The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

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This post is intended for adults 18+


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From the Vault: Favorites from my First Year


The Rantings of a Tortured Mind has kind of always been evolving and changing. My vision for what I want this blog to be seems to constantly be changing as well. At first, I wanted to keep it strictly PG and about the kids, but that didn’t last long since I never felt like I had much to add. Then I wanted it to be about my life in general, but then I realized that I have a pretty boring life.

I’ve basically decided to drop the vision and just let this blog be the way it will be. I’m trying harder everyday to not think that seriously about it, being that this blog is supposed to be for me to express myself. I’ll have visions for my other blogs.

My first post was on August 21, 2010. Wouldn’t you know, it was a quote. In the beginning, I had these scheduled to go off everyday. Then I got out of it, but have since brought it back on my Tumblr blog, Valerie Rayne’s Randomness.

My first post about me and my interest in BDSM was The Test Boy and Me. My first technically, play party, though I’m sure that’s not what most play parties are like. It was just me, The Boyfriend and two other people. But it was incredible.

On August 29, 2010, I recorded the first, and so far only *knocks on wood*, fight The Boyfriend and I have ever gotten into. September 2010 was a busy months with the most posts so far at 24. Some of my favorite posts from that month include:

In Wrote This While Offline, you can get an idea of what I want in a BDSM relationship and of course there’s my Sexual Pity Party. One of my favorite posts about sexuality is Finally Vulnerable!
Also, of course, are my music videos. First is my cover of Radiohead’s “Creep” and my version of Amazing Grace. You can also check out newer videos by heading over to my YouTube channel.
So there’s a highlight of my 12 favorite posts from my first year of blogging. What do you think? What is your favorite post from The Vault?


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Sick Kids and Carpet Freshener


This week, I’ve written, deleted, re-written and decided not to publish at least 10 posts. I feel very stunted in my writing lately. I almost feel like I have nothing to say, nothing to report, nothing to write about. Even though, I know that’s 100% a lie.

First of all, 3 out of 4 of the kids have been sick ever since they got back from their Dad’s on Monday night. First was Kaeidyn throwing up in the middle of the night with a high fever the next day. I thought it might of been because of her knee. A few nights before, she had fallen off her bike onto the road and smashed up her knee pretty good. We took her to the hospital, since it looked like she had a rock stuck under her skin. Luckily, it really wasn’t that bad, and it just needed to be cleaned out really good and then have bandages on it. But I was sure she was sick because of her knee.

Upon checking it out, her knee was fine and it’s been healing well. Then I thought that maybe it was something that she at her Dad’s. I wrote Alfie a message on Facebook, telling him we need to start communicating about the kids more effectively. I was glad that I told him, but I feel like it’s just going to be like everything else I’ve ever told him…

So then Keirnan starts throwing up. He’s been fine outside of that, no fever or out of the usual tiredness. Then today, Kenzie starts throwing up and falls asleep way before the other kids – something that almost never happens.

It’s not the first time that they’ve gone to their Dad’s and come home sick. A huge part is gnawing at me and screaming in a pip-squeaky voice that it’s something emotional on their part. Stress, upset, something along those lines. And I have no idea how to go about approaching the subject with them, or Alfie or even myself. I’m at a complete loss about what to do, and at even more of a loss of how to go about finding out if it’s emotional or just a flu or something…

Outside of that, things have been going mostly good in all other departments. I’ve changed up hours at work, so instead of working 12 – 3, I now get to be there 9 – 12. It’s really no different going in at that time, and it’s been good so far. I got an email today asking that we all start dressing a little more professionally and I’m not sure how I’m going to manage that.

I’m having such an issue with my weight and the way my stomach looks lately that it’s been really hard looking for clothes. Last weekend I decided I needed to get a new shirt. After 3 hours at the mall and over 20 shirts tried on, I walked out with nothing and everybody else got a brand new outfit. Everything I tried on felt wrong, felt awkward and I was so worried that none of it would fit after the pants debacle.

The Boyfriend and I have been doing really great lately. It’s been almost surprising to me how things have been going between us, and mostly how affectionate I’ve been towards him. I constantly long to touch him and feel his touch, and just know that he’s there. Even though I only work 3 hours a day, by the time it’s home time, I can’t wait to see him.

What’s surprising is that I’m finding more often that I’m beginning to notice little annoying habits of his. This is normally the point in the relationship where I would start nagging about those habits, or bitch to someone about the habit, or give him the silent treatment or overreact in some way. But I seem to have an infinite amount of patience with him. I don’t seem to get upset or angry or flustered, unless my Mom’s bitching about it, that he forgets to take the garbage out for days on end, or has to start a load in the washer more than once because he forgets about it. It bothers me for the moment that I notice, and then nothing. I tell him to do it, he says he will and that’s the last I say about it and I’m doing really good with it. It feels good.

I’m not saying that I’ve become a completely un-nagging girlfriend, because I’m sure that I still nag. I just don’t feel like I’m such a bitch and when I get up and say to him, “Okay, you have to take the garbage out now!”, he gets up without hesitation and does it, as long as I say it has to be now and not something like “later on tonight”, because that results in the procrastination. And even more surprising is that I don’t blame him for that. I’ve finally come to accept that other people besides me can procrastinate too.

The house is slowly getting cleaner, so that’s a super huge plus. I’ve been trying to really darn hard to do something everyday, even if it’s just something small. Today, we did an awesome job of cleaning the living room and we finally got to the floor underneath of the computer desk. I think it’s because I bought myself carpet freshener. That always seems to get me motivated to clean something!

Then, we got to go to the library again and I managed to outdo my record of 26 items to 33 items. I feel like it’s just going to get worse… But I love that when I’m not in the mood for one particular book, I can just move onto the next move and come back to the first book when I’m in the mood. I’ve been reading like it’s going out of style. Right now, I’ve got 4 books on the go, but technically only 2 of them count because 2 of them are fitness/nutrition books.

We’ve had a lot of rainy days, which only sucks because I’d really like to be trying to hit up the exercise park every once and awhile. I really enjoyed the last time we went, since The Boyfriend and I recently got a badminton set, and I love playing badminton. I’m not one much for playing other sports, but badminton is competitive without ever really feeling like a competition and everyone looks like a dork playing badminton, it’s not like I could out-dorkify someone. And except for the sore abs after my 30 awesome wab board crunches, I felt really good after running around and doing some good old exercise. I’m hoping the weather will get better soon.

Well, that pretty much sums up my week. Nothing really new, nothing’s really changed, and yet it’s all different and feels the same. How’s your last week been? Anyone sick at your house? How’s work going for you? What’s your weather like?


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The Best of Valerie Rayne’s Randomness


Along the top of this blog, you’ll notice a menu item called Random. This will take you to my Tumblr blog, Valerie Rayne’s Randomness. On this blog, I post tons of my favorite quotes, my answers to Formspring questions, my Plinky posts and tons and tons more.

In the short time that Valerie Rayne’s Randomness has been online, I’ve published almost 50 more posts there than I have for this blog which has been running for over a year. Mostly because it’s much easier to post randomness or answer writing prompts than it is to tell you the intimate details of my mind or put into words a vivid story or write an informative article.

Today, I’d like to bring you some of my favorite random moments from Valerie Rayne’s Randomness. You can also ask me questions and submit your own favorite randomness, plus check out some of the other Tumblr blogs I’m following and some of my favorite Tumblr posts.

Quotes

Plinky Posts

Formspring Answers

More Randomness

So there’s a recap of the last 112 posts on Valerie Rayne’s Randomness. Don’t hesitate to check them out, leave your comments and ask me some of your own questions or submit your own randomness.
You can also check me out on Formspring and ask me questions there or read my posts on Plinky. I’ll do these update posts every 100 posts or so, so expect to see this again.


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From the Vault: The Brighton Tales


It has been a number of months since a new chapter of The Brighton Tales has been published, so today from the vault, I give to you the first six chapters of this magnificent tale.

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