The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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No Closer to Getting It Done…


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I have been absolutely consumed by the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous re-design these last few days, whenever I haven’t been trying to get up the motivation to do the cleaning…

Unfortunately, it’s not as much in the re-design as it is in the planning of the re-design at this point. First, I tried out TeamLab for working on my planning of this massive undertaking. There are things that I definitely appreciate about this app, but I just couldn’t get into the look or feel of it. I also hated that it’s just lil-old-me working on this project and this app has a huge section for community engagement, so that a company can stay connected with their employees. One day, my friend, one day…

So, I went on a day long hunt that has resulted in a more than one day experimentation with all these different apps. I went through the Chrome Web Store, which I try to do as little as possible, because this place is seriously addicting. People just go out and create these wicked things for you to use, like this really awesome tracker-thingy that I just installed, that literally lets me track everything. My food eaten, my sleep, my pain and my freaking period!! There’s even more awesome features, but I’ve only really tried out the tracking, and it’s only been for two days!

Anyways, back to the point…

Then I tried working with Teambox, but found it was a lot like TeamLab, so I moved on. There are tons of great project management apps out there and if you’re a business or a really big blog, then a lot of them are really great. But for just me – I don’t even know how to describe myself in this situation – I mainly just need a place to post all my great ideas (I say that with the utmost seriousness…) and keep track of what I’m doing. But I also desperately want to get fancy about it and be all professional and organized and treat it like my business baby.

Tonight, I’m experimenting with Podio. I haven’t gotten an iota of a step into actually planning anything to do with the site re-design, but instead have gotten lost in the fascination brought on by browsing the app market and then finding out that I can modify these apps and make them exactly what I need for what I’m doing.

Point of the story:
I’m overjoyed, but no closer to getting done what I need to get done…

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous


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Design Woes: A Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tale


I’m doing it again… I don’t know why I punish myself like this and I wonder how many other bloggers/web designers have this problem. I can never just leave well enough alone and I always want better. It’s like the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side type of issue but all about the design of your website.

I’m not talking about this blog, although I’ve already begun falling out of love with the design of it, but I’m talking about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’ve had the same design on that site since it’s infancy and I’m getting incredibly tired of it. I want a change and I want something different. But then, when I try to figure out what I want, I just completely blank.

It doesn’t help that, while I’m totally confident with HTML, even though I’m understanding CSS a lot better, I’m just not confident with it. I don’t believe I could manipulate it and get anything like what I see when I’m searching for inspiration – which I’ve been doing too much of. I can tell it’s too much, because instead of inspiring me, it’s just making me feel sad. “Oh, that’s a nice site. Too bad I’ll never be able to replicate anything close to it…”. Lots of negative self-talking going on.

The biggest thing that I can’t seem to figure out is what kind of design do I want to go for on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous? What kind would most adult bloggers appreciate and be attracted to? I personally have never seen a design that I truly enjoy on most adult websites. Ones that I don’t hate so much, okay – but one that I’m really attracted to. Nope. The sites I’m typically attracted to are the ones that you often find in the “design inspiration” type of posts – the clean, minimalistic, super-simple-to-navigate type of sites. Now, how do I execute that type of feel on a social network and still highlight all the things I want to highlight, without turning it into a cluttered mess (which is what I believe I have right now on the site…)?

Then another issue that I have is that I would prefer to make all my own images. Have social icons that look like they were made specifically for an adult blogging social network, have an overall design scheme that feels like it was created just for this site and not any other, have real quality in the layout of the content, etc. And I feel like everything I want to do requires me to at least be able to create a cool image using an editor like Gimp or Photoshop. But I am the furthest thing from a visual artist. Words and music, I can do, but create something that is visually appealing; not my finest hour.

So, not only do I have a problem actually creating these things, I have a hard time visualizing it in the first place. It automatically makes it feel overwhelming and daunting and it’s no freaking wonder I haven’t re-designed this site in forever and a day… Wow!


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Noisy


This morning was one of the best, when all the kids woke up early this morning and I was not in anyway wanting to get out of the bed. The Boyfriend, who hasn’t done this in awhile, got up with them and kept them quiet so that I could sleep in. It was definitely nice and very much appreciated, even though I still feel absolutely exhausted.

I’ve been awake for about two hours now and I feel like I’ve already had a very long day. First, I turn on music and jump on Facebook and I just have so much different varying opinions on there that I leave Facebook feeling incredibly confused. I mean, we’ve got pictures with the galaxy and one little spec on it, “You are here. So don’t worry so much” kind of thing and then we’ve got another picture two seconds later, saying something about how Armageddon is coming and we need to be worried and that’s just blaring. It’s about everything on there too, not just the end of the world kind of stuff. Relationships, politics, religion, cultures. And it’s so much freaking noise.

Then, I jump over to Twitter and see all these people who are my idols (in an online sense) and I start clicking links and begin thinking that everything about my online stuff needs to change, and that just makes me angry. It’s like losing weight for me. I know what it’s going to take to get there, but I can’t bring myself to do it. It makes me wonder how serious I am about it and then I spend so much of my day stressing out about it.

Man, am I ever rambling today… I just have a lot of stuff on my mind. And I still have to get the oomph up to clean today… Blargh!!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Reviewing Some Things…


 

Why is it that I suck so hard at completing the simplest of goals? You’d think I’d be talking about cleaning my house (which I’m sucking at as well, but isn’t the point of today’s post) or going to work every single day… But no! This is totally Sex Bucket List-related. How can I take these ideas that are in my head and make them work for my life?

Blogging about every sex session… I have wanted to do this for so long. So I put it on my 2012 Sex Bucket List and guess what…? I haven’t blogged about a sex session since before the new year. Which would make sense if my sex life was still sucking as much as it was a few months back, but it doesn’t. I can only remember one time in the last long while where I got to the point of not being able to stand the length anymore, and that was both of our faults, not just his. Darn us and our ability to stay up WAY too late!

But there have been some amazing times. Like my 3rd successful go at anal, which turned out really great. We both came, he was tender like he was the first time and it was honestly really nice. There’s also been nights when I’ve insisted on giving him head without getting anything in return and we haven’t had nights like that in forever. There have been a lot of really great experiences. So, why am I not writing about them?

Part of the problem is that we have sex right before bed. Literally, sex is over, smoke is had and now it’s time for sleep. So I don’t write about it when it’s all still fresh in my mind. Then normally, I work the next day and when you spend the next six hours focusing on mostly your work, it is incredibly difficult to remember much about the sex you had the night before, no matter how spectacular it was. You can never remember how it was exactly that you ended up getting into that awkward position and you can’t recall who came first or if you came at exactly the same moment. You can’t remember many other details about it that make writing about sexual experiences so fun, like what he smelt like or how the sweat latched onto his curly hair.

And then from both my sex bucket lists (1 & 2), I’ve got “Wear my Ben-Wa Balls”. I got two different sets of Ben-Wa Balls a few years back. When I opened them up, they were much smaller than I had imagined they would be and I’ve had 4 kids! I expect things to not be able to grip very easily (though I have no actual proof of this and I’ve never had anyone say anything to the effect – on the contrary), so I just assume that those balls have got to be too tiny for my pussy to hold onto. Then again, isn’t that the point.

So anyways, I want to learn more about if these things are too small and if I should get rid of them and find bigger ones. And I keep meaning to, but then I see all these numbers with these ones weighing this much and being of this diameter – and people, if I haven’t said it enough, I really SUCK at math. Do you know much about Ben-Wa Balls and how to use them? Leave me a comment!

All of my BDSM/Fetish stuff has completely escaped my mind and I’ve barely thought about it, in the sense of actually doing any of it. Sure, I still fantasize, but now it seriously and truly is just a fantasy. It’s no longer The Boyfriend I see holding or receiving the torture device, it is now a blurry image of what used to be a man. It’s no longer him watching on as I caress a blurry woman’s body, it is now just a blurry figure in a chair. When I fantasize, these things aren’t happening to me – they are now happening to the Russian woman who has long been a character in my dreams.

Ever since I was young, I remember having these dreams of a woman with very long black hair, dressed from head to toe in white fur – sometimes a black body stocking (though this is because, as I later discover, that she is an international spy) – and she’s always got this intense look on her face as she takes me on these wild adventures in my sleep, that often leave me waking with a case of the sweats. As I got older and older, this woman also became the woman of my fantasies – the character that played me, as it were, in the scenario. She is the ultimate of how I’d love to look, if I could choose those things at will.

She embodies the characteristics I believe every woman should have: strength, courage, confidence, sex appeal, dignity and all those other positive strong attributes, that I’m hoping you can imagine. She is also incredibly sexy in my perception of her and the second I see her defined cheekbones and those incredible eyes, I immediately feel overwhelmingly intrigued. I’ve only ever seen one woman in real life that came as close to amazing looking as the woman in my dreams/fantasies, but that could’ve been the lighting and the alcohol… Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see…

Anyways, the point is that my desire towards BDSM has somewhat diminished as I see it becoming less and less attainable for me. The Boyfriend has made it very loudly clear that he is not going to share, period. Doesn’t matter what the gender or sexual fetish is, doesn’t matter if there’s sex or no sex, he won’t even hear anything of ideas or concepts on how to make it work, before completely shutting me down. And I understand it, I’d probably be the exact same way. And honestly, the sharing thing has always been another thing that I never thought would truly come to fruition.

He’s also made it pretty clear that he has no interest in participating. Spanking is completely out of the question and he absolutely refuses to indulge me. It’s very rare that a sex toy even gets brought out anymore as I think he’d rather be the one giving the pleasure. I wonder if I’ve ever made him feel inferior or lacking in ability to pleasure me? I hope not, because he gives me a great amount of pleasure. Regardless of the lack of kink.

I’m not saying that I’m ready to give up, but I’m definitely not striving for it as hard as I have in my past. Maybe one day, the drive will come back to me, but right now it’s sadly on the back burner. Luckily, that’s not saying for sex altogether, just the kinky stuff. Vanilla sex, well I’ll be gunning for that 24/7 and I’m hoping, now that I’ve released this pent up piece of shit, that writing about vanilla sex will become a more frequent thing. So cross your fingers for me 😉


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Mission Impossible: The Neverending Housecleaning Story


This is seriously so ridiculous, but I cannot get or keep this house clean no matter how hard I try. We spent almost two hours getting the kitchen back to presentable yesterday, and today – the only reason you can tell is because the floor has been swept, that’s it. Then we were planning on getting a bunch of other cleaning done today, and it’s almost 6:00 PM and we have not done a single thing…

It’s such a downer when you clean an area of the house just to see it thrashed again a few hours later, it makes you not want to clean anything. But then you don’t clean anything and your house ends up looking the way mine does right now. I’m always shocked at how upset it makes me feel and then when I think about it, it’s like “Duh!”.

In other news…

Kaeidyn had two birthday parties to go to this weekend. The first was at a salon for kids here in town and she got her hair all curled up, make-up done and nails done. She came home smelling so much like a girl! And then she had another party yesterday at the girl’s next door. She had a load of fun and came home with tons of stories to tell.

Carter has been getting into literally everything, another reason why it’s so hard to keep the house clean. He’s figured out how to open the fridge, and how to dump over the toy box and turn on the taps. He seems to almost never tire, and yet The Boyfriend and I are tired all the time.

The older boys have been incredibly obsessed with video games these days, which results in days filled with “I want to play a game!” and “Can I play a game now?”. Saying no as often as we are is sure getting repetitive and exhausting. It doesn’t help that The Boyfriend is home on holidays for a couple more days, so whenever he plays games, it’s all we hear about from the boys.

I’ve been spending most of my spare time working on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous-related stuff since The Boyfriend and I have agreed that we are most definitely upgrading the website in the next coming months, especially being that he has some larger checks coming his way from work since he worked so much overtime this past little while. Now if I could only start blogging more often – though lately I’ve been hating my writing…

Coming up this week is a stressful week at work, tons more of the neverending housecleaning story (and I’m hoping we’ll make some serious progress in the next two or three days!) and hopefully we’ll be calling a plumber to fix our toilet already – it’s been months now! Other than that, it should be a relatively quiet one, I hope! How’s your upcoming week looking?

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous News


Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous

It’s been awhile since I wrote a post about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the free social networking community for adult, lifestyle and sex bloggers that I run. When in reality, it’s all I’ve been working on lately, so it’s a surprise that I haven’t written anything here. I told some people at work about it and they laughed and said it’s hilarious. I took it pretty hard the first time, but now I just kind of laugh along. It’s hard to believe that I spend as much time on this thing as I do sometimes…. So, there’s been quite a bit new over there, let’s jump to it.

Newly Added Features

Recently, Spruz, the platform that Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is hosted on, underwent a pretty major update which included the ability to add the discussions and events features to the groups feature. So, we’ve made it so that every group can now host events and instead of using the old Topics, they can use the new Discussions – so far it’s working out really nicely.

We’ve also added the Blog Directory, though it’s really more of a link directory. You can post links to all your favorite blogs and websites and other users can comment on them, rate them and more! You can even check out what we’ve got added so far and comment and rate our links!

New on the Blog

I’ve been trying to write as much as physically possible on the blog lately. It’s a lot harder than you would think it is, but this is some of what’s new right now!

“When I created my personal sex bucket list on my blog The Rantings of a Tortured Mind about a year or so ago, I thought that kink was going to be possible. The Boyfriend was showing a lot of interest, it was all looking like that was the way it was going.

Now, a year later, it’s been about that long since I’ve had any kink in my life. The interest on his part has completely left and now I am definitely not getting my kink on! Needless to say, my bucket list has evolved with this same thing. Even though I’d still like to do those things one day, I’d like to keep it realistic enough that it’s not depressing.”

[READ MORE…]

Download our special report detailing 10 totally different ways to generate blog post ideas for your adult blog! These 10 activities are sure to get your creative juices flowing and help you come up with some of your greatest posts ever!”

[READ MORE…]

“Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous has been on Facebook for some time now. We’ve been rather slowly wading in the Facebook waters, especially as there have been some issues reported about “questionable content” on Facebook. But recently, we liked a bunch of a pages and our Facebook page has really picked up. So, here’s the 4 reasons you should become a Facebook fan!”

[READ MORE…]

Forum Discussions of Interest

The forums have kind of slowed down as we experiment with the new Discussions featured. Spruz has mentioned that one day the forums may go bye-bye, and we’ll have to use the Discussions feature, so we’re preparing. But until that happens, the forums will still be around, so here’s some of the best conversations happening now:

Groups of Greatness

Spruz Owner's Group on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Spruz Owner’s Group

If you run a social network on the Spruz platform, join this group for tips, tricks, advice and more!

Not Getting My Kink On... Group on Lifestyle Bloggers AnonymousNot Getting My Kink On…

The trials and tribulations of being a kinkster in a vanilla relationship.

Awesome Video

While there’s been a lot of really great videos added to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and you can always see more by checking us out on YouTube, here’s our most favorite right now. Laci Green of Sex+ gives us an education in vagina’s in 90 seconds!!

New Blog Launched

That’s right!! It’s been a long time coming, but we’ve finally launched our Tumblr blog, featuring the best sex, kink and blogging-related randomness from around the world wide web. We’re even giving you the ability to submit your own favorites and ask us questions about the above topics.

You’ll get pictures, quotes, videos and tons of links to our favorite stuff everywhere!! So be sure to stay tuned for updates and if you’re on Tumblr, be sure to follow us! Visit Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on Tumblr Today!

Now What…

So now, I’d like to invite you to head on over to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. If you’re a member, check out all the stuff that’s been added to the site and if you’re not a member, become one absolutely FREE today! Leave your comments here and let me know what you think about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. Thanks for reading!


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I Hate Weekends!!


Okay, I’m lying. For the most part, I love weekends. But today, I hate weekends. It’s amazing how fast a person will forget how hard labor is, but it’s even more amazing how easy and fast I forget how hard doing these 4 kids alone is. It’s only been a couple weeks since I did a day alone with them, but today was intense!

I woke up and felt like I had already been angry with them for hours. The Boyfriend was all pouty last night thinking about me getting to sleep in this morning and I’m happy and mad to report that that definitely didn’t happen. Actually, I was up almost a whole 20 minutes earlier than I normally wake up on work days… Then it was nothing but a rough day.

I watched a couple movies today that made me bawl my eyes out. It was kind of nice, because normally if The Boyfriend’s around, I just tear up, no actual crying. And it’s not because I hold back or anything like that, it just doesn’t happen. But when he’s not around, I seem to bawl like a baby the second a movie gets even slightly emotional.

The other night, we watched Marley & Me with the kids and while I teared up during the movie, not a single tear. Kaeidyn on the other hand broke down and could not stop crying. It started with a single tear and as soon as the credits hit, she sat up, cuddled in really close and had a really great cry about how she didn’t like when Marley died and how she didn’t want it to happen to Grandma’s dog.

The Boyfriend and I have been working on getting the kitchen clean since we went for a good grocery shop last night. I finally got the dishes done, and there surprising wasn’t as many as I had originally thought, so that made me much happier. It’s also a relief when getting The Boyfriend to help is absolutely no problem – not that it normally is a problem, he’s typically very good for just doing whatever it is I tell him, but yesterday made it much easier for me to get up off my butt. Now if only we could keep it clean. Here’s hoping!

I’ve been working really hard on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous-related stuff the last couple of days. You’ll notice at the top of the sidebar a link to download my special report on 10 Ways to Generate Blog Post Ideas for Sex & Adult Bloggers which I wrote for Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’ve also been working extra hard on writing up draft posts for the new Updates from the Head Blog-A-Holic, which brings you the latest and greatest updates from Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. You can check it out, right now it’s just pages, but I’ll definitely let you know when it launches, which will be really soon!

The Boyfriend and I agreed today that no matter what, by this summer we’re upgrading the site. I’m looking forward to finally being able to utilize a lot of the features that I haven’t been able to to really make this site what I want it to be. I’m excited for the whole thing. And hopefully with the increased member capacity, more people will join and participate! Seriously getting sick of talking to myself so much…

Well, I guess that’s essentially my update for the day. How’s your week been going? Anybody watching any really great movies on Netflix that I should know about? I’m always looking for suggestions!


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A Real Rant!


Man oh man! This whole blogging thing is getting so hard for me. Crazy hard for me. I have changed so much. In the beginning of my blogging, I didn’t care a lick if people didn’t like what I had to say. I wrote whatever I felt like writing with little regard to what people might think or how they might feel about it. Now, it seems like it is totally controlling me and stunting my writing.

I keep starting posts and then I’m like, “Oh, so and so will get upset if they see this!” and then I won’t publish the post. I’ve got about 20 posts that are sitting there half done because I’m worried about what people will think or what they’ll think I think of them or whatever like that. Frankly, I’m sick of censoring myself so much. And yet, here I sit, with all those posts talking about the not-so-happy aspects of my life or of the happy aspects of my life, not publishing any of them, because I don’t want any confrontation. It sucks…

The worst part about the whole thing is I’m constantly in that questioning state of mind. I don’t want to voice opinions, because my opinions are constantly changing, my thoughts are constantly changing. I don’t want to make it sound like I have these formed thoughts, when I know that I don’t.

I’m also having a hard time getting my point across lately. I read through those 2o or so posts that I have sitting there saved, and I just keep thinking that my writing is going downhill. I’m having a much harder time writing about my life lately, than I’ve ever experienced before. Not that I’ve changed my mind about the fact that someone out there might find something in my blog of use in some way, I just am having the hardest time in the world writing about it.

It’s actually really bringing me down. I went from being the girl that wrote in a journal everyday, to the girl that blogged everyday, to what I am now, where I’m maybe writing once a week. Not even! I despise it, because I get so much joy and comfort from writing. I feel like it’s the greatest way that I express myself and lately, I’m just not feeling that at all.

Things have also been a little crazy lately, so writing has taken a huge backseat. Now that I’m working full-time, once I get home, it’s time to make dinner. And then shortly after that, it’s bed time and by that time, all I want to do is be close to The Boyfriend. I’ve been feeling profoundly in love with him lately.

He’s been really truly amazing lately. Not that he hasn’t always been amazing, it’s just that I’m becoming more and more aware of it. Today was the absolute topper of the cake and I have been in awe of him ever since.

We had gone over to my Mom’s for dinner and of course, Chef had to be home from work. It’s getting harder and harder for me to stand her alcoholic boyfriend, especially as they get ready to buy a place together. My brother was also there and while he’s doing 90% better than he’s been for awhile, he’s still just not very smart.

My Mom’s been all stressed out because my brother kept saying that he wasn’t going to be able to pay his rent at the end of the month. He keeps saying that he can “handle being homeless” until he can get a job and save up enough for damage deposit on a place. My Mom is not okay with him being homeless, none of us are, but we’re all hesitant to take him into our homes for any length of time. It wasn’t that long ago that he got out of a mental institution and was essentially disowned for refusing to take medication or even seeing a counselor…

It gets brought up because he says that he’s got a new job. The brother that’s not so swift, went and gave his notice at his place instead of trying to work something out so that he doesn’t get evicted. He doesn’t even know if he’s actually going to get evicted. I get a little hissy and say something to him about it and within seconds, my Mom is yelling for everyone to just stop talking about it.

Well, her boyfriend can’t keep his alcoholic mouth shut and just kept going off about it. She tries to tell him to stop and he just keeps carrying on. She goes out to the kitchen to “cook dinner”. I go out there to try to be comforting and it blew up in my face like you wouldn’t believe.

She was visibly upset about the conversation and made it very clear that she no longer wanted the discussion to continue. I told her that I wouldn’t stand for his lack of respect for one second. If I were her, I would do more than just politely ask him to stop. She snapped at me to stop but him it’s a nice, “Chef, I’d really like for you to stop now”, to which he completely ignored and just kept on beaking.

She turns around and says something along the lines of she doesn’t think I should be talking when I let Alfie get away with all the shit he gets away with. “It’s not like you stand up to him!”. That was officially my breaking point. I walked away and sat down in front of The Boyfriend and said that as soon as we were done eating, we were leaving. Then, for the first time in months, I burst out into tears.

I just hate when she tries to compare what happened/is happening between Alfie and I with what is happening between her and Chef. Because it’s not the same thing at all. I said something about how I would yell and scream to make him stop and she says something about how with him it’s not worth the waste of breath because it’s not like he’ll stop anyways. And while she’s 100% right, when I was with Alfie, I wasted my breath. I yelled and screamed all the time.

I personally think that if you’re going to choose to stay in a bad relationship, you shouldn’t just sit back and take it. No one should think they are so worthless as to allow someone to disrespect them on a daily basis. It just made me so upset.

I also learnt from the horrible mistake that was Alfie. And, I’ve gone above and beyond to change things between him and I. Argh… Here comes the not getting my point across thing…

The big thing that sticks out in my mind is that I have three kids with Alfie. I worked hard on our relationship constantly, even if he wouldn’t, for the sake of the kids. I went and got myself help on numerous occasions for the sake of the kids and for Alfie and I’s relationship, whether it was apart or together. And I made the ultimate decision to leave the guy and become much more of a hard ass when it came to what I expected of him as the father of my children!

It’s hard to really say what I’m trying to say without hashing out all the shit that went down between Alfie and I, but frankly, it’s pointless and painful. But when my Mom throws it in my face, it makes me feel like an absolutely horrible and stupid person. It makes me feel like a damned fool!

I made a hell of a lot of mistakes for all the wrong reasons and I will pay for that forever. I put my kids in a lot of situations I always said I never would for all the wrong reasons. And I’m doing everything in my power to right those wrongs. When she said that I didn’t stand up to him, it made me so angry.

I kept the kids from talking to him for over a month because he had wronged them. It felt absolutely horrible to do it, but it had to be done. He can’t be a fluctuating force in the kids life, he needs to be a constant. He can’t just choose when it’s most convenient for him to have kids. It’s either he has them or he doesn’t. And I struggle every single day to remember that you don’t just deserve your kids because your sperm produces them, just as I don’t deserve the kids because I carried them. You have to seriously put effort into it!

The big thing for me was that while I may have made a lot of stupid decisions, I never just sat back and took the shit. I tried, in so many ways, to stand up to his shit. It may not have worked and sometimes it back fired horribly, but at least I tried. I wasted more than enough breath. And never did I allow him to disrespect me. I’m not saying that it didn’t happen, because it did for a really long time, but I never just sat back and took it. It didn’t matter how drunk or sober he was!

After that comment from her, I was visibly upset and The Boyfriend could tell. The more I thought about it, the more I cried and he was the most perfect and amazing comfort at that moment. He held me close, even though he really had no idea what I was upset about, and as I’ve probably wrote before, he didn’t push me to tell him anything. He waited until I was ready and that felt spectacular. Once he learnt it was an Alfie thing, he quickly transformed into the super-protective boyfriend.

We stepped out on the balcony so that I could bawl my eyes out without worrying about my Mom asking or saying anything. It’s always my breaking point, the one thing that I can’t stand and the one thing that I can never fully express to her the difference between me and Alfie and her and Chef. Somehow in those moments, I felt like The Boyfriend was my protector and savior. Like he was defending my honor. Every single time I try to write it out, it doesn’t sound right at all, so I’m not even going to bother to to try anymore, but it was an incredible feeling and one that I don’t ever remember feeling and one that I hope I don’t ever forget.

Needless to say, it’s been a mushy night with The Boyfriend, a kind of sad night being that Alfie is on my mind and a bit stressful because I’m seriously considering trying to work out a way that, for the week that Chef is in town every month, for the kids to not be around that shit.  Because if I won’t let a toxic man like Alfie be in the kids life on any type of regular visit outside a couple of hours when he comes here, why the heck would I let a toxic alcoholic man like Chef around the kids everyday for a week straight?

Well, there’s my rant. No regrets!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Some of My Posts on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous


I’ve been working really hard on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous lately and have written a couple blog posts that I’d love for you to check out and leave your feedback on. I’ve been trying really hard to write more about blogging, though it’s not as easy as it seems!

You can always check out my latest blog posts on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous by visiting my blog page. So, here’s some of the posts that I’ve been doing:

  • 10 Songs About Blogging and the Internet
    Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous finally jumped on the YouTube bandwagon!! To commemorate, here are 10 YouTube videos that features blogging, the internet, Twitter and Facebook.
  • 800+ Post Ideas for Your Blog
     Days of scouring the internet has resulted in the most comprehensive list of blog post ideas on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. Take these ideas, apply them to your blog, and you’ll have enough posts to last you 2 1/2 years, assuming you post everyday!
  • 7 Tips for a Mind-Boggling Orgasm
     These 7 tips are sure to help you reach a mind-boggling, leg-shaking, face-numbing, body-floating orgasm! I’ll give you a sneak peak at 3 of the tips:

    • Get Naked
    • Foreplay First
    • Don’t Take Things Too Seriously
  • My Top 5 Blogging Tips
    What every blogger should know! 5 of my best blogging tips including facts and statistics like “readers are 56% more likely to click on a blue link“.
  • One Chore: The Dishes
    I have two erotic stories/fantasies written on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. This one is about domestic discipline, which is also a forum topic. My other erotic story/fantasy on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is Caged Cuckold which, you guessed it, is all about cuckoldry.

So there’s some of my favorite blog posts that I’ve written on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. Leave a comment and let me know which one is your favorite and if you haven’t become a member on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous yet, you should!