The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

Seeing the Light at the End of This Tunnel

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These last couple of weeks have been pure, unadulterated, mind-numbing, heart-wrenching hell! I know it’s been awhile since I last wrote, and I apologize profusely for it, but it’s only been in the last two days that I’ve started feeling at all ready to write again. I’ve spent many days processing and analyzing my feelings, coming up with pages and pages worth of plans, and figuring out and preparing to begin putting my plans in motion. It’s been trying to say the least.

In my last post, I had mentioned about the landlord’s inspection of the unit. I decided not to be there when the landlord did his walkthrough because I was in no way prepared to hear what he had to say. The next day, child services showed up at our door and found our house to be in a “deplorable” condition. Even if we had gotten back up to 100% clean, because of that toilet they still would’ve deemed it deplorable. They asked if the kids could go stay with my Mom and the real fun (sarcasm) began.

It was horrible timing to say the least as Chef was just coming home from his 21-day work stint and his parents were coming into town and my Mom already had my sister’s 2 kids visiting her. The Boyfriend was heading off to Calgary for his training the day after this all happened, which I struggled to not resent him for. And all four kids and I went to stay at my Mom’s. Thank goodness for her and Chef honestly, because I don’t know what would’ve happened without them.

I called around and was able to get our move-in date bumped up, which was more of a gong show than I had expected it to be. After spending the most horrible week and a bit at my Mom’s place, being lectured every single day about how I could be a better parent, even though my parenting was never in question, my housekeeping skills and state of mind were, we finally moved into our new place. And let me tell you, I love it!!

I wouldn’t in anyway say that it’s my dream house, though Kaeidyn would. All the bedrooms are upstairs, there’s 1.5 baths and my kitchen sink looks out the window to the backyard! It’s a thousand times bigger than our last place and there are no carpets in the entire house, which makes sweeping after meals that much easier. We’re still working on getting all the furniture and appliances we need, which will probably take at least another month or more, but everyone has a place to sleep, even The Boyfriend and I have a mattress, and we’re not dying of boredom.

I’ve also been doing magnificently on cleaning every single day. I wake up and do the load of dishes from the night before’s midnight snack, while I’m making lunch I sweep and mop the kitchen floor and do any other dishes that may have been used for the kids’ breakfast and lunch dishes get done while I’m making dinner. I’ve never lived in a cleaner kitchen! Now it’s just a matter of keeping up on it.

The kids are also liking the clean start and Kaeidyn has created herself an entire weeks worth of schedules to ensure her room stays clean. Luckily, we got rid of so many toys when we left the other place, so we haven’t yet had an issue with a mess that way. Mostly just lots of dishes, sweeping and mopping. All the kids even help with the laundry, which I think is going to be the only real issue here, at least until we get a proper washer and dryer. Right now, we have a small apartment-sized dryer that only dries about 5 articles of clothing at a time, which doesn’t work too well when Kaeidyn alone has that many dirty clothes at the end of a day. But we’re making it work until we can afford a bigger dryer.

I’ve been spending the time that I’m not cleaning, creating calendars and schedules and to-do lists to try and ensure that we stay on top of things around here. I really don’t want to end up in a house like the last one and I’m determined to make sure it doesn’t happen around here. If it means I dedicate my life to nothing but cleaning, than that’s what I’ll do. I don’t have any other choice. The first few days here almost felt like I was starting a new blog with all the planning and preparing.

The Boyfriend is starting to feel really stressed out about work-related stuff, which means he comes home in an off mood, which sets me into an off mood. He desperately wants to get promoted simply so that he doesn’t have to work so hard and it seems like he’s being used and abused and stretched completely thin at work. It’s hard to know how to support him during this, other than listening to his rants about his job. I have a hard time not voicing my strong-headed opinions about how he should stand up for himself and stop letting them push him around and it’s even harder, because he’s not that kind of guy. He’s a people-pleaser through and through and doesn’t want to disappoint his higher ups. He carries the weight of his work (and everybody else’s) on his shoulders.

So, that’s essentially what’s been going down around here. It’s been a lot of stress, a lot of tears, a lot of reinventing (if that’s what you want to call it…) and we’re looking forward to not being in this rut anymore.

Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of six ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the creator of WTMFI Wednesdays, a weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality.

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