The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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The Older Sister/Younger Brother Fight


Something is up with Kenzie and Kaeidyn. No idea for sure exactly what just yet, but something for sure. Maybe it’s too much time together, since they walk to school alone together most mornings. But these last 2 days have been total hell with the two of them. They’re constantly arguing with each other or comparing each other (all, ‘Anything you can do, I can do better!”), Kenzie’s almost always in tears about whatever happens between the two of them and Kaeidyn is always on the absolute defensive.

Here I am, stuck in the middle, waving a white flag and screaming on the inside, “I surrender, I surrender!”.

I have absolutely no idea how to handle this. Today, as they burst through the door, almost immediately they started telling the tale of what happened on the walk home. Kenzie started and then Kaeidyn burst through the door, “No, it actually happened like…” and the second she said the first word, Kenzie began crying “No, that’s not” and she yelled, “Yes” and he yelled, “No!” and I yelled, “STOP!”

I called Kenzie to me and took him in my arms. I looked at Kaeidyn and told her to go make after school snacks while I dealt with Kenzie. She did, but insisted on inserting her two cents every time she disagreed with Kenzie. At first, I was mainly just trying to calm him down, not actually trying to get much detail from him. Then, when Kenzie was calm he went out to the kitchen to help Kaeidyn and she hurt him. They hadn’t been home for 5 minutes…

I immediately went out there and told her to stop making the food and talk to me for a second. “Why are you being like this towards Kenzie?” and she begins crying out her side of what happened on the walk home. “He kept telling me which way to go home and he wouldn’t listen to me, and that got me really upset at him, and I don’t like getting upset like that and then he starts crying, so I try to be nice to him and he just keeps saying no!” and through this whole thing she’s blubbering and shaking and turning the crimson color of her shirt. What do I say to that?!? She knows what the issue is, I have no idea how to solve it, so I went to talk to Kenzie.

He tells the story much calmer and almost exactly the same way, but reveals a detail that she’s conveniently left out. The whole situation started over her telling him that she was worried they were going to get lost, because it was the first day that they walked home from school (even though it’s the exact same way they walk to school), but he wasn’t concerned because he remembered the way. When he told her this, she continued on to tell him that they should turn around and go back to the school and call me to come pick them up. Let the argument previously described commence!

Kaeidyn

Kenzie

While I know that the problem is solved by picking them up from school and I know that’s what I’ll be doing the next half day, because on full days I go pick them up anyways because Keirnan can’t leave without a parent. But, it’s not just this argument. They’ve been this way towards each other for days now. Kaeidyn has never been worried about getting lost, even when I was worried that she would. Kenzie’s behavior is really no surprise but Kaeidyn’s is so out of whack for her. She’s not normally one to hit her brothers unless it’s in a playful way. Something’s up with that little girl.

And I have absolutely no idea how to figure out what’s going on with her, no idea how to help her through whatever it is, no idea how to deal with her bursts and tantrums and I’m absolutely confuddled by her attitude. I’m very lost…


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Getting Crazy


I think a stress that we haven’t fully realized is beginning to consume both The Boyfriend and I. It wasn’t apparent to me, until last night when a minor storm rolled over the house and I began seriously freaking out. Not just my normal regular “I’m-scared-of-these-storms” freaking out, but to the point that I, as I was cleaning the window to better be able to see the clouds, began bawling my eyes out. I could not seem to break the pending panic attack, no matter how hard I tried.

The Boyfriend did a wonderful job of staying extra calm and saying as many calming things as he could come up with. Not that anything he was doing was working the way he had hoped it would, but he was patient and relaxed and over the next two hours the storm passed by and everything was clear and I was finally calmed.

But then, The Boyfriend came home from work today, unusually stressed out. He normally comes home flustered from crap at work, but after you let him vent about it for about 45 minutes, he usually is less stressed. Not today. He has been, apparently, stressing pretty hard about money. I think that he thinks that I’m not paying as much attention as I am on the money. I proved him wrong and eased his worries there, thank goodness!

I’ve never, in the 4 years that I’ve been with him, seen him stress about money. Honestly though, I think it’s a whole bunch of different kinds of stress and he’s just focused in on the money right now. But I think it’s this move. I think he feels unprepared and I think he really hates that. Of course, I’m just piecing this together from what I know of him since it will probably take him another week or two to figure out what’s bothering him. Once we get right close to the move date.

He’s also majorly stressed out by work right now. He’s not looking forward to his training while he’s got so many things already on the go at the job. He just started a new initiative with his crew and he’s having to leave for 5 days. That frustrates him a lot. He’s also pretty concerned about leaving me here for 5 days alone with the kids, being that they have been a handful and a half lately.

Yesterday seemed like the longest day of my life and about an hour before The Boyfriend got home from work, I broke down in tears because I was so upset by them. They are all at such unmanageable ages when you stick them all together. I’ve got Carter, who is learning every bad habit his older siblings are teaching him, while at the same time just learning how to really talk. So, what we end up with is a full-of-attitude back talker. I don’t know how many times I’ll give him heck for something and he’ll sternly turn back to me and exclaim a solid, “No!”.

Kaeidyn and I are constantly clashing heads about everything. I woke up the other morning to her arguing with me about whether or not the nail polish she had found was actually hers or mine. Today, I had to give her a huge long lecture about respect and accountability. Try explaining that one to a stubborn 7-year-old… I walked away from that conversation with a headache and feeling like she hadn’t heard a single word that I said. And sometimes I wonder if she ever hears me or if she never will. My Mom had cursed me with my first-born being exactly like I was growing up, and if 7-year-old Kaeidyn is already like 13-year-old me, I am absolutely screwed!

Kenzie has been getting very rough lately, to the point where we’re almost worried about it. He doesn’t seem to notice at all how strong he is and it’s resulting in a lot of hurt people and broken house. From the window breaking, extreme rough housing and payback hitting. If Keirnan does something to him, that in anyway Kenzie doesn’t like, Keirnan will get a hard hit from his bigger brother. It’s mean and unnecessary and we’re just trying to figure out how to manage it. Today seemed to be a bit better, so we’ll just have to see what is going to go down.

Needless to say, we’re frustrated, stressed and exhausted and I don’t even think either of us have come to really realize it yet. I imagine that the 5 days that he’s gone are going to be an extreme test. All I can say is, there better not be any storms for those 5 days…