Not Going Good

November 1, 2012 by Anyone Leave a comment

I don’t feel like I’m in a good way today… Hell, I don’t feel like I’ve been in a good way for weeks now. First of all, I’m re-sick again. I began feeling better, I was finally able to breathe through my nose and I was just dealing with a cough and then I woke up two days ago with my throat absolutely scratching away and my nose all runny again. And it’s happening to everyone.

Kaeidyn was up half the night last night coughing and growling through her stuffed nose, keeping The Boyfriend awake. He’s now into the constant headaches part of this cold and Kenzie woke up this morning hacking his lungs out. Carter has had a non-stop runny/stuffed nose for a good couple of weeks now. But I’m most pissed that I’ve restarted this cold.

I don’t do well with colds. They make all of me hurt. I can’t sleep properly at night, I can’t wake up properly during the day, I can’t function like a normal person when I’m sick. And don’t even get me started on how much I’m not functioning and how much that’s bringing me completely down. I feel myself just wanting to sleep my entire life away and apparently that’s what I’ve been trying to achieve.

But I am downright exhausted… I think the earliest I’ve gone to bed in the last few weeks was around 1 AM. Last night, I was up until way after 3 in the morning, just tossing and turning. Other nights, I stay awake listening to all the sounds in the house. Other nights, I just lay there awake and cannot finally sleep. Finally, I guess, exhaustion consumes me and I eventually fall asleep – hours and hours after everyone has already fallen asleep.

By the time the alarm goes off at 6:30, I’m just starting to actually get into a deep sleep. So I sleep through The Boyfriend’s alarm. He resets it for 7:30 and that’s when the kids are supposed to wake up to get ready for school – though every morning but today, they’re normally up way before that. I’ve been staying in bed when they wake up, half awake, half asleep and make sure they grab everything they need for school. Then after they leave, I tend to fall right back to sleep to catch up on the hours of sleep that I’ve missed. And it’s a terrible habit…

Today, I woke up earlier than usual because the kids were all getting into candy, they were all being loud and rambunctious, and the phone would not stop ringing. The second I sat up in bed, I just felt today being the world’s crappiest day. The Boyfriend called from work and broke more bad news to me and now I can’t stop feeling like I’m on the verge of crying. I don’t want to move and I just want to go back to sleep…

I am just so tired of this life not being kind to me. Every time I think that things are starting to get better for us in anyway, the universe has to bring me back down to reality and remind me that apparently, things are never going to start getting better for us. It’s pissing me off a lot. We were so excited about the big chunk of money we’d be saving in bills and rent when we moved into this place and so far, we’re not seeing that change at all. Somehow, our money is lasting less time. And while a small portion of that can be accounted for in extra food expenditures (since our kids are always hungry), I just don’t know where the rest of it’s going.

There is literally too much that I can whine about. I was doing good keeping the house clean and then this cold hit and now I can’t seem to bring myself to want to do any cleaning whatsoever. Like I said, I just want to sleep… I look around the house and automatically feel exhausted and automatically have to force myself not to just climb back into bed. Things are just not going good for me…