I am down and out again today. There are about a mazillion and one reasons why that could possibly so and yet, none of those things are even on my mind right now. Like, for instance, I went in to work yesterday morning and got called into the head bosses office. Two minutes later, I was walking right back out of the office as I had just been “dismissed”.
Not completely a shock or bother – especially being that I’ve been talking for weeks about looking for a different job, but still…
And yet, that’s not bothering me nearly as much as I would expect it to. It probably will shortly, but honestly, I’m kind of happy it happened. For a few reasons, such as:
- I wasn’t happy at the job anyways, so now I don’t have to be unhappy about it
- I was talking about leaving anyways, so now they’ve just made it that much easier
- I wanted to look for a new job, so now I can without having any other worries (outside of the typical job-hunting worries)
- I can spend a little time focusing on getting my house in order, which is so desperately needed it’s not even funny
I’m stressed about the money end of things, but I know that The Boyfriend and I will make it work, because that’s what we’ve always done. And we’ve lived on FAR less. So, all in all, in the long run, I’m not that upset about being “dismissed”. And yet, for some reason, I feel incredibly sad and I’m getting sick and tired of this happening so often lately.
I’ll be fine for a few days. No problems whatseover. Then out of nowhere, I’ll have a day or a couple days of this overwhelming sadness that makes me want to lay in bed all day. I don’t want to do anything or think about anything or make decisions or move. I just want to lay there, lifelessly.
Today is being one of those days. Yesterday, after I got fired, I came home and was fine. I spent the day working online, I watched the rest of the L Word (and can I just say, I freaking HATED the Season 6 finale! Who killed Jenny Schecter?!?) and The Boyfriend and I had some amazing quickie sex. Then I wake up this morning and at first, I thought I was fine. I even walked to the store to get morning coffees, which never happens! Like a bat out of nowhere, this sadness hit right before lunchtime and I’ve been spending the last 3 hours doing everything I can think of to make it stop and go away.
And I just want to know, how long is it going to last this time…?