The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

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Sadly, there will be no FetLife Fridays today! I kept trying to work on it throughout the week, but I’ve been so occupied with these EPSS workshops that I haven’t had anytime to get my research done. Sorry to everyone who was reading, and no fear, I will be bringing you another one next week (Nov. 5th).

My brain feels like it’s expanding every single day, exponentially. There is just so much information crammed in there. I really want a career, not just a job that I go to and hate. I really want to work somewhere that I’m going to love and not feel sick right before I go to it. I haven’t had a job that was satisfying since I was 16 working at McDonald’s in Salmon Arm.

I’m supposed to be setting up informational interviews at a couple places here in town. There isn’t a part of me that’s nervous about the informational interview itself, it’s the setting it up part that I’m really nervous about. I don’t want to just walk into a place and be like, “Hey, I’d like to set up an informational interview”. I feel like I’ll be such a big inconvenience, even though all the employment specialists say otherwise.

I was going to set them up earlier too, but then I decided to wait until we did informational interviews in Job Club (a 5-day workshop which is over today!!). Now, I feel like I’m not going to have enough time, since I’m supposed to be meeting with my Work Placement Training person on Thursday. And I really want to get into that, because I might just end up finding a job I love.

I also found out about a place here in town that is desperate for Health Care Aides and will even train people. But now, I have to decide, do I really want to be a Health Care Aide. When I was a kid, my answer would’ve automatically been yes. Now though, it’s an interest of mine for sure, but do I think I can actually do the work? But then, I also think I’m underestimating and under-valueing myself.

Monday we go to the dentist for Keirnan. Originally they were just going to pull his teeth, but since it’s been over six months since he last saw the dentist it’s just an exam. I’m hoping that they’ll say something like “Those teeth are going to fall out soon, we don’t need to pull them!”, so that I can relax about at least one thing!

Kaeidyn and school lately has been a truly exhausting experience. She is constantly asking us to spell things out for here so she can write and draw. She’s been bringing stuff home and there seems to always be something going on at her school. Like bring a white t-shirt to school day (which of course, we don’t have for her. We also didn’t have any money to buy her a white t-shirt. So she ended up having to tie dye a piece of paper towel). It’s amazing how much kids being in school can make you feel like a crappy parent. And it’s just going to get worse throughout the years.

The worst part is that I’ve been having a hard time doing her school work with her. Once I get home from my workshops, I need a good half hour to just adjust to being home. She’s just gotten home from school and seems super ready to get her homework done. I make her wait, most of the times too late, so that she’s either doing it right before bed or when she wakes up in the morning. And lately, The Boyfriend’s been letting me sleep until 9:30 and he does her homework with her in the morning. Her homework also frustrates me alot, mainly because I have such high expectations of her. It’s all stuff I’m trying to work on it. The first thing we need to do is, create some sort of routine!

Kenzie has been back into games hardcore. And I don’t even think it’s for playing games, it’s just constantly asking to play games. When he’s not asking to play games, he’s whining. This high-pitched squeal-y whining. He talks during it and you can’t understand a single thing he’s saying. The good thing about it all is that he’s been alot more cuddly than he normally is, and at least once a day he crawls up into my laugh and snuggles really close.

Carter has been active, to say the least. He’s a ball of energy. When he’s not sleeping, he’s walking around, screaming and yelling (in a fun way), and getting into everything! Sleeping with him lately has been a gong show and a half. He steals my pillow, pulls my hair in his sleep, this morning I woke up to him scratching my cheeks. And this is all what he does while he’s sleeping!

So, that’s been the last week pretty much. Workshops, homework, games, whining, and lots of energy for everyone but The Boyfriend and I. We have been almost completely energy-less.

Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a wannabe kinkster, blog-a-holic and mom of six ranting about life, love and blogging. She is also the creator of WTMFI Wednesdays, a weekly sex meme arousing discussions on sexuality.

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