The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+

Letter to Message Senders on FetLife


You know what I really like in a message on FetLife? I’m betting you’re a little curious.

Now, I don’t expect you to follow these guidelines, but I’m getting sick of sounding like such a bitch to everyone who messages me just because they come off in a way that I don’t like! Here’s a few guidelines:

  •  I state very clearly in my profile a number of things about what I’m here on FetLife for. Take a moment and just read the damn thing!!
  •  I really enjoy learning about BDSM, and I’m completely open to learning. I will come across as resistant, but trust me, I’m really not…
  • If I ever sound like a total douche, it’s probably because I’m having a bad day, give me a day or two and try again, and maybe try a little differently.
  • NO I do not want to have sex with you, NO I do not want to be your Mistress or sub and NO I do not want to see your penis!
  • It is never important to me to see your picture, honestly I don’t know if I’ll ever want to…
  • I am very uncomfortable with the idea of meeting in public – not because I think you’re a creep, but because I don’t like doing anything in public. But for the creeps, this does not mean that I want to do anything with you in private – so I generally won’t respond kindly to offers of meeting. These things tend me make me come off the most bitchy…
  • I am not currently looking for anything other than learning, conversations and possibly maybe friendship
  • I tend to write a lot when I respond to messages, so if that turns you off, please let me know (no seriously, I really do want to know!!)
  • It would be awesome if every once and awhile, you guys would let me know a little bit more about yourselves outside of the fact that you’re horny, love my pictures, or some other thing that tells me absolutely nothing about yourselves. What bugs me even more, is I’ll normally open a conversation with something that’s relatively easy to respond to and I’ll get jumped right back into horny and then I feel like you’re just a big fat faker and that hurts my heart… I guess what I’m really saying is:
  • Will you please just have a conversation with me?!?

Well, that’s all I have for now. Now head on back to my profile and go ahead and send me a message, just let it be known that I warned you…


Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

2 thoughts on “Letter to Message Senders on FetLife

  1. So why don’t you say any of this in your profile.

    From your profile: “I have an extreme fascination with sexuality in general, to the point where it’s all I talk about.” But in the letter, you don’t want to talk about sexuality with guys. Fine, so tell them that.

    MIndreading 101 is ill-attended.

    You’ve been on Fet a long time. You should know better.

    • I also state that it’s not about HAVING sex:

      “The thing about it is, I’m not thinking about it as in wanting to have it. I love the science of sex. All the various things that are happening in the mind and body. I love facts and statistics and I want to learn everything there is to know about sex.”

      I don’t want to hear that you’re horny, I want to hear why you’re horny. I don’t want to hear that you have a huge cock, I want to hear the truth about the size of your cock!!

      There is no mindreading 101 going on here. I state everything very clearly and if people take 10 seconds to actually read through the whole thing and not just take out the snips and bits they find interesting, then conversations can be really great!

      It’s also different when we’re actually talking about SEXUALITY, not sexual intercourse – two very different things!! My sexual intercourse DOES NOT define my sexuality and last I checked, FetLife isn’t for hooking up with people for SEX. It’s for connecting kinksters with other kinksters, you’d think that that’s what people on the site would want to talk about. KINK not SEX!!!

      And you’re right, I’ve been on FetLife a really long time. I think it’s about time I start defining what I want from the site. Step 1: DONE!

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