The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


Leave a comment

No Closer to Getting It Done…


Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous - Free Social Networking for Adult Bloggers

Free Social Networking
For Adult Bloggers

Learn More

I have been absolutely consumed by the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous re-design these last few days, whenever I haven’t been trying to get up the motivation to do the cleaning…

Unfortunately, it’s not as much in the re-design as it is in the planning of the re-design at this point. First, I tried out TeamLab for working on my planning of this massive undertaking. There are things that I definitely appreciate about this app, but I just couldn’t get into the look or feel of it. I also hated that it’s just lil-old-me working on this project and this app has a huge section for community engagement, so that a company can stay connected with their employees. One day, my friend, one day…

So, I went on a day long hunt that has resulted in a more than one day experimentation with all these different apps. I went through the Chrome Web Store, which I try to do as little as possible, because this place is seriously addicting. People just go out and create these wicked things for you to use, like this really awesome tracker-thingy that I just installed, that literally lets me track everything. My food eaten, my sleep, my pain and my freaking period!! There’s even more awesome features, but I’ve only really tried out the tracking, and it’s only been for two days!

Anyways, back to the point…

Then I tried working with Teambox, but found it was a lot like TeamLab, so I moved on. There are tons of great project management apps out there and if you’re a business or a really big blog, then a lot of them are really great. But for just me – I don’t even know how to describe myself in this situation – I mainly just need a place to post all my great ideas (I say that with the utmost seriousness…) and keep track of what I’m doing. But I also desperately want to get fancy about it and be all professional and organized and treat it like my business baby.

Tonight, I’m experimenting with Podio. I haven’t gotten an iota of a step into actually planning anything to do with the site re-design, but instead have gotten lost in the fascination brought on by browsing the app market and then finding out that I can modify these apps and make them exactly what I need for what I’m doing.

Point of the story:
I’m overjoyed, but no closer to getting done what I need to get done…

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous


Leave a comment

Design Woes: A Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tale


I’m doing it again… I don’t know why I punish myself like this and I wonder how many other bloggers/web designers have this problem. I can never just leave well enough alone and I always want better. It’s like the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side type of issue but all about the design of your website.

I’m not talking about this blog, although I’ve already begun falling out of love with the design of it, but I’m talking about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’ve had the same design on that site since it’s infancy and I’m getting incredibly tired of it. I want a change and I want something different. But then, when I try to figure out what I want, I just completely blank.

It doesn’t help that, while I’m totally confident with HTML, even though I’m understanding CSS a lot better, I’m just not confident with it. I don’t believe I could manipulate it and get anything like what I see when I’m searching for inspiration – which I’ve been doing too much of. I can tell it’s too much, because instead of inspiring me, it’s just making me feel sad. “Oh, that’s a nice site. Too bad I’ll never be able to replicate anything close to it…”. Lots of negative self-talking going on.

The biggest thing that I can’t seem to figure out is what kind of design do I want to go for on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous? What kind would most adult bloggers appreciate and be attracted to? I personally have never seen a design that I truly enjoy on most adult websites. Ones that I don’t hate so much, okay – but one that I’m really attracted to. Nope. The sites I’m typically attracted to are the ones that you often find in the “design inspiration” type of posts – the clean, minimalistic, super-simple-to-navigate type of sites. Now, how do I execute that type of feel on a social network and still highlight all the things I want to highlight, without turning it into a cluttered mess (which is what I believe I have right now on the site…)?

Then another issue that I have is that I would prefer to make all my own images. Have social icons that look like they were made specifically for an adult blogging social network, have an overall design scheme that feels like it was created just for this site and not any other, have real quality in the layout of the content, etc. And I feel like everything I want to do requires me to at least be able to create a cool image using an editor like Gimp or Photoshop. But I am the furthest thing from a visual artist. Words and music, I can do, but create something that is visually appealing; not my finest hour.

So, not only do I have a problem actually creating these things, I have a hard time visualizing it in the first place. It automatically makes it feel overwhelming and daunting and it’s no freaking wonder I haven’t re-designed this site in forever and a day… Wow!


Leave a comment

I’m Addicted…


Well, I had reduced the number of blogs that I had…

Now, I’m slowly inching my way back up there. I think I’m at 5 or 6 right now, some are totally in the progress and others are kind of still under construction. Let’s see:

  1. The Rantings of a Tortured Mind
    This blog
  2. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous
    Now, we also have to remember that this not only has a blog but discussions, groups, videos, and much more!
  3. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on Tumblr
    NSFW randomness
  4. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on WordPress
    All the latest and greatest updates from Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous
  5. Blog-A-Holic Designs
    The official store of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the blog is under construction, but the store is open

So 5… And that’s not including the number of social networks I’m using and the number of different ways I’m using them. For instance, Facebook I have not just my personal profile, but my personal page, a page for Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and a page for Blog-A-Holic Designs. Same goes for Google+.

I’m handling all much better this time than I ever have before. But I think it’s because I’m seriously starting to set goals for myself where all of it is concerned. Not for my personal blog as much as for Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’ve just been working really hard on that one lately. Especially since The Boyfriend has promised that no matter what, by June, I get to upgrade the site. I’m incredibly excited about that.

I’m most looking forward to being able to allow users to upload their own videos, because right now they can only share off of other sites like YouTube and Vimeo. But with the upgrade, they’ll be able to upload straight from their own computers. And I’m hoping that will fill up the Video Blogs category (the only still-empty category…).

There’s also been a decrease in the length of time between new members signing up, which is really promising. But also means that I need to jump on that upgrade sooner rather than later as I’m nearing my member limit. I’ve got 13 spots open and I expect by June for them to all be full. Not that it really matters, because none of these members are participating yet… But I think there might be something wrong with confirmation emails or something, so I’ve been working on getting that cleared up.

I’ve even started looking into ways to monetize my blog(s), but I’m not really putting much hope or dedication into that right now. I mean, if I earn a couple dollars, great, but I’m not shooting for much right now. Like I said, my dedications and priorities lie elsewhere right now. Maybe in a few months, after I’ve upgraded Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and after I ultimately decide what I’m doing with this blog*, maybe then I’ll start putting more effort into it. Who knows…

* For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you may have seen this update:

I’ve been sort of kind of thinking about changing this whole thing. I haven’t quite figured out how or to what yet. But an acquaintance of mine has offered to help me out with some things and I’ve thought about changing some things for awhile, so it’s kind of on my mind. I’d like to make this the spot that you can come to learn everything that you ever wanted to about lil ole me and then some. I just don’t know what, at that point, I’d want to do other than what I’m already doing…

Well, I could go on about this all day, in my rambly sort of way, but I have things to do, people to see, places to be. Okay… It’s just my Mom, but still! Cheers!

This post is intended for adults 18+


Leave a comment

Reviewing Some Things…


 

Why is it that I suck so hard at completing the simplest of goals? You’d think I’d be talking about cleaning my house (which I’m sucking at as well, but isn’t the point of today’s post) or going to work every single day… But no! This is totally Sex Bucket List-related. How can I take these ideas that are in my head and make them work for my life?

Blogging about every sex session… I have wanted to do this for so long. So I put it on my 2012 Sex Bucket List and guess what…? I haven’t blogged about a sex session since before the new year. Which would make sense if my sex life was still sucking as much as it was a few months back, but it doesn’t. I can only remember one time in the last long while where I got to the point of not being able to stand the length anymore, and that was both of our faults, not just his. Darn us and our ability to stay up WAY too late!

But there have been some amazing times. Like my 3rd successful go at anal, which turned out really great. We both came, he was tender like he was the first time and it was honestly really nice. There’s also been nights when I’ve insisted on giving him head without getting anything in return and we haven’t had nights like that in forever. There have been a lot of really great experiences. So, why am I not writing about them?

Part of the problem is that we have sex right before bed. Literally, sex is over, smoke is had and now it’s time for sleep. So I don’t write about it when it’s all still fresh in my mind. Then normally, I work the next day and when you spend the next six hours focusing on mostly your work, it is incredibly difficult to remember much about the sex you had the night before, no matter how spectacular it was. You can never remember how it was exactly that you ended up getting into that awkward position and you can’t recall who came first or if you came at exactly the same moment. You can’t remember many other details about it that make writing about sexual experiences so fun, like what he smelt like or how the sweat latched onto his curly hair.

And then from both my sex bucket lists (1 & 2), I’ve got “Wear my Ben-Wa Balls”. I got two different sets of Ben-Wa Balls a few years back. When I opened them up, they were much smaller than I had imagined they would be and I’ve had 4 kids! I expect things to not be able to grip very easily (though I have no actual proof of this and I’ve never had anyone say anything to the effect – on the contrary), so I just assume that those balls have got to be too tiny for my pussy to hold onto. Then again, isn’t that the point.

So anyways, I want to learn more about if these things are too small and if I should get rid of them and find bigger ones. And I keep meaning to, but then I see all these numbers with these ones weighing this much and being of this diameter – and people, if I haven’t said it enough, I really SUCK at math. Do you know much about Ben-Wa Balls and how to use them? Leave me a comment!

All of my BDSM/Fetish stuff has completely escaped my mind and I’ve barely thought about it, in the sense of actually doing any of it. Sure, I still fantasize, but now it seriously and truly is just a fantasy. It’s no longer The Boyfriend I see holding or receiving the torture device, it is now a blurry image of what used to be a man. It’s no longer him watching on as I caress a blurry woman’s body, it is now just a blurry figure in a chair. When I fantasize, these things aren’t happening to me – they are now happening to the Russian woman who has long been a character in my dreams.

Ever since I was young, I remember having these dreams of a woman with very long black hair, dressed from head to toe in white fur – sometimes a black body stocking (though this is because, as I later discover, that she is an international spy) – and she’s always got this intense look on her face as she takes me on these wild adventures in my sleep, that often leave me waking with a case of the sweats. As I got older and older, this woman also became the woman of my fantasies – the character that played me, as it were, in the scenario. She is the ultimate of how I’d love to look, if I could choose those things at will.

She embodies the characteristics I believe every woman should have: strength, courage, confidence, sex appeal, dignity and all those other positive strong attributes, that I’m hoping you can imagine. She is also incredibly sexy in my perception of her and the second I see her defined cheekbones and those incredible eyes, I immediately feel overwhelmingly intrigued. I’ve only ever seen one woman in real life that came as close to amazing looking as the woman in my dreams/fantasies, but that could’ve been the lighting and the alcohol… Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see…

Anyways, the point is that my desire towards BDSM has somewhat diminished as I see it becoming less and less attainable for me. The Boyfriend has made it very loudly clear that he is not going to share, period. Doesn’t matter what the gender or sexual fetish is, doesn’t matter if there’s sex or no sex, he won’t even hear anything of ideas or concepts on how to make it work, before completely shutting me down. And I understand it, I’d probably be the exact same way. And honestly, the sharing thing has always been another thing that I never thought would truly come to fruition.

He’s also made it pretty clear that he has no interest in participating. Spanking is completely out of the question and he absolutely refuses to indulge me. It’s very rare that a sex toy even gets brought out anymore as I think he’d rather be the one giving the pleasure. I wonder if I’ve ever made him feel inferior or lacking in ability to pleasure me? I hope not, because he gives me a great amount of pleasure. Regardless of the lack of kink.

I’m not saying that I’m ready to give up, but I’m definitely not striving for it as hard as I have in my past. Maybe one day, the drive will come back to me, but right now it’s sadly on the back burner. Luckily, that’s not saying for sex altogether, just the kinky stuff. Vanilla sex, well I’ll be gunning for that 24/7 and I’m hoping, now that I’ve released this pent up piece of shit, that writing about vanilla sex will become a more frequent thing. So cross your fingers for me 😉

This post is intended for adults 18+


Leave a comment

My Favorite Links This Week


I’ve been working on so many things over these past few days online and I’m getting tons done. In the process, I’ve ran across quite a few really great links that I’d love to share with you. I’ve included a couple links to what I’ve been posting elsewhere as well. Enjoy!

Favorites from Facebook…

Favorites from Blogs I’ve Subscribed to…

What I’ve Posted…


Leave a comment

Mission Impossible: The Neverending Housecleaning Story


This is seriously so ridiculous, but I cannot get or keep this house clean no matter how hard I try. We spent almost two hours getting the kitchen back to presentable yesterday, and today – the only reason you can tell is because the floor has been swept, that’s it. Then we were planning on getting a bunch of other cleaning done today, and it’s almost 6:00 PM and we have not done a single thing…

It’s such a downer when you clean an area of the house just to see it thrashed again a few hours later, it makes you not want to clean anything. But then you don’t clean anything and your house ends up looking the way mine does right now. I’m always shocked at how upset it makes me feel and then when I think about it, it’s like “Duh!”.

In other news…

Kaeidyn had two birthday parties to go to this weekend. The first was at a salon for kids here in town and she got her hair all curled up, make-up done and nails done. She came home smelling so much like a girl! And then she had another party yesterday at the girl’s next door. She had a load of fun and came home with tons of stories to tell.

Carter has been getting into literally everything, another reason why it’s so hard to keep the house clean. He’s figured out how to open the fridge, and how to dump over the toy box and turn on the taps. He seems to almost never tire, and yet The Boyfriend and I are tired all the time.

The older boys have been incredibly obsessed with video games these days, which results in days filled with “I want to play a game!” and “Can I play a game now?”. Saying no as often as we are is sure getting repetitive and exhausting. It doesn’t help that The Boyfriend is home on holidays for a couple more days, so whenever he plays games, it’s all we hear about from the boys.

I’ve been spending most of my spare time working on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous-related stuff since The Boyfriend and I have agreed that we are most definitely upgrading the website in the next coming months, especially being that he has some larger checks coming his way from work since he worked so much overtime this past little while. Now if I could only start blogging more often – though lately I’ve been hating my writing…

Coming up this week is a stressful week at work, tons more of the neverending housecleaning story (and I’m hoping we’ll make some serious progress in the next two or three days!) and hopefully we’ll be calling a plumber to fix our toilet already – it’s been months now! Other than that, it should be a relatively quiet one, I hope! How’s your upcoming week looking?