The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

I’ve Been Mean…

Leave a comment


To my Facebook Fan Page that is…

I just realized today that I haven’t even been on there in a few weeks. The Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Fan Page, I’ve visited every day this week and updated it a couple times, but my personal fan page has been left untouched since December!! Not very happy with this little detail.

My big plan was that I was going to post all my around-the-web activity to this page and I’m apparently doing an incredibly shitty job! I’m a little disappointed, but not very surprised. But it’s officially a goal now to reverse that! It’s almost retarded how many online-related goals I have at the moment.

From upping the ante on most of my social networks, the large focuses being Facebook, Twitter and Google+, to expanding and upgrading Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous to blogging more often here on The Rantings, I’ve got my blog-a-holic hands full! It’s quite exciting and I love that when I sit in front of my computer, I’m inspired and motivated and flowing with creative juices. It’s exciting and I feel really good about this year in blogging.

I’d really like to see my Facebook Fan Page become some sort of useful resource for the stuff that I find interesting as well as a hubspot for updates on all the things I’m working on around-the-web, such as blog posts from everywhere, forums I’m participating in, pictures I’m sharing and tons more. So if you haven’t become a fan yet, head on over and check it out, and be prepared for much more activity in the coming weeks.

In other news…

The Boyfriend and I are still technically fighting over the cellphone incident, though you’d probably never be able to tell. I finally confronted him about the whole issue, which backfired miserably. My heart was racing so hard as I said, “So, how long are we going to avoid this conversation?”, to which he snickered. I went from smiling and half-joking to being completely serious all because of that little snicker.

I asked straight out what he was deleting off his phone. “A Strip Poker App”, huge sigh of relief from me. That was until I started thinking about it a lot more, especially after his reaction to the entire conversation last night, and now I’m convinced a strip poker app is his own coded version of something much worse, because why the hell would you try to hide that?!? I kept saying essentially the same things over and over again in my little rant to him. It’s not the app I’m upset about, it’s the hiding of the app, the awkward weekend because of being too chicken shit to talk about it.

The situation could’ve been handled so differently. Instead of deleting it, he could’ve shown me it shortly after he downloaded it in more of a joking matter, one that I couldn’t get mad at. “Look at this funny app I just downloaded?”. I probably would’ve laughed about it, I probably would’ve asked to play, and there’s only a slim chance that I would actually get mad about it. It’s not like you can consider something like that to be porn exactly. You don’t have to work that hard for porn, there’s no having to know how to play poker to watch porn!!

Instead he made it seem like a dirty, shameful secret and that’s the whole issue that I have with it. There are a hundred people who will tell you that I’m the most sexually-accepting person in the world! I don’t understand why it’s so hard for boyfriends to respect that and just share that part of their sexuality with me. I’m not saying that I want to be there every time they watch porn, though I think it would be a lot more fun if I was, I’d at least like for it to be treated like it’s normal. I’d like when I found out, they didn’t lie and honestly, I would love if a guy was just honest about it from the very get go. “Oh hey, by the way, I watched some porn earlier today. Just thought you should know!”.

I’m not saying that would solve the whole issue, but it would help. I wouldn’t feel like they were sneaking around behind my back to do something that they know is going to upset me. That just feels vindictive and mean. Anyways, the conversation ended with me saying what I needed to say about the situation, which is basically all of what I just said, and then… It was silence for the rest of the night. I rolled over to my side of the bed, he rolled over to his, we didn’t say a single thing to each other and each of us fell asleep. I was completely convinced that he musn’t have heard anything I said, and today, I’m pretty sure that’s true.

I spent all day at work today, beyond angry at him. It was a boring day at work, so I sat with my notebook writing non-stop about the situation. Somewhere around the 3rd or 4th entry, I started thinking that breaking up was a really great option – all over a stupid cellphone app! I seriously considered “grounding” him off his cellphone to teach him a lesson, then it changed to every electronic device unless I was present and by the time I left work, all I could think about was my anger towards him. It had consumed me completely.

Then, yet again, the same as the last time we fought, I decided I wasn’t enjoying the awkwardness of the whole situation, so guess whose given in like a bitch? That’s right, I have. I even said to him, “I was planning on being so much meaner to you today…”. I hate that he’s completely the one in the wrong in this situation and I feel like I’m apologizing. And last night after I voiced my opinion, I felt like I was the one being punished for my actions. I just don’t get it…

Advertisements

Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

Leave Your Thoughts...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s