The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+

“I’m Sorry” Isn’t Helping…

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Seriously, talking to The Boyfriend about sex has become the biggest waste of my breath ever! It’s a pointless waste of time and nothing ever comes of it, and it’s just getting to the point where it’s starting to make me feel rather unhappy about my sexual predicament.

I’m talking about both vanilla and kinky sex. I probably wouldn’t be so focused on the kinky sex, if at least regularly I got vanilla sex. Every time I try to talk to him about sex, it’s like I’m saying the same things over and over again to an “I’m sorry” brick wall.

Even though it hasn’t been that incredibly long since we last had sex, I’ve been feeling the massive urge. I get to about the third or fourth day before I feel like it’s been a long time since we last had sex. He can go for months on end without ever thinking about it. So last night, I asked him about it and sure enough, all he said was “I’m sorry”, as if that’s supposed to somehow fix my sexual longing…

It’s always the way it is whenever I say anything about sex or our lack of it. He just says he’s sorry and then rolls over and falls asleep. I’m normally left there wondering if it’s me that makes him not want to have sex more often, if it’s his lack of attraction to me or something like that…

The one that bugs me even more than that is when he says that if I would just tease him more, or if I would initiate more. Except when you think of it, I normally am the one initiating, and I don’t want to be having sex with someone who is not interested or too exhausted to put any effort in themselves. I also don’t want it to be all about him! If I’m initiating all the time, then when am I going to get the feeling like I’m being pursued or desired…

He always complains that he’s so exhausted and I just think, then why don’t you stop playing Facebook games earlier and have sex with me long before we’re normally in bed. Why can’t it be any sort of priority around here?!?!? I hate that I am really passionate about sex, especially with The Boyfriend, and he could care less.

What bugs me most though, is how much it grates on me, especially after all this time. You’d think by now, I would be totally used to the lack of sex and that I would just move on and take what I get and be happy about it. But I feel like I’m being robbed of my sexuality, like I’m bending and folding to his will without my consent and like I’m being denied for no reason. I feel like it’s unfair.

I can’t get vanilla sex with him and I don’t want vanilla sex with others. I can’t get kinky sex with him and he’s made it pretty clear that I can’t have it with others. It’s just driving me nuts and I hate that it even bothers me at all. I just wish sex with me was a priority for him like it is for me with him…

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Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of five ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the founder of The Erotic Writers Group, a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders to connect, share, learn and inspire.

2 thoughts on ““I’m Sorry” Isn’t Helping…

  1. Pingback: I do not look THAT pregnant!! « Valerie Rayne Rants

  2. Pingback: What do you do? | Valerie Rayne Rants

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