So, as some of you may already know, I started a new blog. I know, I don’t need another one, but this one is specifically for my 2011 goals. I’ve been setting goals like crazy though have only completed one. Check it out and see what you can do to help.
I’ve been saying I was going to get some cleaning done over the last couple of days, and while I did clean the living room a little bit yesterday, I have not gotten up off my butt in awhile. The kids have been gone (a day longer than they were supposed to be), Carter’s been making messes left and right, and I’ve been sore and tired. I’m very mad at myself for not at least doing dishes or cleaning the living room or something!
Too make matters worst, the boys put soap down the toilet and now we can’t get it to stop overflowing. Not even overflowing, just filling up to the top. Hopefully, I’ll remember to call my landlord about it. Though I just seriously hate bothering him. If I paid my rent on time every single month, and the house was still in the same condition it was when I moved into it, it probably wouldn’t bother me so much. But with all those factors, plus my constant not wanting to be a burden for anyone, it makes it hard to just call him!
I was pretty pissed off last night, and probably will be at some point rather soon again today. The kids were supposed to be dropped off after dinner last night so that Kaeidyn could go to school in the morning. Around 8 PM, I got a call from their Grandma asking if they could stay another night. “Kaeidyn can go to school in the afternoon”, as if it’s her decision or something.
I keep trying to set out rules and guidelines for the kids going to Fort Saskatchewan to see their Dad and it’s as if nothing I say matter. None of his side of the family has any respect for me and it totally pisses me off. When I say they can’t come out there because he’s working, that should just be the way it is. There shouldn’t be any arguing. There shouldn’t be any questioning of the authority that I’ve rightfully earned. And when it’s said that they should be home Sunday night, they should be home Sunday night, not Monday whenever they get around to leaving. F.Y.I – It is now 12:00 PM and no word from the kids. Looks like Kaeidyn won’t be going to school this afternoon after all.
You know what though, just the general lack of respect I’m feeling lately sucks. The other day, I got in a huge online fight with my horrible and evil step-mother who I haven’t talked to in forever. I don’t know what her problem is with me. She had commented on two pictures of the kids and a picture of my Mom. Deleted the comments on the pictures of the kids and called my Mom a whole bunch of horrible things.
I messaged her and basically told her to stop creeping my Facebook via my sisters Facebook (since I haven’t had her on my Facebook since my 22nd birthday, when she messaged the kids’ Dad and told him she would do whatever it took to help him get custody of the kids). She wrote back that I was a useless cunt and an ungrateful piece of shit and all this other crap, and then proceeded to tell me that every person that she knows that I know, says the same thing.
It’s like last year some time when I posted a status on Facebook about wanting to become a sex toy reviewer, and my sister commented on it and next thing you know my step-mother is posting about how I should attempt to “get a real job, you know, one where your kids could be proud of you!” She’s been doing this for so many years that you’d think it wouldn’t phase me anymore. But I can’t stand it. She’s so freaking nice to my brother and sister, and she’s horrible to me and I don’t get it.
My Dad likes to tell me it’s because of all the “attitude” I gave them when my Mom shipped me off to live with my Dad for 2 months. Of course I had attitude. My entire family voted that I go live with my Dad, I was in a serious relationship that suddenly turned long-distance against my will, I was thrown into a new school where I knew no one and I had to live my Dad, who I hardly know at all! If I didn’t have some sort of “attitude”, it would be strange and weird and that would be the point that maybe I should see a doctor! I was angry and hurt, and apparently that justifies making my life hell!!
The worst part about the whole thing is that I feel mad at my sister. I hate that I feel mad at her for doing absolutely nothing. But I’ve taken extraordinary steps to remove my step-mother from my life completely. I haven’t seen her in years, I even got up the courage to tell my Dad she’s not welcome anywhere near my house (part of the reason why he never comes to see me anymore – oh and because I went to a munch, I’m disgusting!). The only thing standing in my way of completely eradicating her from my life is the fact that my sister talks to her on a regular basis on Facebook and has her as a friend, and the fact that her and the kids Dad’s step-mom are in cahoots. I’m mad at my sister for still having her as a friend on Facebook, I know it’s totally immature.
I didn’t mean to go off so much about that, and sorry if it’s kind of un-understandable. I just started writing, was in the flow of the moment. Needless to say, I’m mad at a whole bunch of people, I’m mad at myself, and I have so much cleaning to do! How was your week?