The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

If I Could Cry…

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Today was a beyond crappy day at work. I can’t even truly say that, because it started out really great. We were all joking around and having a great time, I was getting tons of stuff checked off my growing to-do list and I was even voicing ideas that will help everyone out in the long run. Then 2:30 hit…

We’ve had some issues with tenants using their furnace rooms as storage rooms. It makes where we can’t check the furnace for last cleaned dates, which are pretty important. So we needed to figure out what exactly the regulations on furnace rooms were, so a call needed to be made.

Well, I’m looking through the phone book and except for 9-1-1, I couldn’t find anything that even slightly resembled a fire department. So I asked my boss if she could find it and she gave a good look and couldn’t find it either. While I did do some searching on the internet for what the regulations were, we needed to confirm it, from an actual human.

So my boss goes and tells me to ask the main boss lady for her contact number for the fire department. I go and ask her and in a snippy voice, she tells me “You can find that number in the phone book, you don’t need my contact!”. I was automatically angered. I just kept thinking, “Do you seriously think I wouldn’t have tried that option first?!?” So she picks up her phone book and begins looking and can’t find the number either… I told ya so!

She gives me her number for her contact, but I didn’t want to call him just in case it was just his cellphone or something like that. Again, I jumped on Google and found the number. So I call and they pass me off to another person, and that person tells me to call another person. But when I called that person, they were not the person I was supposed to be calling. Instead it was a foreign woman who snapped at me for calling her. I said that to my boss and in a snippy voice she said to me that I probably wrote the number down wrong – as if I’m known for doing that or something… ARGH!

I got it figured out, not with the help of anyone in that office. Instead I emailed the Fire Department (which apparently isn’t called the Fire Department), and within minutes got a call back. Fire guy says to me that it is absolutely not allowed to have anything in the furnace room unless it is directly for the furnace (filters, etc.). I relay this to my boss and I get an argument. “I could’ve sworn it was 3 feet of clearance. Does it even apply when the furnace is under the stairs?”

I just kept thinking, “If you want to know this shit and you don’t trust what I’m saying, then you fucking call!”, but of course, I can’t say that shit. So I shut my mouth and went back to my work, while the boss called her boyfriend to make sure it was all legally sound. It just made me really flipping angry.

Another thing that’s really bugging me is that they all come to me for shit, even though I don’t think I know that job very well and I make that very clear. I covered reception while we tried to hire on a new receptionist after our original one quit, I go above and beyond in the maintenance department to make both tenant and owner as happy as possible, and I feel like I’m doing a whole heck of a lot there. And yet I’m getting paid far less than everyone else, even though I was told I would be getting a raise. Months ago…

I feel like no one respects me there, and I feel like it doesn’t matter how much effort I put into this job, no one will ever respect me there. They are just not that kind of people. And every time I begin to think that I’m earning a little bit of respect, shit like today happens. And I come home and I wonder why I’m wasting all my time working so hard at a job, where they don’t even care if I’m there or not. Where what I do doesn’t seem to matter at all. It just seriously sucks.

Then my Mom is constantly getting on my case about getting her paid. I feel for her, I really do and I would love to get her paid. But it’s not as simple as one phone call and she gets paid. I need to get so much paperwork saying that the kids are actually mine and they actually live with me. Birth certificates, health cards, and tons of other stuff. My Mom seems to think that if I just get the health cars, it’ll all be solved, even though I’ve told her that it won’t, because I still need to get all the other paperwork.

Things like birth certificates need to wait. They just have to. Because I don’t have ANY money to put on that stuff. As it is, I’m almost a month behind on rent (again!), I have no hot water and haven’t for months, we just got the phone disconnected and after that it will be the internet and the electricity. I just simply do not have the money to put on the birth certificates. There is no point in me rushing around to get health cards when I can’t get the other papers right now to be able to get her paid.

On top of that, I was reading through the stuff on the website and without knowing their health card numbers off by heart (which I totally don’t…), I need to have birth certificates for them, which I can’t get. So she left here all in a huff today, which just made the whole day that much worse for me.

It just makes me want to quit my job that much more. I want to quit my job because frankly, my job SUCKS! But I also want to quit it so that I don’t have to worry about how paying my Mom is going to work. She won’t have to try to get a job around my schedule and can instead do it on her own. But at the same time, the chances of me earning the wage that I’m earning now, with my limited experience and horrible work history, is pretty darn low, so it makes me not want to quit my job. It is making me so bitchy stressing out about all these things.

Add in the fact that I’ve got 4 kids that I can barely manage and a house that I can hardly keep (in the sense of housekeeping – keeping it clean and maintained), I am just so burnt out and overwhelmed. If I could cry, I would, but I can’t, so I won’t… That is all!

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Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

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