality can. So don’t be afraid to go back and modify your list whenever it feels like you need to.

Conversation Starters

  • Have you created a sexual bucket list? What was the experience like for you? If you have a link to your sexual bucket list, please feel free to leave it in the comments.
  • What are your thoughts on sexual bucket lists? Do you think they are beneficial, or do you think they are a waste of time?
  • Who would you share your bucket list with? Friends, families, partners, anyone willing to read?
  • Have you checked anything off your own sexual bucket list? Share that with us in the comments.
  • What are some ideas for things to include in a sexual bucket list? Vanilla or kinky, I want your suggestions.
  • Is there anything about sexual bucket lists that you would like to learn more about?
  • Any other thoughts? Share them in the comments!