The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

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I’m Addicted…

Well, I had reduced the number of blogs that I had…

Now, I’m slowly inching my way back up there. I think I’m at 5 or 6 right now, some are totally in the progress and others are kind of still under construction. Let’s see:

  1. The Rantings of a Tortured Mind
    This blog
  2. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous
    Now, we also have to remember that this not only has a blog but discussions, groups, videos, and much more!
  3. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on Tumblr
    NSFW randomness
  4. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous on WordPress
    All the latest and greatest updates from Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous
  5. Blog-A-Holic Designs
    The official store of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the blog is under construction, but the store is open

So 5… And that’s not including the number of social networks I’m using and the number of different ways I’m using them. For instance, Facebook I have not just my personal profile, but my personal page, a page for Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and a page for Blog-A-Holic Designs. Same goes for Google+.

I’m handling all much better this time than I ever have before. But I think it’s because I’m seriously starting to set goals for myself where all of it is concerned. Not for my personal blog as much as for Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. I’ve just been working really hard on that one lately. Especially since The Boyfriend has promised that no matter what, by June, I get to upgrade the site. I’m incredibly excited about that.

I’m most looking forward to being able to allow users to upload their own videos, because right now they can only share off of other sites like YouTube and Vimeo. But with the upgrade, they’ll be able to upload straight from their own computers. And I’m hoping that will fill up the Video Blogs category (the only still-empty category…).

There’s also been a decrease in the length of time between new members signing up, which is really promising. But also means that I need to jump on that upgrade sooner rather than later as I’m nearing my member limit. I’ve got 13 spots open and I expect by June for them to all be full. Not that it really matters, because none of these members are participating yet… But I think there might be something wrong with confirmation emails or something, so I’ve been working on getting that cleared up.

I’ve even started looking into ways to monetize my blog(s), but I’m not really putting much hope or dedication into that right now. I mean, if I earn a couple dollars, great, but I’m not shooting for much right now. Like I said, my dedications and priorities lie elsewhere right now. Maybe in a few months, after I’ve upgraded Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and after I ultimately decide what I’m doing with this blog*, maybe then I’ll start putting more effort into it. Who knows…

* For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you may have seen this update:

I’ve been sort of kind of thinking about changing this whole thing. I haven’t quite figured out how or to what yet. But an acquaintance of mine has offered to help me out with some things and I’ve thought about changing some things for awhile, so it’s kind of on my mind. I’d like to make this the spot that you can come to learn everything that you ever wanted to about lil ole me and then some. I just don’t know what, at that point, I’d want to do other than what I’m already doing…

Well, I could go on about this all day, in my rambly sort of way, but I have things to do, people to see, places to be. Okay… It’s just my Mom, but still! Cheers!

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Cleaning, Work, Kids…

Today was a great day, even though The Boyfriend came home in a not-so-happy mood, and I’m writing this post to you in a still happy state. It’s been great! First, I got some cleaning done today. Not nearly as much as I had originally set out to do, but the kids were all being really pissy about the fact that cleaning was happening, that I only got to the kitchen. I’m counting it as an accomplishment!

Then, I made a delicious dinner, and it’s been awhile since I made dinner that wasn’t deep-fried. Otherwise it’s been takeout or The Boyfriend making dinner. So, it felt really nice to be cooking and experimenting with HP Sauce (which I haven’t used in a long while), and I even made delicious vegetables that the kids and I gobbled up in a heartbeat!

I also, after the last week of working on it, finished my resume and put one out into the employ-a-sphere. I really don’t know what I want to do in terms of work. On one hand, I’d really like to just stay home. I’ve been enjoying these last few days, and if I can get any part of my house more “in order”, than it would be totally worth it. I know my house was much cleaner back when I was a stay-at-home mom… But on the other hand, we really can’t afford me staying home for any long length of time. I’m thinking a couple weeks tops. We haven’t sat down and hashed out the numbers yet, but right now, we’re fine.

I’m also not sure if I really want to go back to being a stay-at-home mom. I mean, when I started working it wasn’t exactly because I wanted to be. It was because I was losing a huge chunk of my monthly income and needed to be working. I didn’t really feel ready to go back to work. But now, I’ve been working for over a year and except for the fact that I hated the job, I loved going to work. I loved interacting with adults, even though I missed the kids like crazy – and the lack of their drama…

But I’m also not sure of what kind of job I want to be going back to. Something like the last place, I don’t want. I would rather be broke-ass poor and struggling than do that again just to survive. I desperately want to work somewhere that I might leave at the end of the day feeling appreciated in some way. I want to work somewhere that doesn’t bore me to death. And the only jobs I’ve ever had like that were jobs like McDonalds – and I don’t want to go back to the food industry… I don’t think.

Oh well, not the point. I put a resume out there, so that’s all that matters right now. I figure do a couple every day, and eventually something’s gotta happen. Who knows what the future holds right now… In other news:

The kids are all doing relatively great, though some of them are sick and others are looking mighty beat up. Boys sure can be rough with one another… It’s exhausting. Keirnan had a bloody nose last night from hitting his face off of something and then today, Carter threw something at him and scraped his face. Carter has bruises just about everywhere on his body, most of them self-inflicted. He has become quite the stumbly, clumsy baby. It doesn’t help that he’s also a bit of a daredevil and can often be found jumping off the couch or half-walking, half-sliding down the stairs.

Kaeidyn’s had a cold that seems to not go away. She starts to get better and then guess who decides to go outside and take off her jacket, and next thing you know, she’s right back to where she was before. Today, she even took a nap because she wasn’t feeling good. I hate to say it, but I honestly love it when she’s sick. Normally, she doesn’t pay much attention to us adults in the sense that she could care less to really hang out with us. When she’s healthy, she’d prefer to be outside with her friends or drawing in her book. But when she’s sick, she loves to cuddle and insists on sitting near us and if I was having a bad day, it probably would’ve bugged me, but I’m having a wicked day and I loved all the cuddling.

Kenzie has been unbelievably loud. I don’t think he realizes how loud he’s being at all, but almost every time he opens his mouth, he’s shouting. Even if he’s not meaning to. He’s been doing relatively good on the game front, though it’s still something that is almost always being talked about. But we’ve been able to keep him off of it for a couple days at a time. It’s been good and I’m hoping it’ll just keep getting better. I’m not sure what we’re aiming for in terms of “rules and boundaries” surrounding games, but I’m sure we’ll know when we hit it or when we actually need to set a goal.

Other than that, things have been pretty calm and quiet around here (what’s new?), and things are going just as good as they always do 😉 How’s your week been?

This post is intended for adults 18+


Dual Nipple Licking


Last night was an incredibly fun night with The Boyfriend. After spending all day long in a “passionate” state, I was more than ready to go  by the time he mentioned having sex. Then he asked me to get into something sexy. Have I ever told you how much I love when he does that? You would think that I’d take offense to it, like “What, are my normal clothes not sexy enough?!”, but instead I normally think something more akin to “Ooo, I’m going to look good”, but last night – I made him pick my outfit 😉

So he picked this cute little polka dot dress that I got with kind of a cowl neckline and this frilly bottom. It hits about 2 inches above my knees, so if I bend over, all you see is ass! Then, he said my favorite dirty words, “I think I’ll fill all of your holes tonight!”. Ugh, I shudder with pleasure! He’s wandering the house as I’m playing video games, when he shows up at my side with his cock out. There’s hole number 1!

Then we moved into bed…

He jumped into things pretty fast, which took me by surprise a little bit and I said something. On the TV, we had some sweet BDSM porn going on, which I had chosen and he didn’t seem to mind, even though more and more he’s showing extreme resistance to that whole lifestyle. So I was surprised that he let me keep the kinky porn on and was even helping picking videos. But I was not turned on enough when he went in for the kill, which resulted in me asking him to slow down. He did and worked a little harder to get me wetter, which really isn’t that much harder, just a little bit longer.

He sat up against the ottoman and reached for me, as I straddled his cock and he grabbed my left breast with his mouth. It’s by far our most favorite breast. I was nowhere near ready to cum, so I didn’t want to do anything that would make him ready to cum, so it wasn’t our normal typical me-on-top type of sex. It was slower, more about kissing and caressing than the actual sex having. I grabbed his hands to reach around behind me and guess who already had a bottle of lube ready to go!!

He rubbed the lube around and I was sure the whole anal thing was going to go over okay. I would never say that it goes over good, per se. After I get into it and after it gets past a certain point, it’s not the worst thing in the world and it’s not bad enough that I can’t still orgasm. But I wouldn’t necessarily it gives me any pleasure, outside of knowing that it’s giving him pleasure. We’ve also been trying anal in different positions, since I normally won’t even consider anything outside of spooning. Our first wonderful and successful time was spooning and I just seem to be able to stay more relaxed that way. I don’t get all tense. But we’ve both been wanting something different, him especially, so I suggested we try doggy style.

Well, that was just too much. I knew almost the second I knelt up that I wasn’t going to last long. Then he got on top of me and within seconds I was asking him to back off. Just too uncomfortable. So he took of his first condom of the night and we doggy-styled vaginally for awhile. My boobs looked so hot in my dress in that position. Then he sat back and pulled me back onto him and then came the finger in the ass again.

I tend to really enjoy this position, where it’s like lazy doggy style. He sits down, I sit back on him, his legs are all spread and I’m on my knees. I like that he’s got hands that are free to roam and so do I. I like that if he moves forward to grab onto me, or leans back, the feel of the sex is so different. Instead of hitting my anterior vaginal wall, he’s now hitting the posterior and now he’s deep and now he’s not. It just feels so different with every little movement. I also like to think that my back is really sexy, even though I don’t actually have any idea…

Then, he pushed me down onto my stomach – and I figured this was mostly because he was getting ready to cum so he wanted me to be able to play with myself, but this was not the case, as he slowly slid something into me. At first, I didn’t think anything of it. It kind of felt like his cock, just softer or maybe a really lubricated finger. But he switched to each of those and that’s not what the other thing felt like. So, as he’s fucking me and I can tell that he’s getting closer and closer to cumming, he whispers in my ear, “What do you want?”. Sometimes, I love this. Other times, I hate it. Last night, it was kind of perfect.

I asked, “What are you sticking in me?”, and he said a dildo. I still had no idea which one, but I figured it was one we hadn’t used before, because it didn’t feel like the ones we had. I said that I’d like to have both the dildo and him in my pussy. Wish, granted! I don’t know exactly how he managed to do it and last night I could’ve told you which cock was which, but now, I have no idea. All I know is that it felt really freaking amazing. He’d get pumping at one speed and then he’d make the dildo do something else entirely, or he’d just push and hold the dildo downwards or upwards while he was still thrusting and it felt soooo good! It was becoming harder and harder for him to hold back his orgasm.

I asked if we could flip over, I wanted to kiss him and ever since we shaved his head the other night, I’ve been promising to rub my hands through his short hair during sex and hadn’t yet. So we flipped over and immediately got into our normal regular position. I know I make it sound like I’m complaining, but I’m really not. It’s my most favorite position in the world for a lot of reasons. Even though it’s mainly just missionary position, I love that I can easily touch all my favorite parts of his body and I can block him from seeing my least favorite parts of my body. I love that he’s in control, but by simply grabbing his hips, I can guide and direct him to what I want more of. I love that it’s another position where just the little changes will make a big difference in the way it feels. Example, feet on his bum as opposed to feet flat on the bed, or hips lifted or pressed down. It changes the whole thing.

He’s really liking my boobs a lot lately and insists on spending most of his time on them when we’re in this position. He likes to make them bounce and he likes when they bounce and he’s sucking on them. I think he also likes my reaction to these things, especially my boobs bouncing. I get really excited about it! So last night, as he had my left breast held tightly in his hand, his tongue doing these incredible flicks, I lifted my head and joined him in the nipple licking. I don’t think he knew that I could lick my own nipples, but based on his reaction, I think that’s going to be something that happens more!

We were kissing each other while sucking on my nipple and we would take turns circling my nipples with our tongues. He would watch me, I would watch him, and then we’d do it together. The whole thing was so hot and so intense and needless to say, within seconds, we were both cumming. Me first and I was still cumming when he started. I laid there half laughing, half not being able to breathe as he collapsed on me and we both blissfully chanted, “That was amazing, that was so good…”.

Sleep came incredibly easy and was an insanely sound one. I woke up this morning and the first thought I had was, “We sucked my nipple last night!”.

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Short and Bitter

I am down and out again today. There are about a mazillion and one reasons why that could possibly so and yet, none of those things are even on my mind right now. Like, for instance, I went in to work yesterday morning and got called into the head bosses office. Two minutes later, I was walking right back out of the office as I had just been “dismissed”.

Not completely a shock or bother – especially being that I’ve been talking for weeks about looking for a different job, but still…

And yet, that’s not bothering me nearly as much as I would expect it to. It probably will shortly, but honestly, I’m kind of happy it happened. For a few reasons, such as:

  1. I wasn’t happy at the job anyways, so now I don’t have to be unhappy about it
  2. I was talking about leaving anyways, so now they’ve just made it that much easier
  3. I wanted to look for a new job, so now I can without having any other worries (outside of the typical job-hunting worries)
  4. I can spend a little time focusing on getting my house in order, which is so desperately needed it’s not even funny

I’m stressed about the money end of things, but I know that The Boyfriend and I will make it work, because that’s what we’ve always done. And we’ve lived on FAR less. So, all in all, in the long run, I’m not that upset about being “dismissed”. And yet, for some reason, I feel incredibly sad and I’m getting sick and tired of this happening so often lately.

I’ll be fine for a few days. No problems whatseover. Then out of nowhere, I’ll have a day or a couple days of this overwhelming sadness that makes me want to lay in bed all day. I don’t want to do anything or think about anything or make decisions or move. I just want to lay there, lifelessly.

Today is being one of those days. Yesterday, after I got fired, I came home and was fine. I spent the day working online, I watched the rest of the L Word (and can I just say, I freaking HATED the Season 6 finale! Who killed Jenny Schecter?!?) and The Boyfriend and I had some amazing quickie sex. Then I wake up this morning and at first, I thought I was fine. I even walked to the store to get morning coffees, which never happens! Like a bat out of nowhere, this sadness hit right before lunchtime and I’ve been spending the last 3 hours doing everything I can think of to make it stop and go away.

And I just want to know, how long is it going to last this time…?