Today, I am feeling incredibly stressed out and it’s not because something from today has stressed me out. It’s totally about not looking forward to tomorrow. On Friday, I wasn’t feeling very good so I asked if I could go home early. Well then I was asked to call the big boss and ask first as she was planning on talking to me. Honestly, my heart was racing so fast that I only heard about half of what she said, but essentially they’re concerned that this job “isn’t working out for me”.
I know what has brought this about and I’m a little upset about it and having a hard time not being incredibly angry. I want to vent to the big boss at work and tell her about all the wrongdoings done to me, but I feel like I’ll just be wasting my breath. It’s all kind of hard to explain and half the time, I don’t even remember how it got this bad in the first place, but it’s not that the job isn’t working out for me…
The last time someone sat me down to talk to me about my performance at work, I got super-defensive. It didn’t help that it was a person that I was already having lots of problems with it. Now I’m super nervous that the big boss and I are going to sit down and I’m going to get super-defensive again, and I really hate that side of me. It’s just stressing me out a lot and I’m really not looking forward to work tomorrow. I have a feeling I’ll be walking out of the office crying and that just pisses me off!
Outside of the stress that I’m feeling, this weekend has been pretty good. It’s the first one in awhile that both The Boyfriend and I have off, so that automatically makes it a better weekend. I feel like we’re honeymooning this weekend. The first night, Friday, was a typical day for us. But yesterday was so different. The day seemed to go by in a blur and then at night, things slowed down so much.
We cuddled for a really long time, watched a movie about Marquis De Sade (Quills), which we both couldn’t decide whether we liked it or not and we had some freaking amazing crazy three-hour long sex. It was really windy last night, so he knew I would probably find it hard to fall asleep, and that meant I spent the whole night just completely engulfed by him. The kids let us sleep in this morning and when we woke up, we couldn’t stop cuddling and touching and telling each other we loved the other one. It’s just been really incredible and it feels damn good.
I was even able to get the kids and The Boyfriend cleaning today while I made my Mom’s famous Hashbrown Omelette. But I put my Dad’s twist of making in the oven in a cupcake pan. So freaking delicious. It’s been awhile since we’ve bought bacon for around the house, so needless to say that got eaten up right quick. I’m really impressed with how lazy I feel like we’ve been the last few days, how much housework has been getting done. The dishes are the biggest change. Last night, I didn’t feel like doing the dishes and The Boyfriend did them instead – the first time since we’ve lived together that he’s done more than just the dishes needed for a meal. Maybe that’s part of the reason for the honeymooning?!?
I was also made really happy last weekend when Alfie got me back a whole bunch of CD’s that his sister had stolen many moons ago. So I had a great night of reminiscing to all the bands that I used to love to listen to when I was 14 and of some of the bands that I’ve seen in my life. I was most happy to get Complete, a Spawner Records band that I’ve met multiple times and Darryl’s Grocery Bag, another smallish BC band that I had the honor of hosting a show they did. I miss those days of going to punk shows and skanking in the pit and mohawks and teenage angst… It was really nice to be able to look back on that, after so many years of not…
Well, I think that’s all I’ve got in the way of updates for the last few days. How’s your last few days been?