The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

9 Steps Make Me a Candidate for The Worst Blogger on the Planet…

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The other day, I was reading through my Google Reader when I ran across a post from Problogger by Karol K of  ThemeFuse titled “13 Steps to Being the Worst Blogger on the Planet”.

I was automatically intrigued and wanted to see if I was, in fact, the worst blogger on the planet. Well, guess what folks? I’m only 4 steps away, and I feel like I should go to a meeting or something…

I have, on multiple occasions (sometimes at every posting), taken some of these steps. And because I’m apparently a sucker for showing off my weaknesses, I’ll re-count all my worst offenses.

**Disclaimer: This is pure entertainment 😉

Step 1: Do no research before writing a post

Check!

Well, I guess I did a little research before writing this post. But for a typical post here on The Rantings, I don’t research much at all. I can name every single post that I ever did research for, and that equals two posts. It’s something that I like doing, so I’m not sure why I don’t do it.

Step 2: Don’t spend longer than 30 seconds on a headline

Check, Check!

I don’t remember the last time I put any serious effort or thought into a headline. My favorite part of this and a suggestion I follow dilligently, “Be honest and make it clear from the get go that there’s nothing interesting in your posts”.  That describes my headlines in a nutshell.

Step 4: Use long paragraphs

Check, Check, Check!

I am the worst for doing this and I always tell myself not to, and then just go right on ahead doing it. When I read this step, I instantly blamed it on my highschool English teachers and every music teacher I ever had. These were the two subjects that I was the best at in school, but the one thing that I could never remember is that a comma that appears in musical lyrics is not the comma that appears in a sentence within a paragraph. So now, I write a comma where I would typically take a breath, should I be speaking my posts to you. It’s a hard habit to break and results in a lot of long paragraphs that seem to run ass end into the other…

Step 5: Write as if you were writing to yourself

I suppose I delve into this one every once and awhile. More like I’m writing in a journal than writing to an audience – assuming I have an audience (shout out to those of you I know about!!).

Step 7: Don’t Edit

I almost never edit my posts initially. I often write in a very spur of the moment kind of way (refer to Step 9), so when it comes to the point where I should be editing, I just hit publish instead. I also find that if I edit right off the bat, I won’t actually publish anything, because my self-criticism gets in my way. And that is definitely not what this blog is for.

I do however, tend to return to posts at a later date and will make any spelling corrections or grammatical errors that I notice, and I even go back and update links every once and awhile!

Step 8: Don’t even profreed

CHECK!!

I just discovered awhile ago that I had been spelling definitely wrong for YEARS!! I have long ignored the squiggly red lines that appear under misspelled words. When I first started using computers on a regular basis (when we first got one in our house!), I was obsessed with making up diseases for all my dolls, so naturally, my computer became the way for me to make medical records for my dolls. But this created a lot of problems where proofreading is concerned, because all of my dolls had the weirdest names and their diseases were even weirder…

Same with fictional stories. Put in the names of the people, and every couple of sentences, you’ve got a red squiggly line. Eventually, when you’re doing spell check, you just start accidentally skipping over misspelled words because you don’t notice it popping up after 50 times of having the person’s name pop up as wrong. And yes, I know you can fix that by adding these names so they don’t appear, but seriously?!?

I also generally tend to think I’m a really great speller. I even won awards for it in school!

Step 9: Post as irregularly as possible

I just have to quote something for you real quick:

“One day, publish two posts one after another; then wait a full two weeks before publishing another post.

Then wait one more month and write a post in which you explain why you’ve been gone, thinking that anyone even noticed. And don’t forget to promise that you’ll be posting more often now.”

Now I ask you, how many times have I done this?!? I even find myself getting tired of it. Awhile back, I had done NaBloPoMo, and posted everyday for a month successfully. It was difficult and exhilarating and I felt more creative than I had in a really long time. So I vowed to carry it on throughout the whole year. 4 days later, that was out the window. Last year, part of my resolutions was to blog everyday for a month again. Not only did I get a late start to the month, but I quit after a short period of time.

This year, it’s the same old story. I want this to change so badly, because I feel better when I’m writing everyday or at least more regularly. It seems to be the hardest thing in the world for me. Even when I schedule time into a calendar for it, it just doesn’t happen…

Step 12: Don’t tell anyone about your blog

Now it’s not really that I’m not telling anyone about my blog, it’s just that I’m not telling the right people. Well, more like I don’t know any of the right people. I’ve told my family about it, and the people I work with (though most of them aren’t even sure what a blog is, so I don’t know why I expect them to be able to find it), but outside of that, I don’t know many people to tell about it. It doesn’t come up in the real world that often.

Online networking, so I can tell online personalities about my blog, is a goal of mine, but something that I’m treading extremely delicately with. I’m a very awkward socializer…

Step 14: Get the count of your list posts wrong

I just did this the other day on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. It took two days before I realized that I had made the mistake and changed it. Thank goodness you can edit posts after you publish them, even if it does make you look a little less credible for those who have caught on… The good news is that I try my best to correct it, so I guess that gives me a little bit of a boost.

So there you go, I am admitting that I am at least partially the worst blogger on the planet. So far, I’m okay with it, and maybe one day I won’t fit into this category at all. I thought this post was hilarious and definitely think you should check it out (and let me know that I’m not alone in the worst blogger on the planet category *smiles*). Thanks for reading!

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Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

One thought on “9 Steps Make Me a Candidate for The Worst Blogger on the Planet…

  1. Pingback: Admitting you have a problem is the first step… « Sue Baby Blogs

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