The Rantings of a Tortured Mind

Valerie Rayne Rants

This post is intended for adults 18+

Apparently, I Have Strong Opinions About This…

9 Comments


So, I learnt something very new about myself today. I was checking my CollarMe, as usual, when I got a message about squirting. I proclaimed that I’ve never been able to squirt and the sender responded with:

“all woman can, it is a matter of you being relaxed and also the time of the month. “

And apparently, this statement really pissed me off. I responded:

“And you can’t say that ALL women can, that is a mass generalization about a very intricate and complex gender. Some women can’t – it has nothing to do with being relaxed or properly stimulated, though I do agree that those are big factors for the women who can.

It’s just not as simple as the caveman theory that, ‘You are woman! You can squirt!’”

His response to this was that women should start drinking and smoking weed, because it will lower your inhibitions. But again, I pointed out that this was a pretty mass generalization and couldn’t be taken seriously when applied to every woman. Not every woman CAN squirt. Sure, we’ve all got a g-spot and we all have the potential to be able to ejaculate, but just because one woman can does not mean that another woman will be able to and sometimes, that has nothing to do with your inhibitions. But his response to this, is the one that drives me over the edge…

This is officially the meanest I’ve ever been in a reply to somebody:

“This last message you sent me makes you sound like a misogynistic pig, to be quite honest. First of all, I’ve done TONS of research on female ejaculation and I’m a strong believer that SOME woman can learn to do this. I also know the facts because it is an interest of mine and I have always wanted to know how to squirt.

But just because you’ve made a couple girls squirt, does not mean you can make every girl squirt. And frankly, with your attitude, I wouldn’t let you near my g-spot. I’d be afraid you’d disrespect it with your “knowledge”!

Divorcing your wife over a thing such as squirting is immature and irrational! I honestly can’t believe you just said that. I mean, I believe that you absolutely did not mean it and there must’ve been a thousand other issues in your relationship – probably mostly that you were an asshole!

And if a woman is actually a Dominant woman, she would not suddenly become submissive to you just because you made her squirt. It don’t work like that when you’re a real Dominant woman…

I think maybe you should Google women and read the literature and figure out that you can’t just fit us all into your squirting box and expect us to start spouting out cum for you!”

I’m just saying – not all girls CAN do this! There’s nothing wrong with the ones who can’t. I’ll leave you with the words of Laci Green, my favorite Sexpert:

Author: Valerie Rayne

Valerie Rayne is a curious, creative, musical, kinky, blog-a-holic and mom of four, who is also the facilitator of The Erotic Writers Group.

9 thoughts on “Apparently, I Have Strong Opinions About This…

  1. Your strong opinions are understandable, he has a distasteful and disrespectful view.

    The problem for him, I suspect, is that he feels any woman who doesn’t ejaculate is proof that he is not dominant enough. You meanwhile have some emotional issues around the subject that colour your reply.

    It’s a common enough belief that if a woman doesn’t squirt then she hasn’t really orgasmed. It’s also obviously a very emotional issue for the men as if they retreat from it they’ll feel like they’re not manly enough. You probably have a similar sort of feeling, intellectually knowing that many women can’t squirt but emotionally feeling like you should be able to.

    As such, if your goal is to educate him I doubt either of you will be that good at that. If your goal is to vent you did that fine.

    • I definitely don’t think I was trying to educate him, otherwise I would’ve listed resources backing up my point that not all women can orgasm. I also don’t feel like I SHOULD be able to, because I never believe anyone SHOULD be able to do anything. Thanks so much for your comment ;)

    • I hope I’m reading your reply correctly but if I sound like I am disrespecting you then it’s because i misunderstood your comment!
      Not ejaculating does NOT mean you have not had an orgasm! I ejaculate quite prolifically, sometimes as many as 10 to 12 times in a “session”, always when I climax (as opposed to orgasm!) but I would only need to use the fingers of my hands to count the number of time i have ejaculated on orgasm. And I’m 55! And I now realise that I was actually ejaculating when I was in my mid teens!
      ALL women produce the fluid that is associated with “squirting”, it comes from the paraurethral gland that we all have, it’s purpose (the fluid) is to provide sperm with a pH friendly environment in which to swim. However, some of us produce too much of the fluid and instead of merely dribbling out of our urethras which it does in all women, it “backs up” in the urethra itself, to be expelled forcefully by the contractions that accompany a climax or sometimes an orgasm. The amount can vary between a tablespoon full to as much as an espresso cup full, but NOT the pints of fluid seen in adult films. Trust me, that is NOT ejaculation!
      So, I hope I have enlightened you if you did not fully understand female ejaculation, but if I misunderstood your comment then I apologise!

      • I completely agree with you that just because you didn’t squirt does not mean you didn’t orgasm. Just so everyone knows, this conversation didn’t start from me complaining about not being able to squirt or anything like that. I’m okay with the fact that I can’t squirt and frankly, I make enough of a mess as it is, squirting isn’t exactly high up on my priority list.

        And technically, much of the information you have provided about squirting (thank you for that, by the way), is still technically only a theory. No one really knows that much about female ejaculation and the studies done so far on it have been, at best, inconclusive. We think we know how the g-spot works, and we think we know how female ejaculation should work, but there just isn’t enough conclusive data to say for absolutely sure this is what female ejaculation is and this is how it works and this is the percentage of females that can do it.

        I definitely appreciate your comment a lot and in no way did it sound like you were “disrespecting”. I would like to thank those of you who have commented and added to this discussion and keep it coming, you guys make my day ;)

        • You have the right attitude, “squirting” is not the be-all and end-all of good sex, being able to orgasm is what really makes it all worthwhile!! Besides, the mess you refer to is almost certainly ejaculate, it’s just that in your case it merely dribbles out.

          • Even orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all of good sex. I recently watched a discussion on female sexual satisfaction, and it was something like 59% of women (don’t quote me on these numbers, because I’m just pulling off the top of my head what I can remember at 9:30 in the morning…) agree that orgasm isn’t nearly as important to them as feeling connected to their partners in the intimate embraces of sexual passion. Personally, I could care less about the orgasm or the amount of liquid coming from my vagina, but I definitely care about feeling that connection, that intimacy, that passion. That brings me far more pleasure than an orgasm ever could. Though, don’t take that as all as me saying I don’t want to have orgasms anymore!! haha

            I like to think of my mess as just plain lubrication.

          • ” orgasm isn’t nearly as important to them as feeling connected to their partners in the intimate embraces of sexual passion. Personally, I could care less about the orgasm or the amount of liquid coming from my vagina, but I definitely care about feeling that connection, that intimacy, that passion.”
            Amen to that!

      • “It’s a common enough belief that if a woman doesn’t squirt then she hasn’t really orgasmed. ”

        “Not ejaculating does NOT mean you have not had an orgasm!”

        I agree. However, the it is believed by many that if you don’t squirt you don’t orgasm properly. They are wrong in these beliefs, for the reasons you mentioned, but it is a common belief. It’s worth addressing these sorts of secret beliefs- the guy here was being rude because if Valerie here couldn’t squirt to him then he felt he wasn’t being manly enough. At least I assume that was his motivation. He was wrong, but that was his belief.

        On the whole orgasm thing, I’ve often found that my orgasm is the most important thing to her pleasure. If I am pleasured she orgasms much faster and she’s in a much better mood for a couple days. Also any paranoia she has about cheating or losing me vanishes, making her more fun to be with.

        I’m not into this sort of thing, but I know guys who like swinging and sleeping with lots of people. They’ve also said that giving or not giving a girl an orgasm has no impact on whether the girl calls back or wants more. Intimacy is very important.

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