The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

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Moody McMooderson

Today, I have felt like I’m on a roller coaster ride with my emotions. I’m all over the place. I wake up this morning and I’m all happy-go-lucky, then I watch some YouTube and for some reason, begin to get extremely agitated. The kids came home from school and at first I was all in love, then I was all annoyed and then, as dinner finished baking, I was sentimental and playful.

We watched Raising Hope on Netflix (which is such a cute show and I can’t believe I missed it when we still had cable…) and I flopped from not being able to hear it well enough one moment, to laughing or tearing up the next (depending on the situation in the show). The older kids went to bed, so immediately I felt relief and if a sigh didn’t actually escape my lips, it definitely had glided out of my body.

So I decided, what a perfect time to whip out the piano and play me some tuneage. But then, Carter came up behind me and started reaching around my arms to get at the keys. Instead of letting this consume me with bitterness, I succumbed to it and let him play with me. We experimented with the sounds, we played some stuff together and I even let him play alone. After a good 45 minutes had went by, I decided I was done. It was my turn to play.

We got him into bed, happily cradling his bottle, and I sat down in front of the keyboard again. As I struck the first note, The Boyfriend grabbed his Xbox mic, slid it onto his head and began, “Hey, how are you?”. See, he’s started playing Modern Warfare online with some of his buddies from work. It keeps him incredibly entertained and if it didn’t make him feel so guilty always playing video games, I’d never see him again.

I’m used to this kind of behavior. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had would rather spend all his spare time playing video games or watching movies that I sincerely hate. The Boyfriend is the worst for this! His only hobby is his video games (oh, and sort of Nascar… That one’s way less annoying though!), so whenever he can he likes to get on there and now that he’s got friends who play, he insists on putting this mic on.

When I’m not playing piano, I think it’s cute. It doesn’t bother me since I’m not making any other noises than typing when he’s playing his games. I’m okay with his nerdy social life. So my emotions went crazy during the first few minutes of this. First I was just outright annoyed, then I was “okay” with it because I had decided that I was just going to suck at piano anyways, so what was the point. I went out to the kitchen and got myself a drink and refilled Carter’s bottle and decided that I was just going to play piano. Whatever if I sucked, whatever about The Boyfriend’s mic. It doesn’t affect his time on it when I’m playing and I’ve done it before so what’s the difference.

I sit in front of my keyboards all ready to conquer that stuff, and look up at the screen and just feel completely bored! Needless to say, I haven’t played piano, I’m moodier than I like to be, I’m missing a guitar like crazy and I want to work on my website but I feel to moody! ARGH!!!

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Not a Whole Heck of a lot New…

Not a whole heck of a lot going on around here lately. I’ve been hard at work on the re-design of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, which is going okay I guess. I don’t want to add too much to the site before the re-design because that’s more work for me once it comes time. I’m hoping we’ll upgrade the site in November and then shut it down for the re-design in December and relaunch in January. That’s the plan as it stands so far.

The cool thing about the upgrade and re-design is that I’ll finally have a chatroom on the site and we’ll even offer video uploading, which I’ve wanted on the site for a long time. I’ll also finally be free of the limit on the number of members that can join – not that that really matters, because the 50 members that I currently have on there are almost never participating. It seems to pick up every once and awhile and then they all disappear and you don’t hear from them forever. I need to figure out how to change that…

I’ve also been playing a lot of my electric keyboards lately. I swear I’m never going to get the hang of this… I seem to have the basics down, but going any further than that seems like it’s physically impossible. I think I’m just not made for electric keyboards. I’m made for the guitar! One day, I’ll get a new one, but right now, it’s just really not in the budget.

The biggest thing that I’m noticing, besides the fact that I can only play something so stupidly simple with my left hand, is that my rhythm seems to get a little screwed up no matter how well I know the song. I either start off too slow or too fast and then have to adjust later on in the song. However, I am learning a lot of songs that I wouldn’t typically learn on the guitar. The Boyfriend has also gotten more involved in picking which songs I should learn next, so that’s been really fun.

In other news, everyone is still battling this cold. It almost feels like we’ll never be healthy again… I’m blaming it on the weather we’re having. It isn’t exactly bad weather, but it’s the season change. It also seems like once one of us begins getting over the cold, someone else gets it really bad, and then we’re all back to sick. It’s taking a toll on everything!

So that’s pretty much we’re doing around here. Anyone got any awesome plans for Halloween?

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Kaeidyn’s an Artist

Awhile back, The Boyfriend and I were trying to find blank pages in our notebooks – which the kids have stolen and covered almost every single page with scribbles, doodles and all sorts of fun drawings. While the boys are still all mostly in circles and lines, Kaeidyn has become quite the little artist, drawing complex pictures and lots of interesting things. Here’s just a few of her most recent works:

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This post is intended for adults 18+

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He Should Be Sick More Often…

Even though I’m still getting over this stupid cold and even though The Boyfriend is in the worst part of the thick of it, our sex life has been out of this world. I think I’ve gotten more sex over the course of the last week than I have in years with him. And I could not tell you who provoked it a single time, I can only tell you that it happened and that it’s been absolutely amazing!!

From the nights we’ve recorded ourselves on cam, to the nights we’ve watched porn, to the mornings that he has woken with a raging hard on, there has been all sorts and a lot of sex going down. I’ve gotten oral sex a couple of times, I’ve gotten midday fingerings and I haven’t had to work very hard to get any of it.

Some extremely memorable moments:

  • The Candy Kisser

    After The Boyfriend had picked up gummy candies for himself, and after we had already been teasing each other for hours, I placed his favorite candies on each of my nipples, down my stomach and mound and placed the final candy on my clit. He sensually plucked the candies off my nipples before slowly moving down to my stomach and carefully licking the final candy off my clit. But he didn’t stop there…
  • A New Angle

    On our second night recording ourselves with the cam and on my second night in a row of being on top (which there have been a total of three in a row so far…), instead of recording ourselves in the usual position, we switched things up a bit. Our bed is currently in the living room (because I like it that way!) and the computer is at the wall opposite the foot-end of our bed. Usually, the camera angle is looking at us from behind our head (aka Our Asses). I decided I wanted to see what it looked like the other way…DEFINITELY BETTER!

    We haven’t tried with The Boyfriend on top yet, though I’m sure we’re only days away. The best part is being able to see all of my boobs, which we hadn’t been able to yet in any of our other videos and the fact that we figured out this really raw lighting that hides all of my “imperfections”. I’m currently working on editing the video to the point that The Boyfriend will at least let me put some of it online. I really just want to get the audio all by itself and take a listen sans imagery.

  • Daytime Proclivities

    It’s been mega years since The Boyfriend and I had any type of regular sexual interaction during the day. It hasn’t been since the days of him working graveyards and him living in his own house with roommates and long before I ever got pregnant. For the past few days, it’s almost become typical. If I’m not being woken up for it in the morning (has happened twice now), I get a chance at it sometime in the afternoon/early evening hours. And while it may not always be sex, someone always gets to orgasm.This morning, I woke up in a less than inspiring mood, but he had already been dealing with his morning wood for awhile. I didn’t take him seriously when he first mentioned going upstairs for a quickie, but when he asked again, I couldn’t possibly resist. I immediately took my position, trying hard not to catch a glimpse at my morning self in the mirror, as he hurriedly scrambled to get himself naked. It was quick and wonderful and his hands on my body in the morning have kept me in quite good spirits all day.

    And then there’s been the multiple days of midday fingering sessions that have left me feeling absolutely divine. First day, he had quite the intense headache. And while the whole thing originally started because I was stroking him, I stayed wet while he went limp. It didn’t take long before I was quietly cumming beneath his skilled hands. Or yesterday as we laid watching a movie and his hands just sort of ended up there and stayed there until again I was cumming hard and quietly. It’s been wonderful!

I really don’t know how long this will last but I am taking full-advantage of it while it’s here. Hopefully it’s a more permanent change, because I’m seriously enjoying the shit out of it. Though I’m noticing, the more I’m getting it, the more I’m wanting it. For now it’s a good thing, but when the activities decline, it’s really going to suck…

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This Should Be a Viral Video… IMHO

IMHO = In My Humble Opinion

I am always on the lookout for videos on YouTube. Lately, I’ve been obsessed (okay, that’s an understatement) with belly dancing videos. You might remember my Day One Project desire of learning how to belly dance and while I’m no closer to achieving that, I am still crazy about the dance. On one of my searches for belly dancing drum solos (see the Sadie video here for an example), I came across probably one of the most interesting videos I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching.

Enjoy this hand drum solo piece. It kind of inspires me to learn how to play some hand drums although I don’t think I’ll ever be this good…

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I am still sick… And getting sick of it…

It’s been a rough couple of days. I am downright and absolutely sick. This is the first day in weeks that I’ve felt anything even close to healthy – even though I have little hope that it will last much longer. And I wish that I could figure out what is going on with my body.

It started a few weeks ago with your average cold. Some runny nose and coughing, then it progressed to an all out stomach war. I spent a few days suffering from intense nausea and now, I’m in the extreme body pain and constant migraines. I don’t remember the last time I took so much tylenol…

Then my period sprang onto the scene almost 2 weeks before I was anticipating it to and has lasted longer than I’ve had a period last in a long while. Needless to say, I am entirely sick of being this sick. It’s been about a month now of one sickness after another. The fatigue I feel has to be the worst part of it all, because all I want to do is sleep. As it is, the past few days have been made up almost entirely of sleep.

Yesterday, I woke up long enough to make sure the kids had packed their lunches before falling back asleep. Then I woke up again, long enough to take Keirnan to school before coming home and going back to sleep. Woke up and got the kids from school and then came home and fell back asleep again until The Boyfriend got home from work. Once he got home, I basically made him spend the rest of the night rubbing my neck trying to make the intense migraine go away.

Today is looking a little bit better right now. I’m still feeling very sore and I’ve got quite the cough going on, but no migraine so far and my stomach is definitely feeling better. I’m going to take it mostly easy for the rest of the day and hopefully feel closer to better tomorrow. I’m so ready to be healthy again!!

In other news… Well, there’s really not a whole heck of a lot. I haven’t been on the computer much in the last few days because of how sick I’ve been. I’ve been watching tons of Netflix and have started to notice that I’m getting increasingly pissed off with all the shows I’m watching ending. First, it was MI-5 and was I ever disappointed when that finished. Then I finished Drop Dead Diva for the second time, and a few days ago I finished what they have of Pan Am on there. The Boyfriend and I have begun watching Terra Nova (which is a freaking good show!) and will finish that tonight… We’re still moseying our way through The X-Files and I’ve started watching Damages (which I’m not sure what I think of that show yet).

Other than that, it’s been boring and quiet around here and I’ve insisted on it to stave off these migraines.

This post is intended for adults 18+

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Wooo! That was good ;)

Well I’m happy to announce that I finally got some of what I’ve been craving forever!! And let me tell you, my abs have never felt more worked out…

I can honestly say that I don’t really remember the last time I was eaten out. I’m pretty sure it was right after we moved into this place before we really had any furniture to speak of. So last night, I was more than taken aback to hear an offer of oral sex, although delightfully pleased. Previous to the offer, we had watched a little bit of porn and already began some side-by-side penetration. The way we were laying, his cock was rubbing ever so nicely against my clit and my first orgasm came fast and unexpectedly. After I had orgasm, he says to me, “I really want to eat you out. But I want you to force me!”

I grabbed his shoulders and dug my nails in as I pushed him down my body. He kissed my neck and worked his way down to my breasts, stopping to lick each nipple. Then, he slowly kissed down my stomach which hasn’t happened in so long that I still shudder just thinking about it. I grabbed his head and more forcefully pushed him lower until he was comfortably nestled between my legs. Almost as soon as he started I felt like I was on the verge of my second orgasm.

Alas, it stayed as such for the entire oral sex session. Even though he kept saying he wanted me to cum in his mouth, I just couldn’t get all the way there. I was having the hardest time staying focused on the actual oral sex and not focusing on the thoughts in my head. I grabbed onto the headboard and tried even harder to focus, using all my muscles to lift my hips for easier access for him. And still the thoughts just kept flooding my head. He was probably down there for over half an hour before giving up complaining about both his knees and jaw hurting. In one sense, I felt relieved and in another, I felt disappointed. He was now completely limp…

I was too close to the edge of orgasm for that to be it for me, so I just kept playing until I eventually came. My muscles have never felt so on fire after a sex session of any kind. I felt like they were ripping in my abs and tearing in my arms. We fell asleep and I was pleased with the fact that I had had two orgasms and he had had none.

The next day, we slept a good portion of the day away. When he woke up, he had a raging boner that would not go away. Like most men, morning wood is a daily part of his life. But usually, he gives one little “Hey, get out of here!” rub and it goes away. This morning, not at all. He pulled down the top of his shorts and cuddled in close and I was awoken by this noticeably hard thing rubbing against my leg and ass. He whispered in my ear, “Would you like to go to the bathroom?”. What?!? Bathroom sex?!? Now that’s one that I seriously can’t remember the last time it happened. It’s been a super long time.

I giddily jumped out of bed and made my way up the stairs. I don’t think it’s ever been easier for me to get out of bed. I got up to the bathroom and quickly took my underwear off and within seconds he was behind me. I bent over the counter/sink and opened my legs as he quickly got all his shorts off. It took only a few seconds but the excitement I felt about it lasted me all day. I spent the whole day thanking him for the amazing wake up sex and the attempt at making me cum from oral sex. I was in a blissful place throughout the entire day, even when we had to get cleaning done and even when the kids were being terrors from the depths of hell.

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Trying to Figure It Out

I can’t stop talking about how much I need to get things back on track around here. I did so good for the first two or three weeks here and now, everything is completely slacking… And I’ve got plans like crazy. Now it’s just a matter of putting all those plans into action, which seems to be the absolute hardest thing in the world for me…

First, I need to start waking up at a regular time again. I went from waking up everyday at 7:30 to now, where I’m waking up whenever the heck I feel like it before 11:30. I just barely let myself become conscious enough to get Kaeidyn and Kenzie out the door before falling back asleep while Keirnan and Carter watch TV. And while it is truly blissful to have that extra time to sleep, it makes me lazy for the rest of the day.

Then, I need to start making the kids lunches again. After them not making their lunches properly for the past few weeks and after the messes I’ve experienced because of allowing them to make their own lunches, this needs to happen immediately! I just cannot for the life of me figure out what the best way and time to do this is. Do I want to do it the night before school or do I want to do it in the morning before school? Would I prefer to get down to making all weeks lunches once a week or does making them daily work for me? I also need to start discovering more healthy snack choices for school because I’m not liking what we’re choosing lately.

I also need to get some paper organizing going on around here. We got a file cabinet and files, but it’s in a awkward spot. Accessing it comfortable typically involves moving furniture around and the file cabinet part of it is so low that it almost never occurs to me to look at it. Kaeidyn ended up missing a birthday party because I put the invitation in her file folder and forgot that it was there entirely. I’m just unsure how to best do it. I’ve got tons of ideas floating around in my head. I saw one thing on Pinterest today that I thought was rather cool, having a whole bunch of little one inch binders for everything from finances to household management tasks like cleaning and scheduling and electronics manuals. But I feel like I’ll put the binders up and have them all fancified and then never do anything with them.

I’ve been trying to do all of that type of stuff on the computer with documents and spreadsheets, but it’s just not being out there enough for me to keep up with it. I need something that is bam, in my face. I need something that demands my attention and sticks out like a sore thumb. We’ve decided we desperately need a printer and a place to put all this important stuff. Now it’s just a matter of making sure money goes towards the printer and deciding what’s going to work best for all of us.

I gotta get back into a cleaning routine. I was doing so good doing dishes all day long and laundry all day long and sweeping and mopping on a regular basis. But when I came down with my cold (which can you believe, I’m still not over…), it all just started to slide. Sliding to the point where I haven’t done any of today’s dishes, the floor only got swept and mopped because The Boyfriend was restless while I was playing video games. Which is another thing I’ve just been doing way too much of. Video games on the TV, games on the computer, just too much…

I just want to get my life on some sort of organized type of track. And I want everyone to be on board with it. I just need to figure out how…

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Not Feeling Good…

Today is not being a good day. I do not feel well at all. I woke up this morning with a raging headache and a strong desire to not leave my bed. As the half hour passed, my stomach became increasingly upset until I was curled in a ball feeling all sorts of nausea. Another half hour passed and I was blissfully falling into a deep and very uncomfortable sleep. Don’t ask me how much time passed at this point, because I am entirely unaware, but at some point I woke up to Carter’s blood curdling screams.

I rolled around on the bed, trying to mask the noise and gently nudging The Boyfriend to go deal with it. Moments passed before I was getting up and dealing with Carter, not because The Boyfriend wouldn’t but because Carter wouldn’t listen to Daddy. Even though I still felt entirely like shit, I got up and cleaned the kitchen and Kaeidyn helped like she’s never helped before. Then we made a delicious mashed potato, bacon, sausage and corn dinner. Then, the boys decided to have a food fight…

After getting all upset about this and sending some boys to bed, I spent far too many hours plastered in front of the computer screen playing games. And now I feel like my body is decending into terrible pain. I have felt sore like this for days now. My back hurts which makes my neck and arms hurt and once my neck starts hurting, my head starts hurting. Then, my knees are bugging me which makes my ankles hurt really bad and nothing I do seems to help whatsoever.

I’m hoping that it’s just a mixture of PMS and the weather change that’s going on right now. We haven’t gotten snow yet, but the weather forecast has been calling for it on and off. Have I told you yet how much I’m not looking forward to that?!? It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to walk out in it. We’ve already decided that winter outerwear is on our next shopping list. And this year, I’m determined to buy myself a proper winter coat (as opposed to whatever leftover jacket or sweater whichever boyfriend I had at the time had) and proper winter boots (as opposed to whatever pair of runners I had from previous years)…

I need my mood and health to change in the next 24 hours… I have so much cleaning to do this weekend, I have to make sure Kaeidyn’s swimsuit is clean for this weeks swimming lesson and I want to make up lunches over the weekend for every day of school, because we had some complaints from the teacher again about Kaeidyn finishing her entire lunch at recess. Don’t ask me how she does it, because I sincerely don’t know, but she does… So come on Val, get healthy!

This post is intended for adults 18+


Unexpected Night

Well, last night was a rather entertaining night. I figured since we had had sex on Monday and Tuesday night, that Wednesday night, I would be totally shit out of luck. So when I began rubbing his bare legs and working my way up to his hips and ass, I really didn’t expect anything. I assumed he would fall asleep during the gentle caressing and that would be that.

We were in a spooning position, me behind him, and as I ran my finger over his hip bone he thrust his hips backwards in a kind of swooping motion. I continued, still not getting my hopes up for anything. But then he did it again as I grabbed his ass cheek and then again when I rubbed my hand down the front of his leg. Soon, his motions were beginning to turn me on.

After over half an hour of this gentle touching from me, I figured he wasn’t that interested. He hadn’t touched me, I hadn’t touched any other part of him then his hips, ass and legs, and outside of the swaying hips there was no indication that he really truly wanted anything. So, I rest my hand on his leg and stopped rubbing. He was not about to have any of that. He grabbed my hand and pushed it, forcing me to continue rubbing his leg. That was the only signal I needed.

I continued on for another half an hour or so, before he rolled onto his back and the kissing began. Within moments, I was climbing on top of him, already wet from the hours worth of teasing. I stayed close to him at first, barely backing away from having my face in his neck. Everything felt so good and I was incredibly hot. He laid there enjoying the way I moved my hips and when I’d let him, sucking fervently on my breasts. They dangle so nicely in his face when I’m on top.

I leaned backwards and he quickly sent his thumb straight to my clit, and began frantically working me towards orgasm. As he lifted his thumb to switch to the other one, I began cumming and he could feel it. His hands gripped my hips (which doesn’t happen often enough) and I leaned forward in hopes that he would cum. Instead, he asked if I thought I could cum again. “Yes, yes, yes!”, I yelped at him.

Everything was so passive on his part, something that I’m very unused to with him. He barely bucked his hips wildly, instead letting me grind him until I could grind no more. He mostly just sat back and enjoyed the ride. I reached my hand between my legs and began working my clit as I switched from grinding to a more up and down motion. By this point, I was absolutely soaking wet and he was slipping in and out of me with almost too much ease. I leaned back again so I could use both my hands and after long and very hard stroking was cumming again, this time more intensely. As I began cumming, he asked if I’d suck him off after my second orgasm.

At first, I considered saying no completely. I had recently said that I wasn’t going to give him head again until I got some oral sex. But there we were, in the moment of it all, and as my orgasm finished and my breathing returned to normal, I quickly knelt down and began sucking him off like there was no tomorrow. He was covered in all my juices and this made it easier to deepthroat him more than I have in months. I knew he was close to orgasm so I sucked hard and I sucked fast.

Within mere seconds, he was cumming harder than I’ve felt in awhile. The very base of his cock swelled as the first shot dribbled out, then another, then another, until there was so much it was now dribbling out of my mouth and back onto him. His whole body jolted with each pulse of his wet cock and my moaning was frantic. He collapsed back onto the bed and I joined him to cuddle and talk about the experience we had just had.

I could not get over how much I had not been expecting to get anything and I got everything and more.