The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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My 2013 Blogging-Type Goals


Blogging Goals 2013

Blogging Goals 2013

I’m not sure how much I’ve actually told you about this challenge that I’m doing – and at the moment, I’m the only one doing it but that’s okay, I’ll make it work. So tonight, not only am I going to tell you more about the challenge, but I’m also going to use TODAY’S INSPIRATION to write my own post. I’ve been semi-working on this list for month’s, but have been being an incredibly annoying perfectionist about it, so today, I’m throwing that out…

I’m not going to go into great detail about The Blog Everyday Challenge, because I’ve written about it pretty much everywhere you could imagine and because it’s title is pretty self-explanatory. You blog, every single day, for however long you want to set your goal to blog for is – could be days, weeks, months and even years. Our mission is to support you on that journey!

By joining our official group on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, you’ll get support and encouragement to keep you blogging everyday and you’ll also get to meet up with some great adult bloggers. But even if you’re not an adult blogger and still want to join in, we’ve got you covered.

There are even brand new products in the Blog-A-Holic Designs shop so that you can motivate yourself to keep blogging when the going gets tough and even products that you can customize to promote your blog (and the fact that you’re doing this challenge). I’ve been posting about that everywhere too, so I’m not going to say anymore about that…

So, that brings me to my very first goal. I really want to blog every single day for an entire year. So, my plan is to blog daily right here on The Rantings, and while I can’t guarantee what the ratio of adult posts to non-adult posts will be, I’m hoping that it will generally stick around even.

Some of my many other blogging-related/online/technology-type goals this year include:

  • Finish and post the second installment of 100+ Sexual Bucket List Ideas
  • Finish and post piece on different ways to communicate about using your sexual bucket list with your partner
  • Begin commenting on my reader’s blogs more often (because I always mean to and then always cower shamelessly in the internet corner)
  • Post at least 3 times a week to the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous blog
  • Post to The Blog Everyday Challenge group(s) every single day, come rain or shine, sickness or health!
  • Post a video to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous at least twice a week
  • Actually go through all my FetLife groups, ideally on a daily basis, but even once a week will be better than what I’m doing right now…
  • Post to Updates from the Head Blog-A-Holic at least twice a week
  • Add new products to Blog-A-Holic Designs at least once a week, which includes promoting said products on Tumblr blog
  • Actually start going through my drafts (on all the blogs…) and start finishing and publishing the pieces
  • Learn how to create an application for devices – just because I want to!
  • Step up my social networking game… This one requires quite a bit, but a couple of things that I vow to absolutely do this year:
    • Post every day to my personal Facebook page. It already streams my blog posts there and it shows stuff from the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tumblr blog twice a day, but I’d really like to start putting my own posts up there. Ideally, I’d use Facebook notes to kind of do a daily update about all the stuff I got done online that day… Here’s hoping!
    • Post every day to Twitter, at least once a day, because I’m really bad for forgetting all about Twitter
    • Start posting and using my YouTube accounts, both my personal and Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous one. One day, the LBA one will include uploaded videos, but at this point, I just don’t have time to focus on it. It’s something that is in the very early planning phases…
  • Figure out the one and only system that I’m going to use to curate content (ie. Digg, Delicious, Diigo, Bit.ly), because right now I seem to use a whole bunch of different things and it’s just not working out to my advantage at all…

I know that more will come to me the more I think about it, but I think this is looking like a pretty hefty list already. I guess another goal we can add to this, is to upgrade Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I had planned to do this before the New Year, but life kept getting in the way of that goal, so I don’t want to make any promises… But I really want to allow people video uploading and a video chat room (personally, I really want the chatroom, my members apparently want the video uploading).

So now, what are your blogging goals for 2013? Do you typically set goals for your blog, or is this your first time? 


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I Need Constructive Criticism…


I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time now. I really want some constructive criticism regarding the blog here. I can no longer keep my head when it comes to deciding what I like and what I hate. I know that it no longer feels right and I want to make a change, but I’m having the hardest time just focusing on this blog… Another issue of having so many.

Another issue is that my other blogs generally stick to a certain type of niche. I can keep things more organized and stuff. But this blog, about whatever this blog is about, is an unorganized mess and I’m just not getting the satisfaction that I’d like every time I hit publish. Instead, I think about how much of everything I want to change…

So, I desperately need your feedback. I just want to know what others think about the overall design of the blog, the content available, the navigation structure, the sidebar, etc. I want to know what you think and what you think could be better. Leave your comments with your thoughts and opinions and please… be nice! Also, I’m not trying to make this some money-earning promotion-laden venue, it’s literally just a space for me to write about life in general.

Thanks to everyone who responds. Your opinions are greatly appreciated and valued!


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My Week in Facebook Status Updates


August 20th, 2012:

“Aww my man is so sweet! I was craving listening to The Puppini Sisters, but our stereo was set up in the wrong spot, so he moved it first thing this morning for me. Stopped all my complaining dead in it’s tracks ;)”

August 19th, 2012:

“What a crazy day today. Made a wicked dinner, which included Cheddar Havarti Mashed Potatoes (thank you very much Cahlen), then taught Kaeidyn how to shave her legs so that she’d stop plucking all her hair out with tweezers and finally, used a freezie to make Carter feel better after he slammed his little man between the toilet lid and seat…

Is it bedtime yet?!?”

August 18th, 2012:

“They need to make a blow dryer that is completely silent so that I don’t wake anyone up blow drying my long ass hair… It’s the only way to brush it easily after washing it now…”

August 17th, 2012:

“So excited that we’re going shopping today. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to get groceries in my entire life! Kids have gone out to watch The Lorax and Carter is resting on the bed, so now it’s time for me to power clean my house and see if I can’t get another load of laundry done. It takes so long…”

August 16th, 2012:

“It only took about 8 years, but one of my kids finally had to go in to get stitches. Carter’s now got 2 of them on his head…”

August 15th, 2012:

“Hate that The Boyfriend has to go to work tonight, because I would so much rather just sit and cuddle and watch MI-5. Going to be a long night…”

August 14th, 2012:

“Well, made all my phonecalls that I needed to make today. Gotta get another load of dishes and laundry done and then going out with my Mom for a little bit and then I get to come home and put my feet up, feeling very accomplished! Off I go, hi ho hi ho!”

August 13th, 2012:

“It only took forever and a day, but I am finally back online and super happy to be back!!”

And now to let you all know here first, that I’m thinking about shutting down my Facebook Fan Page since I’m not really using it and instead just use my Facebook profile. Thoughts?


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Tips From My Readers


Over the last few months here on the blog, as I’ve complained more and more, my readers have become very involved in suggestions for how to improve the things that bother me. There have been some crazy great tips for me and my situation and today I’d like to shed some light on some of my reader’s greatest tips. I would really like to give a huge thank  you to all of you! You brighten my day just by commenting and your words have gotten me through challenging times. This is my virtual hug 😉

When I posted Long Time, No Sing back in January, I was quite pleased to receive a comment from a woman who has become a regular commenter on the blog. She’s posted some really helpful tips as I vented about all my sexual frustrations. Here are some of my favorites:

In response to my post Don’t Get Me Wrong, where I discussed my desire to have a female sexual partner, she talked a little about her relationship and then left these words of wisdom, which I still haven’t actually done, but I think that it would be much more likely to happen in my situation:

“My advice is maybe trying to find another female in a similar situation to you. Someone who’s in there own relationship but want’s to also explore the same things you desire. Your boyfriend may feel less threatened if the other girl you’re with has another primary relationship of her own.”

In response to my post Punished… where I expressed a strong desire to be punished for something, but was worried that I had “made my vanilla bed”, Jess gave this suggestion:

“Have you thought of initiating a little D/s. After the kids are in bed, slip into something sexy and crawl to him while wearing a collar and leash. Once you’re in front of him give him the leash and tell him your his to command. Something else would be handcuff yourself to the headboard (if you have one you can do this with) and wait for him. Maybe leave any kink toys (vibes, gags, blindfold, clamps, etc..) you have next to you on the bed. Once he comes in and sees you all helpless it should hopefully excite him to the point of wanting to use you.”

Surprisingly good advice. It won’t work every time, especially with The Boyfriend. I also wouldn’t say that so far it’s worked for anything D/s-ey, but since The Boyfriend’s recent promotion, the basic advice behind this comment has helped tremendously. Take charge and initiate, if you don’t, you won’t get laid. Ah the joys of having an exhausted boyfriend 😉 Another post where Jess had some great insight is on What Do You Do?, as I whined some more about the plights of my vanilla sex life. I’ll just let you read the post…

Then recently, on the post in the previous paragraph, financialfacade wrote this really great comment and while it doesn’t apply to my situation so much (because I know The Boyfriend takes no medication and definitely isn’t depressed), it’s really great advice if you’re partner has recently started experiencing a decrease in their libido or change in performance. I like that this comment touches not only on the physical aspects of male arousal but also on the mental and emotional aspects as well as societal pressures to not discuss male sexuality.

Awhile back, I had begun reading A Man In My Position, a great blog about female-led relationships. I was more than pleased and a little excited that the writer had commented on not only one, but two of my posts, so far! Elated, in a word. And I got tons of really great tips and some of them, I’ve used. First, on the post That Bastard!!, the tip I got started with:

“Lean back. Take control of the sexual elements of your life, straight and kinky; begin with simply saying “no”.

No sex, period for a week or two or until you are very much in the mood.”

Ladies, this is a tip that works! How many of my straight male readers would agree with this statement: Men want what they can’t have. The harder she is to get, the more you want her.”? If anymore than 5% of you say that you disagree, I will slap my ass and paint it blue! In my personal situation, the less I show that I’m craving it, the more he seems to want it. The more aloof I am to his desire (this includes his fully erect penis – which is not easy to play careless towards), the more he seems determined to show it off.

This one is really great, because it has nothing to do with sex at all. In the post I’m Too Young to Feel Old…, I moaned and groaned about how out of control life can feel sometimes. The days don’t seem long enough, the kids are a handful, my house is a mess, wah! wah! wah! Instead of saying, “Get off the pity train… No you don’t even deserve a train, you deserve a bus. You deserve a bus that can’t go over 30 km/h or it will explode! Whiny bitch…”, I got an almost obvious tip that I just hadn’t really considered:

“And, crazy as this may sound, set your own alarm for twenty minutes before the rest of the house wakes up. Take those twenty minutes and make a bit of good coffee for yourself. Drink it. Read a book you would actually like. Stare at the dawn.”

It’s different when you take this twenty minutes at the end of the day, trust me. At the end of the day, you have gone through the stress of the day, this is winding down. The beginning of the day, you’re setting the mood of the day, you’re preparing for the coming stress. It makes sense to take a few moments, whether it’s five minutes or ten, to set yourself up for anything that may stand in your way that day. If you get out of bed with five minutes to spare before you leave the house, and you’re running around like a chicken with your head cut off, and you’ve got the news and the computer and the cellphone and everything’s crazy, how do you think the rest of your day will be?

So again, thank you to all of my fabulous readers. Thanks for taking the time to comment, thanks for giving me some really great and usable suggestions and thanks for listening to all my whining! Your comments are what keep me coming back and I really just want to hug all of you. Thank you and thank you again!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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The 5 Most Popular Posts on The Rantings


I just surpassed my 100th post, so I thought it would be fun to share with you the 5 most viewed posts over the last *almost* year… It feels longer than that! So here’s to my wonderful readers and viewers, thanks for making these posts the most popular posts!

  1. 100+ Sexual Bucket List Ideas

    Seriously, the best post I ever could have written. This post has earned me so much traffic and almost every single day it gets views. So far, it has been viewed 1, 104 times!!

  2. Sexual To-Do List

    It’s an oldie, but apparently a goodie. It’s been viewed 118 times. It’s my own to do list that I created almost a year ago, so it’s changed and transformed over time.

  3. An Intro to Sexual Bucket Lists

    Of course, if 100+ Sexual Bucket List Ideas is on this list, then the intro to that post would be on this list too. 78 views on this one!

  4. My Sexual Pity Party

    Apparently 40 people like listening to me whine about all my sexual regrets.

  5. The Test Boy and Me

    So, I’m noticing a definite pattern here. My entire Top 5 is all sex-related… My first, technically, play party. The Test Boy lets me practice on him and I recount my excitement.

So which one of these posts is your favorite? Had you read any of them before? What posts weren’t on the list that you thought should have been?
This post is intended for adults 18+


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From the Vault: Favorites from my First Year


The Rantings of a Tortured Mind has kind of always been evolving and changing. My vision for what I want this blog to be seems to constantly be changing as well. At first, I wanted to keep it strictly PG and about the kids, but that didn’t last long since I never felt like I had much to add. Then I wanted it to be about my life in general, but then I realized that I have a pretty boring life.

I’ve basically decided to drop the vision and just let this blog be the way it will be. I’m trying harder everyday to not think that seriously about it, being that this blog is supposed to be for me to express myself. I’ll have visions for my other blogs.

My first post was on August 21, 2010. Wouldn’t you know, it was a quote. In the beginning, I had these scheduled to go off everyday. Then I got out of it, but have since brought it back on my Tumblr blog, Valerie Rayne’s Randomness.

My first post about me and my interest in BDSM was The Test Boy and Me. My first technically, play party, though I’m sure that’s not what most play parties are like. It was just me, The Boyfriend and two other people. But it was incredible.

On August 29, 2010, I recorded the first, and so far only *knocks on wood*, fight The Boyfriend and I have ever gotten into. September 2010 was a busy months with the most posts so far at 24. Some of my favorite posts from that month include:

In Wrote This While Offline, you can get an idea of what I want in a BDSM relationship and of course there’s my Sexual Pity Party. One of my favorite posts about sexuality is Finally Vulnerable!
Also, of course, are my music videos. First is my cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” and my version of Amazing Grace. You can also check out newer videos by heading over to my YouTube channel.
So there’s a highlight of my 12 favorite posts from my first year of blogging. What do you think? What is your favorite post from The Vault?