The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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I Feel S**tty, Oh So S**tty…


Today, I am feeling like a shitty person. Just all around like every move I make is the wrong one. I woke up this morning with the kids to get them ready for school. I felt like I could’ve stayed up, but The Boyfriend was home and looked so comfy and warm that I crawled in next to him and proceeded to sleep half the day away…

Waking up by this point was easy, but my desire to do anything has been gone all day. I got none of the cleaning done that I had hoped to do today and I’ve felt overly stressed out for no apparent reason. Then, Kaeidyn and Kenzie came home from school.

Immediately, all the kids are out of control. It feels like every second someone is getting in trouble. After everyone’s fed, The Boyfriend and I finally get beyond annoyed with not being listened to and send Kenzie and Keirnan upstairs for an early bedtime. I am consumed with guilt because they’ve been so terrible that they are now missing their Christmas concert. They were warned that if they kept it up they wouldn’t be going…

Alas, I still feel like the worst mom in the world. Because really, I didn’t want to go in the first place and I’m halfway grateful that the boys were so rotten… It saves me from having to do something I was dreading and isn’t that just horrible?…

So now, I’m sitting here desperately trying to keep myself from thinking too much about anything because I just feel like everything I do is crappy… I suck and I hate thinking about that…

In other, completely unrelated news, I got the most interesting request today. A message on FetLife about my past erotica writing and this person that I’m chatting with asks if I would write a story with them in it. I had never even considered this as an option but now that it’s been presented to me, I’m incredibly intrigued and think I might give it a serious go. Should be interesting!

Well, back to keeping my mind occupied…


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Merry Christmas Eve!!


It’s officially that time of the year again! Except this year, all the kids will be with me and The Boyfriend and that’s very exciting for me. We went a little bit overboard with the gift buying this year, though we didn’t realize this until we were sitting up until 3 AM last night wrapping presents.

We’re going over the my Mom’s tonight and spending the night to be able to open presents in the morning with my kids and my sister’s kids. It’s going to be a very crowded and probably mostly uncomfortable night, but it will most likely bring back memories of Christmas past. I’m hoping for the best!  I’m excited about getting to see my sister, and the kids are excited about getting to see their cousins. It’s too bad we don’t get to see them more…

So, wrapping presents was a total gong show! I wouldn’t say I’m the worst Christmas present wrapper in the world, but it’s definitely very frustrating. The entire time, I kept telling The Boyfriend, “Don’t think this is any reflection on my creative ability!”, because it seemed to just get harder and harder. Especially with all the odd shaped gifts we got this year, from a sort of octagonal shaped looking thing, to a completely round gift, let me tell you this, it was NOT easy! On multiple occasions, I was more than ready to throw in the towel. But, it’s all done now. I think by the time we had finished, we had wrapped 18 or some odd gifts!

The kids better be darn grateful is all I can say about that! This is going to be by far one of the best year for presents for them, they better appreciate it. Especially being that they haven’t been that appreciative of much at all this year. All night last night, I just kept thinking they didn’t deserve to be so spoiled when they haven’t been very well behaved lately. But I don’t think that’s the Christmas spirit… Too bad!

We went to the kids Christmas concert the other night, and that was a rather interesting experience. This year, they held it at a church, which I had a lot of issues with. I was so nervous about going into a church after 10ish years of not being a church. Not sure why I was nervous, but almost as soon as we pulled into the parking lot I felt incredibly nauseous. I got over it once the concert started, and hardly even noticed we were in church. I’m waiting for my Mom to send me the videos and pictures of that one, and then you bet your butt, I’ll be showing off!

We had our Christmas lunch at work on Thursday and that was awesome. It was very spur of the moment, and we ended up having Chinese food, which I really wasn’t excited about. It ended up being a much better experience than I had expected. First of all, I didn’t hate Chinese food. The smell was a little much, but I really liked the dough on the chicken balls and I love broccoli and beef. Other than that, I didn’t really try much. We did a little gift exchange where we re-gifted things we already had and then wrote hints on the cards, drew numbers for a plastic container and then one-by-one picked gifts. I landed me a pretty sweet picture of Marilyn Monroe, which I thought was pretty wicked! And now I finally have something to put up in my bathroom!!

Other than that, my week has been filled with Netflix watching (again, thanks to my Mom) and listening to The Wailin’ Jennys, who I’ve officially decided I love more than anything! I’ve even decided on the song I want playing at my funeral… But that’s for another post. I’ve been watching a heck of a lot of Mad Men lately, and so far I’m really loving it, though I kind of knew I would. I think I’m on Season 2 right now. I just started watching Huff and am impatiently awaiting Season 3 of The Big C – which is an absolutely epic show! I haven’t seen season finale’s done that good since ER!!

Well, I think that’s pretty much all I’ve got for today. Check back on the 1st for my New Year’s Resolutions and you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and absolutely Happy Holidays! From my family to yours!