The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Better Feeling Day


I am feeling much better today than I did yesterday. First, I got to sleep in a little bit this morning, even though the kids were up shortly after The Boyfriend went to work. But they were relatively good and just watched TV for the most part. When I woke up, I was not in a pissy mood like I have been lately when I’m waking up. Normally, until I get at least a few smokes in me, I’m just overly grumpy, but this morning I seemed to be fine.

The kids and I watched some TV together and then I did a load of dishes before making them lunch. And I was really glad to have gotten that load of dishes out of the way, because now the kitchen is back to half decent and I feel so much better about it. After The Boyfriend got home, I told him he had to take all the garbage out, including the huge pile of pizza boxes that had been piling up. Boy does it ever feel good to get that garbage out of here and two more loads of dishes got done, so now I’m down to one more big bowl to clean and some silverware and then dishes will be done!

The kids were also better today than they’ve been in quite a long time and I felt like we had some really cute moments together, like when Kenzie was trying to spell The Boyfriend’s name or when Kaeidyn was explaining email spam to the boys. The boys also fought way less roughly than they have been lately today, so that made the day that much easier to do, being that no one was crying or bleeding or anything like that.

The Boyfriend’s also been really attentive to this funk that I’ve been in, even though when I’m really deep in it, I hate it and resent him for it – or something like that. I felt angry at him a lot over these last few days, and today, being woken up this morning to kisses before he left for work, just made me realize that I really do love him so much and that he has really been amazing during this whole thing, even if I couldn’t see it or recognize it while it was happening. He’s still not perfect but being that this is probably the first funk that I’ve had in quite a long while, he did a really great job and I thank him for that.

I’ve gotten quite a bit done today on the computer, including writing a few more chapters of The Brighton Tales, though you probably won’t see those for a little bit yet. I’m always amazed with this story how far off it is from anything I’ve ever actually fantasized about, but how much it turns me on when I read it. And I have to say that for a woman whose never had much experience with gay sex, I write it pretty darn good, but that’s just my two cents worth. But I’m very impressed that I finally wrote more, since it’s been on my To Do List for so freaking long!

Other than that, my day has been mostly boring, but good nonetheless. How was your day?


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My Day Zero Project – To Do: Clean the Kitchen


Another one of those things that has been on my to do list for WAY too long. While I make small strides towards this goal every week, it never gets anywhere closer to getting done. I’d like to change that.

I would really love to pull all the appliances out and clean behind them. I want to scrub the walls behind the stove and scour the floor beneath the fridge. Then I want to clean inside the appliances. I see this being a total gong show!

My oven is going to be the worst. That thing is so disgusting, and I’ve never had the opportunity to clean it out in my 3+ years of living here. It desperately longs to have a good clean. I want that oven to shine as if my old oven were new.

I want to pull all of the dishes and crap out of all the drawers and cupboards and completely clean those up and out. All the junk and stuff we don’t use at all (like martini ice strainers?!?) can be given away or thrown out. I’d like to pare down to what we actually use and then start saving up to buy myself things that I really really want, like a stand up mixer or a waffle iron.

I’d like to get all of the dishes completely cleaned and done. While I do dishes almost every night, there are always some left over in the sink or one that we didn’t know about out in the living room or some other thing like that. I’d like to have every single dish in my house completely cleaned and preferably put away.

I’d love to scrub all the walls down and get the table and chairs so clean that they shine. I’d like to get all the worst stains off the kitchen floor and I’d love to get this black shelf thing that we have out there, either thrown out or cleaned up so that we can use it for something.

Then, I’d like to keep the kitchen cleaned and organized. Make it a welcoming place for me to cook our family meals in, instead of a hostile environment that I tend to avoid like the plague. I’d like to get it set up enough that if one day I felt like baking with the kids, we could without having to dedicate 2 or 3 hours to cleaning up beforehand…

Ah, to have a clean kitchen. That’ll be the day! You can check out my clean and organize the kitchen task here and see the rest of my Day Zero Project tasks here.