The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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It’s not the Quantity, It’s the Quality!


A few weeks ago, I began writing a post about how my favorite rule about penis size also applied to social media efforts.

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I’ve Been Mean…


To my Facebook Fan Page that is…

I just realized today that I haven’t even been on there in a few weeks. The Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous Fan Page, I’ve visited every day this week and updated it a couple times, but my personal fan page has been left untouched since December!! Not very happy with this little detail.

My big plan was that I was going to post all my around-the-web activity to this page and I’m apparently doing an incredibly shitty job! I’m a little disappointed, but not very surprised. But it’s officially a goal now to reverse that! It’s almost retarded how many online-related goals I have at the moment.

From upping the ante on most of my social networks, the large focuses being Facebook, Twitter and Google+, to expanding and upgrading Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous to blogging more often here on The Rantings, I’ve got my blog-a-holic hands full! It’s quite exciting and I love that when I sit in front of my computer, I’m inspired and motivated and flowing with creative juices. It’s exciting and I feel really good about this year in blogging.

I’d really like to see my Facebook Fan Page become some sort of useful resource for the stuff that I find interesting as well as a hubspot for updates on all the things I’m working on around-the-web, such as blog posts from everywhere, forums I’m participating in, pictures I’m sharing and tons more. So if you haven’t become a fan yet, head on over and check it out, and be prepared for much more activity in the coming weeks.

In other news…

The Boyfriend and I are still technically fighting over the cellphone incident, though you’d probably never be able to tell. I finally confronted him about the whole issue, which backfired miserably. My heart was racing so hard as I said, “So, how long are we going to avoid this conversation?”, to which he snickered. I went from smiling and half-joking to being completely serious all because of that little snicker.

I asked straight out what he was deleting off his phone. “A Strip Poker App”, huge sigh of relief from me. That was until I started thinking about it a lot more, especially after his reaction to the entire conversation last night, and now I’m convinced a strip poker app is his own coded version of something much worse, because why the hell would you try to hide that?!? I kept saying essentially the same things over and over again in my little rant to him. It’s not the app I’m upset about, it’s the hiding of the app, the awkward weekend because of being too chicken shit to talk about it.

The situation could’ve been handled so differently. Instead of deleting it, he could’ve shown me it shortly after he downloaded it in more of a joking matter, one that I couldn’t get mad at. “Look at this funny app I just downloaded?”. I probably would’ve laughed about it, I probably would’ve asked to play, and there’s only a slim chance that I would actually get mad about it. It’s not like you can consider something like that to be porn exactly. You don’t have to work that hard for porn, there’s no having to know how to play poker to watch porn!!

Instead he made it seem like a dirty, shameful secret and that’s the whole issue that I have with it. There are a hundred people who will tell you that I’m the most sexually-accepting person in the world! I don’t understand why it’s so hard for boyfriends to respect that and just share that part of their sexuality with me. I’m not saying that I want to be there every time they watch porn, though I think it would be a lot more fun if I was, I’d at least like for it to be treated like it’s normal. I’d like when I found out, they didn’t lie and honestly, I would love if a guy was just honest about it from the very get go. “Oh hey, by the way, I watched some porn earlier today. Just thought you should know!”.

I’m not saying that would solve the whole issue, but it would help. I wouldn’t feel like they were sneaking around behind my back to do something that they know is going to upset me. That just feels vindictive and mean. Anyways, the conversation ended with me saying what I needed to say about the situation, which is basically all of what I just said, and then… It was silence for the rest of the night. I rolled over to my side of the bed, he rolled over to his, we didn’t say a single thing to each other and each of us fell asleep. I was completely convinced that he musn’t have heard anything I said, and today, I’m pretty sure that’s true.

I spent all day at work today, beyond angry at him. It was a boring day at work, so I sat with my notebook writing non-stop about the situation. Somewhere around the 3rd or 4th entry, I started thinking that breaking up was a really great option – all over a stupid cellphone app! I seriously considered “grounding” him off his cellphone to teach him a lesson, then it changed to every electronic device unless I was present and by the time I left work, all I could think about was my anger towards him. It had consumed me completely.

Then, yet again, the same as the last time we fought, I decided I wasn’t enjoying the awkwardness of the whole situation, so guess whose given in like a bitch? That’s right, I have. I even said to him, “I was planning on being so much meaner to you today…”. I hate that he’s completely the one in the wrong in this situation and I feel like I’m apologizing. And last night after I voiced my opinion, I felt like I was the one being punished for my actions. I just don’t get it…


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Damn Cellphones…


I absolutely despise The Boyfriend’s way of handling an upset girlfriend. You’d think since he lived most of his life surrounded by girls and women, he’d be a little bit better at dealing with these situations. But honestly, he’s not. Him and I rarely have issues, so it’s not really a surprise that he doesn’t know how to deal with them with me, but you’d think he’d figure out by now that I absolutely hate the silent treatment.

I don’t want problems to just go away, I want to work through them so that we both feel comfortable at the end of the day. So that we’re not going to bed without touching each other, and so that the days don’t feel so awkward. I hate that even when he’s the one that caused the problem, I’m normally the one that gives in on my anger at him first, because I can’t stand the fact that we’re not touching or talking nicely to each other like we normally do. I just sometimes wish he’d be a little bit more compassionate.

I go to use his cellphone yesterday to show my Mom a video on YouTube, and before he gives me his phone he starts deleting stuff off it. I joke around about it at first and he makes some remark about how it’ll probably make me mad. Well, just that thought alone made me mad, and I definitely didn’t want to hear what it was in front of my Mom. I’m never sure how I’m going to react to these things anymore. In my dark days, I’d snap right away. But nowadays, I just don’t know. I told him “I don’t want to talk about this now, but I’m mad at you now regardless”. The rest of the night, we didn’t say a single thing to each other and he knew I was definitely not happy.

It’s been over 24 hours since the incident and not once has he even tried to bring it up or apologize or explain. We’ve sat far away from each other all day, when we fell asleep last night there was no touching at all and we both rolled our separate ways. I’m still really angry about it and he seems to have forgotten that it ever happened. And I hate that!

On one hand, I want to confront him, like I did when I got that upset that he was watching porn while I was sleeping just down the stairs. But that felt really crappy and I felt like it didn’t solve anything. I mean, yes, after I freaked, he stopped watching porn without me, or at least making it where I couldn’t find out he had. Though I have a feeling that this is exactly what he was deleting off his cellphone… Damn cellphones!!

On the other hand, I just want to forget that it happened and chalk it all up to boys being boys or whatever. I don’t even know. Just not confront him. Ideally, he would come to me and tell me whatever his little secret is and explain why he wanted to keep it a secret and then we would have an argument like normal couples do… I just don’t know what I want to do or how I want to see this end or anything really. I just know that I despise it!!


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The Best TV Shows on Netflix


Right before Christmas, my Mom helped us out in getting Netflix. We haven’t had cable in quite a long time because we decided it wasn’t worth the cost with how little TV we were actually watching, but buying movies every couple of weeks was getting to be pretty pricey too. Netflix was a really great option for us and now we couldn’t be happier that we have it.

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9 Steps Make Me a Candidate for The Worst Blogger on the Planet…


The other day, I was reading through my Google Reader when I ran across a post from Problogger by Karol K of  ThemeFuse titled “13 Steps to Being the Worst Blogger on the Planet”.

I was automatically intrigued and wanted to see if I was, in fact, the worst blogger on the planet. Well, guess what folks? I’m only 4 steps away, and I feel like I should go to a meeting or something…

I have, on multiple occasions (sometimes at every posting), taken some of these steps. And because I’m apparently a sucker for showing off my weaknesses, I’ll re-count all my worst offenses.

**Disclaimer: This is pure entertainment 😉

Step 1: Do no research before writing a post

Check!

Well, I guess I did a little research before writing this post. But for a typical post here on The Rantings, I don’t research much at all. I can name every single post that I ever did research for, and that equals two posts. It’s something that I like doing, so I’m not sure why I don’t do it.

Step 2: Don’t spend longer than 30 seconds on a headline

Check, Check!

I don’t remember the last time I put any serious effort or thought into a headline. My favorite part of this and a suggestion I follow dilligently, “Be honest and make it clear from the get go that there’s nothing interesting in your posts”.  That describes my headlines in a nutshell.

Step 4: Use long paragraphs

Check, Check, Check!

I am the worst for doing this and I always tell myself not to, and then just go right on ahead doing it. When I read this step, I instantly blamed it on my highschool English teachers and every music teacher I ever had. These were the two subjects that I was the best at in school, but the one thing that I could never remember is that a comma that appears in musical lyrics is not the comma that appears in a sentence within a paragraph. So now, I write a comma where I would typically take a breath, should I be speaking my posts to you. It’s a hard habit to break and results in a lot of long paragraphs that seem to run ass end into the other…

Step 5: Write as if you were writing to yourself

I suppose I delve into this one every once and awhile. More like I’m writing in a journal than writing to an audience – assuming I have an audience (shout out to those of you I know about!!).

Step 7: Don’t Edit

I almost never edit my posts initially. I often write in a very spur of the moment kind of way (refer to Step 9), so when it comes to the point where I should be editing, I just hit publish instead. I also find that if I edit right off the bat, I won’t actually publish anything, because my self-criticism gets in my way. And that is definitely not what this blog is for.

I do however, tend to return to posts at a later date and will make any spelling corrections or grammatical errors that I notice, and I even go back and update links every once and awhile!

Step 8: Don’t even profreed

CHECK!!

I just discovered awhile ago that I had been spelling definitely wrong for YEARS!! I have long ignored the squiggly red lines that appear under misspelled words. When I first started using computers on a regular basis (when we first got one in our house!), I was obsessed with making up diseases for all my dolls, so naturally, my computer became the way for me to make medical records for my dolls. But this created a lot of problems where proofreading is concerned, because all of my dolls had the weirdest names and their diseases were even weirder…

Same with fictional stories. Put in the names of the people, and every couple of sentences, you’ve got a red squiggly line. Eventually, when you’re doing spell check, you just start accidentally skipping over misspelled words because you don’t notice it popping up after 50 times of having the person’s name pop up as wrong. And yes, I know you can fix that by adding these names so they don’t appear, but seriously?!?

I also generally tend to think I’m a really great speller. I even won awards for it in school!

Step 9: Post as irregularly as possible

I just have to quote something for you real quick:

“One day, publish two posts one after another; then wait a full two weeks before publishing another post.

Then wait one more month and write a post in which you explain why you’ve been gone, thinking that anyone even noticed. And don’t forget to promise that you’ll be posting more often now.”

Now I ask you, how many times have I done this?!? I even find myself getting tired of it. Awhile back, I had done NaBloPoMo, and posted everyday for a month successfully. It was difficult and exhilarating and I felt more creative than I had in a really long time. So I vowed to carry it on throughout the whole year. 4 days later, that was out the window. Last year, part of my resolutions was to blog everyday for a month again. Not only did I get a late start to the month, but I quit after a short period of time.

This year, it’s the same old story. I want this to change so badly, because I feel better when I’m writing everyday or at least more regularly. It seems to be the hardest thing in the world for me. Even when I schedule time into a calendar for it, it just doesn’t happen…

Step 12: Don’t tell anyone about your blog

Now it’s not really that I’m not telling anyone about my blog, it’s just that I’m not telling the right people. Well, more like I don’t know any of the right people. I’ve told my family about it, and the people I work with (though most of them aren’t even sure what a blog is, so I don’t know why I expect them to be able to find it), but outside of that, I don’t know many people to tell about it. It doesn’t come up in the real world that often.

Online networking, so I can tell online personalities about my blog, is a goal of mine, but something that I’m treading extremely delicately with. I’m a very awkward socializer…

Step 14: Get the count of your list posts wrong

I just did this the other day on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. It took two days before I realized that I had made the mistake and changed it. Thank goodness you can edit posts after you publish them, even if it does make you look a little less credible for those who have caught on… The good news is that I try my best to correct it, so I guess that gives me a little bit of a boost.

So there you go, I am admitting that I am at least partially the worst blogger on the planet. So far, I’m okay with it, and maybe one day I won’t fit into this category at all. I thought this post was hilarious and definitely think you should check it out (and let me know that I’m not alone in the worst blogger on the planet category *smiles*). Thanks for reading!


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Unhealthy Weekend


This weekend had been rough on The Boyfriend and I. About a week ago, I started having pains in my teeth. Friday was full of pain, the night before, I got less than 2 hours of sleep. Needless to say, I didn’t go to work.

A couple hours passed when I get a call from my Mom letting me know that The Boyfriend had called her from work to take him up to the hospital. Apparently he got a very sudden and incredibly intense migraine, and the people at his work were insistent that he go to the hospital.

For the most part, we had no idea what was going on out what the circumstances behind him landing in the hospital. Finally he calls to let me know that they are sending him down for a spinal tap…

So they were thinking he was having a brain aneurysm, sent him for a CT scan and a spinal tap, and now he keeps getting these headaches constantly. Albeit not nearly as bad as the first and they seem to be more triggered.

I went to the doctor about my teeth. Looks like I’ve got a wisdom tooth coming in and one of my other teeth is falling apart. It hurts really badly. So now I’m on these huge antibiotics, which make me feel nauseated and T3’s, and I’m convinced they are not helping with this pain!

Now I need to make a dentist appointment and just the thought of it makes me feel sick. I haven’t seen a dentist since my Mom used to make all my appointments… I’m so nervous about it. I’m not looking forward to hearing how much it’s going to cost to get this problem fixed either!

So that’s been my weekend in a nutshell. Sickness, pain and a lot of The Boyfriend and I taking turns taking care of each other. No fun at all…

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Stressing and Honeymooning


Today, I am feeling incredibly stressed out and it’s not because something from today has stressed me out. It’s totally about not looking forward to tomorrow. On Friday, I wasn’t feeling very good so I asked if I could go home early. Well then I was asked to call the big boss and ask first as she was planning on talking to me. Honestly, my heart was racing so fast that I only heard about half of what she said, but essentially they’re concerned that this job “isn’t working out for me”.

I know what has brought this about and I’m a little upset about it and having a hard time not being incredibly angry. I want to vent to the big boss at work and tell her about all the wrongdoings done to me, but I feel like I’ll just be wasting my breath. It’s all kind of hard to explain and half the time, I don’t even remember how it got this bad in the first place, but it’s not that the job isn’t working out for me…

The last time someone sat me down to talk to me about my performance at work, I got super-defensive. It didn’t help that it was a person that I was already having lots of problems with it. Now I’m super nervous that the big boss and I are going to sit down and I’m going to get super-defensive again, and I really hate that side of me. It’s just stressing me out a lot and I’m really not looking forward to work tomorrow. I have a feeling I’ll be walking out of the office crying and that just pisses me off!

Outside of the stress that I’m feeling, this weekend has been pretty good. It’s the first one in awhile that both The Boyfriend and I have off, so that automatically makes it a better weekend. I feel like we’re honeymooning this weekend. The first night, Friday, was a typical day for us. But yesterday was so different. The day seemed to go by in a blur and then at night, things slowed down so much.

We cuddled for a really long time, watched a movie about Marquis De Sade (Quills), which we both couldn’t decide whether we liked it or not and we had some freaking amazing crazy three-hour long sex. It was really windy last night, so he knew I would probably find it hard to fall asleep, and that meant I spent the whole night just completely engulfed by him. The kids let us sleep in this morning and when we woke up, we couldn’t stop cuddling and touching and telling each other we loved the other one. It’s just been really incredible and it feels damn good.

I was even able to get the kids and The Boyfriend cleaning today while I made my Mom’s famous Hashbrown Omelette. But I put my Dad’s twist of making in the oven in a cupcake pan. So freaking delicious. It’s been awhile since we’ve bought bacon for around the house, so needless to say that got eaten up right quick. I’m really impressed with how lazy I feel like we’ve been the last few days, how much housework has been getting done. The dishes are the biggest change. Last night, I didn’t feel like doing the dishes and The Boyfriend did them instead – the first time since we’ve lived together that he’s done more than just the dishes needed for a meal. Maybe that’s part of the reason for the honeymooning?!?

I was also made really happy last weekend when Alfie got me back a whole bunch of CD’s that his sister had stolen many moons ago. So I had a great night of reminiscing to all the bands that I used to love to listen to when I was 14 and of some of the bands that I’ve seen in my life. I was most happy to get Complete, a Spawner Records band that I’ve met multiple times and Darryl’s Grocery Bag, another smallish BC band that I had the honor of hosting a show they did. I miss those days of going to punk shows and skanking in the pit and mohawks and teenage angst… It was really nice to be able to look back on that, after so many years of not…

Well, I think that’s all I’ve got in the way of updates for the last few days. How’s your last few days been?