The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Lonely Journey


I have been sore… Really sore. It’s made me not want to leave my bed for days now. I’m also stressed… Really stressed. I’m stressed because I have the longest to-do list I think I’ve ever had and I have absolutely no idea where to start. I’ve gotta get my taxes done, get on The Boyfriend’s ass to get his taxes done, we’ve got a house that is perpetually dirty and even when I work my ass off on keeping it clean, can’t seem to keep it that way. We’ve got a lot of money-stuff to figure out, not necessarily because we’re hurting in that department, but because we don’t want to be hurting in that department a few months from now. Plus, these weekly appointments of ours are just causing me a lot of headache, so much planning around that every week…

I’m just stressing in general…

Not to mention the mound of work I’ve created for myself online and the amount of times that I’m too sore to get on the computer, it’s just a never-ending long list of things that have to get done and that seem to never get any closer to actually being done. It’s a headache and a half. I mean, I’m happier than I’ve ever been that all the work that I’ve been doing for the last long while is finally getting going somewhere, it feels like a great accomplishment. I’m even happy about the headache of going into this new “future” with all my online activities. It’s just a lot to deal with and it gets to the point of feeling overwhelming when it’s just little ole me and no support in real-time about this stuff.

Like for example, I go to brag online about reaching over 100 members in The Erotic Writers Community and people online are cheering me on, “Keep up the good work!”-style, then I go to my Mom and The Boyfriend and brag again, and both of them stare at me blankly and in monotonous tones drearily reply, “Oh, that’s great…”. I’ll never get over how isolating all my online activities are, because no one else seems to be interested… Did I even tell you about the conversation The Boyfriend and I had the other night?

He’s going off about how I need to finish reading one of his R.A. Salvatore books, since I started reading the series and now the next book that I have to read, he only has in this huge hardcover 3-volume thing. It’s way too heavy to read in the bathtub, the only place I really ever get around to reading. I roll my eyes at him, because he’s always pestering me to read these books even though he knows I’m not a huge fan of fantasy-novels. It’s different with R.A. Salvatore, because I’ve found the Drizzt stories to be incredible, but I’d rather read my books every once and awhile.

Then, later, he goes off about how I need to start playing this and this game, so that we could talk about it, compare scores, blah blah blah. Again, I roll my eyes and say to him, “It’s kind of dumb that I have to be interested in all the things that you’re interested in, and you don’t have to be interested in any of mine. How many times have I begged you to read The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty? When was the last time you even looked at my blog or my website? I don’t even recall you reading the story that I wrote and I made a whole damned blog around your story!!”, to which his response was to pout cutely and give me his “You’re making me feel guilty” face.

And prior to this conversation, I never really thought about how much that stuff bugged me, because it didn’t really seem relevant. It seems like such petty stuff to care about at all. But after this conversation (more like venting) and after his lack of real response, it’s just kind of sticking with me. And not that The Boyfriend isn’t more interested (even though when I do really think about it, it stings), but just that there’s no one that’s interested. And I know that there’s other people out there… Just not in my sphere I suppose.

I still just find it incredible that in the entire time that this blog has been going, The Boyfriend has never even visited the page. Never even looked at it. On one of my old blogs, apparently I wrote something that basically said I was unhappy with The Boyfriend (although, no matter how hard I try, I cannot find this entry at all). His sister, who used to read my blogs, told him about this post and he decided on that day that he would never read about the “mean things” I was writing about him. I still don’t know what post he thinks I was being mean to him in, because when I read back through all those posts, I don’t see it that way – but I guess that’s what happens when you’re the one writing and feeling and stuff…

Don’t get me wrong, The Boyfriend is incredibly supportive about all my online stuff. He’ll listen patiently as I ramble on about idea after idea and he leaves the computer wide open for me for whenever I get a jolt of online inspiration and need to be in front of the computer, he doesn’t mind when I’d rather blog than cuddle and he’s willing to put his hard earned money into all of my blogging adventures. He supports me entirely on this journey. But it’s still a lonely journey…

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Self-Promotional Babbling


I have so many online-type things that I have to get done today that it’s almost a little ridiculous. I stayed up late last night waiting on The Boyfriend to get home and during that time, sat on the computer clicking around without actually accomplishing anything. I literally have so much that I want to get done that I went to bed dreaming about it all and woke up this morning, earlier than both The Boyfriend and I had planned for me, because the thoughts of all the stuff that I want to get done were drowning out my ability to sleep.

I don’t know if anyone else here is as nutty as me, but I spent the entirety of last night dreaming about Google+… As you know, The Erotic Writers Group on Google+ has recently jumped over the 100 member mark and let me tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited. On Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, we are only able to have 50 members at a time and when I reached that the first time, I was more than thrilled. But 100!! That’s an awesomely epic number.

But I really want to use Google+ more and better. Right now, I’m really only active in this one community – even though I technically have 2 communities going and I think it’s 2 pages (for Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and Blog-A-Holic Designs), but I don’t update them enough. I also never write personal status updates, even though I would really enjoy doing so. I generally just want to use Google+ more, at least as often as I use Facebook. But even then, when it comes to computer-related things, my activity has dropped dramatically recently and I want that to change.

I also want to learn more about Google+ hangouts and had that on my brain non-stop last night. I mean yes, it would be fun to do a hangout for personal reasons, but for the most part, I’m thinking about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous stuff. And while I’ve done tons of research on things like broadcasting an online radio show or writing a script for YouTube videos and have a wad of tips and tricks stashed in my brain desperately waiting for use, I feel like it’s not Google+ specific enough and want to do a lot more research on it.

Question: Do you know of any good adult-themed Google+ hangouts? If so, share them in the comments, because I really want to see what other people are doing!

It’s incredible how long my list of things to do on the internet is, easily it’s way longer than my list of things to do in real life… It’s to the point where I’m stressing out about it, because it’s just so much stuff. One of the one’s that’s really bugging me is coding. Back when I first started this whole online venture, I spent some time and taught myself some HTML and some very basic CSS – just enough to get what I needed. It seemed to come pretty easy for me back then and I seemed to understand all of the information that was being hurled at me. And all that information stuck with me to the point where I can easily write HTML and it’s not a big deal for me.

But lately, as I’m back on the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous re-design again, I’ve been thinking about my need to upgrade my HTML and CSS knowledge – not only because I really want more of a visually appealing, beyond fully functional, easy-to-use website, but also because with HTML5 and CSS3 being the web standard of the future, I’d like my sites to include it. I also really want to wrap my head around things like JavaScript and jQuery, because some of the things that I really want to accomplish and add to my site can only be done with these things. Again, that stuff has to wait until the site is upgraded to use on it and at this point, I can’t be 100% sure when that’s going to happen.

The Boyfriend and I keep planning for it to happen during this time and time time and that time, but when the time actually rolls around, can’t afford it. I’m hoping after this little tax season here, that we’ll be able to do it easy peasy, but until then, I’ll just have to be patient and we all know how good I am at that…

Needless to say though, I have work to do, so I will catch you all later. Man oh man though, this list better start getting shorter soon…


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The Last Few Days


I have been meaning to come on here for days and write, because I’ve been craving it. It hasn’t been for lack of things to write about…

This week has been an incredibly crazy week filled with a large roller coaster ride of emotions that has just left me feeling plain exhausted. For the last two days, I’ve done nothing but lay in bed pouting and complaining about how sore my body is. There have been good moments and bad over the last few days, but I seem to be stuck in a rut when it comes to whatever feeling it is that I’ve been having that seems to come and go, well, for the last few days it’s been staying and holding tight with a deadly grip.

I wouldn’t say this is depression, because the feeling isn’t sad really. Then again, I’m sleeping a lot lately and I have a thousand and one reasons why depression would make sense. And maybe I am a little depressed and just in denial, but it’s not to this terrible point yet. I’m just beginning to notice that it’s beginning to affect me negatively and as I’ve said, these come and go in waves (as you’ll notice if you read back over the last few months), so I’m sure the tide is going to flow outwards again and I’ll be able to catch my breath.

So let’s talk about the last few days…

First, we started watching Dexter on Netflix. I really really love this show like crazy. We’ve even let the kids watch a few episodes and it is the most interested in a TV show we seem to be able to get them lately. Even got The Boyfriend hooked. But what I didn’t expect from this show was how much it would act as a major trigger for me. I kept thinking, “There should be a warning somewhere…”, because on multiple occasions  it has brought me back to places where terrible things have happened or terrible thoughts have occurred and I just wasn’t expecting it at all… For the most part, this is easy to deal with in the moment and I’m often over it shortly after the show ended, but some of the things seem to really be sticking in my mind and keeping the tide over my head.

Then, Kenzie and I have not been doing very well together. For some reason, he is in the stage of absolutely hating my guts and making it known at every possible turn. Obviously I know that he doesn’t actually hate my guts, but he insists on saying it to me every single day, multiple times a day. The one that is the hardest to deal with is the first thing in the morning one, which just turns my entire day to crap before it even gets started. There’s no worse way to start your day than to hear “I hate you” coming from your flesh and blood’s mouth.

We went through much the same thing with Kaeidyn, right around this age too, and for the life of me, I can’t remember how we dealt with it. I know that it didn’t last as long with Kaeidyn as it is with Kenzie and everything that we’ve attempted to do with Kenzie thus far has not worked at all. It all seems to add fuel to the fire and it’s been difficult. I often feel the least in control of my kids in that moment and like I’m never going to feel as if they respect me and all that I’ve done for them. Being over-dramatic I suppose…

The Boyfriend and I had program again this week, which goes as good as it always does. This was basically a review of the questionnaires that we filled out the last time we had went and basically to see where we stand based on our answers to all these questions. Oddly enough, on the depression test, The Boyfriend scored as more depressed than I was and it was the first time in my life that I scored as only mildly at risk for depression.  My favorite part of this whole entire appointment was when we were going over our Parenting Confidence and Satisfaction questionnaires, in which both The Boyfriend and I scored very high in our overall confidence but rather low on the satisfaction end of thing. Our worker asks, “Why do you think you got this result?” and The Boyfriend throws up his hands and goes, “This!”.

We both broke off to explain the “This!” as being more than just the program itself, but the whole parenting situation that we’ve been experiencing for the last few months, what with all the child services visits and the constant issues with the kids and the feeling of being so overwhelmed by this job. I pointed out that there was never any question about how good of parents we were, but how good of housekeepers we were and yet we had to go to parenting classes not housekeeping classes. We both vented and it felt really good and really nice. It’s also nice because our worker strongly believes in focusing on the positive, so we haven’t heard much negative at all about our parenting which is nice!

In other news entirely, we just jumped over the 100 member mark in The Erotic Writers Group Google+ Community. I’m spending as much of the rest of the night as The Boyfriend will let me catching up on all the stuff that I’ve missed out on over the last few days of my absence  from the computer. Hopefully I’ll be able to update you with more about all that fun stuff later. Well, I hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend and staying warm during this lovely “spring” snowstorm 😉


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Finally Catching Up On 1000+ Unread Posts


It’s a seriously daunting task whenever I “forget” to check in on my Google Reader for awhile and then go back and see some of the numbers next to my unread count amounting to large numbers. Like for instance, the 1000+ posts from Mashable that I haven’t read in my Google Reader (though I follow them on Facebook, so catch some of the posts while I’m checking that). And after every time that I spend some time away from the computer, I spend a lot of time catching up on everything… It takes a few days, but once it’s done, I find it rejuvenating and inspiring.

Let’s take a walk through some of the awesome posts I’ve missed in my absence:

  • From my Blogging & Social Media Folder

    The following posts are from some of my favorite blogs about Blogging, Social Media and Tech:

    • It’s Possible To Post To Facebook From The Afterlife
      Author: Justin Lafferty | Source: AllFacebook.com

      This kind of thing has been on mind a lot lately. I don’t want to just die and have nothing ever said to the one’s I really care about. I think being able to do it on Facebook is awesome, because who doesn’t use Facebook? However, I also think that it’s impersonal and a little creepy. I don’t want to go onto Facebook to constantly be reminded of my dead friends…

    • INFOGRAPHIC: Ways to Get More Shares on Facebook
      Author: Justin Lafferty | Source: AllFacebook.com

      I’m always a huge fan of infographics. I’m not sure what it is about them that I love so much, I just know that I really like getting my information in infographic form. This one offers up a couple of ways to get more shares on Facebook including posting at particular times of day and more frequently as well as using your authentic voice and captivating images. Good tips!

    • Why Google Glass Could Be Bad For Your Eyes
      Author: Samantha Murphy | Source: Mashable

      I think, even if Google Glass was bad for my eyes, I’d probably still want a pair…

    • Google Glass May Arrive for Consumers by End of Year
      Author: Emily Price | Source: Mashable

      Say what?!? By the end of the year?!? And really, considering what these things are supposed to be able to do, $1500 isn’t that outrageous. I want it!!

    • 10 Awesome Things That Happened At The Star Trek Reunion
      Author: AshleyRose Sullivan | Source: Mashable

      With all my recent musings about Star Trek, it’s no wonder that this is added to my list. I’ve kind of become really obsessed and have more than once searched the internet for both Brent Spiner (my most favorite character on the show) and Patrick Stewart (because how can you not love Jean-Luc Picard?!?). They all sound like an epic crew!

  • From My Favorites Folder

    The following posts are from bloggers who I can consider to be people I look up to and are typically bloggers that I’ve been following for years:

    • I’m Online
      Author: lunaKM | Source: lunaKM

      One thing that I love about the way that lunaKM writes is how she pulls you into her situation. While you may not be experiencing popularity from your blog, you can understand what she’s going through and how she’s talking about it. I love being pulled into her world!

    • Sex Addiction – Dr Jenn & Dr. Neil Cannon
      Author: Dr. Jenn | Source: Dr. Jenn’s Den

      In this episode of In The Den with Dr. Jenn, there is short discussion about sex addiction and the issues with labeling someone as a sex addict and how to deal with it if you feel you have it. I’ve often been curious about sex addiction and think that I would make a great sex therapist specializing in this matter.

    • The Hubba-Hubba Girl: Evelyn West, double bill
      Author: Gloria | Source: Gloria’s Oversexed Mind

      I absolutely loved the video in this post. It’s cute how she tells you where she got her clothes as she’s taking them off. I don’t where Gloria finds this stuff, but it’s pretty freaking spectacular. I’m sharing tons of her stuff over on the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tumblr blog!

    • Butt Bongo, the hipster version
      Author: Gloria | Source: Gloria’s Oversexed Mind

      Okay, this one is so good that I’m just reposting the entire video! You all know that I’m a fan of hand-drumming, based on my post This Should Be a Viral Video… IMHO, but this one is so so so so so much better than that! Now I just need to decide if I want to be the drummer or the drum…

I’ll leave it on that note, though there are a couple other really great posts, like this one from Submissive guide about boot-blacking or this one about prostate massage from a contributor to SexIs. There’s just too much good stuff to read! What’s your favorite post and why?


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No Closer to Getting It Done…


Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous - Free Social Networking for Adult Bloggers

Free Social Networking
For Adult Bloggers

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I have been absolutely consumed by the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous re-design these last few days, whenever I haven’t been trying to get up the motivation to do the cleaning…

Unfortunately, it’s not as much in the re-design as it is in the planning of the re-design at this point. First, I tried out TeamLab for working on my planning of this massive undertaking. There are things that I definitely appreciate about this app, but I just couldn’t get into the look or feel of it. I also hated that it’s just lil-old-me working on this project and this app has a huge section for community engagement, so that a company can stay connected with their employees. One day, my friend, one day…

So, I went on a day long hunt that has resulted in a more than one day experimentation with all these different apps. I went through the Chrome Web Store, which I try to do as little as possible, because this place is seriously addicting. People just go out and create these wicked things for you to use, like this really awesome tracker-thingy that I just installed, that literally lets me track everything. My food eaten, my sleep, my pain and my freaking period!! There’s even more awesome features, but I’ve only really tried out the tracking, and it’s only been for two days!

Anyways, back to the point…

Then I tried working with Teambox, but found it was a lot like TeamLab, so I moved on. There are tons of great project management apps out there and if you’re a business or a really big blog, then a lot of them are really great. But for just me – I don’t even know how to describe myself in this situation – I mainly just need a place to post all my great ideas (I say that with the utmost seriousness…) and keep track of what I’m doing. But I also desperately want to get fancy about it and be all professional and organized and treat it like my business baby.

Tonight, I’m experimenting with Podio. I haven’t gotten an iota of a step into actually planning anything to do with the site re-design, but instead have gotten lost in the fascination brought on by browsing the app market and then finding out that I can modify these apps and make them exactly what I need for what I’m doing.

Point of the story:
I’m overjoyed, but no closer to getting done what I need to get done…

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous News


Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous

It’s been awhile since I wrote a post about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the free social networking community for adult, lifestyle and sex bloggers that I run. When in reality, it’s all I’ve been working on lately, so it’s a surprise that I haven’t written anything here. I told some people at work about it and they laughed and said it’s hilarious. I took it pretty hard the first time, but now I just kind of laugh along. It’s hard to believe that I spend as much time on this thing as I do sometimes…. So, there’s been quite a bit new over there, let’s jump to it.

Newly Added Features

Recently, Spruz, the platform that Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is hosted on, underwent a pretty major update which included the ability to add the discussions and events features to the groups feature. So, we’ve made it so that every group can now host events and instead of using the old Topics, they can use the new Discussions – so far it’s working out really nicely.

We’ve also added the Blog Directory, though it’s really more of a link directory. You can post links to all your favorite blogs and websites and other users can comment on them, rate them and more! You can even check out what we’ve got added so far and comment and rate our links!

New on the Blog

I’ve been trying to write as much as physically possible on the blog lately. It’s a lot harder than you would think it is, but this is some of what’s new right now!

“When I created my personal sex bucket list on my blog The Rantings of a Tortured Mind about a year or so ago, I thought that kink was going to be possible. The Boyfriend was showing a lot of interest, it was all looking like that was the way it was going.

Now, a year later, it’s been about that long since I’ve had any kink in my life. The interest on his part has completely left and now I am definitely not getting my kink on! Needless to say, my bucket list has evolved with this same thing. Even though I’d still like to do those things one day, I’d like to keep it realistic enough that it’s not depressing.”

[READ MORE…]

Download our special report detailing 10 totally different ways to generate blog post ideas for your adult blog! These 10 activities are sure to get your creative juices flowing and help you come up with some of your greatest posts ever!”

[READ MORE…]

“Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous has been on Facebook for some time now. We’ve been rather slowly wading in the Facebook waters, especially as there have been some issues reported about “questionable content” on Facebook. But recently, we liked a bunch of a pages and our Facebook page has really picked up. So, here’s the 4 reasons you should become a Facebook fan!”

[READ MORE…]

Forum Discussions of Interest

The forums have kind of slowed down as we experiment with the new Discussions featured. Spruz has mentioned that one day the forums may go bye-bye, and we’ll have to use the Discussions feature, so we’re preparing. But until that happens, the forums will still be around, so here’s some of the best conversations happening now:

Groups of Greatness

Spruz Owner's Group on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Spruz Owner’s Group

If you run a social network on the Spruz platform, join this group for tips, tricks, advice and more!

Not Getting My Kink On... Group on Lifestyle Bloggers AnonymousNot Getting My Kink On…

The trials and tribulations of being a kinkster in a vanilla relationship.

Awesome Video

While there’s been a lot of really great videos added to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and you can always see more by checking us out on YouTube, here’s our most favorite right now. Laci Green of Sex+ gives us an education in vagina’s in 90 seconds!!

New Blog Launched

That’s right!! It’s been a long time coming, but we’ve finally launched our Tumblr blog, featuring the best sex, kink and blogging-related randomness from around the world wide web. We’re even giving you the ability to submit your own favorites and ask us questions about the above topics.

You’ll get pictures, quotes, videos and tons of links to our favorite stuff everywhere!! So be sure to stay tuned for updates and if you’re on Tumblr, be sure to follow us! Visit Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on Tumblr Today!

Now What…

So now, I’d like to invite you to head on over to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. If you’re a member, check out all the stuff that’s been added to the site and if you’re not a member, become one absolutely FREE today! Leave your comments here and let me know what you think about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. Thanks for reading!


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It’s not the Quantity, It’s the Quality!


A few weeks ago, I began writing a post about how my favorite rule about penis size also applied to social media efforts.

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