The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Finally Catching Up On 1000+ Unread Posts


It’s a seriously daunting task whenever I “forget” to check in on my Google Reader for awhile and then go back and see some of the numbers next to my unread count amounting to large numbers. Like for instance, the 1000+ posts from Mashable that I haven’t read in my Google Reader (though I follow them on Facebook, so catch some of the posts while I’m checking that). And after every time that I spend some time away from the computer, I spend a lot of time catching up on everything… It takes a few days, but once it’s done, I find it rejuvenating and inspiring.

Let’s take a walk through some of the awesome posts I’ve missed in my absence:

  • From my Blogging & Social Media Folder

    The following posts are from some of my favorite blogs about Blogging, Social Media and Tech:

    • It’s Possible To Post To Facebook From The Afterlife
      Author: Justin Lafferty | Source: AllFacebook.com

      This kind of thing has been on mind a lot lately. I don’t want to just die and have nothing ever said to the one’s I really care about. I think being able to do it on Facebook is awesome, because who doesn’t use Facebook? However, I also think that it’s impersonal and a little creepy. I don’t want to go onto Facebook to constantly be reminded of my dead friends…

    • INFOGRAPHIC: Ways to Get More Shares on Facebook
      Author: Justin Lafferty | Source: AllFacebook.com

      I’m always a huge fan of infographics. I’m not sure what it is about them that I love so much, I just know that I really like getting my information in infographic form. This one offers up a couple of ways to get more shares on Facebook including posting at particular times of day and more frequently as well as using your authentic voice and captivating images. Good tips!

    • Why Google Glass Could Be Bad For Your Eyes
      Author: Samantha Murphy | Source: Mashable

      I think, even if Google Glass was bad for my eyes, I’d probably still want a pair…

    • Google Glass May Arrive for Consumers by End of Year
      Author: Emily Price | Source: Mashable

      Say what?!? By the end of the year?!? And really, considering what these things are supposed to be able to do, $1500 isn’t that outrageous. I want it!!

    • 10 Awesome Things That Happened At The Star Trek Reunion
      Author: AshleyRose Sullivan | Source: Mashable

      With all my recent musings about Star Trek, it’s no wonder that this is added to my list. I’ve kind of become really obsessed and have more than once searched the internet for both Brent Spiner (my most favorite character on the show) and Patrick Stewart (because how can you not love Jean-Luc Picard?!?). They all sound like an epic crew!

  • From My Favorites Folder

    The following posts are from bloggers who I can consider to be people I look up to and are typically bloggers that I’ve been following for years:

    • I’m Online
      Author: lunaKM | Source: lunaKM

      One thing that I love about the way that lunaKM writes is how she pulls you into her situation. While you may not be experiencing popularity from your blog, you can understand what she’s going through and how she’s talking about it. I love being pulled into her world!

    • Sex Addiction – Dr Jenn & Dr. Neil Cannon
      Author: Dr. Jenn | Source: Dr. Jenn’s Den

      In this episode of In The Den with Dr. Jenn, there is short discussion about sex addiction and the issues with labeling someone as a sex addict and how to deal with it if you feel you have it. I’ve often been curious about sex addiction and think that I would make a great sex therapist specializing in this matter.

    • The Hubba-Hubba Girl: Evelyn West, double bill
      Author: Gloria | Source: Gloria’s Oversexed Mind

      I absolutely loved the video in this post. It’s cute how she tells you where she got her clothes as she’s taking them off. I don’t where Gloria finds this stuff, but it’s pretty freaking spectacular. I’m sharing tons of her stuff over on the Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Tumblr blog!

    • Butt Bongo, the hipster version
      Author: Gloria | Source: Gloria’s Oversexed Mind

      Okay, this one is so good that I’m just reposting the entire video! You all know that I’m a fan of hand-drumming, based on my post This Should Be a Viral Video… IMHO, but this one is so so so so so much better than that! Now I just need to decide if I want to be the drummer or the drum…

I’ll leave it on that note, though there are a couple other really great posts, like this one from Submissive guide about boot-blacking or this one about prostate massage from a contributor to SexIs. There’s just too much good stuff to read! What’s your favorite post and why?

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Just Found the Coolest Thing


Since it’s been so long since I’ve been on the computer, I was getting re-acquainted tonight and checking in on some of the old accounts that I have that I haven’t accessed in forever, such as my YouTube and Goodreads accounts. In the process, I checked in on my Formspring account, which I really haven’t checked at all since I first got it. Don’t ask me why, because I couldn’t tell you. Sincerely going to start using it again…

Anyways, I hopped over to lunaKM’s feed (because I follow her just about everywhere) and someone had asked her about something called Slave Control Software and immediately I was curious. lunaKM had never personally used this software, but I jumped over to the site and gave a quick little read. The site itself doesn’t really have that much information on it, but essentially, it’s two different programs used to train a slave – all from the comfort of the home computer.

First, I downloaded the Virtual Master program. The description is as follows:

“The program enables a sub to design her/his own “virtual master/mistress” to which she/he can report, ask permissions, ask instructions etc. Or it enables a master/mistress to set up a set of rules for a sub, who can send reports back to the master. The program is intended for long term use.”

The program comes with two demos, one for males and one for females – though I’m almost positive that gender really doesn’t matter… I tested out the female demo and let me tell you, I’m hella impressed with this program and can’t wait to begin experimenting with making my very own scripts. Don’t know who I’ll use them on, other than myself, but it could be a lot of fun!

First things first, you start out with merit points – 500 of them to be exact. At this point, your status is “Normal”. The very first thing that happens is the program gives you a list of assignments that must be completed by a certain date and a certain time. This demo version included:

  • Clean the kitchen
  • Clean the bathroom
  • Vacuum the house
  • Write 20 lines about being a slave
  • Write 20 times: “I want to be the best slave I can be”

Now, be warned… If you click on these assignments and claim that you have done something and really haven’t, it’ll dock you merit points and give you a punishment. For example, I clicked on Clean the kitchen and then clicked that I was done immediately afterwards. A message box popped up, “It only took you 6 seconds to clean the kitchen?” and I got merit points docked off and got a No TV for 4 Days punishment… The line-writing assignments you do directly within the program and it tracks the number of lines you’ve written and sends a report to your virtual master.

There are way more cool features about this program as well. For instance, you can set up the rules to be anything you want. Rules include things you have to ask permission for, things you have to report doing, reasons why you may have to confess, rules regarding clothing and specific instructions. In the female demo mode, the rules are as follows:

  • Permissions
    You must ask permission to:

    • Eat
    • Go to the toilet
    • Masturbate
    • Smoke
    • Etc.
  • Reports
    You must report when:

    • You wake up and go to bed
    • Have guests and when they leave
    • Go to work and come home
    • Etc.
  • Confessions
    You must confess when:

    • You have an erotic fantasy
    • Forgot to ask permission
    • Etc.
  • Clothing
    You must ask for specific clothing instructions for these situations:

    • Going out
    • At home
    • Etc.
  • Instructions
    You must always ask for instructions on how to:

    • Eat
    • Sleep

So, now that we’ve covered some of the rules that have been put in place for the demo, we can look at what else we can do. Of course, these rules can be changed based on the scripts you write for the program. I haven’t delved into the Script Writing Manual or even attempted to write my first script with it, but when I do, I’ll let you know how it goes.

You can also communicate directly with your virtual master. You can ask for specific instructions, ask for punishments and report on your assignment progress as well as confess your sins and report on what you’re wearing. Honestly, I think I’m going to have fun experimenting with this download.

If you’re interested, check out the Slave Control Software website and let it be known that this is a totally awesome and absolutely free download. Then, leave your comments and let me know what you think of this software. Would you use this and if you did, how do you think you would? What rules and punishments would you include?


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Overwhelming Sadness


It’s been a really long time since I last wrote and I’m hating it, but frankly, I have had absolutely no desire at all to get on the computer. I’ve barely had any desire to do anything. To be quite honest, I think I’m just finally breaking out of a couple week’s long bout of depression… Almost 5 years without any signs of it and now it feels like it’s been creeping in on me.

There have been no real reasons behind this at all, just a general feeling of sadness that has persisted despite everything I’ve done to change it – save for taking any medication. Maybe it all stems from the fact that I began losing interest in the computer and so haven’t been on it for quite a long time. It’s to the point where the whole family is getting annoyed that I’m not going on the computer anymore…

It’s also been a pretty rough couple of weeks these last few. From all the dealings with child service (yes, we’re still dealing with them), to the kids really misbehaving, to a general lack of money and a house that I can’t seem to keep clean, it’s all just a little overwhelming. It just keeps feeling like there is disappointment at every single corner and the disappointments in everything are just stacking up now.

And really, I’ve only had 2 really bad days, during a period where every word Kaeidyn and I were saying to each other resulted in a fight. For those two days, going to bed was full of tears and the moment my eyes opened in the moment, full of tears. It’s so much rougher than I ever anticipated it could be with an 8-year-old that is so full of attitude. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sympathetic towards my Mom and what she had to go through with me at those ages. And frankly, I’m terrified of her getting any older than this.

The boys have also had more energy than they know what to do with. So, I’ve got the mental exhaustion of Kaeidyn and the physical exhaustion of Kenzie, Keirnan and Carter and while I have a great help in The Boyfriend, there are just too many times when he’s not here and I’m left alone to deal with it all. Add on top of all of that that I feel like I’m never dealing with it in a way that makes me feel good when I walk away from it, and it’s hard to not spend my entire days thinking about how much I’m failing as a Mom and that just generally makes you feel crappy.

The people in my life that matter to me, like my Mom and The Boyfriend and a few others, tell me that I’m not absolutely failing as a Mom. In The Boyfriend’s eyes, I’m the best Mom out there and I do so much for the kids and he wouldn’t ask for anyone else to be the Mom to his kid. Of course, I always think he’s just saying those things because he feels obligated to say them or just because he doesn’t know any better himself. My Mom will tell me that I’m not absolutely failing, just that I have a few areas to work on, to improve. But still, not the crappiest Mom in the world. But for some reason, the people that doesn’t matter to me at all in my life, such as child services, they say that I’m not the best Mom and I take that as I’m a total failure who is obviously not meant to raise these kids.

More than once in the past few weeks have I seriously considered sending the older three to live with their Dad or to just plain tell child services to take them, because the feeling that I can’t do it at all, that I can’t be a good parent to them is sometimes so overwhelming that I feel like giving up. And then I feel horrible for feeling like giving up, because I’ve always been prideful of the fact that I’ve been here for these kids through thick and thin, no matter what, for their entire lives. I’ve never given up, so it’s incredible difficult on an emotional level to have those thoughts at any time… To think about giving up.

I imagine, now that The Boyfriend has finally gotten me back on the computer, that you can expect another post in a day or so. But this was just a started to let you know some of what’s been going on that has kept me away from you. Feels good to finally write again!