The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Did I Tell You About Last Night?


Thanks to The Boyfriend’s birthday, it has been two really great nights of sex-having and I don’t think it will be our last – not for at least another two days. I always love having birthday sex, especially when it’s not my birthday, because somehow it just always feels better. Even when it was the same sex you had just the night before, add the anniversary of someone’s birth in there and things just seem hotter.

The only thing that has even slightly sucked at all about the two nights (okay, technically, they were both in the same day. But one was at like 3 AM on Sunday and the other was just before midnight of that same day – but I slept in between, so that’s a different day for me…) was the porn. Let me clarify. I love watching porn and for the most part, tend to really enjoy doing it during the foreplay stage of sex. I don’t need a lot to get me ready to go for sex, so the foreplay is more for The Boyfriend than it is for me.

However, I’m really starting to not like his taste in porn – and not because he has bad taste, but because everything he wants to watch makes me insanely jealous. And, if this were the me of 5 or 6-years ago, it would be jealousy because he’s getting so turned on by these women on the screen, but that’s not it at all. No, instead, I suffer with being jealous because I so desperately want the things that he really enjoys watching.

When it comes to porn, The Boyfriend is all for anything lesbian. If it’s got 2 girls in it, he’s game. He even prefers that, when we pick heterosexual porn, there be 1 guy and 2 girls (at least), because he really has a thing for watching lesbians. And trust me, I really do too. But immediately, the second he even suggests it, I just fill with a whiny type of jealousy that normally results in me playfully sobbing, “I want to do that!!!”. But what bugs me most, is not that I want to do that, but because when I whine it at him and then try to say something along the lines of, “You should let me do that!”, it’s just a conversation silencer. He immediately goes quiet and I swear, intentionally stays that way so that I won’t say anything else about it…

Rant over!

So anyways, we ended up coming across some incredibly sexy videos dealing with lesbians and double dildos (another thing that The Boyfriend has really gotten into recently). The first night, I don’t think we watched for long at all before beginning our serious playing – where penetrative sex is being had, but we’re not actually having sex, more like just teasing each other for prolonged lengths of time. The most memorable moment of the night was getting up to get a drink and being stopped mid-way to be bent over and pounded from behind, my hands on the floor near my feet. It felt good and he enjoyed the view.

The Boyfriend had one birthday wish, one that the mere thought of the wish coming true, completely ruined the chances of it ever happening. As I’ve probably said before, The Boyfriend enjoys anal quite a bit – not really sure why he enjoys it as much as he does, and he definitely doesn’t know either, but he does. I, on the other hand, really don’t care for anal sex. I grew up wanting to be a total anal whore, but now that I’ve tried anal sex my required three times, I just can’t seem to really enjoy it. There have been a few times but for the most part, if and when I do it, I’m totally just doing it to please him.

It came as no surprise that his birthday wish would be anal and before he even said it, I knew he was going to ask if I’d be down. I had mentally prepared myself to say yes and was intentionally trying to rough up the serious playing so that I’d be more likely to enjoy the discomfort anal sex brings me. Alas, as he whispered in my ear, “Can I?”, the entire thought of it proved to be just a little too much for his (to quote Sadopaeidia – the best book ever!) “John Thomas” and he ended up cumming right there and then. I had already had a short orgasm earlier on in the playing and was quite pleased when he asked me if I thought I could cum again while he went limp inside me – so hot!

The next day (although, refer to the point about this above, because it was technically still the same day), he was doing little things all day long to keep me quite ready for more. Like when he needed to use my soft clothes to wipe one of his games off and he gently rubs his fingertips up my legs, starting from my ankles and all the way up to my inner thigh or the gentle kisses he pampered my neck with as I sat on the computer blogging away. By the time we got into bed, all I could do was think about what we were going to do to each other.

We’d both been talking about 69’ing for some time and just never actually found ourselves doing it. But it had been a really long time since we last 69’ed, so I put my foot down and demanded some oral sex! Again the lesbian double dildo-type porn was put on and it didn’t take either one of us long to decide that we were ready to really begin getting it on. It had been so long that we were both a little awkward about it, as I expected. We couldn’t get comfortable, my pussy was up too high for his tongue to reach and my boobs kept getting in the way of me being comfortable on top of him, but eventually we got it all sorted out.

I could not get over how long he seemed to be and how difficult I was finding it to get most of him in my mouth. Usually, it doesn’t seem that hard. After our orgasms had finished, which beautifully happened at the exact same moment, I mentioned how long he seemed and it turned out that someone had spent some time shaving – not a lot, just a trim (because that’s how I like it). I was most pleased and feel asleep dreaming of trimmed pubic hair.

I am sincerely hoping that tonight will result in another sex-session, but for now, we’re just enjoying the peace and quiet of everyone’s bedtime đŸ˜‰


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Happy Birthday Boyfriend (with Pictures)


Yet another year has gone by and it’s that time of year again when for a short period of time, The Boyfriend and I will the same age! It’s always an exciting time of the year for me, because I don’t feel like the oldest one in the relationship (even though I know that I always will be, I don’t feel it so much).

Generally, we don’t do much for anyone’s birthday around here. For his this year, it somehow managed to be quite a special day. We had tried to talk the kids into sleeping in or at least letting us sleep in, but that didn’t really go as planned. Although it was quite a bit easier than we had expected to wake up this morning. First order of business was to get some coffee in us and even though it was bitterly cold and snow was blowing all over the place, the birthday boy braved the weather and brought us home the first coffees of the day.

He let me play Minecraft for a bit – I’ve got two different files going right now. One is my “creative mode” one and I’ve got a freaking wicked train station, with a functioning train and it took tons of math for me to figure out how to make this world. First time in years that I’ve used division… The other is a “survival mode” one that I keep re-starting over and over again called ValerieVille. While I was playing Minecraft, he was playing Star Trek Online where he is now a Rear Admiral Lower Half – which just sounds so unlike him that it’s bordering on ironic.

Then, I made the world’s most awesome breakfast brunch ever. I had seen a picture on Pinterest a couple weeks back that inspired the meal today, which made me much more enthusiastic than I had expected. The first time ever that I’d seen something on Pinterest and then actually made it… So, without reading any instructions, I set out to make Bacon Bowls with some Scrambled Eggs and Buttered Toast.

All in all, it was a great brunch that filled us all right up and we all wanted more. Definitely adding Bacon Bowls to more of our meals – because seriously, who doesn’t love bacon and who doesn’t love bowls? They are both very awesome things! I mean, one of them holds things in a circular type fashion, a sort of dome for delicious foods to be gathered in – gathered! And then of course, the other one is bacon and really, I don’t need to explain that one to you… Do I?

After brunch, we switched electronics and he’s spent the majority of his birthday doing his most favorite thing in the world… Gaming.

The kids were in a picture-happy mood, and Miss Kaeidyn wants to show you all the great pictures she took, so check out the public Facebook album “Boyfriend’s Birthday 2013” to see more of our amazing day! She also made a video that’ll show you just what type of nerds I’m living with here… Although, there’s me in the background, blogging away – so, maybe I shouldn’t talk so much đŸ˜‰

Now, the kids are quietly going off to bed, an hour later than they were supposed to for a school night and I’m finishing up this blog post before hopefully going for a nice hot bath. I’ve been spending the last few days working on a special little project (little being the biggest understatement of my year thus far), so I’ve been on the computer a lot more than my body likes – but it’s a project that I’m quite excited about.

I hope you enjoyed being invited in for The Boyfriend’s nerdy birthday party and be sure to like this post and leave any thoughts you may have below!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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If I Could Have Anything for My Birthday…


I’m officially another year older – have been for about an hour now… I only know this, because everyone has been reminding me of it and constantly mentioning it. I would be just as happy forgetting altogether about my aging another year. I feel it, I don’t need to see it in a number. It was also the midnight release of the new Call of Duty game, which The Boyfriend had pre-ordered, so had been counting down to this day for weeks.

I hadn’t really considered that I wanted anything for my birthday until tonight. As an old kinky friend of mine messaged me a birthday greeting card, I suddenly flashed back to the days of munches and spankings. And it seriously floored me, my jaw instantly dropped, when the thought of a birthday spanking jumped into my mind. I have been fantasizing about spankings for so many days leading up to today, that I can’t believe it took a birthday e-greeting to put the thought of making a birthday wish for a spanking into my head!

For probably the last three days, I have been thinking non-stop about spankings. I’ve been reading a lot about spanking, The Boyfriend and I have been watching a lot of porn with spanking in it. And when I got that e-greeting, I just automatically jumped in to thinking about how I want my birthday spanking to go down. Ideally, to start out with, I wouldn’t have to ask for it.

I would love for him to sit down at the end of the bed and pull me down over his lap. I would love for him to be gentle with me at first, caressing my skin and gently tugging at my hair. The first few slaps would be just hard enough for me to feel them and he would be hard beneath me. He’d slap my ass a few times, and then he would rub his rough hands over my flesh and I would tremble beneath him.

He’d begin to work up to harder slaps, warming me up with his firm hands. He would stop every so often to rub my ass, or trace the length of my leg. He would reach his hand up into my hair and yank my head back, before laying down a succession of blows as I squirmed frantically beneath him. He would continue until my ass felt hot to the touch and was reddened quite nicely. Once my rear was to his liking, he’d slide his fingers into me and direct me to the floor. He’d instruct me to get into a position that would allow me to suck his cock while he smacked my ass.

He’d shove his cock deep into my mouth as he reached over to slap my flesh and I’d moan as best as I could. He’d reach his hand into my hair, grabbing as much of it as he could and he would pull me up to meet his lips before shoving me back down to his swollen member. Using my hair as a handle, he’d force me this way and that, until his cock was throbbing and pulsing. He’d pull me up until I was standing, turn me to face away from him and instruct me to bend over.

He’d slap my ass and remark about my glistening cunt and how naughty of a girl I am. He’d slide a finger across my wetness before diving in with his tongue to taste every sweet drop. He’d slap my pussy hard enough to make me flinch before swiftly penetrating me with his ample girth. I’d shriek as he pulled back and slammed into me again, before a hard hand landed on my bottom. As he thrust faster and faster, the slaps would fall harder and he would roughly grip at my flesh before raising his hand. My whole body would be twisting and turning and squirming.

He would pull out and cum all over the redness, instantly warming and cooling the burning, before nestling his face back between my legs and working me until I was cumming so hard it was dripping all over the floor. It would be divine ecstasy!! I would collapse onto him and he would gently caress my rear end and whisper all sorts of wonderful things to me – how much he loves me, how good I did, how proud of me he was, how much fun he had and I would be in total bliss.

That’s what I would have if I could have anything… But, since I can’t, I’ll just fantasize about it. At least I can demand an orgasm sans spanking…


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40 Reasons I Love The Boyfriend


Since it’s his birthday and he’s officially a quarter of a century old, I thought it would be nice to tell him all the reasons why I love him. Now of course, as anyone in love knows, you can never know all the reasons. You are always learning something new and everything is always changing. So here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

I love The Boyfriend because…

  1. He is sexy as hell
  2. He treats me with an insane amount of respect
  3. He makes me feel really good about myself
  4. He’s strong
  5. He loves all of my kids and let’s that be known
  6. He’s protective
  7. He is a good man, and strives to constantly be better
  8. He has the hottest ass I’ve ever seen!
  9. He has gentle eyes
  10. He let’s me pop his pimples
  11. He cooks dinner when I don’t want to
  12. He’s a stable person, with a stable job
  13. He is incredible in bed
  14. He supports me through everything
  15. He loves to listen to me play guitar
  16. He listens to me rant and rave without ever getting upset
  17. He has never given up the things he loves for me
  18. He is an amazing Dad
  19. He never makes me feel bad for my flaws, like laziness or procrastination
  20. He picks his battles very wisely
  21. He cuddles me in my sleep
  22. He calms my fears about everything (or at least tries)
  23. He is incredibly creative
  24. He is a bit of a nerd (under-exaggeration of the year!)
  25. He doesn’t mind that I’m a bit of a nerd (second biggest under-exaggeration of the year!)
  26. He doesn’t mind that I’m not the greatest housekeeper
  27. He’s never called me a name (not even when I’ve begged him to!)
  28. He tells me he loves me multiple times a day
  29. He’s got such a friendly smile
  30. He’s a total sweetheart and a major mush
  31. He takes over with the kids when he knows I’ve reached my “end”
  32. He never gets down on me when I make mistakes
  33. He holds me while he’s sleeping, even if he doesn’t know he’s doing it
  34. He will have sex with me even when he doesn’t really want it, because he knows I crave the whole thing
  35. When we’re watching porn, he pays more attention to me than the porn
  36. He plays with my hair and loves to run his fingers through it
  37. He likes my boobs, even when I don’t
  38. He keeps me interested, I’m not sure how exactly, but he does
  39. He keeps arguments to an absolute minimum, unless it’s about aliens and outer space
  40. He is incredible in bed… Okay, I know I already said this, but I really mean it!!


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This Was… My Week…


I keep coming on here to write, and then I open up the new post window and just sit there staring at the screen. It’s become very annoying, so I’ve decided, I’m just going to write and see where this ends up…

Work this week was pretty rough. It’s month-end, so that automatically means it’s going to be rougher than usual, because it feels like you’re rushing around like a chicken with your head cut off to make sure you get all your work done by the deadline. But it’s also rougher because my boss doesn’t take the pressure of the whole month-end very well. It also seems to be the part of the month that he understands the least about, because I seem to have to explain every move I make.

It didn’t help that he kept trying to blame all his mistakes on me, like two contractors getting sent out for the same job. He tried saying that was my fault for “not communicating” with him, but really it was because he didn’t bother to look at the very last service order that was created. It’s harsh working with so many people who don’t know how to use our software and aren’t even willing to learn how. We could be utilizing that system so differently and making everything so much better and smoother, but instead, we’re just continuing using it as if it’s a brand new program to us… And it’s not.

The Boyfriend just finished up a week-long holiday and went back to work this morning. The holiday was totally needed and I’m glad that his boss practically forced him to take it. While it was mostly a week full of relaxation for him (jealous!), it was nice to have him home that much. It was nice not having him exhausted at the end of the day because of work, but instead because he had stayed up too late the night before or because he didn’t sleep in as much as he had hoped.

It’s his birthday today!! My man’s officially the same age as me for the next nine months. No plans unfortunately for his birthday, though that’s not really new for any of us. We aren’t really the planning type. I might try to go pick him up an ice cream cake later when my Mom brings the older kids home from their sleepover. Nothing goes better with birthdays than ice cream cake đŸ˜‰

Kaeidyn and Kenzie have both been having pretty tough weeks at school for the last little while. It started with Kaeidyn, constantly complaining of stomach aches and ending up staying home from school or going to the sick room at school through the day. We finally talked about that and ever since she hasn’t missed a day. I still have no idea what was going on there at all, but at least she’s going to school now without a huge fight. Kenzie’s issues only started a few days ago when him and some boys were playing in his class and one of the boys accidentally threw a car at his head. The next day, for the first time ever, he got put in the thinking chair at school and was terribly upset about it. First time ever that he’s walked out of school crying…

The beginning of the year went so great, outside of a few small issues with Kaeidyn’s teacher, but now it seems like it’s a fight everyday to send them to school. I hate when I don’t have control over what’s happening to them in a day and I’m not there to see what’s happening and therefore can’t better help them process their emotions and feelings about things that are happening to them. And I absolutely despise my first reaction when I hear about any issues at school, because at first I feel like I come off blaming them for the problem and being automatically hard on them instead of comforting. I feel like I have to remind myself that I’m their Mom and they are just kids. It makes any issues that are happening without me there that much harder to deal with.

Keirnan and Carter spent a majority of the last week alone together. And honestly, it was such a great idea on my Mom’s part. They are getting along so much better now than they were prior to the last week. I wouldn’t say that they were getting along badly, it was just they always seemed to be in each other’s space. Carter would go to play with a car and suddenly Keirnan would decide he’s playing with it. Keirnan would be sitting quietly doing something and Carter would come up behind him and start climbing all over him. Just normal brotherly stuff, I suppose. But spending that week together without their older siblings around very much at all, really seemed to separate them up a little bit better and now you’ll often find them on opposite ends of the room, doing their own thing.

Other than that, it’s been a pretty quiet week around here. I’ve been working on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the kids have been watching Netflix or playing video games and The Boyfriend’s been working on The Moham Chronicles (his science fiction/fantasy book) and video games. That’s our week in a nutshell. How was your week?


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7 Days Away


There’s only one week left until I’m officially 25! I will be a quarter of a century old. I remember being a kid and wishing I could be 16 and then 25, because it was like the whole world was your oyster at those ages. Now that I’m getting there, I feel like I’m already older than that, but excited to see what 25 will bring for me.

To celebrate, I’ve created my first ever Birthday Wishlist and I thought I’d share some of the things that are on it with you…

First and foremost, is the Kindle Touch 3G. I’ve wanted one of these for a long time, because I think I’d be more likely to read way more often. Especially with thousands of books literally at my fingertips!

I’m a big fan of only two shows on TV, and two shows only! Gilmore Girls, which I’ve been fortunate to obtain all seasons of, and ER, which I haven’t ever been able to get. So, on my wishlist is seasons 1 through 15.

See the Wishlist

I’ve always wanted to read the entire Claiming of Sleeping Beauty trilogy. I’ve read the first book and still have to read the second, so it only makes sense that the trilogy is on my wishlist.

There’s also a magazine on the list that I’ve always wanted to subscribe to, a couple pieces of jewelry that I really love and one last thing that is totally hobby related and includes:

See My Birthday Wishlist

So, that’s what I’ve got on my list for this year. Do you keep wishlists for your birthday? What’s normally on them?


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Happy Birthday Monkey!


It’s hard to believe that it’s been four years since Keirnan was born. It’s also hard to believe how little I remember from when he was first born. I remember him being so tiny, and I remember desperately wanting to name him Monkey, because that’s what he looked like. I remember being sad that he had to stay in the hospital for a month, but I remember being relieved that he didn’t have to come home to a hotel room.

This is a busy time of year for us. Two weeks from now is Kaeidyn’s birthday, then it’s the fourth anniversary of me living in this house and then it’s Carter’s birthday. After that comes Halloween and my birthday and then Christmas. By January, I’m going to be exhausted!!!