The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

Yesterday Was a Fluke

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Well, after the positive and productive day that I had yesterday, today has been less than that. I woke up this morning feeling dreadfully tired and the kids’ offered to walk themselves to school. I let them do that and they did a great job. No phone calls from the school and I saw Kenzie today when I dropped Keirnan off, having a great time with all his new school friends. But I felt like crap!

Then, it’s freaking freezing cold out. It’s 12 degrees but it feels much colder with all the wicked wind we’re having. It’s making me most grumpy of all. My hands hurt from the cold, my body feels like it’s constantly on shiver mode and it’s making me dread my walk to and from the school. I’m not looking forward to winter this year.

I need to kick The Boyfriend’s ass into gear about a few things around the house here and that’s making me more upset than usual. I just keep thinking back to the beginning of our relationship with his comments about “I’ve got a budget” and “I’ll take care of you“, to what we’re at now and I feel like I’m the force behind The boyfriend’s becoming crappy with their money, their goals, their everything! It took Alfie 4 years, but that guy’s starting to get his life on track now that he doesn’t have me and all my kids really in his life. The Boyfriend, doing all great and wonderful and then the kids and I come into his life and it seems like none of that was ever real.

We were supposed to go weeks ago to change my bank account to a joint account and shut down his account. It’s costing us a lot of money in fees running both accounts, and his are always WAY higher than mine, it’s hard for us to pay bills when I pay all of them online and his money isn’t directly coursing through there. But something always gets in the way of our perfect little plans. He was supposed to call the utilities and put my name on them so that I could talk to them, but he hasn’t. So when Telus called today and I tried telling them that we’ll be paying them off on Friday, they basically said that he’d have to call and tell them that. Which is just that much harder when unless someone is leaning on his shoulder reminding him, he can’t remember that stuff during his work day…

I’m stressing, if you can’t tell. I don’t know why I’m stressing, I just am. Today feels like a day full of pressure and I feel like again, all the weight is directly on my shoulders. Like if I make one tiny mistake the whole world will crash down around me. I don’t know why I do this to myself all the time. It’s like I can’t let myself just be happy or satisfied. I’m determined, apparently, to keep myself in the negatives and the horrible destruction and the bad ju-ju…

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Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

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