The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Tips From My Readers


Over the last few months here on the blog, as I’ve complained more and more, my readers have become very involved in suggestions for how to improve the things that bother me. There have been some crazy great tips for me and my situation and today I’d like to shed some light on some of my reader’s greatest tips. I would really like to give a huge thank  you to all of you! You brighten my day just by commenting and your words have gotten me through challenging times. This is my virtual hug 😉

When I posted Long Time, No Sing back in January, I was quite pleased to receive a comment from a woman who has become a regular commenter on the blog. She’s posted some really helpful tips as I vented about all my sexual frustrations. Here are some of my favorites:

In response to my post Don’t Get Me Wrong, where I discussed my desire to have a female sexual partner, she talked a little about her relationship and then left these words of wisdom, which I still haven’t actually done, but I think that it would be much more likely to happen in my situation:

“My advice is maybe trying to find another female in a similar situation to you. Someone who’s in there own relationship but want’s to also explore the same things you desire. Your boyfriend may feel less threatened if the other girl you’re with has another primary relationship of her own.”

In response to my post Punished… where I expressed a strong desire to be punished for something, but was worried that I had “made my vanilla bed”, Jess gave this suggestion:

“Have you thought of initiating a little D/s. After the kids are in bed, slip into something sexy and crawl to him while wearing a collar and leash. Once you’re in front of him give him the leash and tell him your his to command. Something else would be handcuff yourself to the headboard (if you have one you can do this with) and wait for him. Maybe leave any kink toys (vibes, gags, blindfold, clamps, etc..) you have next to you on the bed. Once he comes in and sees you all helpless it should hopefully excite him to the point of wanting to use you.”

Surprisingly good advice. It won’t work every time, especially with The Boyfriend. I also wouldn’t say that so far it’s worked for anything D/s-ey, but since The Boyfriend’s recent promotion, the basic advice behind this comment has helped tremendously. Take charge and initiate, if you don’t, you won’t get laid. Ah the joys of having an exhausted boyfriend 😉 Another post where Jess had some great insight is on What Do You Do?, as I whined some more about the plights of my vanilla sex life. I’ll just let you read the post…

Then recently, on the post in the previous paragraph, financialfacade wrote this really great comment and while it doesn’t apply to my situation so much (because I know The Boyfriend takes no medication and definitely isn’t depressed), it’s really great advice if you’re partner has recently started experiencing a decrease in their libido or change in performance. I like that this comment touches not only on the physical aspects of male arousal but also on the mental and emotional aspects as well as societal pressures to not discuss male sexuality.

Awhile back, I had begun reading A Man In My Position, a great blog about female-led relationships. I was more than pleased and a little excited that the writer had commented on not only one, but two of my posts, so far! Elated, in a word. And I got tons of really great tips and some of them, I’ve used. First, on the post That Bastard!!, the tip I got started with:

“Lean back. Take control of the sexual elements of your life, straight and kinky; begin with simply saying “no”.

No sex, period for a week or two or until you are very much in the mood.”

Ladies, this is a tip that works! How many of my straight male readers would agree with this statement: Men want what they can’t have. The harder she is to get, the more you want her.”? If anymore than 5% of you say that you disagree, I will slap my ass and paint it blue! In my personal situation, the less I show that I’m craving it, the more he seems to want it. The more aloof I am to his desire (this includes his fully erect penis – which is not easy to play careless towards), the more he seems determined to show it off.

This one is really great, because it has nothing to do with sex at all. In the post I’m Too Young to Feel Old…, I moaned and groaned about how out of control life can feel sometimes. The days don’t seem long enough, the kids are a handful, my house is a mess, wah! wah! wah! Instead of saying, “Get off the pity train… No you don’t even deserve a train, you deserve a bus. You deserve a bus that can’t go over 30 km/h or it will explode! Whiny bitch…”, I got an almost obvious tip that I just hadn’t really considered:

“And, crazy as this may sound, set your own alarm for twenty minutes before the rest of the house wakes up. Take those twenty minutes and make a bit of good coffee for yourself. Drink it. Read a book you would actually like. Stare at the dawn.”

It’s different when you take this twenty minutes at the end of the day, trust me. At the end of the day, you have gone through the stress of the day, this is winding down. The beginning of the day, you’re setting the mood of the day, you’re preparing for the coming stress. It makes sense to take a few moments, whether it’s five minutes or ten, to set yourself up for anything that may stand in your way that day. If you get out of bed with five minutes to spare before you leave the house, and you’re running around like a chicken with your head cut off, and you’ve got the news and the computer and the cellphone and everything’s crazy, how do you think the rest of your day will be?

So again, thank you to all of my fabulous readers. Thanks for taking the time to comment, thanks for giving me some really great and usable suggestions and thanks for listening to all my whining! Your comments are what keep me coming back and I really just want to hug all of you. Thank you and thank you again!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous News


Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous

It’s been awhile since I wrote a post about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the free social networking community for adult, lifestyle and sex bloggers that I run. When in reality, it’s all I’ve been working on lately, so it’s a surprise that I haven’t written anything here. I told some people at work about it and they laughed and said it’s hilarious. I took it pretty hard the first time, but now I just kind of laugh along. It’s hard to believe that I spend as much time on this thing as I do sometimes…. So, there’s been quite a bit new over there, let’s jump to it.

Newly Added Features

Recently, Spruz, the platform that Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is hosted on, underwent a pretty major update which included the ability to add the discussions and events features to the groups feature. So, we’ve made it so that every group can now host events and instead of using the old Topics, they can use the new Discussions – so far it’s working out really nicely.

We’ve also added the Blog Directory, though it’s really more of a link directory. You can post links to all your favorite blogs and websites and other users can comment on them, rate them and more! You can even check out what we’ve got added so far and comment and rate our links!

New on the Blog

I’ve been trying to write as much as physically possible on the blog lately. It’s a lot harder than you would think it is, but this is some of what’s new right now!

“When I created my personal sex bucket list on my blog The Rantings of a Tortured Mind about a year or so ago, I thought that kink was going to be possible. The Boyfriend was showing a lot of interest, it was all looking like that was the way it was going.

Now, a year later, it’s been about that long since I’ve had any kink in my life. The interest on his part has completely left and now I am definitely not getting my kink on! Needless to say, my bucket list has evolved with this same thing. Even though I’d still like to do those things one day, I’d like to keep it realistic enough that it’s not depressing.”

[READ MORE…]

Download our special report detailing 10 totally different ways to generate blog post ideas for your adult blog! These 10 activities are sure to get your creative juices flowing and help you come up with some of your greatest posts ever!”

[READ MORE…]

“Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous has been on Facebook for some time now. We’ve been rather slowly wading in the Facebook waters, especially as there have been some issues reported about “questionable content” on Facebook. But recently, we liked a bunch of a pages and our Facebook page has really picked up. So, here’s the 4 reasons you should become a Facebook fan!”

[READ MORE…]

Forum Discussions of Interest

The forums have kind of slowed down as we experiment with the new Discussions featured. Spruz has mentioned that one day the forums may go bye-bye, and we’ll have to use the Discussions feature, so we’re preparing. But until that happens, the forums will still be around, so here’s some of the best conversations happening now:

Groups of Greatness

Spruz Owner's Group on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Spruz Owner’s Group

If you run a social network on the Spruz platform, join this group for tips, tricks, advice and more!

Not Getting My Kink On... Group on Lifestyle Bloggers AnonymousNot Getting My Kink On…

The trials and tribulations of being a kinkster in a vanilla relationship.

Awesome Video

While there’s been a lot of really great videos added to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and you can always see more by checking us out on YouTube, here’s our most favorite right now. Laci Green of Sex+ gives us an education in vagina’s in 90 seconds!!

New Blog Launched

That’s right!! It’s been a long time coming, but we’ve finally launched our Tumblr blog, featuring the best sex, kink and blogging-related randomness from around the world wide web. We’re even giving you the ability to submit your own favorites and ask us questions about the above topics.

You’ll get pictures, quotes, videos and tons of links to our favorite stuff everywhere!! So be sure to stay tuned for updates and if you’re on Tumblr, be sure to follow us! Visit Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on Tumblr Today!

Now What…

So now, I’d like to invite you to head on over to Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. If you’re a member, check out all the stuff that’s been added to the site and if you’re not a member, become one absolutely FREE today! Leave your comments here and let me know what you think about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. Thanks for reading!


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It’s not the Quantity, It’s the Quality!


A few weeks ago, I began writing a post about how my favorite rule about penis size also applied to social media efforts.

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I know it’s been awhile since I wrote, and I have a couple comments to reply to, and I’m sorry that I haven’t yet. It’s been a little crazy here, but as soon as I get a chance, I will write again and reply to comments. Thanks to everyone who has commented – you know who you are!

Be back soon!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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The 5 Most Popular Posts on The Rantings


I just surpassed my 100th post, so I thought it would be fun to share with you the 5 most viewed posts over the last *almost* year… It feels longer than that! So here’s to my wonderful readers and viewers, thanks for making these posts the most popular posts!

  1. 100+ Sexual Bucket List Ideas

    Seriously, the best post I ever could have written. This post has earned me so much traffic and almost every single day it gets views. So far, it has been viewed 1, 104 times!!

  2. Sexual To-Do List

    It’s an oldie, but apparently a goodie. It’s been viewed 118 times. It’s my own to do list that I created almost a year ago, so it’s changed and transformed over time.

  3. An Intro to Sexual Bucket Lists

    Of course, if 100+ Sexual Bucket List Ideas is on this list, then the intro to that post would be on this list too. 78 views on this one!

  4. My Sexual Pity Party

    Apparently 40 people like listening to me whine about all my sexual regrets.

  5. The Test Boy and Me

    So, I’m noticing a definite pattern here. My entire Top 5 is all sex-related… My first, technically, play party. The Test Boy lets me practice on him and I recount my excitement.

So which one of these posts is your favorite? Had you read any of them before? What posts weren’t on the list that you thought should have been?


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July 7, 2011 Central Alberta Storm (There’s Videos!!)


I’m hating the weather this summer so far. Have I ever told you how much I despise storms? My greatest fear in life is that I’ll be taken out by a natural disaster. It used to be lightening, then it changed to an unexplained fire, and now it is 100% a tornado.


Near Penhold, Alberta

On Thursday, we had a wicked storm and it was the first time I’ve ever been a part of a city that had a tornado warning that advised you to “take shelter immediately”. The worst part about the entire thing was that The Boyfriend had walked to the store…

So as we normally do when there’s a storm, we go out on the balcony and check out the rain, the lightening, the thunder and really I’m checking to see if I think it looks rough enough to be down in my bathroom! I walk outside and it’s still pretty light out, but I see a father and his daughter underneath of an umbrella. Then I see the Dad point to the sky and then they ran back into the house. Automatically I thought, shit a tornado is coming and I don’t know if The Boyfriend is going to be safe.

Clouds began billowing up into the sky at a speed that I’ve never seen before. The only thing at all that brought me comfort is that there was a plane following the storm and passing through the absolutely wicked clouds. It’s interesting to me how many people, when every information source is telling you to take shelter, will go outside. The street filled with people as my neighbor tells me a tornado has just touched down outside of Innisfail.


Near Penhold, Alberta

Then it starts hailing wickedly. Of course when I first learned of all the tornado warnings, I automatically read up on the internet about disaster preparedness. I knew what to do if there was a tornado, but I wanted some reassurance that I absolutely knew, just in case! Rain is usually not present during a tornado, but hail is. So that set off even more panic as I paced frantically in the living room wondering if I should wake all the kids up to go hide in the bathroom while we waited for The Boyfriend to get back.

By the time The Boyfriend got back, the hail had stopped and the sky behind our house turned a brilliant blue with light fluffy clouds. All I have to say is thank goodness for The Weather Network and @AB_EmergAlert. Because if I wouldn’t of been able to check those two things every few minutes, I’m sure a panic attack would’ve hit.


Near Sundre and Olds, Alberta

So far, no injuries have been reported even though a total of 4 (last I heard) tornadoes touched down in Central Alberta. No idea how many funnel clouds there were, I know of 2 in Red Deer alone. Though I don’t even want to know how many people, who all feel the same way about tornadoes as I do, are still worrying about it.

The last two nights has been pretty windy at night. It seems to be pretty calm during the day, just some cloudy skies. Then we get to night and the wind picks up. Falling asleep has been pretty darn hard, because being defenseless worries me. At least during the day, you can see the storm a-brewing. At night, not so much.

I hope, for my sake and for the others who are scared of storms, that this is the last bad storm of the year. I know it probably won’t happen, but I definitely don’t like when it happens and even more so, I hope that if it does happen, The Boyfriend is at least at home when it does. I also hope that this crappy weather goes away soon, so that I can get a really good nights sleep…

What natural disaster scares you the most? Or are you one of the lucky soles who isn’t really afraid of it? Have you ever witnessed a tornado or other disaster? Let’s talk storms people!

This post is intended for adults 18+


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From the Vault: Favorites from my First Year


The Rantings of a Tortured Mind has kind of always been evolving and changing. My vision for what I want this blog to be seems to constantly be changing as well. At first, I wanted to keep it strictly PG and about the kids, but that didn’t last long since I never felt like I had much to add. Then I wanted it to be about my life in general, but then I realized that I have a pretty boring life.

I’ve basically decided to drop the vision and just let this blog be the way it will be. I’m trying harder everyday to not think that seriously about it, being that this blog is supposed to be for me to express myself. I’ll have visions for my other blogs.

My first post was on August 21, 2010. Wouldn’t you know, it was a quote. In the beginning, I had these scheduled to go off everyday. Then I got out of it, but have since brought it back on my Tumblr blog, Valerie Rayne’s Randomness.

My first post about me and my interest in BDSM was The Test Boy and Me. My first technically, play party, though I’m sure that’s not what most play parties are like. It was just me, The Boyfriend and two other people. But it was incredible.

On August 29, 2010, I recorded the first, and so far only *knocks on wood*, fight The Boyfriend and I have ever gotten into. September 2010 was a busy months with the most posts so far at 24. Some of my favorite posts from that month include:

In Wrote This While Offline, you can get an idea of what I want in a BDSM relationship and of course there’s my Sexual Pity Party. One of my favorite posts about sexuality is Finally Vulnerable!
Also, of course, are my music videos. First is my cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” and my version of Amazing Grace. You can also check out newer videos by heading over to my YouTube channel.
So there’s a highlight of my 12 favorite posts from my first year of blogging. What do you think? What is your favorite post from The Vault?


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The Best of Valerie Rayne’s Randomness


Along the top of this blog, you’ll notice a menu item called Random. This will take you to my Tumblr blog, Valerie Rayne’s Randomness. On this blog, I post tons of my favorite quotes, my answers to Formspring questions, my Plinky posts and tons and tons more.

In the short time that Valerie Rayne’s Randomness has been online, I’ve published almost 50 more posts there than I have for this blog which has been running for over a year. Mostly because it’s much easier to post randomness or answer writing prompts than it is to tell you the intimate details of my mind or put into words a vivid story or write an informative article.

Today, I’d like to bring you some of my favorite random moments from Valerie Rayne’s Randomness. You can also ask me questions and submit your own favorite randomness, plus check out some of the other Tumblr blogs I’m following and some of my favorite Tumblr posts.

Quotes

Plinky Posts

Formspring Answers

More Randomness

So there’s a recap of the last 112 posts on Valerie Rayne’s Randomness. Don’t hesitate to check them out, leave your comments and ask me some of your own questions or submit your own randomness.
You can also check me out on Formspring and ask me questions there or read my posts on Plinky. I’ll do these update posts every 100 posts or so, so expect to see this again.