The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

Not Up For It…

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Tomorrow is going to be a horrible day. After yesterday, I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. I had mentioned the other day about the whole Work Placement Training thing, and how I had gotten an interview through that. Well, I went to the interview and it literally lasted all of 5 minutes. I got to the building at 9:58 AM and I was heading home by 10:04 AM. Needless to say, I’m convinced that the interview didn’t go all that well.

Then I got a letter in the mail (darn this time of season for the constant mailbox fill), saying that I had to go to a job fair tomorrow. I’ve never been to a job fair, so automatically my nerves are on edge. Add in to the fact the failures that I’ve had where interviews are concerned lately, and my complete lack of skills and qualifications pointing and laughing at me, my job-level confidence is absolutely and completely shot.

The first thing I’ve learnt from doing all these interviews, and the one that I have the hardest time not doing, is when you’re 24 and looking for a job, don’t mention that you have 4 kids. In the last two interviews I’ve done, the second I say anything about the kids, eyebrows are raised, “That’s interesting” is muttered, and I see any hope of getting the job flutter out the door.

I wish employers would look at the fact that I’m so young with four kids as more of an impressive thing. In employment counseling, they build you up about it. How the skills that you use as a parent are such big things when you think about it.

Who controls the monthly budget? I do, so I’m a financial advisor or a budget specialist. Who goes grocery shopping and writes the lists based on needs? I do, so I’m a inventory control specialist. Who cleans the house? I do (and my Mom does), so we’re housekeepers and waste management specialists and so much more! Why can’t the fact that I’m a domestic engineer be a serious job?

I hate that it’s not more impressive to an employer that I have 4 kids, all who still live with me and have never been taken away from me. That has to say a whole heck of a lot about me. I’m reliable, I’m responsible, I’m hard-working, I’m mature – all of these things are things I think about other moms. Why can’t an employer see that in me? Why is it such a turn off that I have so many kids?

So I’m going to this job fair tomorrow, because it is mandatory. I’m hating that I have to go, because I am so low down on my confidence, that I feel like I can’t sell myself no matter how hard I try to a potential employer. I also don’t want to leave out that I have all these kids, being that an employer needs to know that they are my number one priority.

I’m also worried about childcare. In no way, even with subsidy from the government, could I afford daycare or dayhomes. Even if I could, I’d probably be put on a 6-month long waiting list. I have one person I can use as a childcare provider, because I really don’t know anyone here except for my Mom, and I can rely on her only as long as she doesn’t get a job and as long as her boyfriend’s not in town. So for one week every month, I have to have a back-up plan. It’s almost impossible to have a back-up plan right now…

I hate how much work and job-searching stresses me out. Just had to rant. Now, I have to go deal with the kids, who keep hurting each other, screaming and yelling, causing havoc and destroying the house. Argh…

Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of six ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the creator of WTMFI Wednesdays, a weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality.

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