I need to stop looking around the internet. Because I do, and then I just feel like everything that I’m doing online pales in comparison to everything everyone else has already done. Before the internet was gone, and I was spending all my time on Squidoo and they were feeding me all this bull about perspective, and how there is someone who wants to hear what you have to say about a given topic, I felt like there was a reason behind all of this.
After spending the past few days “researching” – more like stumbling around the internet finding that every idea that has ever popped out of my little head has been done by someone else, and done better – I just feel like I’m wasting my time and should focus on something else, something that doesn’t make me feel so small. I have too many other things in my life that make me feel small to allow blogging to make me feel small.
Don’t ask where all this is coming from either, except that I see everything I’m doing and when I’m doing it I feel spectacular. And then a few days later, I just feel like everything I’m doing sucks… It’s so annoying.
I’ve had a pretty bad cold these last two days. Usually, Kaeidyn will get a cold, and then she passes it on to Kenzie and Keirnan and then Carter gets it, and then I get it really bad and The Boyfriend will get a couple sniffles. This time, I got sick at the same time as all three of the boys and Kaeidyn’s not over her sick yet. It kind of sucks all of us being sick at the same time.
Today, I forced myself to get up off the chair, even though I really didn’t want to, to clean up the living room. I still need to vacuum, so that kind of sucks. But at least the evidence of the kids independent spree this morning is gone. For two days now, they sneak out of bed (Kaeidyn claims they tell me, but I seriously don’t think so), and head upstairs. Kaeidyn proceeds to make everyone breakfast and get everyone drinks (this morning, there was Jell-O) and they sit very quietly up here letting Carter and I sleep downstairs. Yesterday, I slept in until almost 10 AM and today I didn’t get up until Carter work up at 11! I also did two loads of dishes again, and still have another load to do.
The messes are becoming so overwhelming, and it doesn’t help that everyone that comes into my house points it out. I feel like I’m working harder now than I ever have to keep a clean house and it feels so much like all my effort is a big waste, especially when I clean something and literally five minutes later the house is destroyed. The worst part is that I don’t even know how it happens for sure, because it doesn’t seem like the kids do much to make a mess and yet it’s always messy…
So that’s been my week. Pretty boring, eh? How’s yours been?