The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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Blank Stare


I cannot believe that it’s been 6 freaking days since I last wrote. I have been in the world’s worst funk ever these last few days and I have absolutely no idea why or what’s caused it and I have no clue when it’s going to break. The last two days, after a night when The Boyfriend and I were asleep by 9:00 PM (an incredible rarity for us!), I’ve seen glimpses of not so bad moments – so I’m hoping that’s a good sign, but it’s been rough.

I have just been so down and out. I can’t even describe how down and out I’ve been. At times, I’ve felt sad and at other times I’ve felt angry. I spent almost an entire day feeling completely worthless and heartbroken about something. So it’s really just been a huge mix of negative emotions the last few days, which has resulted in me being the laziest I’ve been in quite awhile. It’s also resulted in a few more missed days at work than usual and a lot of tension around the house. Everyone kind of walking on eggshells and me being incredibly sour.

There are about 1000 factors that could be causing these emotions, when we think about psychological triggers, though when I try to identify them, they don’t seem to fit right. Especially being that all my “triggers” are all pretty mundane things that don’t seem to actually affect me the way that I wish they would (example: my house is not clean at all!)… If that makes any sense?!? So at this point, I’ve established that this is an unknown funk, not a caused one.

So needless to say, my time on the computer has been very minimal. Mostly, I’ve been laying in bed watching TV or sleeping or pouting. When I have gotten on the computer the last couple of days, I just stare blankly at the screen or out the window, no thoughts running through my head – other than the odd, “I wish I could have a thought…” thought.

Well that’s been my week in a nutshell. I wish I could come up with more to say or something, but here I sit, blankly staring…


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40 Reasons I Love The Boyfriend


Since it’s his birthday and he’s officially a quarter of a century old, I thought it would be nice to tell him all the reasons why I love him. Now of course, as anyone in love knows, you can never know all the reasons. You are always learning something new and everything is always changing. So here’s what I’ve come up with so far.

I love The Boyfriend because…

  1. He is sexy as hell
  2. He treats me with an insane amount of respect
  3. He makes me feel really good about myself
  4. He’s strong
  5. He loves all of my kids and let’s that be known
  6. He’s protective
  7. He is a good man, and strives to constantly be better
  8. He has the hottest ass I’ve ever seen!
  9. He has gentle eyes
  10. He let’s me pop his pimples
  11. He cooks dinner when I don’t want to
  12. He’s a stable person, with a stable job
  13. He is incredible in bed
  14. He supports me through everything
  15. He loves to listen to me play guitar
  16. He listens to me rant and rave without ever getting upset
  17. He has never given up the things he loves for me
  18. He is an amazing Dad
  19. He never makes me feel bad for my flaws, like laziness or procrastination
  20. He picks his battles very wisely
  21. He cuddles me in my sleep
  22. He calms my fears about everything (or at least tries)
  23. He is incredibly creative
  24. He is a bit of a nerd (under-exaggeration of the year!)
  25. He doesn’t mind that I’m a bit of a nerd (second biggest under-exaggeration of the year!)
  26. He doesn’t mind that I’m not the greatest housekeeper
  27. He’s never called me a name (not even when I’ve begged him to!)
  28. He tells me he loves me multiple times a day
  29. He’s got such a friendly smile
  30. He’s a total sweetheart and a major mush
  31. He takes over with the kids when he knows I’ve reached my “end”
  32. He never gets down on me when I make mistakes
  33. He holds me while he’s sleeping, even if he doesn’t know he’s doing it
  34. He will have sex with me even when he doesn’t really want it, because he knows I crave the whole thing
  35. When we’re watching porn, he pays more attention to me than the porn
  36. He plays with my hair and loves to run his fingers through it
  37. He likes my boobs, even when I don’t
  38. He keeps me interested, I’m not sure how exactly, but he does
  39. He keeps arguments to an absolute minimum, unless it’s about aliens and outer space
  40. He is incredible in bed… Okay, I know I already said this, but I really mean it!!


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This Was… My Week…


I keep coming on here to write, and then I open up the new post window and just sit there staring at the screen. It’s become very annoying, so I’ve decided, I’m just going to write and see where this ends up…

Work this week was pretty rough. It’s month-end, so that automatically means it’s going to be rougher than usual, because it feels like you’re rushing around like a chicken with your head cut off to make sure you get all your work done by the deadline. But it’s also rougher because my boss doesn’t take the pressure of the whole month-end very well. It also seems to be the part of the month that he understands the least about, because I seem to have to explain every move I make.

It didn’t help that he kept trying to blame all his mistakes on me, like two contractors getting sent out for the same job. He tried saying that was my fault for “not communicating” with him, but really it was because he didn’t bother to look at the very last service order that was created. It’s harsh working with so many people who don’t know how to use our software and aren’t even willing to learn how. We could be utilizing that system so differently and making everything so much better and smoother, but instead, we’re just continuing using it as if it’s a brand new program to us… And it’s not.

The Boyfriend just finished up a week-long holiday and went back to work this morning. The holiday was totally needed and I’m glad that his boss practically forced him to take it. While it was mostly a week full of relaxation for him (jealous!), it was nice to have him home that much. It was nice not having him exhausted at the end of the day because of work, but instead because he had stayed up too late the night before or because he didn’t sleep in as much as he had hoped.

It’s his birthday today!! My man’s officially the same age as me for the next nine months. No plans unfortunately for his birthday, though that’s not really new for any of us. We aren’t really the planning type. I might try to go pick him up an ice cream cake later when my Mom brings the older kids home from their sleepover. Nothing goes better with birthdays than ice cream cake 😉

Kaeidyn and Kenzie have both been having pretty tough weeks at school for the last little while. It started with Kaeidyn, constantly complaining of stomach aches and ending up staying home from school or going to the sick room at school through the day. We finally talked about that and ever since she hasn’t missed a day. I still have no idea what was going on there at all, but at least she’s going to school now without a huge fight. Kenzie’s issues only started a few days ago when him and some boys were playing in his class and one of the boys accidentally threw a car at his head. The next day, for the first time ever, he got put in the thinking chair at school and was terribly upset about it. First time ever that he’s walked out of school crying…

The beginning of the year went so great, outside of a few small issues with Kaeidyn’s teacher, but now it seems like it’s a fight everyday to send them to school. I hate when I don’t have control over what’s happening to them in a day and I’m not there to see what’s happening and therefore can’t better help them process their emotions and feelings about things that are happening to them. And I absolutely despise my first reaction when I hear about any issues at school, because at first I feel like I come off blaming them for the problem and being automatically hard on them instead of comforting. I feel like I have to remind myself that I’m their Mom and they are just kids. It makes any issues that are happening without me there that much harder to deal with.

Keirnan and Carter spent a majority of the last week alone together. And honestly, it was such a great idea on my Mom’s part. They are getting along so much better now than they were prior to the last week. I wouldn’t say that they were getting along badly, it was just they always seemed to be in each other’s space. Carter would go to play with a car and suddenly Keirnan would decide he’s playing with it. Keirnan would be sitting quietly doing something and Carter would come up behind him and start climbing all over him. Just normal brotherly stuff, I suppose. But spending that week together without their older siblings around very much at all, really seemed to separate them up a little bit better and now you’ll often find them on opposite ends of the room, doing their own thing.

Other than that, it’s been a pretty quiet week around here. I’ve been working on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, the kids have been watching Netflix or playing video games and The Boyfriend’s been working on The Moham Chronicles (his science fiction/fantasy book) and video games. That’s our week in a nutshell. How was your week?

This post is intended for adults 18+


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My Favorite Links This Week


I’ve been working on so many things over these past few days online and I’m getting tons done. In the process, I’ve ran across quite a few really great links that I’d love to share with you. I’ve included a couple links to what I’ve been posting elsewhere as well. Enjoy!

Favorites from Facebook…

Favorites from Blogs I’ve Subscribed to…

What I’ve Posted…