The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

Tips From My Readers

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Over the last few months here on the blog, as I’ve complained more and more, my readers have become very involved in suggestions for how to improve the things that bother me. There have been some crazy great tips for me and my situation and today I’d like to shed some light on some of my reader’s greatest tips. I would really like to give a huge thank  you to all of you! You brighten my day just by commenting and your words have gotten me through challenging times. This is my virtual hug 😉

When I posted Long Time, No Sing back in January, I was quite pleased to receive a comment from a woman who has become a regular commenter on the blog. She’s posted some really helpful tips as I vented about all my sexual frustrations. Here are some of my favorites:

In response to my post Don’t Get Me Wrong, where I discussed my desire to have a female sexual partner, she talked a little about her relationship and then left these words of wisdom, which I still haven’t actually done, but I think that it would be much more likely to happen in my situation:

“My advice is maybe trying to find another female in a similar situation to you. Someone who’s in there own relationship but want’s to also explore the same things you desire. Your boyfriend may feel less threatened if the other girl you’re with has another primary relationship of her own.”

In response to my post Punished… where I expressed a strong desire to be punished for something, but was worried that I had “made my vanilla bed”, Jess gave this suggestion:

“Have you thought of initiating a little D/s. After the kids are in bed, slip into something sexy and crawl to him while wearing a collar and leash. Once you’re in front of him give him the leash and tell him your his to command. Something else would be handcuff yourself to the headboard (if you have one you can do this with) and wait for him. Maybe leave any kink toys (vibes, gags, blindfold, clamps, etc..) you have next to you on the bed. Once he comes in and sees you all helpless it should hopefully excite him to the point of wanting to use you.”

Surprisingly good advice. It won’t work every time, especially with The Boyfriend. I also wouldn’t say that so far it’s worked for anything D/s-ey, but since The Boyfriend’s recent promotion, the basic advice behind this comment has helped tremendously. Take charge and initiate, if you don’t, you won’t get laid. Ah the joys of having an exhausted boyfriend 😉 Another post where Jess had some great insight is on What Do You Do?, as I whined some more about the plights of my vanilla sex life. I’ll just let you read the post…

Then recently, on the post in the previous paragraph, financialfacade wrote this really great comment and while it doesn’t apply to my situation so much (because I know The Boyfriend takes no medication and definitely isn’t depressed), it’s really great advice if you’re partner has recently started experiencing a decrease in their libido or change in performance. I like that this comment touches not only on the physical aspects of male arousal but also on the mental and emotional aspects as well as societal pressures to not discuss male sexuality.

Awhile back, I had begun reading A Man In My Position, a great blog about female-led relationships. I was more than pleased and a little excited that the writer had commented on not only one, but two of my posts, so far! Elated, in a word. And I got tons of really great tips and some of them, I’ve used. First, on the post That Bastard!!, the tip I got started with:

“Lean back. Take control of the sexual elements of your life, straight and kinky; begin with simply saying “no”.

No sex, period for a week or two or until you are very much in the mood.”

Ladies, this is a tip that works! How many of my straight male readers would agree with this statement: Men want what they can’t have. The harder she is to get, the more you want her.”? If anymore than 5% of you say that you disagree, I will slap my ass and paint it blue! In my personal situation, the less I show that I’m craving it, the more he seems to want it. The more aloof I am to his desire (this includes his fully erect penis – which is not easy to play careless towards), the more he seems determined to show it off.

This one is really great, because it has nothing to do with sex at all. In the post I’m Too Young to Feel Old…, I moaned and groaned about how out of control life can feel sometimes. The days don’t seem long enough, the kids are a handful, my house is a mess, wah! wah! wah! Instead of saying, “Get off the pity train… No you don’t even deserve a train, you deserve a bus. You deserve a bus that can’t go over 30 km/h or it will explode! Whiny bitch…”, I got an almost obvious tip that I just hadn’t really considered:

“And, crazy as this may sound, set your own alarm for twenty minutes before the rest of the house wakes up. Take those twenty minutes and make a bit of good coffee for yourself. Drink it. Read a book you would actually like. Stare at the dawn.”

It’s different when you take this twenty minutes at the end of the day, trust me. At the end of the day, you have gone through the stress of the day, this is winding down. The beginning of the day, you’re setting the mood of the day, you’re preparing for the coming stress. It makes sense to take a few moments, whether it’s five minutes or ten, to set yourself up for anything that may stand in your way that day. If you get out of bed with five minutes to spare before you leave the house, and you’re running around like a chicken with your head cut off, and you’ve got the news and the computer and the cellphone and everything’s crazy, how do you think the rest of your day will be?

So again, thank you to all of my fabulous readers. Thanks for taking the time to comment, thanks for giving me some really great and usable suggestions and thanks for listening to all my whining! Your comments are what keep me coming back and I really just want to hug all of you. Thank you and thank you again!

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Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

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