The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants


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2 Nothing-Compares Moments


There are some things in life that everything else just pales in comparison to. I’ve been fortunate to have some of those experiences, even if I can only look back on it in hindsight. When they were happening, it was hard to really truly tell how wonderful and glorious those experiences were. But now that I know, I’m letting you know!

  1. The first time you hold your baby

    For me, this wasn’t a great experience every time. It often brought on mixed emotions and a lot of confusion and sometimes physical pain, but when I look back on it now, there was nothing more precious.

    Looking into their eyes and smelling them. Playing with their wee little fingers and feeling their body against yours. There’s nothing quite as spectacular.

  2. The moment you realize, “Oh my god! I really love him/her” 

    There’s always a point in a serious relationship, when you have the opportunity to realize how much you love the person. After the initial stages of love where you’re flirting with the idea, and after a few years together, you are hit with the sudden overwhelming confirmation that this is in fact love, deeply and truly.

    This is one of those moments when it literally feels like the whole entire world has drifted away from  you and everything wonderful about the person hits you like a ton of bricks.  You are no longer alone and everything in the world is going to be just fine!

These are only two of life’s most nothing-compares-to-it moments. What would you include in this list? What are some moments in your life that everything else just pales in comparison to? What do you think makes moments like this what they are? Leave your comments below and let me know what you think.
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This post is intended for adults 18+


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Punished…


It seems like almost all day today, I’ve been thinking about and fantasizing about punishment in an erotic sort of way… It’s gotten increasingly stronger all day and that last episode of Star Trek (Voyager, Season 3, Episode: Favorite Son) pushed it straight over the edge as a group of women bonded themselves to another male with black sashes on his wrists, eyes and mouth.

Kink in general has been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I have a craving at least once a day for a spanking – it’s been so damn long since I’ve had one that I almost don’t even remember what it feels like or why I seriously enjoy it… At least twice this week alone I’ve felt angry that I’ve spent money on a flogger and a crop that never gets used…

Unfortunately, no matter how much I beg or how much I ask for it or how much we discuss it, it seems like we never ever get closer to the sort of relationship dynamic I long for. It probably wouldn’t even bother me so much if he’d just show a little tiny bit of interest.

Lately, all I’ve been able to think about is being punished. Being caned for my disobedience, or being put in the corner or not being allowed to make eye contact or something… I want us to have rules that I have to listen to or it will result in punishment, period with no exceptions. Obviously it wouldn’t be easy, but we would figure out a way to make it work and be hella erotic all at the same time.

It would be so hot if say one of the rules was that I had to have some area of the house cleaned by a certain time. If I didn’t have it done by that time, then he would whisper in my ear that as soon as the kids are asleep, I will be punished for my wrong doing. Then after all the kids are asleep, wham! I get the punishment and am taught a valuable lesson about why I should listen to the rules. When you listen, you get rewards, rewards full of pleasure.

I wonder if it’s even worth it to keep dreaming of this stuff. I’ve made my vanilla bed and now I have to lie in it. Part of me feels like I should just forget about all my interests in kink, because it’s really getting me nowhere. The other part of me remembers how wonderful it was getting it for that short period of time and it’s fighting me to hold onto it… I hate feeling confused about my sexuality in this way, because I’m normally so sure, but lately, not so much. I feel like I’m so stuck in this in-between type of place, and it’s frustrating.


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Weighing Down


I think I’ve been sad or something the last few days. Something is definitely going on, and I’m not 100% sure what it is or why it’s happening, I just know that it is…

First of all, I’ve been sleeping a lot again, or at least a lot in my opinion. Then after I do all that sleeping, I’m constantly beating myself up about it. The Boyfriend gets out of bed at 6 AM almost every morning and goes to bed after midnight. I go to bed at the same time, but these last few days I’ve been pushing the snooze button to sleep until 9 or 9:30. I don’t like it!

I’m getting overwhelmed by housework lately. I get one bit of cleaning done and then there’s a huge list more that needs to get done and I’m just not cutting it. None of us are really. It’s beginning to really stress me out. I go to bed thinking about all the cleaning that needs to be done the next day and then I spend all the next day in a funk because I’m not getting the cleaning that I need to get done, done!

I’ve been incredibly sore to top all of that off. My knees and ankles are doing terribly and it hurts to sit, it hurts to stand, it hurts to lay down, it all hurts. I’m also back to the perpetual periods and that whole thing is starting to annoy the crap out of me. First, I go on Depo and the bleeding lasts for almost an entire year, and then I go off Depo and the bleeding disappears for almost an entire year and now I’m back to the bleeding all the time. It’s disappointing…

We haven’t had any hot water for over two weeks now, and at this point I’m not even sure when we’ll be able to get that turned back on. We’re without a vehicle and The Boyfriend and I keep procrastinating on things like going to get groceries, even though he brings stuff home from work, so in that area we’re not hurting.

We keep saying that we need to create a budget and for some reason it all works out on paper, but in reality, we’re just not coming anywhere close to cutting it. It’s a weight that is weighing me down quite heavily and I’m finding it hard not to obsess over how bad we’ve let our finances get.

I have about a million phone calls to make and absolutely no desire to make them, even though they are kind of necessary. I need to get birth certificates for the kids, which is $100 I don’t have. I need to get myself some picture ID, which is still yet more money I don’t have. I need to get my Mom paid for watching the kids for me… There is just so much grown up stuff to do that I don’t want to do…

I just feel generally down and out and overwhelmed. I need to find another part-time job, but as it is I’m having a hard time wanting to go to the part-time job I already have. And not because I don’t love the job, because I really do, but when I’m in the emotional place that I’m at, I’d just much rather stay at home.

Well, I guess it’s time to head off to Mom’s to get ready to go to work… Taking the bus yet again today, which I’m seriously starting to hate. But I guess beggars can’t be choosers. How have you been emotionally speaking the last little while? Any big stresses weighing you down?


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For Those Who Don’t Know: Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous


As some of you may know, I not only write this blog, but I also write a blog full of my favorite randomness and I am the Administrator of a social network. Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is a free online social networking community for adult, lifestyle and sex bloggers (yes, I count myself in that category…).

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous offers a variety of features all aimed to help you connect with other adult bloggers. Even if you aren’t interested in actually starting your own adult blog, you’ll be able to discover new blogs to read, get great blogging tips and tricks, and be able to connect with your favorite bloggers.

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is 100% FREE and will never cost you a cent, unless you choose to donate to the site. All donations go straight back into the site and you get to choose the amount to donate.

In this post, I’m going to outline some of the features of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous as well as highlight some of my favorite groups, discussions and blog posts. Please feel free to browse around the site and definitely don’t hestitate to become a member today!

The LBA Blog

As a non-member you can read the blog. Once you become a member, you unlock the ability to begin writing your very own blog entires on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous.

Our blog has an integrated comment system and the ability to share posts via Twitter and Facebook. Easily post to the blog with a Rich Text Editor, or if you’re feeling a little adventurous switch over to HTML mode*. Currently, we offer a total of 10 categories which include:

Recently, I’ve written a few different posts on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. They include two erotic fantasies, Caged Cuckold and One Chore: The Dishes. I also highlighted my posts on sexual bucket lists, An Intro to Sexual Bucket Lists and 100+ Sexual Bucket List Ideas and my personal favorite 6 Crazy Sex Laws – Past & Present.

If you have any other blog category ideas, please stop by the Suggestion Box and let your voice be heard! To begin writing  your own blog on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, become a member today!

The LBA Forums

If you’re looking to have discussions on just about any topic with just about anyone, the forums are the place to go. Non-members have limited access to the forums and can only see the General Discussions forum. Members, however, are given access to all the forums which includes For The Bloggers, Sexuality & You and BDSM & Fetishes (again, suggestions are greatly appreciated!). Each of these forum categories have a variety of sub-categories and even more topics within. Here are some of the best discussions right now:

Of course, this is just some of my personal favorites from Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. There are many more discussions happening and many more waiting to be had. So what are you waiting for? Become a member today to start participating in lively discussions on blogging, sexuality, BDSM and fetishes!

The LBA Groups

If you’ve ever wanted to connect with like-minded adult bloggers, groups are definitely the way to go! Groups are a great way to gather individuals on a niche topic. First and foremost, I strongly suggest that any member of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous joins our official group. All the latest site updates and announcements are posted there. As a non-member, you can see what we have to offer for groups, but as a member not only can you join groups that have already been created, you can also start your very own niche group.

Currently, these are the groups that you can find on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous:

Kinky in CanadaKinky in Canada

Canadian kinksters come together in this group. Whether your from the East or the West, you can connect with other Canadians. If you’re from Alberta, like me, then check out the Alberta Connect topics to meet other Albertan.

The Big "O"The Big “O”

Lovers of orgasms unite in this group where we’re sharing orgasm tips, facts and experiences.

FetLifersFetLifers

If you’re a member of the best social networking site for kinksters, by kinksters, then join this group and connect with other FetLifers.

Erotic WritersErotic Writers

If you write erotic poems, stories or songs, join this group to mingle with other erotic writers. Get inspired, get motivated, get writing!

For Women OnlyFor Women Only

Of course I made this group!! NO BOYS ALLOWED!  Women, let’s get together and have a chat, okay? Let’s talk about all the things us girls talk about, okay? If you’re into that, then join this group!

I’m always looking for suggestions for new groups, so if you’ve got any that you think would be a great addition, either become a member of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous and create them yourself, or leave a comment to this post and I’ll see what I can do!

Some of the other features we offer include photos, videos and a chat room. You can upload your own photos to the site if you’re a member, though please be sure to read the Community Guidelines first! You can also share videos from popular video sharing sites such as YouTube and Vimeo. Again, we’re always open to suggestion but so far the video categories include:

Here’s one of my favorite videos on Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. It’s from a Canadian group called The Wet Spots, who I’ve become more and more obsessed with. Be sure to check out the bottom of this post for another awesome video!

At the moment, the chat room is usually pretty dead. Although, you can make it so you can chat to your Facebook friends without ever leaving Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous. That all being said, there are plans in the works to start doing scheduled chats a few nights a week. There is even a discussion going on in the Suggestion Box about it.

Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous is also elsewhere around the web. Firstly, we’re on Facebook! “Like” our fan page to get site updates, participate in all sorts of conversations and get the chance to see exclusive content. You can also follow me, @blogaholica, on Twitter to get LBA updates.

So, if you didn’t know about Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous, you do now! To summarize, it’s a free online social networking community for lifestyle, adult and sex bloggers and I would love it if you would check it out and if you feel compelled, become a member today! If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hestitate to leave your comments below or contact me. Thanks for checking it out!

And here’s the other video I promised, the first episode of The Adventures of Penis and Vagina. A comedic look at the discovery of anal sex!

Conversation Starters

  • Would you become a member of Lifestyle Bloggers Anonymous? Why or why not?
  • Do you consider yourself an adult, lifestyle or sex blogger?
  • What did you think of The Wet Spots? Did you look at more of their videos on YouTube?


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Ramblings…


Today has been an overwhelming and stressful day. It started when I woke up this morning. I had forgotten that I didn’t work until after noon today because Kaeidyn had her assembly, so when the alarm went off, I was sure that it was going to be another morning of rushing around to get everyone ready to go. I come running up the stairs, sure that I’m going to be pressed for time, when I realized that today wasn’t the day.

Then, I went into work late today because Kaeidyn had this big year-end assembly that she really wanted me to go to. It was a lot of fun, though I think I’ve decided that they boys need to stay home on days like that. The principal ended up asking me to take Carter outside because he was being too loud. Luckily my Mom was there, so she took Carter outside so that I could enjoy the rest of the assembly. And I did. She was very cute and I love listening to her sing.

I’m so much like my Mom that way. I always hated it growing up. But the second any of the kids starts to sing, I automatically tear up. I just always find it to be so adorable and it makes my heart feel good. I played guitar and sang during all of my pregnancies, and when they were babies, I would play guitar and let them sit with me. It means a lot to me that they are musical, just like their Mom.

Then I went into work, and it was just crazy busy. Not because it actually is crazy busy, but because we’re currently short on cleaners and when that happens, it feels like it’s hectic and like everything is a huge rush. The good thing is, I’m pretty good at prioritizing and keeping level-headed AT WORK – because I suck at it at home…

The biggest part of my stresses today is talking to my Mom. She tends to be my continual reality slap to the face. And while that’s one of the biggest things that I appreciate about her, in the moment of the slap, it’s hard for me to remember that I really appreciate it and instead it just brings me down. It doesn’t help that at the time I see it as her adding more things to my already full plate. I know she does it for my own good, and like she said today, I’ve “had to go through worse”, it just sucks.

I have so much to do, and so little desire/time to do it with/in, and it just feels like it’s way more than it actually is. I hate how the household and family stress -things like finances, discipline, school, babysitters, cleaning, things that need to be bought – tend to build up over a few weeks and you feel like you can handle it because you have time. Then it gets to the day when you feel like it’s overwhelming and all that building up hits like a ton of bricks. And it makes that one bad day carry on over multiple days and just as you feel like everything is back on track and “normal” again, it starts to build up again. It makes it more exhausting than anything. I have no idea if any of that made any sense…

I have a ton of phone calls to make. Originally I was supposed to make them tomorrow, but I’m probably going to have to work all day tomorrow, so I’ll have to make them on Monday. It’s not even really a ton, it just feels that way because it’s things I don’t want to deal with. That I have a lot of anger about having to deal with it.

I have some big decisions to make regarding the kids and Alfie, because things aren’t so good in that department. I don’t want to go into full out details, because I’m still trying to figure out what parts of it are my true feelings and which ones are the parts that are leftover hurt and anger. It’s extremely complicated and even harder to explain. I’m still in, what I’m sure is called, the healing process. And it’s a horrible time for me to have to make important decisions regarding my kids and their Dad. Because it’s just a mixture of all types of negative emotions that I’m still working on coming to terms with. I don’t want to be the type of parent who lets my own emotions negatively impact my kids relationship with their other parent. I want them to come to their own conclusions about whether or no he’s a good Dad and whether or not he’s worthy of them. But they are not old enough for that. They are still learning what is right and wrong, and unfortunately I’m still trying to define that for myself and therefore, for them.

It’s such a complicated thing. I hope I didn’t confuse you too much there… Like I said, it’s been an overwhelming and stressful day. I am so lucky to have The Boyfriend though, and I’ve really been shown that this past week. Today was absolutely the best, because he knew that I was beyond stressed almost the minute I walked through the door and he sat there so nicely and just listened to me ramble on and on about all the stress. When I was done, he offered his two cents and let me ramble on and on about his two cents and he was so calm and patient and understanding. I’m just really lucky to have a guy that listens to me.

During my stressed-out-rant, I kept saying, “I wish I could just figure out one thing that was a good de-stressor” and after venting to him, I realized he is my de-stressor. He just makes me feel good and I’ve never felt like I needed to question whether he loved me or not, and that’s a very powerful thing for me. I just really love that guy!

So, how has your week been? Any big stressors on your end? How have you dealt with your stress? Did you try any new stress techniques recently? Let’s do a poll about stress, shall we?